My cat whines constantly and it's driving me mad, I thought they were supposed to be independent.

skinniman

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I got a kitten about six months ago and I think he's about 8 or 9 months old by now.  My problem is if he doesn't get constant attention he whines and whines.  Not cute meows either, but pathetic long winded obnoxious whines.  He wants to be in my lap every minute he's not sleeping and it's getting to the point I'm starting to genuinely dislike him.  I work at home on a computer a lot and he thinks that every minute I'm sitting it's his lap to own and that is just not the case.  I buy him toys and he'll play with them for like 2 minutes very excitedly then leaves them and immediately looks at me like "mmmeeeoooouuuuwwwwww!"  I've had many cats my whole life and have never had such a needy creature.  He's an indoor cat because I live in the desert with coyotes and huge owls that are able to snatch up a small dog, so going outside is not gonna happen.  I used to give him as much attention as I could, letting him stay on my lap till my legs fell asleep, but lately I'm so annoyed with his behavior I don't even want him near me.

 I'm thinking about getting him another cat to play with but when we got him we also got his brother who unfortunately had to be put down after a few months due to Feline infectious peritonitis but he was the same way when he had his bro around.....in fact his bro was like that too, only less so.  He's acted spoiled since the day we brought them home.  I have a fishing rod style toy he loves but I could play with him for an hour and as soon as I stop he's back to whining again.  He always has food and a clean litterbox.  He's been to the vet and he's healthy.  Plus when I work around the house he follows me from room to room like a lost puppy.  He's also rarely home alone because between me and my roommate, someone's always here.

I'n not really expecting any magic answers and I've thought of the obvious ones:

Get him a buddy......that probably won't work because he was like this when he had his bro to play with, and they did play.

Give him away.......I'd feel like kind of a jerk because I believe animals are a commitment and people just throw them away when they're not perfect and that makes me sick.  But I'm starting to think I might not be able to give him the life he desires, but seriously, who can devote all their time to a cat?

Anybody else dealing with this?
 

spiderplant

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It sounds like you have developed quite a bit of contempt towards this kitten so maybe rehoming him into a family with another cat-friendly cat or kitten would be a good idea at this point.  I also have "clingy" cats(one to a greater extent) and I managed to work FT /long commute and give them the attention they needed, plus they had each other during the work day.  If he wanted a lot of attention from you even when you had another kitten I would guess that getting another kitten/cat would not help much with the "problem."  If you want to keep him/can't find a decent home, try different toys(Da Bird and the Cat Catcher are favored by my cats), increased play time, and cat trees/activity centers to keep him occupied.  Cats actually require a lot of stimulation, affection, etc.. just as children do.
 

eb24

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I too have a needy feline. I think part of it is his age- he's still very young and has a lot of energy he needs to get out. The other part is of course just his personality- he clearly loves you and just wants to be with his people!

The best thing I have found with my needy boy is a strict routine. Cats are creatures of habit, and routines help make them feel secure. Instead of doing just one long play session how about doing multiple sessions throughout the day? For example, when you wake up give him 15 minutes of focused attention. Play with a wand toy to get out some of his energy and give him lots of affection. Do the same thing in the afternoon and then again before you go to bed. If you are consistent it's just a matter of time before he figures out the schedule. He may be less demanding because he knows his time is coming!

Also, maybe set up an area for him near your computer. I also work at my desk a lot, and so I set up a comfy bed on it. Now, when I work, my guy has his own little spot to go to. He can still be near me without being all over me. I also do a lot with clicker training and positive treat reinforcement. When Diego is in his bed on the desk I treat him and give him lots of praise. Every so often while I'm working I'll stop and give him another treat and some pets. 

It may take some time for the adjustment to sink in but I think if you are consistent in giving him play sessions throughout the day and treat him when he's laying down and being quiet you could see a big change. And, as he gets older he will naturally mellow out some. I think adding a second cat would be an absolutely great decision as it would give him some companionship and not make him as dependent on you. 

I can tell that you are frustrated but really there are way worse problems you could be dealing with than an overly affectionate feline and honestly I'm surprised to hear you say you are even considering letting him go. I think you need to re-prioritze and be grateful that you have a companion who loves you so much that he just wants to be with you! You need to find a way to let go of your anger towards him. He's probably picking up on your stress and it's making him more clingy. If you get really frustrated it's okay to close him in another room with his necessities while you regroup. 

It isn't fair to compare people's problems because we all have different life experiences but I would really encourage you to look at some of the other threads on here and see some of the other issues people are dealing with. There are users who are shelling out hundreds on major medical issues, those who have cats that pee all over their furniture, even those with the opposite problem that their cat wants nothing to do with them. And, in all those situations they are doing everything possible to work through it. Because, as you say, your cat is a member of your family, not just a disposable piece of property. I think if you put your problem into perspective it will help you let go of some of that anger and appreciate what you have. Remember he is still very young and you haven't had him for all that long. You two are still getting to know each other and he may have some insecurities from what happened in his life prior to living with you.

Overall I think giving him some consistency, getting him a playmate, and letting him grow up will help tremendously. I would feel very sad for you if you chose to give him up for being too loving. But, based on how you describe him I have no doubt he will find a loving home who appreciates all that he has to offer. 
 
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skinniman

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Thank you for the responses.  Yes I have been looking over some other threads and it has put things in perspective a bit, I actually feel like a bit of a jackass.  He doesn't pee where he shouldn't and doesn't destroy things or make messes (discounting toilet paper rolls, but I easily keep those out of his grasp).  I'm going to built him something to climb and chill on close to my desk.  Also, I will set a schedule, that sounds like a good idea.  I don't really want to rehome him, I don't want to just give him away, that just doesn't sit right with me.  Honestly, writing out my grievances has even calmed me a bit.  He's actually laying on my chest right now and I can barely see what i'm typing.  I also realize that if me pushing him away causes him to cling more then that just compounds the problem.

He is a sweet and loving cat and I think he deserves a buddy.  I was at the pet store the other day looking at the cats in cages and wanted to take them all home with me, I think I'll get another one.

BTW when I see animals in cages I want to cry.

Thanks again for the responses.
 

spiderplant

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I apologize if I sounded a bit harsh.  I also currently work from home, have the aforementioned "clingy cats"(one of whom is going on 15 and attempting to crawl onto my laptop as I type this), and we have a new kitten who wants to be involved in whatever we're doing 24/7 despite having five playmates(whom he adores).  I'd try, as was mentioned, to have a different attitude about it and appreciate the fact that he enjoys your company and yes.. doesn't have any big time behavioral issues.  Another kitten is probably a good option at this point, even if it means he'll still want your attention, but I'd definitely avoid supporting a pet store.  Most shelters offer kittens who are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, vet checked, well-socialized, and more for a very low cost.  
 

orientalslave

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I think he is bored.  Cats are independant compare to dogs - they don't need taking for walks, they don't need training - but they are intelligent animals.  They way you paint his life is like a gilded cage, and those don't go down any better with cats than with people.

Providing toys and leaving him to play with them isn't as much fun for both as you as playing with him, using something like a Da Bird.  And playing means 3 times a day, for 10 minutes.  Use the clock - it's surprising how long that can feel.

If he eats dried food you can also make eating more interesting for him, and make it take longer by putting small amounts of food around the house.  By small I mean a fraction of his daily ration, and not always in the same places so he has to look for it.  You can also put it in things he has to work to get it out of.

He also needs high-up and cave-like places to rest - above head-level for the high-up ones for the average woman.  Cats feel more secure in those sorts of places and will be more likely to go there to sleep.

Also look up this webpage - it shows how some really cat-mad people made their home a terrific place for cats to live:

http://www.thecatshouse.com/

(it doesn't seem to work well in IE)

And look up 'feline enrichment' in Google.
 

eb24

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 I don't really want to rehome him, I don't want to just give him away, that just doesn't sit right with me.  Honestly, writing out my grievances has even calmed me a bit.  He's actually laying on my chest right now and I can barely see what i'm typing.  I also realize that if me pushing him away causes him to cling more then that just compounds the problem.
I was hoping you might say that. 
 I think it's easy to get frustrated and let all that build up to a rolling boil. At that point the only solutions are drastic ones. Then, once you get it all out in a good venting it somehow all feels better and is put into perspective. I think you do really love your little guy, you just let some of the normal irritations build up. 

It sounds like you have a good new plan to work with. Getting him a buddy and having scheduled playtime will help bond you both and help with his boredom! Although I have to throw my two cents Spider's way- check out the shelter's when looking for your new companion! 

I'm excited to hear how the search for a mate goes- keep us posted! 
 

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Originally Posted by skinniman  

I was at the pet store the other day looking at the cats in cages and wanted to take them all home with me, I think I'll get another one.

BTW when I see animals in cages I want to cry.
Another kitten is probably a good option at this point, even if it means he'll still want your attention, but I'd definitely avoid supporting a pet store.  Most shelters offer kittens who are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, vet checked, well-socialized, and more for a very low cost.  
            ^^This

Pet stores count on you feeling a need to take home an animal. It's true that those animals probably have a sorry background, but the only way to curtail that kind of suffering is to not buy from a pet store; do not give them your money in exchange for an animal.
 

qatz

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Pet stores count on you feeling a need to take home an animal. It's true that those animals probably have a sorry background, but the only way to curtail that kind of suffering is to not buy from a pet store; do not give them your money in exchange for an animal.
Perhaps the OP can clarify, but where I live pets stores host adoption events almost every weekend.   It's good to support

the local rescues that use pet store space to find homes for their kitties.
 

smitten4kittens

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Great advice given here. Just wanted to mention if you get a second kitten (I think it's a good idea too) look for one that is a little smaller in size and age. This will help the introductions go smoother. Also having them both fixed will make a big difference in how they get along. There are lots of threads on here about introducing new cats if you need help, and kittens are usually the easiest. Good luck with everything and keep us posted.
 
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skinniman

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Hello everybody...

  Just to clarify, when I said petstore, I meant Petsmart, not one of those places full of animals.  There were only 3 cats there.  I believe these are rescues, the youngest being a year old.  Fuzz and his brother were rescues from a shelter, and I'll make sure I go to a shelter for my next one.

  Great idea about hiding potions of food.  So do I need to kind of introduce him to that concept, or should I just start doing it and let him find it through his own curiosity?

  I've been wanting to make my house one of those cat disneylands, with catwalks up high, large branches from outside to act as indoor trees, etc.  I've also had this idea to carpet a wall or two in hopes that he'll climb them to high perches.   No time like the present, I guess.

 I'm going to go to cathouse.com right now.

  Also, I have a similar thing to Da Bird that has feathers and a little rattly sounding ball on it....he loves it and thats what I use when we play together.  He actually just jumped off the back of the couch after it and got like 7 feet in the air!  He's a great jumper.

  Thanks, everybody, for the support and I'll keep you posted.
 

stealthkitty

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Perhaps the OP can clarify, but where I live pets stores host adoption events almost every weekend.   It's good to support

the local rescues that use pet store space to find homes for their kitties.
Ah, yes... I didn't consider that possibility.
A Petsmart adoption is not the same as an adoption from a traditional petstore.

Thanks for clearing that up, skinniman!
 

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I agree with the recommendation to create a routine for your cat (although adopting another one would also be awesome). One of my cats is obsessed with playing with his fishing rod toy that has a furry "mouse" on the end. He's not allowed to have it unsupervised cause he'll eat it. If he had his way, we'd be playing with him 24/7, so instead we've managed to find a reasonable compromise: he gets regular play sessions at the same time everyday (several times a day, I should point out), and now he doesn't constantly whine about wanting to play. He and his brother are extremely high energy cats so they really need some dedicated interaction to keep them happy. I have been tempted to get them a big running wheel when they're being particularly demanding:


What about an outdoor enclosure? Is that an option where you live? DH and I built one for our guys last spring and it's been fantastic for keeping them all entertained. It's not terribly large (size of a small greenhouse) but with some shelves, a hammock, and a bird feeder in the tree, they're quite happy out there for many hours. 



 
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skinniman

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Wow, that enclosure is a really cool, and yes, it's not only a possibility but a probability.  That running wheel is awesome, but it seems like it might be frustrating for them if they keep running and running and never catch the toy.  Kind of like a laser pointer, no payoff lol!   I've already fixed him up a little bed at desk level right next to my work desk and he loves it, but I'm gonna build him something higher and more fun for him.

I plan on building a loft bed for myself and I'm definitely gonna design it with him in mind so he can get as much out of it as me.  My work station is gonna go underneath and I can make a perch under the bed and over my desk, i'm sure he'll dig that.  Plus if I wrap roping around the frame he can climb all over it.

I think I can really get into this DIY stuff.
 

smitten4kittens

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So glad you're feeling better about the situation. I'm sure he loves his new bed right next to your desk. Sometimes the littlest changes will make a cat very happy.
 

eb24

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Hello everybody...

  Great idea about hiding potions of food.  So do I need to kind of introduce him to that concept, or should I just start doing it and let him find it through his own curiosity?
I think it just depends how receptive he is to it. I do this as well and when I started I would just give my two some treats where they were sitting to get their attention. Then, I would set some on their cat tree. Then on the counter and so on. Once they caught on I started making the treats harder to find. Now it's very much become a game. I'll get out the treat bag and shake it so they know whats coming. Then, I close them in the bedroom and hide treats all around the rest of the apartment. Once I'm done I let them out and it's a mad dash to find them all! 

This tactic is especially worthwhile when I need to get something done that I know they will interfere with (like sorting laundry). They are so distracted with hunting that I can get my chores done in peace! 

Another idea along these lines is to have some "special toys" that only come out every once in awhile. I rotate out their regular toys so they always have new enrichment, but every few days I try to do something fun. Some nights they get their favorite catnip toys, others is the treat hiding game, or I'll even bust out the play tunnel. In addition to having scheduled playtimes, bringing out new things and mixing it up helps to keep them stimulated and happy. And, I think you will find it is fun for you watching and interacting with him! 

You said in your first post that no one can devote all their time to their cats and, to a certain extent that is very true. Most of us have jobs and friends and family outside of our felines. It's about making your home their home for when you are not there, and having quality time together when you are. I think you have a great plan to make both of these things happen and in doing so I think you will enrich your bond and find him to be a stellar companion. 
Wow, that enclosure is a really cool, and yes, it's not only a possibility but a probability.  That running wheel is awesome, but it seems like it might be frustrating for them if they keep running and running and never catch the toy.  Kind of like a laser pointer, no payoff lol!   I've already fixed him up a little bed at desk level right next to my work desk and he loves it, but I'm gonna build him something higher and more fun for him.

I plan on building a loft bed for myself and I'm definitely gonna design it with him in mind so he can get as much out of it as me.  My work station is gonna go underneath and I can make a perch under the bed and over my desk, i'm sure he'll dig that.  Plus if I wrap roping around the frame he can climb all over it.

I think I can really get into this DIY stuff.
I so love this! I think you will find that the more space you incorporate for him the better off you both will be. The loft bed idea with a roped frame would be amazing- you must take pictures! 

Just because it's sort of on point here is a little story about this: I have two brothers who used to live together, JM and JJ. JJ ended up getting a cat from my shelter and JM was not happy about it. At first, he hated the cat. And, because he gave off that energy of course all she wanted to do was be with him! One day JJ was gone and the needy feline was bugging JM and he couldn't find any of her toys so, he made one (tied a piece of string to a stick). And that was that. JM was totally hooked. Not only did he keep making her toys but built her a whole cat tree, and then started building a cat run near the ceiling so she could get up high. When JJ decided to move out of the house, JM begged him to leave the cat behind. So now, the brother who "hated cats" not only has one, but spoils her rotten! 

JM says the thing that made him love her so much was the interaction of building things for her and seeing her response to them. That process is what brought them together. I'm just mentioning it because your excitement over the DIY makes you sound like JM. The more you can incorporate your little guy into your life I think he will seem less and less like a "pest." 
 
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skinniman

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Just because it's sort of on point here is a little story about this: I have two brothers who used to live together, JM and JJ. JJ ended up getting a cat from my shelter and JM was not happy about it. At first, he hated the cat. And, because he gave off that energy of course all she wanted to do was be with him!  
Thats so true....one of my good friends is NOT a cat person and whenever he comes over guess who Fuzzy can't stay away from! 

I'm very excited about building this stuff for him and will definitely share some pics, although I probably won't be able to get started till next month due to finances but I wish I could start now!  I do have a little scrap wood right now so I'll build him something small for the moment.  

It's a shame I can't let him outside, this is the first time I've lived in a house since I left my parents house.  For years it was apartments in urban environments.   All my cats I had as a child were outdoor cats and I can see the differences between their dispositions and the ones I had to keep indoors.  As I said I live in the desert now on an acre of land but theres much more predators here than in the suburban neighborhood I grew up in and I've been told by the locals that letting him out is very risky.
 

orientalslave

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Look into building an outside enclosure for him, as large as you can manage.  Make sure it has somewhere that will always be in shade including somewhere up high, put some sort of shelves in, and use Twilweld or similar for the mesh.  Ideally he will have free access as and when he wants.

Mine can't get out of my back garden and love it - they sunbathe, my old cat used to sleep under the bushes when it was hot, they hunt, they play...
 

eb24

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I'm very excited about building this stuff for him and will definitely share some pics, although I probably won't be able to get started till next month due to finances but I wish I could start now!  I do have a little scrap wood right now so I'll build him something small for the moment.  

It's a shame I can't let him outside, this is the first time I've lived in a house since I left my parents house.  For years it was apartments in urban environments.   All my cats I had as a child were outdoor cats and I can see the differences between their dispositions and the ones I had to keep indoors.  As I said I live in the desert now on an acre of land but theres much more predators here than in the suburban neighborhood I grew up in and I've been told by the locals that letting him out is very risky.
Understandable that it will take a little while to get building. But, you can at least start the new routine and have something to look forward to! 

I agree building an outdoor enclosure should be up there on your list. You are very smart to keep him inside with so many predators out there. If I had to pick I would start by building stuff for inside the house and work your way to an outdoor enclosure. After all, since he's never been outdoors he doesn't know what he's missing! 
 

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I'm having the same trouble with my cat but it is less of a. Problam thann ann annoiance with the meowing its the type where she wants soomething but you cannt figure it out till you reach doownn annd. Pet her and she stops. She will meow at you to let her wallk around. The. House. Soo I let her out when me or. My bf goes out of the room and she. Will meow annd won't stop evenn whhenn shhe. Is out I know. She. Is bored and that problamm will be fixed here in a couple. Of days but sfge wants us to pet her all the time. And that is wat I eannted from a cat to cuddle and love on till I can't annymore. But she meows even when sfge. Had just been loved one for like 20 min but has callmed down about that. She also will meow if she doesn't have soomeone ( mainly me) right next to her.
 
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