My cat is hiding and stressed after my partner slapped her

msMel

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Ok I know how bad it sounded and all I want now is for my cat to forgive my partner and know that will never happen again. Pls help!

My partner and I have initially rescued a stray calico cat that we been feeding her for about 2 months at our condo car park. She grown fond of us and will always wait for us to feed her and we waited the right moment that she is willing to get into a carrier and we have since brought her in.the vet has estimated her to be around 3 years old.

she is more fond of my partner than me at the beginning. She will purr and headbump and even walked up to his lap for pets.
One day she accidentally walked out to the balcony (our bad! That should not have happened and I wish I can rewind back again), and went hiding into the attached aircond vent area which is super tight and where there is small openings at the other end where if she managed to squeeze through it she can fall. My partner, fearing for her safety, forcefully tried to take her out fr the tight spot (since she didnt want to come out at all) - she hissed back at him but eventually she did came out and went back in. That incident kinda made her slightly more wary of my partner n she has became disengaged with him and does not even want to respond or look at him.
my partner tried to make amends several times later to pet Her slowly, and then tried feeding her which she refused to take nor even want to look at him and along the way, I do not know how, he got angry and slapped her (I know it sounded so bad and I got so angry at him for reacting that way and he is even more regretful now ). And I think that is the trigger point. She ran out of the room and started to hide away from him.
Now, a month has since passed and he has now learnt to make amends by trying to ignore her in order to calm her down and a way of him saying he is sorry. But the conditions still does not improve. She is sticky to me now as I give her lots of TLC and feeds her. She only comes out when she hears or sees me or when she is super hungry but each time she hears or sees my partner walking past her she freaks out and runs back hiding at the same spot!

I thought too that giving them abit of time apart may help so I moved back to my own house for 2 nights with her.It was the first time she is there but she got super comfortable super fast. She is curious, purrs so loud as she jumps in bed with me and just follow me wherever I was in the house. She will come up to the couch when I was resting there and just turn her body around and just lay there besides me.

after two days, we return back to my partner’s hse.. and again she became fearful and started hiding again :(

I know it sounded so bad but I really do not know what else to do nor do I want to give up on her to another new home.

I need helper or any advises if eventually my cat will be able to forgive him and know that the house / home together with my partner is a safe place for her and we will never hurt her ever again. Will we ever see her being back to her normal self again with my partner?
I have shared some recent photos here while she was in my house and just so comfortable. But she no longer shows this with my partner around :(
 

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ArtNJ

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I do not know how, he got angry and slapped her (I know it sounded so bad and I got so angry at him for reacting that way and he is even more regretful now ).
Um, what? Didn't you ask him what made him angry?

Look, if the cat broke an incredibly prized possession or hurt your child, that is one thing. A well balanced person can perhaps lose their s&^t over something like that. But getting angry enough for a true slap of a tiny cat without something extraordinary happening is a character trait. Your cat is not forgiving him because he has probably been a jerk other times.

Now maybe I'm wrong. All cats are different, I don't your guy and I don't know all the details either. But almost everyone here has stepped on a cat's tail pretty hard and caused a cat some genuine pain. And they almost always forgive quickly and easily. When it takes a bit of time, one does what your guy is supposedly doing -- be patient, treat the cat like a new cat, and try to gradually win the cat over. That is all one can do, and generally it doesn't take that long.
 

game misconduct

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it will take time to earn the cats trust again. that aside you might wanna give some thought about staying with this man/partner.if they are willing to slap a cat /pet around out of frustration .will be an easy thing for them to slap you around during a heated dissagreement that happens in all relationships at one point in time.just an opinion only best of luck to you.
 

rubysmama

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I'm thinking because your cat was a stray, she had to learn to be wary of people who might harm her. And though you earned her trust, and eventually rescued her and brought her home, she probably hasn't lost that fearfulness of people.

So when your partner slapped her, it probably triggered her fight or flight gene, and instead of biting or scratching your partner, she ran away from the perceived danger, and is now avoiding it.

Your partner will have to start back at square one, and work on earning her trust again.

Maybe something in these TCS articles will be helpful:
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me – TheCatSite Articles
How To Help An Abused Cat Recover – TheCatSite Articles

She's a beautiful cat, and I hope she can become as happy again, as she was in the pictures you've posted. I also hope that was a one time anger incident with your partner, and that nothing like that ever happens again, either to your cat, or you.
 

Mamanyt1953

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I hope that, with enough time, your cat might learn to trust your partner again. However, I have known cats who, after ONE incident, would never warm up to that person again. I am a little concerned that your partner became angry enough to slap your cat. Yes, I know that he was regretful after. That doesn't matter in the least. My ex was regretful right after he slapped me the first time, and each time after that until I, too, learned what A ArtNJ meant by "character trait." This is troubling, for both your cat and for you. I am NOT accusing your partner of being an abuser. I do not know him, I am only saying that this is troubling.

Best of luck to ALL of you! With a lot of time and patience, he may rebuild her trust. But he cannot push it in any way.
 
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