My Cat Is Engaged In Seditious Behavior. Please Help!

[Agenda 21 Truther]

18 U.S.C. § 2384 defines "seditious conspiracy" as follows:

If two or more persons in any State or Territory, or in any place subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, conspire to overthrow, put down, or to destroy by force the Government of the United States, or to levy war against them, or to oppose by force the authority thereof, or by force to prevent, hinder, or delay the execution of any law of the United States, or by force to seize, take, or possess any property of the United States contrary to the authority thereof, they shall each be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than twenty years, or both.​

I am reasonably certain that my cat, a 9-year-old adopted stray by the name of Mr. Fluffybottom, is engaged in a seditious conspiracy. He stays home when I work. Nobody else has been in the house. When I got home yesterday, I found that someone was on my computer Googling "how to prevent, hinder, or delay the execution of laws of the United States." He also has recently taken to napping on a Howard Zinn book. As he ages, he's getting spotty about using the litter box, which I initially took to be simply a sign of age, but now I am concerned that he means to start a general strike which, if it spreads, would consummate in the overthrow of the U.S. government and the establishment of a socialist workers' state.

Has anyone else dealt with sedition in cats? Any tips would be appreciated. I tried leaving Fox News on when I left for work and it didn't seem to help.

 

[ArchyCat]

Fox News? Don't! It will just frighten him!

 

[She's a witch]

My cat just sent this message to my friend, I believe this might be the part of the conspiracy:
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh7766ipoiiiiiiii'\

 

[Agenda 21 Truther]

My cat just sent this message to my friend, I believe this might be the part of the conspiracy:
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh7766ipoiiiiiiii'\

I'm concerned this may go all the way to the top.

There's just no way that the CEO of Fancy Feast didn't know about this.

 

[susanm9006]

Willow was staring out the window and making strange noises that I determined to a be Morse code communication with an avian cohort. I couldn’t understand most but the word “kill” appeared several times. I will sleep with a weapon tonight to protect me.

 

[ArchyCat]

susanm9006 -- "and "tastes good!".

 

[IronHippo]

I was actually just discussing plans to take over the world with Marple and Radish yesterday. Marple realized that no more food was coming in the immediate future, though, and wandered away, even after I had told her that her key role was so consume all resources except the ones we would control. Oh well. Join in, I would say, before his plans come to fruition! You want to be working with the iron paw, not under it!

 

[danteshuman]

I think my dislike for political corruption has rubbed off on my kitty! Every time I turn around he is trying to chew through my phone cord to disconnect me from the world.... and do his evil seditious blog against the police state on his secret laptop. Plus I know he is against the war on drugs because I keep finding catnip paraphernalia.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Willow was staring out the window and making strange noises that I determined to a be Morse code communication with an avian cohort. I couldn’t understand most but the word “kill” appeared several times. I will sleep with a weapon tonight to protect me.

Why is this thread causing me to be paranoid?? I should watch my head also tonight. I have 3 cats with me now who can easily hold me against my will!