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- Jan 24, 2018
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Enriquetta
September 16th 2020, 4:02PM
The day my world split in half. My sweet slice of sunshine, love, peace, and comfort. She fought for almost three years, between either Lymphoma or a severe case of IBD, Hyperthyroidism, Kidney Disease, Anemia, Heart Murmur, and Diabetes (which she fought twice and went into remission). She spent her entire life with me, she was born in my closet. We had two litters at the same time and she picked me the moment we met each other. We both just knew. I think that in our previous lives we've switched roles of mother and daughter, and thats why I care so heavily for her and why I know her like the back of my hand. I sense her in the middle of the night when she gets up, and I'll wake up. She senses when I'm sad and need her. We just understand each other. We never needed words, our love for each other was endless and unconditional. She was mine. She was my guidance when I was lost. She was the comfort when I would cry and be anxious. Whether it was always sleeping with me, running after me to keep me company in the bathroom, or welcoming me at the door when I got home with a loud meow telling me she missed me. She was never just a cat. She was always ethereal, and unreal. She always would be waiting at the door for me when she heard my voice. She always knew how to make me feel better, feel loved, feel admired, feel special, feel whole. My arms miss her so much. My lips miss her small patch of bare for skin between her nose and forehead. My fingers miss the curve of her spine, her cold ears. My side misses the way she would curl and fit into it so seamlessly...like it was made for her and her only. My eyes miss her eyes. My ears miss her sweet sounds. My heart misses how full she made it. My hands miss holding her face and stroking her perfect little cheekbones. My body is aching and hurting and grieving so badly. There is no part of me that can accept the fact that I will never be able to hold her precious, dainty, little four pound body. Her last night Earthside, she spent it curled in my neck, yearning for me with her tiny sweet paws. My nose misses her smell, the smell of only her, a smell I wish I could have turned into perfume. She gave my life purpose, she gave me meaning. I spent almost three years tending to all of her medical needs, taking her to specialists no matter the cost. I would have spent every single penny I had to save her if I could have. I don't want to be in a world without my other half. The world is dark, grey, and being awake hurts. Being awake means I have to come to terms with her being gone. I keep thinking she will come back to me. I miss my baby bee, my insides feel so cold and black. I can't accept the fact that I will never be with my babygirl again. I kiss her clay paw prints, trying so hard to envision them being her hands. She loved the sun, she was just like me. My seasonal depression gets awful when its the winter and fall months because the sun goes away. Her last hours we spent them together, staring into each others eyes, my hand on the side of her face. She was warmth. She was everything pure in this world, undeserving of all the pain her illnesses caused. I wanted to heal her so badly. I held her up when she could no longer support her frail body. I woke up every 2 hours to feed her. I carried her when she could no longer walk. She was my one and only focus. I am lost. I lost my guidance. I lost my baby of over 15 years. Is she missing me? Is she scared? Is she anxious? I was her stability, she was my stability. She was strength. Strength was the definition of her. She fought so hard. She fought right up to the time we laid her to rest in our home. She deserved more, I wish I could have given her more. There is so much guilt within my heart. I chose to send her over the Rainbow Bridge. After a few days of being so weak and tired, I set her free from her sick, failing, body. Everywhere I look, I see her. She is everywhere around me, every place has a memory tied to her. She made me who I am today, she prevented me from harming myself so many times. She was my antidepressant, my anti anxiety medication, she was my safe place. She visited me in my dream the night she passed away. There is no way to say how deeply I loved her. From the top of her small head, down to her tiny little paws. I don't want to forget her smell, the feeling of her weight on my body, I hate falling asleep without her curled into my side. The only way I can sleep is clutching her blanket and rolling it up into something resembling her small body. My arms don't know what to do now that she's gone. No words can explain how deeply I needed her. What do I do now that she is gone? I wrapped her up and placed her in a basket before she was taken away to be cremated, kissing her before I sent her off to the rainbow bridge. There is nothing like this pain that comes from losing my other half. When the sun shines, I see her and feel her. I close my eyes and can feel her in my hands. I miss you my sweet girl. I am so proud of you for fighting so hard, for so long. Mommy wishes she could be with you physically. You will never be alone. You will never have to be scared. You will never be in pain again. I hope you are waiting in the sun for me, I hope you aren't mad at me for letting you rest. Please don't hate me, please please don't hate me. I love you. I love you too much to have let you stay in that sick body. You deserved to be able to play, chew your food, walk to the litter box, and climb up onto the windowsill to sunbathe. Your dad misses you so much. Even when you had no energy left, you ran to your dad when he came home so you could lay in his lap. You were determined no matter how weak you felt. Please don't forget about us. Please don't. You took most of my heart and being when you left us. You were a part of me for so long I don't know what pieces are me anymore, its all blurred and all I know is us. I still come home expecting to see you in your pink blanket, resting so soundly. I still wake up thinking you are next to me. My arm is empty from not having you here to be protected with. I can't bring myself to throw away your medicine bottles or your syringes. If I throw them away it means that you really are gone. I will never be able to find another you.
You blessed me with being my girl.
You are my reason.
I love you. I promise I will see you again.
I promise I will keep you safe.
Mommy will never let anything hurt you.
I will protect you for eternity.
September 16th 2020, 4:02PM
The day my world split in half. My sweet slice of sunshine, love, peace, and comfort. She fought for almost three years, between either Lymphoma or a severe case of IBD, Hyperthyroidism, Kidney Disease, Anemia, Heart Murmur, and Diabetes (which she fought twice and went into remission). She spent her entire life with me, she was born in my closet. We had two litters at the same time and she picked me the moment we met each other. We both just knew. I think that in our previous lives we've switched roles of mother and daughter, and thats why I care so heavily for her and why I know her like the back of my hand. I sense her in the middle of the night when she gets up, and I'll wake up. She senses when I'm sad and need her. We just understand each other. We never needed words, our love for each other was endless and unconditional. She was mine. She was my guidance when I was lost. She was the comfort when I would cry and be anxious. Whether it was always sleeping with me, running after me to keep me company in the bathroom, or welcoming me at the door when I got home with a loud meow telling me she missed me. She was never just a cat. She was always ethereal, and unreal. She always would be waiting at the door for me when she heard my voice. She always knew how to make me feel better, feel loved, feel admired, feel special, feel whole. My arms miss her so much. My lips miss her small patch of bare for skin between her nose and forehead. My fingers miss the curve of her spine, her cold ears. My side misses the way she would curl and fit into it so seamlessly...like it was made for her and her only. My eyes miss her eyes. My ears miss her sweet sounds. My heart misses how full she made it. My hands miss holding her face and stroking her perfect little cheekbones. My body is aching and hurting and grieving so badly. There is no part of me that can accept the fact that I will never be able to hold her precious, dainty, little four pound body. Her last night Earthside, she spent it curled in my neck, yearning for me with her tiny sweet paws. My nose misses her smell, the smell of only her, a smell I wish I could have turned into perfume. She gave my life purpose, she gave me meaning. I spent almost three years tending to all of her medical needs, taking her to specialists no matter the cost. I would have spent every single penny I had to save her if I could have. I don't want to be in a world without my other half. The world is dark, grey, and being awake hurts. Being awake means I have to come to terms with her being gone. I keep thinking she will come back to me. I miss my baby bee, my insides feel so cold and black. I can't accept the fact that I will never be with my babygirl again. I kiss her clay paw prints, trying so hard to envision them being her hands. She loved the sun, she was just like me. My seasonal depression gets awful when its the winter and fall months because the sun goes away. Her last hours we spent them together, staring into each others eyes, my hand on the side of her face. She was warmth. She was everything pure in this world, undeserving of all the pain her illnesses caused. I wanted to heal her so badly. I held her up when she could no longer support her frail body. I woke up every 2 hours to feed her. I carried her when she could no longer walk. She was my one and only focus. I am lost. I lost my guidance. I lost my baby of over 15 years. Is she missing me? Is she scared? Is she anxious? I was her stability, she was my stability. She was strength. Strength was the definition of her. She fought so hard. She fought right up to the time we laid her to rest in our home. She deserved more, I wish I could have given her more. There is so much guilt within my heart. I chose to send her over the Rainbow Bridge. After a few days of being so weak and tired, I set her free from her sick, failing, body. Everywhere I look, I see her. She is everywhere around me, every place has a memory tied to her. She made me who I am today, she prevented me from harming myself so many times. She was my antidepressant, my anti anxiety medication, she was my safe place. She visited me in my dream the night she passed away. There is no way to say how deeply I loved her. From the top of her small head, down to her tiny little paws. I don't want to forget her smell, the feeling of her weight on my body, I hate falling asleep without her curled into my side. The only way I can sleep is clutching her blanket and rolling it up into something resembling her small body. My arms don't know what to do now that she's gone. No words can explain how deeply I needed her. What do I do now that she is gone? I wrapped her up and placed her in a basket before she was taken away to be cremated, kissing her before I sent her off to the rainbow bridge. There is nothing like this pain that comes from losing my other half. When the sun shines, I see her and feel her. I close my eyes and can feel her in my hands. I miss you my sweet girl. I am so proud of you for fighting so hard, for so long. Mommy wishes she could be with you physically. You will never be alone. You will never have to be scared. You will never be in pain again. I hope you are waiting in the sun for me, I hope you aren't mad at me for letting you rest. Please don't hate me, please please don't hate me. I love you. I love you too much to have let you stay in that sick body. You deserved to be able to play, chew your food, walk to the litter box, and climb up onto the windowsill to sunbathe. Your dad misses you so much. Even when you had no energy left, you ran to your dad when he came home so you could lay in his lap. You were determined no matter how weak you felt. Please don't forget about us. Please don't. You took most of my heart and being when you left us. You were a part of me for so long I don't know what pieces are me anymore, its all blurred and all I know is us. I still come home expecting to see you in your pink blanket, resting so soundly. I still wake up thinking you are next to me. My arm is empty from not having you here to be protected with. I can't bring myself to throw away your medicine bottles or your syringes. If I throw them away it means that you really are gone. I will never be able to find another you.
You blessed me with being my girl.
You are my reason.
I love you. I promise I will see you again.
I promise I will keep you safe.
Mommy will never let anything hurt you.
I will protect you for eternity.
