My Feral Cat Is Herding Me. And Other Behaviors I Don’t Understand. What Should I Do In Return?

[Echolane]

Thanks . I think they’re beautiful too. I love them both so much and feel so lucky to have such good cats with no issues. The minute I saw that all brown kitten I had to have her, though they made me adopt both. Good thing! because I would have missed out on Timo, the male, who flatters me by claiming me as his person and he has loads more personality. I just wish Gemi felt the same way, but maybe that’s how it works with only one cat able to lay claim to the same person.

 

[will2002]

I was reading this thread for the first time tonight and when I got to post number nine, I almost went into shock! Please don't scare me like that again. I believe I must have a bad heart or something similar, because it almost jumped out of my chest at that point. LOL.

Your cats are beautiful...all three of them. I hope you have many happy, healthy years together.

 

[fionasmom]

Last summer a litter of feral kittens were born under my neighbor's house....immediately next door. She was very supportive but was doing remodeling and wanted them to move over to my property. I felt it would be impossible as that was their "home" but as she had work done and the window wells were closed (having checked for all cat activity under the house) they did move. At first I was not sure where they lived, but since their food source since birth had been the back of my property they began a transition and now come to the back door of my house and wait for their meals, sometimes leaning right on the back door. It was a slow change but I started to offer them higher quality food in my patio area and that seemed to tip the scale. One is very approachable and I can even pick her up, but she panics if I put her inside and close the door. I also live in an area of high coyote activity and am hoping to make at least the one in my avatar an indoor pet. So, yes, I think that a transition is possible for your little friend but unfortunately it takes time. Could she have been trapped in a garage or elsewhere, absolutely.

 

[Sidewinder]

Classic "Kitty in the Sink" shot... I wonder why cats love to curl up in sinks? Mine do the same thing in both bathrooms, and Crackhead even likes to hang out in one of the dual stainless steel sinks in the kitchen... he'll sit in it for awhile as he occasionally hits a bowl of water I keep in one corner (just for him). The other cats will join him on the kitchen counter and atop the fridge, but they don't climb down into the stainless steel sinks like Crackhead.

 

[Echolane]

I think our “romance”, to use the analogy so nicely characterized by CreamsiclePuff, has gone a little off. Perhaps she is a “two-timer”, “dating” someone else! LOL.

She has been a repeated no show over the last two weeks. I refuse to descend into a grief stricken blob like I did the first time she went AWOL two weeks ago, but it is so darn worrisome when she deviates from a pattern that has been without exception until two weeks ago. In the last two weeks she has not made her usual morning appearance on at least four occasions. Saturday she didn’t show up until nearly 6pm! She was hungry and her flanks were a little sunken in so maybe she is being inadvertently locked in somewhere. Then today she was waiting for me in the morning as usual. She was around a lot today and so lovey dovey with me , purring like mad and her tail standing straight up and vibrating strongly while she eats. She absolutely loves having the top of her head stroked now. Only a couple of weeks ago touching any part of her ahead of mid back was off limits. We even went for a little walk together which was a joy. She alternates between walking along with me and herding me and lets me stroke her almost at will. I’m trying to get her used to me away from where I feed her. She’s mostly quite unsure of me when she finds me away from where I feed her.

It’s getting noticeably colder here and I can tell she is growing a winter coat. I wish she would take to a shelter! I have a little cat house inside the dog run, but she won’t use it. I put a little knit blanket in a box for her, but she won’t use it. I offered her some fish today but she refused it. My indoor cats are frantic for it, but she’s not in the least interested. She has her ways....

 

[fionasmom]

It is so hard to figure these patterns. She may have another source of food, but an irregular one. I have 4 feral TNRed cats who live on my property; neighbors have no problem with them being around as I have said. But a few times a week I find a single can of Friskies on my front lawn, licked clean, as if someone is bringing a can over for them thinking that possibly they don't get enough to eat or have a regular home....or, that they are just being nice to me since I take care of these cats and are helping me out.

The thinnest of the ferals, who always has access to food and seems healthy, is a very aggressive hunter. She will leave her food bowl to chase something, so maybe your cat has the same mindset. All of them have refused to eat the food that I feed my indoor cats.

I would not give up on your feral. She may still be in some transition phase of deciding if she wants to live with you. The one in my avatar, Alice, is the friendliest, but it has taken since last September 2018 to get to this point where I can pick her up and cuddle her. She is still not ready to come in permanently.

 

[Echolane]

I was reading this thread for the first time tonight and when I got to post number nine, I almost went into shock! Please don't scare me like that again. I believe I must have a bad heart or something similar, because it almost jumped out of my chest at that point. LOL.

Your cats are beautiful...all three of them. I hope you have many happy, healthy years together.

Your message made me smile. It so close to what I feel when she doesn’t show up as usual. She is doing it to me again today! I feel like a yo-yo, blessed with her usual behavior one day and frantic with worry when she doesn’t show. At least my mind set is more hopeful than the first time she was gone for those two days.

Thanks for the kind wishes! I wish I were younger as I fear my lovely cats will outlive me.

 

[Echolane]

It is so hard to figure these patterns. She may have another source of food, but an irregular one. I have 4 feral TNRed cats who live on my property; neighbors have no problem with them being around as I have said. But a few times a week I find a single can of Friskies on my front lawn, licked clean, as if someone is bringing a can over for them thinking that possibly they don't get enough to eat or have a regular home....or, that they are just being nice to me since I take care of these cats and are helping me out.

The thinnest of the ferals, who always has access to food and seems healthy, is a very aggressive hunter. She will leave her food bowl to chase something, so maybe your cat has the same mindset. All of them have refused to eat the food that I feed my indoor cats.

I would not give up on your feral. She may still be in some transition phase of deciding if she wants to live with you. The one in my avatar, Alice, is the friendliest, but it has taken since last September 2018 to get to this point where I can pick her up and cuddle her. She is still not ready to come in

You are fortunate that you neighbors are supportive. I can’t figure most of them out but I do know a little. The neighbor who found my feral’s kittens on her property hates ferals. She rescues and rehabs raptors and has a big cage for them on her property. She also has exotic birds that go out in cages or on perches daily so I can understand her antipathy. Otherwise she is probably very wildlife and animal friendly and I know her to be especially very anti-poison.

The neighbor three doors down feeds the Tom that bred the litter, probably because he has children that enjoy their cat visitor. They’ve named him King Larry (smiles). There’s so doubt as to parentage, two of Romy’s three kittens were tuxedos that are almost a mirror image of the the sire. The third kitten was all black like the mom and unfortunately disappeared.

I see Romy come from three directions, so it’s impossible to predict where she might be.

I don’t picture her as a super hunter. She is extremely alert and wary and I see her in hunting mode often, but I’ve only seen her catch baby lizards (no wonder I see so few of them this summer). Her weight is thin/normal but she often seems quite hungry so I don’t think she could be catching that much. Still, she raised a littler of kittens to nearly 5 months of age before they were trapped and neutered, so she must be good enough.

I wonder why your best hunter is skinny.....

I love the name Alice

 

[Echolane]

Classic "Kitty in the Sink" shot... I wonder why cats love to curl up in sinks? Mine do the same thing in both bathrooms, and Crackhead even likes to hang out in one of the dual stainless steel sinks in the kitchen... he'll sit in it for awhile as he occasionally hits a bowl of water I keep in one corner (just for him). The other cats will join him on the kitchen counter and atop the fridge, but they don't climb down into the stainless steel sinks like Crackhead.

I do think kitties in sinks must be common as I’ve seen quite a few photos online. It always surprises me because dink’s are cold and cats like it warm. The inscrutable cat! It’s really so irresistibly cute. My Timo has a sink fetish. He jumps up on the vanity every time I’m there, whether to brush my teeth or wash my hands. He loves to watch the water run. He especially likes to watch it disappear down the drain. He will put his paw down the drain to try to figure out where it goes or what’s down there. I usually fill a glass of water and spill it out v e r y slowly as he loves to watch it. But he doesn’t like to touch it which surprises me a bit.

 

[Echolane]

I am on an emotional roller coaster. She is here as usual one day and gone most of the next. Sometimes she’ll show up at 4 pm or 6 pm, or even after dark at 8 pm! Or sometimes she’ll show up as usual at 10 am.

Today was a good day. She was there at her usual time, obviously eager to greet me when I called to her and she actually trotted toward me all the way from one end of the walkway alongside the house to the opposite end. She led the way through the door of the dog run and waited for me to sit down and bring out her food. Then instead of diving straight into her food, she wanted to be loved. She now loves the top of her head to be stroked and she’ll elevate her head and press back against my hand with her eyes closed. Then she’s had enough and she rushes past me to rub her face against the edge of my low seat. And then busily she rushes back past my body again as she rubs her face on the other end of my seat, which is just a longish board. It has rough corners and I think she will wear the hair off her face! Finally she’ll take a few bites of food as though she’s starving, but then she stops to be loved some more. Her tail stands straight up and vibrates with her pleasure and enthusiasm. How can I not be in love with this loving vibrant personality.....

I do have my husband talked into a Catio!

 

[fionasmom]

She really does want to be with you and to be your friend. You don't suspect that the people who feed King Larry also feed her or leave enough food out to where she eats some?

A catio is a great idea and will probably solve all the problems and give you peace of mind.

Yesterday morning Alice sat with me for an hour, came in the house for as much as her nerve would allow, and then this morning came to eat her breakfast, obviously in good condition, and left immediately. Who knows what goes through their mind.

 

[Echolane]

Crackhead even likes to hang out in one of the dual stainless steel sinks in the kitchen...

Crackhead?? LOL

 

[Echolane]

Just a little update. My dear little Romy has been more regular lately, much to my relief. Which is a huge improvement as I don’t like living through a day or more of agony when she doesn’t show up !! But, as I said, she has been more regular lately. And my husband is ready to start buying wood for the catio so I need to make a plan!

Meanwhile she continues to thrill me with little bits of progress. Now she throws herself down at my feet and does her roll over and stretch right in front of me Instead of five or six feet away. Sometimes she’ll reach out a paw and touch my foot which will give me a little thrill. I started putting my hand nearby and she will sometimes deliberately touch one of my fingers. So I’ve started trying to touch her and have made quite a lot of progress in just the last two weeks. About the only place I still can’t touch her is her stomach.

But, oh joy, she is letting me pick her up!! I've wanted to cuddle her for such a long time!! But only briefly so far. I put her in my lap and she will leave pretty quickly, but she is by no means in a panic to get away. Today she actually completely relaxed in my lap and made eye contact and stayed long enough for a brief petting. A friend who helped me trap her kittens and knows how wild she was when this all began couldn’t believe her ears when I told her I was able to pick her up! She said she would have expected it to take me a another six months to accomplish picking her up. So I’m a little puffed up about that (silly me), but if I’m honest I don’t think I can take any credit because I really believe it’s all gone so much better than usual because SHE picked ME and not the other way around.

We take walks together now too. When she finishes eating and she‘s had enough petting, she’ll walk outside the dog run and groom. I get up from my low seat to move out and she does her herding behavior for 20 or 30 steps and then she’ll just walk in front of me and show me where she wants to go. We generally walk all around my house. I live on a back lot so we are always alone and away from a street. I just hang out and follow her. When she stops she does her roll over thing and we touch and I can now pet her some too. (She has to be retamed to new places because strange still freaks her.). I throw some pine cones or twigs hoping to get her to play. We resume walking and sometimes I lead. if something catches her attention she’ll stop, but then If I call her she’ll run or trot to catch up. It all seems very companionable!

It’s getting much colder! Her coat has grown noticeably thicker and is a very shiny glossy black. I think she is just beautiful. I am madly in love with her and I hope we get the catio built before some predator gets her.

 

[fionasmom]

This is all such a heartwarming story. Of course she picked you in that way that only cats can and you have made such progress with her.....you should be proud of yourself!

 

[susanm9006]

Thank you for working with her. Based on my experience with my semi feral Willow, these cats are conflicted about humans. They want our attention and affection but at the same time they are skittish and frightened of human contact. So they do this dance of “please get close”, “please don’t get close” over and over.

One other (of many) thing I learned from Willow is that humans are much less scary when sitting or lying down. So maybe when she lays down you can sit or even lay on the ground next to her to see if that will bring her closer.

 

[Echolane]

Winter is coming. It is regularly getting chilly, although I hear we are in for a reprieve next week, but it is already dark much earlier than just a month ago and there is no reprieve from that! I really dread it this year because it will limit my time with Romy. Hopefully the catio will make it easier to be with her. We washed the deck down today. It took forever and a lot of water to get Redwood debris and Pin Oak leaves out of the seams so we can put our usual seasonal preservative on it. (Which reminds me to make sure it will be non toxic.). It’ll be fairly large at roughly 8’ x 16’. Height will be 8’ sloping to 7’ for runoff. I looked at 14 gauge 1x4 wire mesh at Home Depot today and wished I could get it in black. I’d rather have 2x3 too, so I guess I’ll have to look around. But at least it’s going to happen and I am elated about that.

Romy hung around all day today. Whenever I slipped out or took time out from deck work, there she was. She always seems so happy to see me. She humps her back and vibrates her tail and marks everything in sight. She seems to love petting at these moments. Eventually she has enough and starts to eat. And then she’s off for parts unknown. I wish I knew where she spends her nights. I sure hope it’s relatively safe!

 

[Echolane]

I just want to finish the story of Romy with some good news. I brought Romy inside!

I just couldn’t stand her disappearances! Nor the thought of some coyote or other predator dining on her. So last Friday I dosed her with Cheristin flea product and then I shoved her little butt into a little carrier. She had to wait about an hour for the flea medicine to start working and for me to ready the large dog crate where I used to occasionally put my German Shepherd. It’s still around because it has become furniture. It actually looks pretty good with its black wire and an attractive top tiled with beautiful Heath tile and surrounded with a solid maple edge. But I digress....

Romy is in the kitchen dining area. It has a pocket door so I can keep her in and my other two cats out. She was inside the crate for just a couple of days and then only at night for a couple of days and now she is out all the time. She seems depressed to me, but overall, since she is eating and drinking and eliminating I think she is actually adjusting very well

She weathered a trip to the vet and was wormed and had her ears treated and she is now declared safe to start meeting my other cats. Oh, and now she is a $230 dollar cat.....ouch..! The vet and her tech were wonderful, keeping her under a towel most of the time and just exposing the little bits of her that they wanted to look at. She was so good.

So now for the most challenging part - meeting my other two cats, a brother and sister who have only known each other all their lives and who get along marvelously. The two of them were found on a street or sidewalk and their eyes weren’t even open yet. The humane society vet estimated their age at 2-3 days. They were bottled fed and fostered by a mother/daughter team in my town and when their photo showed up on my local forum I jumped to adopt them. I so hope they will welcome a third! I’ve read that cats do better in pairs, so that old saying that “three’s a crowd” may come into play here, I’ll soon find out. Fingers crossed.

 

[mazie]

What a beautiful story, I love the connection between you and Romy already, only to get stronger as time goes on, but I hope you are seriously planning on bringing her inside. We do have somewhere is The Cat Site articles on introducing ferals/ new cats to already cat members of the family. People do this all the time, and I am sure the 3 cats will be close in no time.

 

[Echolane]

What a beautiful story, I love the connection between you and Romy already, only to get stronger as time goes on, but I hope you are seriously planning on bringing her inside. We do have somewhere is The Cat Site articles on introducing ferals/ new cats to already cat members of the family. People do this all the time, and I am sure the 3 cats will be close in no time.

She is inside for good. Hopefully she won’t be such a serious disruption to our other two cats that we have to consider returning her to her outside life. I do feel a little sorry for her. She looks outside and can see her former territory. She was an expert at survival out there and now I’m sure life seems a real bore.

 

[fionasmom]

This is such a wonderful step forward and I am so happy you were able to do this. Every single rescued cat whom I have brought inside seemed a little down at first; however, they all adjusted beautifully and there were always other cats in the house. It seems as if it dawned on them that they would be safe, have guaranteed food, and would be much more comfortable physically. Just read all the articles about introducing cats and go slow. The worst that ever happened to me in the long run is that two cats did not become best friends and hung out in other parts of the house, but as they all take on a house smell it gets better. Brush them with the same brushes or put some harmless scent on all of them so that they start to smell the same.