My cat doesn't like to be held

[Coolgram]

Hi everyone,

My cat, Gracie, is 2-1/2 yrs. old and I adopted her from a foster when she was 6 months. She is very loving, she behaves the way cats normally do when they love you, purring, rubbing, laying in my lap etc. The one thing she absolutely hates is being picked up or held in any way that she feels constrained. If I reach for her with one hand, she's fine, but if she sees both hands coming toward her she bolts. Yesterday she was sitting on the arm of my chair and I slowly put my arm around her with the idea of trying to hold her for just a minute and she struggled mightily to get away from my arms (the struggle lasted all of 5 seconds.) I understand this is just cats, some like to be held and some don't, but there may occasionally be times I would need to hold her, such as at the vet, or giving her medicine. Is there some way I could get her to accept it? Every once in a while I will pick her up just for a minute (if I can catch her off guard), talk to her gently and stroke her, trying to get her used to the idea but for the brief period of time she's in my arms she's struggling to get down. Is it hopeless, should I just give up on it, because she's wonderful in every other way, or is there something else I could try?

 

[game misconduct]

my cat graycie is just like that if you figure out a way lemme know

 

[di and bob]

Some cats just do not like to be held, period. She must be one of them. Males are usually more receptive to being held, females a little more standoffish. I wouldn't force her, it will make her avoid you.....

 

[Coolgram]

Some cats just do not like to be held, period. She must be one of them. Males are usually more receptive to being held, females a little more standoffish. I wouldn't force her, it will make her avoid you.....

I don't force her, and I only try maybe every month or so, just to see if maybe this time she'd be more receptive to it, but she never is. If she wants down (which she always does), I let her go immediately. I quickly discovered that cats are nothing like dogs - if they don't want to do something they just don't do it. End of story!

 

[Kieka]

I also have a cat who doesn't like being picked up. And I do fully understand the need to pick them up for vet or in emergencies. I've been working with my girl for a few years to get her more comfortable. I can now pet her with two hands, wrap my hand around her and lift her an inch off the ground without her squirming. It's just pushing the comfort level a little at a time over several years (she's now 6 years old). Which is enough that when I have to, I can grab her for a vet visit. Flea medicine I do when she is sound asleep. For emergencies, I live in a single floor home and she goes outside so if I can't grab her I will just pop open a door or window and hope for the best.

I do know from rabbits that having a secure hold on feet/legs can make a huge difference in comfort too. When picking up make sure all the feet are on something so they don't feel like they are falling.

 

[maggie101]

One of my cats is like that. I pick her up wth one hand under her belly and behind. Once she turned 8, she was more affectionate. Luckily,she is only 7 pds. When I take her to the vet I put her in my bedroom closet,shut the door, and have her carrier ready. She is in a large carrier since she grabs the sides.

 

[fionasmom]

Many of my very affectionate pet cats over the years did not like to be picked up. My avatar Lily, who is extremely affectionate and has established a ritual of jumping in my lap any time I sit down down, hates to be picked up. Her littermate who resembles her greatly loves it and actually demands to be held and cuddled like a baby.

I don't push it with the ones who don't want it. For some cats, it is very ingrained in their DNA/psyche that in the outdoor world only two options exist for being picked up. One is to be picked up by the mother and the other is to be picked up by the predator who is going to kill you.

 

[susanm9006]

I would not try to pick her up or to hold her. I think every time that you do it just causes her to have a little less trust. It maybe that if you can go long enough without trying that she will feel more relaxed and eventually find out that your lap feels nice and warm and move from the arm of the chair to it. As for allowing you to pick her up, she probably never will comfortable with that.

 

[lollie]

Koshka doesn’t like being picked up either. I don’t sleep with her, so in the morning, she is very agreeable to being held- for precisely 45 seconds. Purr, purr, and then the tail then begins to swish and she wants down. She never got on my lap until she was five years old, but does that regularly now. But the holding, nope.

 

[Bird]

I have a cat that doesn't like to be picked up, but I pick her up on a regular basis, for brief periods, to make sure that she is used to it, because there will always be situations where she must be picked up. I have noticed that if I walk around while holding her, she doesn't mind as much and doesn't get as squirmy. She is a very purry and affectionate, but she is also high energy and can be skittish. She loves attention, but on her terms. She does not like to feel restrained by the hoo-mans. LOL.

 

[rubysmama]

My Ruby doesn't like being picked up or restrained in any way. Like your Gracie, just putting my arms around her, will make her squirm away. She's super affectionate in other ways, such as being super lap cat, but picking her up, is a no go.

For vet appointments, I go with the "surprise attack" and though she squirms if I'm quick enough she's in the carrier, before she realizes what's happened.

Giving medicine is impossible, and I do worry about what I'll do as she gets older and might someday need daily meds.

 

[Kieka]

My Ruby doesn't like being picked up or restrained in any way. Like your Gracie, just putting my arms around her, will make her squirm away. She's super affectionate in other ways, such as being super lap cat, but picking her up, is a no go.

For vet appointments, I go with the "surprise attack" and though she squirms if I'm quick enough she's in the carrier, before she realizes what's happened.

Giving medicine is impossible, and I do worry about what I'll do as she gets older and might someday need daily meds.

Rocket is the exact same. I don't know how she turns into such a squirmy ball when I do have to pick her up for something. At the vet she becomes an "armpit cat" as my vet calls it. She's my one cat who if she got some illness requiring lifelong medicine I would really question it... but she is luckily my garbage kitty and eats nearly anything so I might be able to hide meds in food.

I have slowly expanded her comfort with touching and holding over the last 5/6 years. But we are talking in terms of years to go from not being able to touch to her being okay with me petting her with two hands.

 

[Silver Crazy]

Blue hates being picked up as well but am trying an experiment by placing a treat on a chair or the couch and picking him up and placing him down right in front of the treat...doing the same with his food bowl...sneaking a bit of food in without him knowing (near impossible) picking him up and putting him down in front of the bowl...the wild struggles have stopped but still doesnt like it much but hoping a reward after being picked up might make him accept it more and more..

 

[Jeffk]

My cat, Xanni hates being picked up but like others mentioned here, she shows her affection in other ways. And, being a Maine Coon, she’s not all that lightweight so most of the time we’re just as happy to leave her feet firmly planted on the ground. We do pick her up occasionally though, jist so it’s not a completely foreign those times we need to do it.

 

[NY cat man]

Of our six, 2 can be picked up and held at length without problems, 1 can be held briefly, and there will be blood shed if it is attempted with the other 3. All of them were street ferals who have been inside for years now. We have just accepted that different cats have different personalities, and let it go at that.

 

[Coolgram]

I would not try to pick her up or to hold her. I think every time that you do it just causes her to have a little less trust. It maybe that if you can go long enough without trying that she will feel more relaxed and eventually find out that your lap feels nice and warm and move from the arm of the chair to it. As for allowing you to pick her up, she probably never will comfortable with that.

I don't try often, but only occasionally, because I do think she needs to be somewhat accustomed to being picked up and held for brief periods because there are times it might become necessary. But I certainly don't annoy her with it all the time, maybe once a month or so, and when she wants down (which is pretty much immediately), I let her down. And she's fine with being on my lap, she lays there every night while I'm reading or watching tv, and she's loving in every other way, which I'm very happy about. She's actually a very friendly cat, just doesn't like to be picked up or constrained in any way. And you're right that she'll probably never be comfortable with it, I just need to accept that. My reason for posting was just to see if anyone had any ideas as to something I might be able to do that would make her more accepting of it. Thanks for your input.

 

[Coolgram]

Blue hates being picked up as well but am trying an experiment by placing a treat on a chair or the couch and picking him up and placing him down right in front of the treat...doing the same with his food bowl...sneaking a bit of food in without him knowing (near impossible) picking him up and putting him down in front of the bowl...the wild struggles have stopped but still doesnt like it much but hoping a reward after being picked up might make him accept it more and more..

Using food as a motivator is a good idea, I think I might try that. Thanks!

 

[Juniper_Junebug]

Have you watched the Vancouver Vet's YouTube video on Squish That Cat? Number one, it's adorable because the vet is adorable. But also I try to keep that mantra in mind when I have to carry or restrain my kitty. Sure, it's not going to work on every cat; he demonstrates on an unusually placid cat. My kitty, while cuddly (she will crawl into my arms to be held on a daily basis), does not like to be picked up or restrained against her will. But just now, I had to carry her downstairs for safety reasons, and I noticed that by hugging her more securely (while supporting her backside), she tolerated it longer before starting to wiggle.

I do randomly pick her up every so often just so she is used to it and so getting picked up isn't always associated with being taken somewhere she doesn't like.

 

[Ellis75]

If she's food motivated, you might try clicker training her to tolerate being picked up. There are some good resources online that detail how to initiate clicker training, but it basically involves using a clicker or the click of a pen, quickly followed by a treat, to signal that the cat did something good. You start by "charging" the clicker, or just clicking it and then giving her a treat, to teach her that the click = good, and then you can move on to actually teaching her to do things.

I couldn't find any guides on specifically clicker training a cat to be picked up, so the steps might be a little fuzzy, but you could maybe start by teaching her that your hand on her side means a reward, slowly progress to using two hands, etc., especially if you have someone to help you. It might help to add a verbal cue that lets her know what you're about to do. It's important to go slow and make sure she's comfortable every step of the way.

It can help to use a yummy treat that she only gets during training and that's easy to break into pieces; I like to use freeze dried chicken for my cats. Some cats love clicker training, while others don't care for it, and you may never convince her that being picked up is worth it, even for food. But, it might be worth a shot if you haven't tried it. You can also teach her to give paw, high five, sit, etc. with the clicker.

 

[duncansmommy]

Have you watched the Vancouver Vet's YouTube video on Squish That Cat? Number one, it's adorable because the vet is adorable. But also I try to keep that mantra in mind when I have to carry or restrain my kitty. Sure, it's not going to work on every cat; he demonstrates on an unusually placid cat. My kitty, while cuddly (she will crawl into my arms to be held on a daily basis), does not like to be picked up or restrained against her will. But just now, I had to carry her downstairs for safety reasons, and I noticed that by hugging her more securely (while supporting her backside), she tolerated it longer before starting to wiggle.

I do randomly pick her up every so often just so she is used to it and so getting picked up isn't always associated with being taken somewhere she doesn't like.

Yes! That vet is adorable. I tried the Squish Hold with my squirmy no-hold cat and it didn't work. But I did find that if I put her high up on my shoulder and support her butt she will tolerate it longer. Still, I can pick her up long enough to get her into a pillow case, or roll her into a burrito in a towel, to get her to the vet.