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My Dad Is Saying Hurtful Things About My Pets.

Discussion in 'The Cat Lounge' started by Feral Cat Mom, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Jan 10, 2018
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    OK so I posted a thread not that long ago about how my dad told me my cat was ugly but this thread is just about everything he is saying lately. Well what has been happening is every weekend my while my dad is home he says multiple things that make me feel bad about my cats and other animals. I love my dad don't get me wrong and we share a lot of the same opinions about most things except animals. I just don't know what to do about how he is making me feel bad every weekend with the hurtful things he says about my pets. He says we should get rid of some of our pets all the time and makes me a little stressed out because I would be devastated if I had to get rid of any of them. I guess I just need to vent about it because I can't talk about it to anyone else. It's just starting to wear on me all the stuff that is said and done. Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this but I wasn't sure.
     

  2. maggiedemi

    maggiedemi TCS Member Top Cat

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    How many cats are there total? Are they all spayed and neutered?
     
    Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  3. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    There are 6 cats total but we also have 9 other pets. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get 3 of the outdoor ones neutered but the indoor ones are neutered and the indoor/outdoor one is too.
     

  4. maggiedemi

    maggiedemi TCS Member Top Cat

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    What are the 9 other pets?
     
    Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  5. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    I have 2 Guinea pigs and a dwarf hamster, my sister has 2 parakeets, my brother has 2 chickens and there is a dog. Umm.... I thought there was a ninth. Maybe not or maybe I'm not thinking of it right now.
     

  6. maggiedemi

    maggiedemi TCS Member Top Cat

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    Okay. That doesn't sound too bad. At least some of them are in cages, right?
     
    Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  7. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Except for the two indoor cats and dog all the other animals are in cages and when Mittens does come in he stays in my room almost the whole time.
     

  8. Willowy

    Willowy TCS Member Top Cat

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    Are you an independent adult with your own money? If so, have all the cats microchipped in your name. Make sure they're kept legal on rabies shots.

    Are any of the outdoor cats female? If so, you're going to have 4-6 more cats real soon :/. And if they're male they're probably spraying all over the house and landscaping, plus they're contributing to the homeless cat population. I can see why that might annoy him. Make getting them altered a priority.

    As for the indoor pets, keep them as clean as possible. That goes a long way in keeping dads happy ;).
     
    maggiedemi and Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  9. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    @Willowy- I pay for all of my animals and help out with some of the others sometimes. I'm in a tough spot with the outdoor ones because I feed stray and ferals and all of the outdoor ones plus the indoor/outdoor one came to me and it's hard getting ahold of them to get them neutered.
     
    maggiedemi purraised this.

  10. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    @Willowy- Sorry phone posted before I was done. I did get some of the outdoor ones neutered and I sent a couple of them to our Humane society but our Humane society is no kill so you have to get on a list to bring them in and it can take over two years before they can get you in.
     
    maggiedemi purraised this.

  11. Willowy

    Willowy TCS Member Top Cat

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    Just saying, with unspayed females the cat population can get out of hand very quickly! And that's definitely annoying even for cat people, much less those who aren't super fond of pets.

    If you think there's any risk of him actually following through, microchipping would be the best thing.
     
    maggiedemi and Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  12. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    @Willowy- Fortunately we don't have any females now. We have them before though and I know it can get out of hand very quickly! The indoor cats are microchipped but the other ones aren't so I will try to get that done.
     
    maggiedemi purraised this.

  13. maggiedemi

    maggiedemi TCS Member Top Cat

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    Yeah, I would work on getting the last 3 cats neutered and explain to your dad about TNR and how you are actually doing a great thing.
     
    Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  14. Kreatorcat

    Kreatorcat TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    If you and your dad love each other,just sit down with him and tell him how much this hurts you. You have to remember,men are ignorant(read as dumb) when it comes to the female emotional mindset. That's not how we(men) are conditioned by society. Ask him if his dislike of the animals is more than his wish for your happiness. I can understand the head of the house saying "ok,we have enough animals now. I don't want anymore for awhile". But let him know that constant badgering is not good for your self-esteem,which is what I THINK might be the issue here. You derive self confidence and self meaning from your animals. They need you and you feel loved by them,a symbiotic relationship. Try telling your dad that. Be aware that he may not get it,but I am sure that he will try to do what he can to help his daughter. You may have to compromise with him. That's part of growing up and being an adult. But I would hope he will hear you,and try to not be so negative and consider your emotions as valid. He does want the best for you. He just may not be very good at expressing it.
     

  15. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    @Kreatorcat- You've got it right that it's a self esteem issue. I've always had really low self-esteem and my animals have helped me with it. I also have like no friends which really sucks (and doesn't help my self esteem) so it makes my animals all the more special to me. I spend a lot of weekends away from home at my grandma's so I haven't been dealing with it as much but it still comes up in what part of the weekend I am home. Next time he says stuff that hurts me I will try to talk to him. But I really am afraid of what will happen, I just hope he will hear me out. I know it sounds stupid but I am afraid to talk to him.
     
    maggiedemi purraised this.

  16. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    I just thought of something. My dad is going on a business trip in a couple of weeks and my mom, my sister and me are going with him so I will wait until we are back to talk to him. I wouldn't want to ruin our trip. Maybe going away for a while (even though my dad will still be with us, but he will be busy some of the time) will make me feel better. I do feel bad throwing all the work on my brother though while we are gone. He works really long hours and then has to come home to animals to take care of.
     

  17. Kreatorcat

    Kreatorcat TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    It does not sound stupid at all. And it isn't stupid either. Authority symbols scare young people. It is no big deal,and don't let it get you down. Just recognizing it is the first step to a larger world.

    I want to believe that your dad wants what's best for you. I would imagine he just sees his little girl being lost,and wants to guide her....But being a man puts his thought process at odds with yours. You both have to be able to communicate without hurting the other,or at least minimize the damage. If you are crying hysterically,it won't be as effective as trying to maintain your composure and making valid points about how this situation is making you feel. I would also advise you not to enlist another person to help during this conversation,as your dad will feel as if he is being ganged up on. An honest,calm one on one between a father and daughter can be the most beautiful thing that will ever happen in your life. It may be the moment where everything changes for you both.

    BUT.....

    It may go south. If you feel it is,ask to take a break and compose yourself. You may not get everything you want. Again,you have to be willing to compromise. That's what relationships are about. Just stick to your main issue,how the things he says make you feel. And remember,you can't save every animal. You can't even feed them all. Everyone here wishes they could. Part of growing up is realizing life's limitations.

    And I am willing to bet that if your conversation with your dad about this issue goes well it will boost your confidence,not only in yourself but your confidence in your dad. And I betcha it will boost your dad's confidence in you,too. He will see his little girl growing up.
     
    Mother Dragon and Feral Cat Mom purraised this.

  18. Feral Cat Mom

    Feral Cat Mom Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    LOL the very thought of me hysterically crying makes me laugh! I hardly ever cry and the look on my dad's face would be shocked. Well anyway I hope it turns out all right. I'll let y'all know if it does.
     
    maggiedemi purraised this.

  19. Mother Dragon

    Mother Dragon Cat slave Super Cat

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    My granddaughter's psychologist taught her to say "Ouch!" when her stepmother made a mean or hurtful remark. It helped.
     
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