My cat doesn't trust me now

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
I adopted a 4-yr-old cat a few weeks ago, a dilute torbie named Reese. Last year she was one of the feral cats my friend was feeding. She started doing TNR on them and Reese was friendly enough to be fostered and adopted out. Well she escaped from foster care out an open window and was missing since last March! My friend never gave up on finding her when in mid December a nice couple took in a cat they were feeding but couldn't keep, so they took her to the shelter where my friend volunteers. It was Reese!!! My friend couldn't keep her so I offered to adopt her. She's very shy but very sweet. It's a slow process but she was learning to trust me and would come to me on her own without hesitation. I have her setup in the dining room where she can be by herself until she settles in.

Just two days after I had her, I took her to the vet to have her ears checked. She was diagnosed with an ear infection. I treated her ears once a day for two weeks and to my surprise she was so good, letting me hold her, put the drops in, and then massage her ears. It didn't seem to disrupt our trust process as she still became more outgoing as the days went on.

This past Wednesday I had to take her to the vet to have her ears rechecked. The vet was going to keep her overnight to have her ears deeply cleaned if there was no improvement. She had hard wax plugs over her eardrums. Fortunately the plugs dissolved and she didn't need additional treatment. But now here's my problem....

I almost had her in the carrier when she freaked out and bolted. It was horrible and she was so afraid and trying to hide. There was nothing else I could do but try to catch her and get her to the vet, but it has been 3 days and she still doesn't trust me now. Things were going so well, and now I feel like I traumatized hery. She doesn't interact like she did, and only when I bring in her food does she come to me. She loved treats, too, and the crinkle of the bag would send her right to me, even putting her paws on my lap to reach the treats. Now she hardly approaches at all. She'll take the treat, then duck back to eat it.

I have been crying for 3 days for what I did to her. I traumatized this sweet little cat. I feel so guilty and sad that I caused her so much stress. Now I feel like she'll never trust me again. I want her to be happy, not scared and stressed, especially after all she has been through. She deserves a good life!

Meanwhile I'm giving her Calming Care in her food, I'm using Jackson Galaxy's Stress Stopper solution, I'm playing soothing music, I go into the room and just be there... no looking at her (slow blinks only), no approaching her, and I talk to her while sometimes reading her stories while I sit or lie on the floor.

I'm so sorry this post went so long. I tried to give as much information as I could without overdoing it.

Is there any hope at all that we can get back to where we were? Any advice you can give is appreciated, and if anyone here has been through a similar situation I would love to hear about it. I just want sweet Reesie to be happy.
 

FeebysOwner

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 13, 2018
Messages
22,442
Purraise
33,215
Location
Central FL (Born in OH)
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
Thank you for your reply and for reading my post about Reesie. I will read these articles very soon, and I'll try not to be upset in her presence. If only things would return to the way they were. I can't help feeling like I have ruined everything. It's so hard to see her like this. 😥
 

iPappy

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 1, 2022
Messages
5,053
Purraise
15,795
I've had many of my cats snub me for days after a vet visit. I left them alone for the most part, but went about my usual business in my usual way and they came around. If she isn't showing any signs of aggression towards you, I'd probably reach in where she's hiding and start petting/giving her chin scratches or any other type of affection she usually enjoys, and talking to her in your normal tone of voice. She might think you're upset with her and is giving you space (cats are really, really sensitive about this type of thing.)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
I've had many of my cats snub me for days after a vet visit. I left them alone for the most part, but went about my usual business in my usual way and they came around. If she isn't showing any signs of aggression towards you, I'd probably reach in where she's hiding and start petting/giving her chin scratches or any other type of affection she usually enjoys, and talking to her in your normal tone of voice. She might think you're upset with her and is giving you space (cats are really, really sensitive about this type of thing.)
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I sure do hope she doesn't think I'm upset with her. It's me who messed everything up.
 

catloverfromwayback

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 24, 2021
Messages
3,736
Purraise
8,502
Location
Victoria, Australia
My Phoebe (also a dilute tortie!) recently took to hiding under the bed when I was walking around. It was down to the stuff I was using to clean her chin acne. Note, this is an extremely affectionate and fearless cat I’ve had for seven years! She is back to normal now I’ve changed the cleaning method, but it took days. You’ve had Reesie such a short time and she been through so much, none of it your fault (and those vet visits were necessary). It’ll take time, but you’re doing all the right things.
 

iPappy

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 1, 2022
Messages
5,053
Purraise
15,795
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I sure do hope she doesn't think I'm upset with her. It's me who messed everything up.
You didn't mess anything up, getting cats into a carrier is not the easiest thing even if your cat is normally sweet and laid back. My Levi was the most laid back cat I have ever known in my life, and the only time he would accept being put into a carrier was if he was sick.
I still feel like if she's coming to you when you bring her food, she's not traumatized for life. Try sitting with her when she eats and petting her, odds are, she'll start purring. :petcat:
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,271
Purraise
53,931
Location
Colorado US
Hi
Take a step back and take a deep breath. Stop beating yourself up. She had to go to the vet, no ifs ands or buts. She didn't want to so you had to be the adult :) (you did get there, right?)

Be calm, trust what everyone above is saying and give her time and patience. She had quite the experience and as with anyone, needs the chance to find out that everything is ok. 💕
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
My Phoebe (also a dilute tortie!) recently took to hiding under the bed when I was walking around. It was down to the stuff I was using to clean her chin acne. Note, this is an extremely affectionate and fearless cat I’ve had for seven years! She is back to normal now I’ve changed the cleaning method, but it took days. You’ve had Reesie such a short time and she been through so much, none of it your fault (and those vet visits were necessary). It’ll take time, but you’re doing all the right things.
Aww a dilute tortie 😊
You're right, I have had her for such a short time, which makes things seem even worse. She's just getting to know me and I'm afraid she now thinks this is what I'm really like... mean human who deceived her into thinking I'm nice. Those vet visits really were necessary, but I can't take it all back now.
 

catloverfromwayback

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 24, 2021
Messages
3,736
Purraise
8,502
Location
Victoria, Australia
Aww a dilute tortie 😊
You're right, I have had her for such a short time, which makes things seem even worse. She's just getting to know me and I'm afraid she now thinks this is what I'm really like... mean human who deceived her into thinking I'm nice. Those vet visits really were necessary, but I can't take it all back now.
She’ll get over it. I don’t think cats conceptualise things that much.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
R ReesieMom another thought for the future, you could look into calming treats or talk to your vet about low dose gabapentin to give her before her next vet visit.
Yes, gabapentin! I'm taking my lovable Lab, Birdie, to the vet in 2 weeks. I have planned on asking her for gabapentin. I'm already giving Reesie Calming Care, but we only just started yesterday, so it's too soon to see any difference. I'm keeping with it, though. (Reesie has already met Birdie at the door and isn't at all afraid of her. She was raised with cats and never bothers them.)
 

iPappy

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 1, 2022
Messages
5,053
Purraise
15,795
Yes, gabapentin! I'm taking my lovable Lab, Birdie, to the vet in 2 weeks. I have planned on asking her for gabapentin. I'm already giving Reesie Calming Care, but we only just started yesterday, so it's too soon to see any difference. I'm keeping with it, though. (Reesie has already met Birdie at the door and isn't at all afraid of her. She was raised with cats and never bothers them.)
I am a huge fan of cat-loving dogs. My Papillon (RIP 🕊 🌈 :butterfly: ) lived for his cats and any cat he met. He just loved them! If he saw a cat he didn't know, he'd maintain his distance, wag his body so hard and then let out this loud "Woooooo!" at them.
I hope the gabapentin helps next time she goes to the vet! It seems to be a well tolerated medicine, I haven't used it but I've seen a lot of people have.
 

CodyMolly

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
34
Purraise
71
Hi don’t worry.. I have adopted strays and cats get like that. You are doing all the right things . Probably she was in pain… ears are so sensitivie and painful. So that’s why she’s reacting like that. Don’t push yourself on her. Just sit in the room with her spend lots of time reading or doing something with your presence near and you’re not focusing on her. Once she realizes over time nothing is going to spook her. She will come around. Can’t blame her she’s probably thinking I don’t want to go to the vet. My stray cat I found in the woods had Babies captured her babies found homes and the mother was nuts! The vet said to put her back in the woods cause she was too feral and no one would adopt her. I named her foxy because she was a Fox to catch! Anyway when I had her she would literally spit hiss and swat me! I am not kidding she was tough to say the least when I had to change her litter I had to put a cover over her tent so she doesn’t jump out and bite me! She bit my husband and the gang went through his skin on his hand.. so it took a while we let her do what ever she wanted and believe it or not she trusted us and after awhile she slept on my stomach! Yes my stomach! But when the vet appointment came she would run around the house meowing so loud!!! It sounded like I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go! Had to corner her to catch her and when I brought her back she pouted…. But after few days she went back to normal. With this story just be very patient it can be very traumatic to them more the. What we realize. Especially if your baby was in pain. Be patient she will eventually come around. Leave treats and walk away. Soon as she realizes nothing is going to happen she come back! Promise you!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
I am a huge fan of cat-loving dogs. My Papillon (RIP 🕊 🌈 :butterfly: ) lived for his cats and any cat he met. He just loved them! If he saw a cat he didn't know, he'd maintain his distance, wag his body so hard and then let out this loud "Woooooo!" at them.
I hope the gabapentin helps next time she goes to the vet! It seems to be a well tolerated medicine, I haven't used it but I've seen a lot of people have.
Oh how sweet! I'm sorry he's no longer with you. Cats with dogs are the best.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

ReesieMom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
7
Purraise
18
Hi don’t worry.. I have adopted strays and cats get like that. You are doing all the right things . Probably she was in pain… ears are so sensitivie and painful. So that’s why she’s reacting like that. Don’t push yourself on her. Just sit in the room with her spend lots of time reading or doing something with your presence near and you’re not focusing on her. Once she realizes over time nothing is going to spook her. She will come around. Can’t blame her she’s probably thinking I don’t want to go to the vet. My stray cat I found in the woods had Babies captured her babies found homes and the mother was nuts! The vet said to put her back in the woods cause she was too feral and no one would adopt her. I named her foxy because she was a Fox to catch! Anyway when I had her she would literally spit hiss and swat me! I am not kidding she was tough to say the least when I had to change her litter I had to put a cover over her tent so she doesn’t jump out and bite me! She bit my husband and the gang went through his skin on his hand.. so it took a while we let her do what ever she wanted and believe it or not she trusted us and after awhile she slept on my stomach! Yes my stomach! But when the vet appointment came she would run around the house meowing so loud!!! It sounded like I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go! Had to corner her to catch her and when I brought her back she pouted…. But after few days she went back to normal. With this story just be very patient it can be very traumatic to them more the. What we realize. Especially if your baby was in pain. Be patient she will eventually come around. Leave treats and walk away. Soon as she realizes nothing is going to happen she come back! Promise you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm keeping everything I'm reading here in my mind to encourage me through this.
 
Top