My Cat Is A Jerk And I Hate Him

[Resigned]

That about sums it up. I had to move to a a tiny one bedroom apartment a year or two ago, and he gets restless and tears everything up and pees on everything. I even got him a self-cleaning litter box and bunches of toys, and he's still not happy. So I let him outside, but then he gets hurt and its a huge vet bill I can't afford. And he's an jerk and not cuddly or anything.
I don't like having a cat. I believe in being committed to ones commitments and giving any animal I take in a forever home, but I really don't like having this cat around. He has an infected toenail and he won't let me soak it in epsom salt or do anything to it. I can't afford the vet, and tbh I don't want to spend my money on him anyways because he's an asshole. Some people are cat people. Apparently I'm not one of them. I don't know what to do.
Why did I get a cat? I guess I didn't realize the full extent of their a$$holery. I've had a cat and been around cats before.
Judge me if you want. I don't care at this point. I don't even know what I'm asking. I just hate my cat.

 

[AbbysMom]

Where did you get this cat? Was it a shelter and you can return him? Honestly at this point I think the best thing would be to find another home for him.

 

[ArtNJ]

Commitment is good in theory, but if you don't like the cat and can't afford vet care, there is pretty much no way you can take good care of it and both of you would be better off if you can give the cat away. So redirect your commitment to finding a home using social media or finding a no kill shelter.

 

[kittyluv387]

Maybe he has a urinary issue? But apparently you cant take him to the vet anyways. The best and kindest thing would be for you to surrender him. Please don't get another pet until you're in a financial position to do so.

 

[Kieka]

It sounds as if finding a no kill shelter would be your best option. Unless you got him from the no kill shelter in the first place there would likely be a surrender fee, but it would be less then continued care of your cat. Your cat would also get medical treatment and possible find a family he is better suited for.

I wouldn't consider another pet until you are in a better position to provide for one. I went through a few years without a cat because I didn't have time or resources for one. Nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that a specific time or place just isn't right for you to have a pet.

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Agreed, if you don’t want a cat then surrender him. Give him a chance to find a new home that wants to take care of him.

 

[FeralHearts]

I can't believe I'm about to disagree with the general thought here that you should just get rid of him... I have questions first...

What's the cats name?
When did you get kitty?
Did he only start this behavoir when you moved?
Do YOU play with him and not just leave toys out?
How old is he?


The fact that you cared enough to post here, take him to a vet and try to help his toes tells me you might just be at your wits end.

I know that there are places in the USA that help with Vet Bills - where I am in Canada I'm on my own for that kind of thing.

Here is the article with some links to places that might be able to help:

No Money For Vet Care? How To Find Help And Save Your Cat's Life

Towards the bottom they go by state - links for possible Vet bill help.

 

[jen]

Some people just aren't cat people and that is ok. It took you to owning one to find that out unfortunately but what is done is done. I think you and this cat will be happier if you rehome and I highly recommend you do so. The cat may be ill, he is obviously stressed as you are stressed and he will pick up on that. If he isn't neutered that will help a load of your issues with him but if not, you don't want to spend money on him anyway.

It is ok. Please find him a new home. Where are you located? You don't have to be specific but what city/state/country?

 

[maggiedemi]

I agree, it's time to find him a new home with someone who doesn't hate him. It sounds like he's ill from the infected toenail and possibly a UTI. This is most likely the reason for his behavior problems. So sad, I hope you can find someone to help him.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

.., and he gets restless and tears everything up and pees on everything. I even got him a self-cleaning litter box and bunches of toys, and he's still not happy. So I let him outside, but then he gets hurt and its a huge vet bill I can't afford. And he's an jerk and not cuddly or anything.
I don't like having a cat. I believe in being committed to ones commitments and giving any animal I take in a forever home, but I really don't like having this cat around. He has an infected toenail and he won't let me soak it in epsom salt or do anything to it. I can't afford the vet, and tbh I don't want to spend my money on him anyways because he's an asshole. Some people are cat people. Apparently I'm not one of them. I don't know what to do.
Why did I get a cat? I guess I didn't realize the full extent of their a$$holery. I've had a cat and been around cats before.
Judge me if you want. I don't care at this point. I don't even know what I'm asking. I just hate my cat.

If you truly believe in the commitment of making sure he finds a good forever home, I agree with others here, that it is time for you to find him a good home where you know he will be well taken care of by someone who can afford vet care and also someone who can see and bring to the surface his inner loving angel and not his supposed "a$$holery".

It's okay to realize you are not a cat person. Some people do much better with these cats.

I'm really hoping you can make good efforts to find your cat a much happier home!

 

[Resigned]

I can't believe I'm about to disagree with the general thought here that you should just get rid of him... I have questions first...

What's the cats name?
When did you get kitty?
Did he only start this behavoir when you moved?
Do YOU play with him and not just leave toys out?
How old is he?


The fact that you cared enough to post here, take him to a vet and try to help his toes tells me you might just be at your wits end.

I know that there are places in the USA that help with Vet Bills - where I am in Canada I'm on my own for that kind of thing.

Here is the article with some links to places that might be able to help:

No Money For Vet Care? How To Find Help And Save Your Cat's Life

Towards the bottom they go by state - links for possible Vet bill help.

His name is Oliver. He's 4. I got him when he was a kitten. He is neutered. This behavior started when I moved. My apartment is tiny and there is nothing interesting right outside the windows, so I think he's bored. I play with him sometimes, but probably not as much as I should. He doesn't pee on stuff all the time, but if I leave for a weekend or something, he will, even though I have someone watching my pets. Or if he gets mad at me. Cat pee is very hard to get rid of and stinks up a tiny apartment real quick.

I think I was at my wits end this morning. He kept me up all night because I was trying to keep him contained so I could look after his toe. I'm not some irresponsible person who doesn't consider vet bills when getting a pet. I had thousands of dollars in an emergency fund specifically for my pets when I started grad school. However, it has dwindled. I've already spent over $800 on vet bills for this cat, who is my only non-senior pet. I don't get pets without considering the cost. I even take my bunny to the vet when needed and because of that, she's celebrating her 13th birthday on Nov. 1st.

I graduate in a year or so with a degree that pays very well. I'll be able to buy a house soon after, and he'll have plenty of room. I don't know if rehoming him would take a load off my chest, or if I'd just regret it in a year when I am living comfortably. I don't actually hate him (though he isn't a "heart" pet like my bunny is), just more often than not, he is the straw that breaks the camel's back in a very stressful graduate program.

 

[maggiedemi]

Hi. Well it sounds like you're feeling better now. Have you looked at his diet? Is he getting enough canned food?

 

[1 bruce 1]

Commitment is good in theory, but if you don't like the cat and can't afford vet care, there is pretty much no way you can take good care of it and both of you would be better off if you can give the cat away. So redirect your commitment to finding a home using social media or finding a no kill shelter.

If this cat isn't sick, I'd find him another home too.
What's the definition of commitment to you, Resigned ? Keeping a cat that's obviously not happy (happy cats don't pee everywhere, tear things up, and live in a small space with a human who is honest enough to admit they don't even like the cat) is not commitment, it's torture. For everyone, you included!
I like the idea that pets are a life time commitment. They are. But if you look at commitment as "doing the thing that will make both of us happy", it might give you another outlook, or might make you wonder if there's something different that can be done to make things right.
But sometimes things just don't work the way we want, and keeping an unhappy animal that's making us unhappy has nothing to do with "commitment" to me.
I've known people who adopt dogs from pounds that get the opposite of what they wanted. Their new dog hates their resident dogs, are happy to be aggressive towards their young children, but keep the dog anyway because of that "commitment" factor. And their resident dogs live in fear, the new dog lives in a cage, the kids have a new dog that they're not allowed to touch and no one is happy. That's not a good way to live.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
Try an enzymatic cleaner called The Equalizer, it doesn't require soaking like some of the others do.

When you're preparing to leave for a few days, try a litter called Cat Attract.

Try music, it works to relax cats - there's an app called Relax My Cat, or MusicForCats.com

Food Puzzles for Cats

20 Best Interactive Cat Toys: The Ultimate List (2018) | Heavy.com

Home The Ripple Rug

 

[Furballsmom]

Just in case this helps before your graduation et al

No Money For Vet Care? How To Find Help And Save Your Cat's Life

Financial Aid for Pets

 

[1 bruce 1]

Hi!
Try an enzymatic cleaner called The Equalizer.

When you're preparing to leave for a few days, try a litter called Cat Attract.

Try music, it works to relax cats - there's an app called Relax My Cat, or MusicForCats.com

Food Puzzles for Cats

20 Best Interactive Cat Toys: The Ultimate List (2018) | Heavy.com

Home

Cat attract is the only litter ever we've found that keeps our marker from being such a disgusting little pest.
It's expensive, but we've found filling the box with whatever litter and then dusting the top of it with the Cat attract (about a 1 cup of litter or so) works just as well to keep costs down.

 

[neely]

Thank you for your reply and clarifying your situation. It helps us to give you the best advice and support. Also thanks for telling us your cat's name and age. I wouldn't be surprised if the move instigated Oliver's change in behavior.
I thought this Article about moving to a new apartment might be helpful:
9 Tips That Will Help Your Kitten Adapt To A New Apartment

Your original post mentioned moving to a tiny apartment so perhaps this Article would have some tips for you:
How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)

I understand how being sleep deprived can certainly make you feel less tolerant at times plus the added stress of grad school. Don't do anything in haste, take some time to reassess your feelings and how it would affect Oliver. BTW, does he play with the bunny?

I wish you the best of luck and if you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to let us know.

 

[FeralHearts]

His name is Oliver. He's 4. I got him when he was a kitten. He is neutered. This behavior started when I moved. My apartment is tiny and there is nothing interesting right outside the windows, so I think he's bored. I play with him sometimes, but probably not as much as I should. He doesn't pee on stuff all the time, but if I leave for a weekend or something, he will, even though I have someone watching my pets. Or if he gets mad at me. Cat pee is very hard to get rid of and stinks up a tiny apartment real quick.

I think I was at my wits end this morning. He kept me up all night because I was trying to keep him contained so I could look after his toe. I'm not some irresponsible person who doesn't consider vet bills when getting a pet. I had thousands of dollars in an emergency fund specifically for my pets when I started grad school. However, it has dwindled. I've already spent over $800 on vet bills for this cat, who is my only non-senior pet. I don't get pets without considering the cost. I even take my bunny to the vet when needed and because of that, she's celebrating her 13th birthday on Nov. 1st.

I graduate in a year or so with a degree that pays very well. I'll be able to buy a house soon after, and he'll have plenty of room. I don't know if rehoming him would take a load off my chest, or if I'd just regret it in a year when I am living comfortably. I don't actually hate him (though he isn't a "heart" pet like my bunny is), just more often than not, he is the straw that breaks the camel's back in a very stressful graduate program.

Sounds like he is stressed. Do you have high areas for him? Do you think with your schedule you could play with him 5 -10 minutes a day and help him get some pent up energy out?

neely , M maggiedemi and Furballsmom gave great suggestions too - honestly worth the read and look. Music helps my "jerk" cat. He's a walking ball of stress that I'm learning how to calm and make happy. Each day is less of a Jerk. (I have the bite scars to prove this.) But I love him anyway. He just needs something from me and it's my job to figure out what. Same with you and Oliver - and I have absolute faith that you will.

Grad school is very stressful - good on you for doing it. You're nearly there! Keep in mind you need to de-stress too - the more stressed you get - the more Olivier will feel it too.

Are you on a ground floor? If so is there a possibility of another cat lingering outside upsetting him?

Could there have been another cat in the apartment before you moved in? Cats have great sense of smell so that along with the move could have set him over the edge.

You mentioned going to the vet - I assume the vet said nothing about an illness causing the peeing? (Or did you discuss it?)

Make sure to clean the pee with an enzymatic cleaner as Furballsmom suggested. Otherwise they often go back to the same spot as they smell their scent and want to re-scent.

Come vent in here with us. I bet you are so stressed and tiered. We'll be with you the whole way!!! You can do it!

 

[Hellenww]

It sounds like both you and Oliver are stressed out. Most people have encouraged you to rehome. Since you're not sure if you'd regret that decision I have some suggestions to help you decide.

Just like you schedule your classes schedule Oliver's play times. Since he getting injured going out unsupervised try harness training. Hopefully this will build a relationship or help you see he would be happier with someone else.

Do you have any friends who'd be willing to stay at your apt when you go away? Maybe someone who's still with their parents or in a dorm.

 

[1 bruce 1]

It sounds like both you and Oliver are stressed out. Most people have encouraged you to rehome. Since you're not sure if you'd regret that decision I have some suggestions to help you decide.

Just like you schedule your classes schedule Oliver's play times. Since he getting injured going out unsupervised try harness training. Hopefully this will build a relationship or help you see he would be happier with someone else.

Do you have any friends who'd be willing to stay at your apt when you go away? Maybe someone who's still with their parents or in a dorm.

The harness training is a good idea.
The stress of the entire situation is adding to this, but something simple like harness training or just teaching them to do something cute or funny helps to. It's why dog people tell new owners to take their dog or puppy to a training class. Working together builds a bond, working against one another builds frustration. Cats don't usually go to obedience classes, but recognizing how they learn and see the world and using that to your advantage can turn the tables.
The thing is, if a dog senses you don't like them, some will be wary and some will do their best to make you like them by being funny or obnoxious. Cats don't usually operate this way, and even sensing stress and frustrations will make the problem worse, and unfortunately things like peeing (stress) and tearing things up (stress) will just continue to grow. It can usually be intercepted, and fixed up, if you can take a step back and say "this cat is a jerk. I don't like this cat. But I do like his (color, eyes, etc.)", which is finding a starting point towards noticing something (anything!) likable about them will help your tensions ease up a little. When they do, the cat usually relaxes.
I really hope finding another home isn't what's necessary, but if it is, I hope Resigned will realize that making themselves AND the cat happy is what's important.