2 months ago I adopted a 7 year old Male cat from the shelter. I was told he was very shy but once he warms up to you he loves attention and loves to sit on your lap & be petted. Well it's been 2 months & he's still afraid of me. If I'm sitting down he'll rub himself on my legs & let me pet him but as soon as I go to get up he runs into the bedroom under the bed. He will come to me when I give him a treat but when he's done eating he runs back under the bed. He started pulling at my rug & my walls, I bought 3 different cat scratcher posts. He will not use any of them. I put treats on them he eats them & walks away. I feel so bad for him but I dont know what I can do. I try to have conversations with him. He'll sit there & meow but again I start to get up & he runs off. Any ideas how I can help my baby???
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My cat is afraid of me
- Thread starter cliff2020
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Do you play with him? Laser pointer or wand toys? Something that you can engage that hunt/play drive in him from a distance he deems safe. This will help strengthen the bond between the two of you.
Does he have places of his own that aren't under the bed? Like cat trees, shelves, places he can hang out that feel his own and are safe from handsy humans?
Two months isn't that long and that he does let you in sometimes is encouraging.
Does he have places of his own that aren't under the bed? Like cat trees, shelves, places he can hang out that feel his own and are safe from handsy humans?
Two months isn't that long and that he does let you in sometimes is encouraging.
Well, this is nothing so unusual. Cats trust in increments. Not you all the time everywhere, but, currently, you sitting down. So work with that - develop signals to let him know the lap is ready so you can spend more time together. Call him to you with a noise, tap your lap, and give him a treat when he gets there. He'll probably also be willing to come to the bed when you are lying down chilling. Once you have your signals, you can use them in slightly different contexts like that, gradually expanding things.
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Thanks for response. I have wand toys that I try to engage him with but he wants no part of it. I tried rolling some other small cat toys like a small ball that I roll around but again he cant be bothered. He does sit up in the window sometimes so I guess that's good. I guess I was wrong thinking 2 months was a long time.
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You can try clicker training with treats. Search Google for more details on how to do it. But basically when he does something you want him to do more of like sit next to you on the couch or rub against your legs, you'll give him a treat and click the clicker at about the same time. Eventually he'll learn that the clicked behaviors will get rewarded and he'll initiate them for the reward. You'll want to reward consistently at first. But eventually, inconsistent rewarding and sometimes giving a larger than normal reward (called jackpotting) will get him to try harder than he would if he was being consistently rewarded. I'm sure if you search, "clicker training my cat" you'll get plenty of articles and advice.
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Thank you, He does come to me if I snap my fingers while I am sitting down. Also he does sleep on my bed with me.
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Sounds good, Thank you!
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That sounds encouraging. It suggests to me that he trusts you. But on his terms and in his time.
Also, since he likes sitting in the window, he might like a tree like this. It gives him a perch to survey his kingdom and other platforms for him to consider. But best of all, my Krista loved those sisal scratchers. Sometimes it's the size or the sturdiness of a scratcher that can turn the cat off. I thought for years that Krista just scratched down on carpet and that's all there was to it. Turns out she just needed an upright scratcher that she could get her full body into it and really stretch and scratch to her heart's content. Krista would cross the room for a good scratcher.
This tree is a good deal for the price:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GSHQMJQ/?tag=thecatsite
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if he is doing that with you its a good sign of some trust towards you he wouldnt do that if he was scared of you
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Sounds like you are doing great. It just takes time. The cat tree that was suggested looks good and a good price for when you are able to get one Would love to see a picture
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I think you're doing fine.
In terms of wand toys, sometimes it's not just the toy, but how you make the toy move, that can be better or worse for any given cat. My two kittens are littermates and while, being kittens, they will play with pretty much anything and everything, they each have a distinct preference on how they like their "birds" to move. One of them really loves to practice pouncing, and his favorite is when a toy just leaves his line of sight - the instant that the "bird" moves behind an object he'll pounce. His sister, on the other hand, really loves the sprint and chase, so for her a "bird" that moves rapidly and zig-zags really gets her attention more. My older cat is very much a thinker and a planner, so he wants extra time to watch his "prey" before he commits to actually going after it, and he wants a place to hide behind while he watches.
And cats can be weird about when and how they want affection - sometimes you just gotta appreciate them as they are. As time goes on, you'll find ways to mutually communicate love. My oldest cat will rub up against my legs and accept a little bit of petting no matter what, but he's considerably more affectionate when I'm on the basement couch and he's incredibly affectionate when I first wake up and am still in bed - as long as the top cover is the blanket whose texture he prefers, and not the sheet whose texture he doesn't like. That drove me crazy for a while wondering why he would suddenly become so much less affectionate until I finally realized it was all about what blanket or sheet I had on. (I should have guessed sooner, he has always been very particular about certain textures to sit or sleep on.) When I'm in bed and have his favorite blanket on, he'll be on my chest purring like crazy and demanding petting.
In terms of wand toys, sometimes it's not just the toy, but how you make the toy move, that can be better or worse for any given cat. My two kittens are littermates and while, being kittens, they will play with pretty much anything and everything, they each have a distinct preference on how they like their "birds" to move. One of them really loves to practice pouncing, and his favorite is when a toy just leaves his line of sight - the instant that the "bird" moves behind an object he'll pounce. His sister, on the other hand, really loves the sprint and chase, so for her a "bird" that moves rapidly and zig-zags really gets her attention more. My older cat is very much a thinker and a planner, so he wants extra time to watch his "prey" before he commits to actually going after it, and he wants a place to hide behind while he watches.
And cats can be weird about when and how they want affection - sometimes you just gotta appreciate them as they are. As time goes on, you'll find ways to mutually communicate love. My oldest cat will rub up against my legs and accept a little bit of petting no matter what, but he's considerably more affectionate when I'm on the basement couch and he's incredibly affectionate when I first wake up and am still in bed - as long as the top cover is the blanket whose texture he prefers, and not the sheet whose texture he doesn't like. That drove me crazy for a while wondering why he would suddenly become so much less affectionate until I finally realized it was all about what blanket or sheet I had on. (I should have guessed sooner, he has always been very particular about certain textures to sit or sleep on.) When I'm in bed and have his favorite blanket on, he'll be on my chest purring like crazy and demanding petting.
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Sounds like he is doing great and actually making some progress. Keep trying with play sessions, keep them short and always provide a treat after (even if he didn't play). And its a great sign he is sleeping on your bed! My two took around 4-5 months to really relax in their new home, so give it time and thanks for giving him a home 
