My Handsome Boy

[BobertGord]

This Friday, we are putting my handsome boy Gordon down. To say I am not handling it well, is an understatement. I have been a sobbing mess, for two days now, with more to follow. I even hold onto the totally kooky belief, that if I talk in my head to him, he will be able to hear me. I even told him to come back as another cat, because I would find him, and bring him home again.

Gordon came into our lives by accident, almost 8 years ago. My oldest son and I went to the shelter in April, and saw him then, and thought nothing of it. We went back in June, and he was still there. I decided right then and there, that it was fate and he was meant to be ours. He was still there, because he was a senior cat, at the estimated age of 9. He was a perfect fit, because our other cat Bob, was also 9.

I'm just crushed because I feel like I failed him so bad, because my attention was on Bob's health, that I was totally oblivious to Gordon's rapid health decline. I see him all day, every day, and it just didnt click.

The one consolation that I have, is that he did get to spend his golden, senior years with a family that loved him, and all of his old man-ness (he is one cranky, old coot for sure). It's just really hard to deal with taking my "quality of life is more important that quantity of life" belief, and putting it into practice.

Yeah, I'm new here btw, and a mama to not one but two, cats that one will be 17 in Feb., and one that would have been 17 in June.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am so very, VERY sorry that Gordon must leave you. So very sorry.

But...you did NOT fail him. He is 17 years old. At that age, health can change so quickly that we don't quite wrap our heads around them. You would only have failed him if you saw there was a problem and ignored it!!! Please believe that. It is the truest thing I can say about it. Cats are masters at hiding discomfort and illness, that is written in their DNA, you know. What you did do is give an older cat years of love, a home, soft voices and gentle hands. That is NOT FAILURE, not by any measure on this earth. And you are making the most unselfish, heartbreaking decision we are ever called on to make. For that alone, Gordon will bless you.

Who is anyone to say that Gordan cannot hear and understand you when you talk to him in your head? Certainly not I. I've seen things far stranger. And who is to say that he cannot be reborn, and that you will find him again? Certainly not I. I think reincarnation is a VERY real possibility!

Friday morning I shall light a candle, and I will be holding you both close in my heart all day.

 

[Kflowers]

I agree that he can hear you. Love is the bond that does not die, it transcends the transformations we experience. Be open to the possibility, you will recognize him when he returns.

Be aware that his return may not be immediately. He may have chosen to spend some time with another family to help them learn something before coming to you again. Lifetimes are for learning, and animals are our teachers, giving selflessly to awaken compassion in humans. Be patient, you would not want to interfere with the work he has accepted. Know that he loves you still and is aware of you. Even after he re-incarnates, before he physically comes to you, he can visit you in spirit form.

After all, he found you this time.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I totally agree with everything Mamanyt1953 said. I have never ever had a cat that lived past 16, so I think you've a marvelous job with BOTH your furry friends.

When my Sven left me, I believe he came back, not reincarnated, but his spirit used to come visit me at night before I fell asleep. Think what you may, but I truly believe it was him, all the way down to his meow from nowhere . I think he was just checking on me to make sure I was ok, since he was my soul cat.

You will be giving Gordon the greatest gift possible, even as your heart is breaking. Release from what now must be a burdonsome life . This is true love.

 

[BobertGord]

Thank you all for your kind words, and for understanding the whole talking to him thing. My oldest son is having a hard time with this as well, so I will let him read these responses as well.

I do think Gordon might come back and haunt the dog, as he was never a fan of her, and was wont to randomly rapid-fire head smack her...lol, oh and steal her food.

Here is a pic of him when he was a young lad of 14, and I freely admit I'm biased, because he was a truly handsome cat.

 

[Maria Bayote]

This is every pet parent's worst nightmare. I am very sorry that you have to go through this. I love how you wrote - "I even told him to come back as another cat, because I would find him, and bring him home again" - this speaks volumes of how dearly you love your boy. And made me choke in tears.

You gave him a good life, a happy home. This is what matters. Now it is time for him to rest. Hang in there. You are not alone in your grief.

The hardest time is always the part where you have to say goodbye.

Now I need my tissues

 

[Antonio65]

Here is a pic of him when he was a young lad of 14, and I freely admit I'm biased, because he was a truly handsome cat.

I'm afraid I have to say you're wrong, he WASN'T a truly handsome cat.
He IS a very handsome cat, because I'm sure he's still stunningly handsome!

 

[di and bob]

What a beautiful boy! 17 is a testament to your wonderful care and the love he received, and as the others have said they are masters at hiding any illness or the weakness of old age. There comes a time in every living things life when living is no longer the joy it should be, when it becomes existing and a painful one at that. They depend on us then, on the love we hold in our hearts to give us strength to do what must be done. To break our own hearts by letting them go....
The bond of love you have built with him link by link over 8 years will continue to grow, he will be as close as your thoughts and prayers because the love you have for each other is spiritual and will reside forever in all of your hearts. He will live on through those he leaves behind and who love him. So try not to send him grief and tears, but happiness and the joy that life brings. Because that is what he wants for the ones he loves so much, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. Do not dwell on his end, there are so many more years of life that brought you so much happiness. Do not make his death more important than his life. That is definitely not what he wants for those he loves. Concentrate on the happier times and what he gave back to you in thankfulness for giving him such a wonderful home.
You were made whole by letting him into your heart, and although his leaving will leave a hole in your heart, he will leave behind a little piece of his heart to fill it, to be with you always. He is a part of your past, your present and your future because he is a part of your soul.
My heart goes out to you, I know how much pain this brings. Hold his little face in your hands and tell him how much he is loved, and his heart will hear you.....may the good Lord bless and keep you when the time comes, sweet Gordon. You leave behind many who will forever hold you secure in loving hearts. May your journey to the Rainbow Bridge be a swift one, may you find that perfect patch of sun to slumber in, until you meet again!

 

[betsygee]

Oh, I'm so sorry. The waiting for what you know will be such a sad outcome for your family is so tough. You have given Gordon a wonderful life and he's been able to spend his senior years in such a loving home. As difficult as it is, you're giving him the best gift you can now, to relieve him of his pain.

I'll be thinking about you and your family tomorrow, I know what a hard thing it is to let them go.

 

[BobertGord]

Once again, and for the new posts I have received, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. They have truly gave me comfort and a sense of peace. My husband, who is my emotional rock, has been out of town this week, and will still be gone tomorrow when the time comes. So thank you all, for helping me get through this (this is the FIRST time, I have had to make the call on my own, and damn does it suck).

When it is Bob's time to go (he is my avatar pic), I will probably be a bigger mess (he will be 17 in February, and we have had him since he was weaned, and he was the runt of the litter), I will be back on this part of the forum. Thankfully, he is such a butthead of a cat (who I love dearly, but god is he a turd), that he will probably outlive us "just because"...lol.

So once again, thank you all, because I am deeply touched (though y'all don't help with the crying...lol), and you all have really helped me through this.

So off I go, for now, to give Gordon his last can of tuna, take a couple of benadryl so i can snuggle with him until he is sick of me (the joys of allergies).

 

[Mamanyt1953]

He was, is, and always will be a stunningly handsome boy.

I don't know what time your appointment is tomorrow, so I shall get up at 8AM Eastern time, get the candle lit, and "sit" with you until 8PM.

 

[Kitty Mommy]

I am so sorry this time has come. What a wonderful long life you spent with him. I know what a hard thing this is to do and he will always love you. You cared for him the best you could and he will forever be connected to your heart and soul. It is good you have found this site. There are many kind and caring people here who understand and share your pain. I will be thinking about you.

 

[di and bob]

My thoughts and prayers are with you today......

 

[les26]

You did a wonderful thing by taking him in, you have no regrets and neither does he, the grief has ahold of you know and is playing mind games as it likes to do, but he was grateful for you and you gave him a much better life than he was in store for, it is so so hard to lose them but you will see him again one day and it will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your hearts heal a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[ans5181]

You gave him a wonderful life, you truly did nothing wrong, in fact you did a whole lot right. Thank you for giving him such a loving home in his golden years. I am thinking about you and your family, please don't hesitate to come and talk or cry with us if you need to. Rest now, Gordon.

 

[BobertGord]

So yesterday was rough, but Gordon is in a better place. He was a love bug until the end. I felt a huge sense of peace when I left the vet, because we saved him, from suffering any longer.

This morning, I sent an email, to the shelter we adopted him from 7.5 years ago. I just wanted to tell them Gordon's story, so that maybe they can tell future cat adopters, that the pros of adopting a senior cat, far outweigh the cons. I told my husband this morning, that from here on out, that we are only adopting senior cats (once Bob passes on, I don't want cause his 17yo self, the undue stress of a new cat in the house.

 

[mama africa]

BobertGord - Thank you for giving Gordon a wonderful life and a peaceful and serene end. My thoughts are with you

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Gordon, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What a wonderful way to honor Gordon, by adopting senior cats only. It takes a special person to do that, knowing that "goodbye" will always be far nearer than we would wish for. But by your willingness to accept the pain, you are also opening your heart to great joy, seeing these future cats who might have lived out their "golden years" in cages, or have been put down as "unadoptable" thrive in your home.

 

[Timmer]

I have not been around the Cat Site for awhile so just read your thread.
I am sorry for your loss. I concur, you did a wonderful thing adopting an older cat. I have never had a kitten because I generally go for the older ones too. You gave Gordon a wonderful life.
I lost my Timmer nearly a year ago and it's very difficult to make that decision. Sometimes it just has to be done because they are suffering. You did the right thing. Give yourself time to grieve. I know it is very very painful. I am very glad you had that sense of peace when you left. I think that was Gordon letting you know that everything is OK with him now.