My cat hates everyone but me.

dmanx87

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Hello everyone!

My cat Langston is a year and three months old male. I really love the little guy, and since I've had him I have been single and living alone. When friends would come over, he would be shy at first and hide. For a few select people, he would eventually crawl out from his hiding spot, but he would never want to be held or touched. He lets me hold him, but even when we're alone, he never lays with me unless I'm going to bed or waking up in the morning. Other than that he is normal and happy, always playing, looking out the window, and the occasional "midnight dash".

Now the problem is that I am now living with a girl a really love. When she first moved in, he wasn't neutered and started to mark every and any thing he could. I've had him fixed and the markings have stopped. My girlfriend is very nice and nurturing towards him, but he  won't have any of it. He'll take treats and food from her, play with toys, but whenever she tries to hold/touch him, he hisses and swats at her. Can anyone tell me what I could possibly do to make him realize she only wants to be good to him?

 

fhicat

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Completely normal. Some cats are slow to trust. It took me 8 months before my cat would let me pet him for more than a few seconds without biting me. Now I can pet him all day long and he doesn't mind it anymore. Despite that, he does not cuddle with me in the conventional sense -- you won't find him on my lap, or my shoulders, or sleeping next to me in bed.

But it's okay. That's who he is.

Your girlfriend will need to have patience. Continue playing with him, giving him treats, and feeding him (you both can agree to a schedule so that your cat sees BOTH of you as his food source). Don't attempt to approach him or pet him (I know it's hard! Who can resist that cute face?) unless he approaches her first.

Learn his body language. Figure out when he is okay with you holding him. When he does come near her, she should "ask" his permission to pet him. This is how to do it:

Lower herself to the ground, either squatting or in a sitting position. Begin by extended a closed fist near him. In humans, an open hand is a sign of friendship, but think of when a cat would open its paws; when it's in a fight. So an open hand is actually threatening to a skittish cat. 

Let him sniff her closed fist. If he seems amicable, she should slowly and gently rub the side of his neck, and slowly work her hand up towards the top of his head. Don't start out at the top of the head; remember, cats see you as this big scary human, and especially with skittish cats, hovering your hand over their head right off the bat is threatening. 

If at this point he seems to swat, hiss, or show any signs of aggression, stop. You are done. Try again another time.

Do this every day. Each petting session may last as short as 10 seconds. Don't rush it. If 10 seconds is enough for kitty, then it's enough for you. Come back again another time.

Your girlfriend should also move around him slowly. Skittish cats don't like sudden moves. Whenever she approaches him (for example, he's in the hallway to the bathroom), she should not look at him, and walk around him instead of toward him. Minimize eye contact as much as possible; eye contact is threatening to a skittish cat (see the pattern by now?).

Don't rush this process. Don't expect it to work overnight. The key here is patience. You can win the love of a cat if you have the patience!
 

micknsnicks2mom

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may i ask --  how long has it been since your girlfriend moved in? i ask because this is something new for langston to get used to. had langston known her before she moved in? did he seem comfortable or friendly with your girlfriend during that time? cats don't do well with change, and it can take them time to adjust to changes.

part of the changes that langston is adjusting to is new routines in your home. cats do well with a routine, they know what to expect and when. i would expect that the usual routines in your home have changed to some extent, which langston will adjust to in time.

another part is that you are langston's person, and he now shares part of his time with you with your girlfriend. i would make sure you and langston still have some alone time together, spent doing things you two both enjoy. and i'd also make sure to do things with the three of you together. these should help langston to know that he remains important to you, and that he's included in doing things with you and your girlfriend.

something you might try is to gently rub langston with a hand towel (especial his cheek areas), then rub that hand towel with langston's scent on it on your girlfriend's shirt/pants/clothes she's wearing. cats recognize at least to a good extent by scent. by your girlfriend having some of langston's scent on her clothes, this might help him become more comfortable with her.

some cats are more snugglers and others aren't as into snuggling. langston is a young guy and that may be part of why he isn't into being held or snuggling so much. as he gets older, he may decide he wants to snuggle and/or be held more. my snick never curled up in my lap or in my arms until she was about 9 years old, and i adopted snick when she was 4 weeks old. these days snick snuggles on my lap or in my arms very often.

i would give langston the time he needs to adjust. my suggestion for your girlfriend is to follow langston's lead on when he feels comfortable with her touching or holding him. just accept and love him as he is each day -- by doing this, i believe langston will adjust and become comfortable with her.
 
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