My Beloved Ellie

[Ellie's Mom]

I always grew up with pets; dogs, cats and even horses. I gravitated toward cats at an early age since my sister chose to feed the dogs for her chores, I got the cats. My love of cats started at any early age. I would often be found laying on the patio, surrounded by the cats and singing songs to them using their names. We had many family pets throughout the years and subsequently lost many pets over the years. When I moved out of my parents’ home, my sister insisted I get cats of my own to keep me company. She found an ad on craigslist asking for a loving home to two friendly cats; I still have the email correspondence.

The cats were 3 and 4 years, who loved each other and the previous owner was asking that they stay together. They were absolutely adorable and I couldn’t resist. The cats were Ellie and Daphne. Daphne is a beautiful grey short hair with crisp green eyes and Ellie, part Siamese with a calico coat and the most amazingly beautiful blue eyes. My new girls were initially very shy, they cuddled together in their cat tree and only came down for food. I am somewhat of a homebody and we bonded quickly. They would sleep, eat and watch tv with me, I never felt lonely. I also never felt bad when I wasn’t home because they had each other and loved each other very much. Over the years, I moved into a bigger house, got married then divorced but my girls remained my constant, I called us the three amigas and whenever I was asked if I was afraid to live alone in a big house, my response was always, no, I’m not alone, I have my girls.


Ellie and Daphne have different personalities, Daphne was mischievous, a little wild and hyper but always very loving. Ellie was just sweet, shy and completely attached to me. While Daphne slept on the edge of the bed, Ellie had to spoon with me or at least be touching my body somehow. She also always had to be facing me, so whenever I turned over in bed, she would crawl over my body so that she was in my face. Ellie was the cat that waited for me to wake, she would follow me to the bathroom, wait outside the shower, follow me to the kitchen where she’d get some morning treats. She would stay with me in the kitchen while I got ready for work and many times she’d walk me to the door. When she would look at me longingly at the door, I would remind her that I must go to work to keep them accustomed to their lifestyle. All the while, Daphne stayed in bed in the mornings, she was more nocturnal than Ellie and active during the night while Ellie and I spooned. I spent many, many a weekend, months, years with my girls, I would tell people that I gave birth to Ellie, we definitely had a stronger bond. She was my soul pet! As much as I love Daphne, Ellie and I had an extra special bond. My then husband would seriously be jealous and argue that I loved Ellie more than him. And many a night when Ellie was on my chest, with her face in mine, purring her roaring purr. I would say, I don’t know what I am going to do when she dies, I’m going to die when Ellie dies.


As gentle as Ellie was, she loved to eat and was very chunky. She loved roasted chicken from Costco and whenever I brought home fast food or any food, she was there by my side enthusiastically trying to eat whatever I had. I would often let her have a few bites and we’d share. Her aggressive food behavior posed a bit of a problem because she would be food aggressive toward Daphne and always finish the food before Daphne had her share. Daphne was always on the thinner side. I put dry food out in a feeder and they would share a wet can each day. Well, Ellie would push Daphne aside and eat both servings. The wet food was really for Daphne because she would vomit hair balls and their old vet told me to incorporate wet food daily in their diet. For the most part, this wasn’t a problem, but earlier this spring, I was opening almost 3-4 cans a day to satisfy Ellie’s and Daphne’s appetite in addition to their constant dry food. Then I came up with the idea to let Daphne eat first and spend, “mother/daughter time” with Ellie in the bedroom. This was so Daphne could get enough food in and Ellie could eat the rest. Ellie didn't like it but I sincerely thought this was for the better so that Daphne can eat some of the wet food. This went on for a few months and I thought this was solving the problem of over feeding.


But one day I noticed Ellie showing an aversion to food, she was always eager to eat but I noticed the dry food was lasting longer and when I put a can out, she’d sniff and turn away or just take a bite or two. My aunt was in town to visit and I was cleaning up the house and I just noticed something different about Ellie, it seemed like out of no where she was thin and not as active. For two days I perseverated on Ellie’s odd behavior and on the late afternoon of June 16th , I found a local vet that had late hours. I took her in and we waited almost 3 hours. I had noticed some jaundice/yellowing in her skin, but I thought I was imagining it. When the vet first saw her, he noticed it right away. Without hesitation, he said I had 3 options, go to specialists and pay $10,000 or more for biopsy/treatment, put her down, or let him treat her for a couple thousand, I was hysterical and in tears and was not expecting this diagnosis. I was skeptical of this vet because he brought up money right away… in retrospect, I feel he took advantage of my emotional state. I didn’t have a regular vet because I was relatively new to the area and hadn’t a need to take my cats to the vet. I relied on yelp. We started with blood work and an ultra sound, I feel like I aged and time went slowly. The blood work panel showed everything was normal except her liver enzymes, he said in his 30 years he’s never seen such high numbers and said he was surprised she was alive and also stated that had I not brought her in that night, she would have died the next day. I was hysterical. He did the ultrasound and diagnosed her with fatty liver disease. He recommended an overnight stay with the IV and an e-tube for forced feedings. After I signed a commitment for up to $4,500, he informs me that he’s not really sure, this is his guess and that he recommends I go to a specialist. I argued with him, how if he’s been seeing cats for 30 years, why is so unsure about his diagnosis, again he repeated that I see a specialist. Basically, any time I questioned him, he would refer to a specialist for a biopsy. I had now been at the vet for almost 7 hours, and Ellie was going to stay overnight with an IV and he would insert her e-tube later that night and he would call me about 2am when it was completed. I drove home devastated, inconsolable and researched everything I could about FLD. He called to tell me the tube was in, she did great and is on her IV and that I can pick her up the next evening.

 

[Ellie's Mom]

After a small sense of relief, I spent the whole night researching FLD. Most information says cats who have this are 80% treatable and everyone recommended the e-tube. I just started my summer break and dedicated the next 10 weeks to Ellie, I never left my house for more than 4 hours at a time so I can be home to administered her medication and food. At first it was intimidating. I hated seeing my beautiful Ellie with a bandage around her neck with the big tube sticking out and her forearm shaved from the IV. Her personality changed. She didn’t want Daphne to be near her and she avoided me. I felt so guilty and so lost. For about a week after her surgery, she was distant and hid all day. I was always worried about her and never got a good night’s sleep. I had a flashlight by my bed and would wander the house looking for her each night when she wasn’t in bed with me. I started to learn her favorite hiding places. The vet would remind me that she’s very ill and doesn’t feel well and that I need to just feed her and let her rest. Weeks or so after the initial surgery, she started showing some of her typical behaviors but they were few and far between. She’d have a good day then two bad days. I religiously took her to the vet bi-weekly for her checkups and bandage change. Each visit would be upwards of $150 but I didn’t care, I was committed to curing my Ellie. During this time the vet only prescribed Reglan and Famotidine. I had to break up the pills with a hammer, inject in her tube, wait 30 minutes, water then food with the water flush. It was a chore to do this 4 times a day and there were times I was tired and frustrated because I wasn’t seeing any improvement. Ellie would vomit from the tube feedings maybe 2-3 times in each two week span. I kept reading that the vomiting is normal and to just keep doing the force feeding. She looked sad but never fought me with her feedings. While I would feed her, I would tell her she’s going to give me 8 more years. She fought so hard, she wanted to be herself always but I know she was in pain. She would show little glimmers of the old Ellie, but much of the time she looked uncomfortable. Since the first surgery, she would pee on the carpet and on my bed, sometimes I don’t think she realized she was doing it. One evening I was getting ready for bed and turned the covers, the bed was saturated! I had to throw away the mattress topper and mattress pad since it soaked through. I soaked the sheets in vinegar and ammonia and did a double wash. I also had carpet in my bedroom and living room and by the end of summer, the carpet smelled so bad. I put out 3 litter boxes for use too. I was never mad at Ellie for peeing or vomiting, I was upset and frustrated that she had to go through this, that I had to go through this with her. It seemed like this all came overnight! And I was in this nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.


I kept reading how cats are masters of hiding their pain. I cried daily and hardly slept. This went on through the whole summer then I had to go back to work. I literally did nothing but take care of Ellie for 10 weeks. Although I cherished the time we spent together, she never seemed very comfortable. She’d move a lot, re-adjust and she would move so slowly! Every movement seemed like a whole lot of effort. She would walk a few steps then stop. Since that initial surgery, I don’t think I ever saw her move at her normal pace. However, I remained optimistic, kept reading online articles about other people’s cat stories with FLD. Throughout the whole summer, when people asked me to go out or go to parties, it all depended on Ellie and in the end I would decline because I knew I wouldn’t enjoy myself.


The summer was over and it was back to work. When asked about my summer, I replied, ‘I saved my cats life’ At this point I would only be able to get 3 feedings in per day. Which was stressful to me. I would rarely catch her eating on her own and when she did, it was 1-2 bites. I was so sad and frustrated because she wanted to eat but couldn’t. I can only assume she was eating a bit on her own when I was at work because when I would tube feed her after work, she’d vomit. This was becoming so frustrating. Each vet visit was the same, “keep doing what you’re doing” she was barely maintaining not improving. Her weight was dropping each week. From her initial visit through 10 weeks, she only lost .5 lb but when I went back to work, she lost .5lb in 2 weeks. When I took her in for a routine checkup on September 5th, immediately the vet said she needs an IV ASAP. I didn’t notice that great of a decline and was in shock! I don’t think the vet ever really listened to me and my concerns each week and this was frustrating. Now, I was never really happy with this vet, but I kept reminding myself of his 30 years of service in the same location, amazing yelp reviews and the lobby was ALWAYS packed with patients waiting to see him. So I ignored my instincts and continued seeing him. I’m mad at myself because now I wish I would have taken her elsewhere. But the other local vets had lots of bad reviews. I was torn each week but trusted the vet anyway. He had been seeing her all summer….


But back to that routine checkup which turned into a two night stay with an IV. The vet made me believe he would need to put her down. Again, another hysterical night but this time it was worse! He didn’t call me like he said he would, I called in sick to work and didn’t sleep a wink! He said he was going to do another ultra sound that I don’t think he ever did because when it came time to billing, he said he wouldn’t charge for it. I questioned him about the ultra sound and he looked me dead in the eyes and said he did it! To this day I don’t believe him!!! I called first thing in the morning and all they could tell me was that she was still alive on her IV and the vet wouldn’t be in until 4pm, it was 9am. I insisted I go there to be with her and they let me in a room with her while she was attached to her IV. I laid on the cold cement floor with her for hours. I was so tired. About noon I left and said I would be back later. They told me to come back at 9pm so that she could have a full 24 hours on the IV. I obliged. When I went back in, the vet was nonchalant and said she’s fine and he thinks it was just an infection. WHAT!?!?!? Does he know the torture I experienced during that 24 hour period?! He then proceeds to tell me that he doesn’t think she's ever had fatty liver disease, her liver is hard and that she’ll never be 100% and that there is something wrong with her but that I should go see a specialist. This is after he treated her for 3 months and bi-weekly visits! Saying I was upset, frustrated is an understatement!!! So now what?!? I’m $3,000 in treatment at this point and he’s telling me to get a biopsy for thousands more. Ellie is losing weight and she appears sicker than ever. Her vomiting had increased (I started to notice the dreaded foam) and I wasn’t seeing improvement, just gradual decline. I told the vet if I could I would spend $20,000 on her but I can’t and his response was, “I know you would, I love patients like you” WHAT!??!?! He convinces me to keep her there another night on the IV because she responded so well to it. He also said they were tube feeding her the Science Diet A/C but I don’t believe him because nothing was ever recorded in her charts and I wasn’t billed for it. I agree to another day not knowing what to do. I was looking at this dishonest vet and putting my cats life in his hands, and he didn’t even care.

 

[Ellie's Mom]

I went home and cried. I talked to my family and found this forum, I read countless stories of people with their own journey and the gut wrenching dilemma to continue treatment or take the pain away. I was a mess and super emotional. On that second day, I picked her up and demanded he remove all her tubes, including the feeding one. I now put her life in God’s will. Neither of us could go on like this. It was the worst week of my life and I’ve had some other traumatic things happen in my life before. The worst part in all this is that the vet was unaccommodating, yelled at me because I was early to pick her up, he was a monster! But of course they got their money before they gave her to me. This was Thursday night, Sep 7th. I brought Ellie home and because of the two day IV, she seemed ‘revived’ a bit. She groomed herself and seemed a little happy she didn’t have that bandage around her neck for the first time in 3 months. She showed some appetite and I had all her favorite treats. I had to work on Friday and when I came home, she seemed ok. I devoted all day Saturday to her, bought her a Costco chicken and she ate a lot of it! She was eating her wet food/dry food. Her movement was still slow and she couldn’t walk but only 3-4 steps before she hunched. Ellie used to love to sunbathe at the backdoor so I had it open for her all day Saturday (she didn’t sunbath much over the summer either which was disheartening) She only went near it once and sat for few minutes before retreating to another room. Despite this I was optimistic, she had eaten so much! But then everything changed…..I woke early Sunday morning about 3am to the sound of her vomiting, EVERYTHING, it was bloody vomit and a lot of it. I was mortified. I always remained calm when she vomited. I know she hated it. She was always a lady. I tried comforting her but she avoided me. I picked it up and just watched her decline in front of my eyes. A few hours later I heard her at the liter box, it smelled so bad. When I check on her stools, it was pure bloody and tar-like. I cried and cried while I cleaned her behind since it got stuck on her fur and she didn’t have the strength to clean it herself. I spent all day lounging with her, following her brief moments throughout the house. She couldn’t get comfortable. I read this forum for hours while trying to feed her, warm up food, at some point I tried to force the food down her throat and noticed how yellow her mouth was. I took a bunch of photos with her and cried to her that she can stop fighting for me. I know she didn’t want to let me down. I know my presence gave her strength but now that I was back at work, her body couldn’t keep up the fight. I was regretting taking the tube out but this wasn’t a quality of life for either of us, I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in months and frankly, neither had she.


My parents came by for a visit and she showed some interest but then retreated under the chair, hunched in pain. I cried and cried. My mom wanted me to make a final appointment for her and I just couldn’t do it. My mom had to take one of her cats in earlier this year and told me the process, I got upset because I didn’t want to hear it. I told her I would be ready Tuesday afternoon, but I knew on Tuesday afternoon I would say Friday then next week. My parents left and Ellie started dry-heaving foam, she was getting worse and worse by the minute. I called my mom at 10pm and told her I would call in sick to work to take her first thing in the morning, my mom convinced me and offered to go with me right then and there. I looked for the closest 24 hour clinic and called. I couldn’t bear seeing my baby like this. I did it all summer and as much as I didn’t want to do it, I agreed to free her from her pain and take it on myself.


My mom carried her in her plush bed and she barely lifted her head in the car. When I placed the bed on the table at the vet, she barely looked around. She stayed curled up in a ball and avoided eye contact with me. A range of emotions was going through me, I kept reminding myself of the pain she’s in and that I would be selfish to keep her alive at this point. I won’t go into the entire process but after that final injection, she only took one more breath and was asleep. She looked peaceful, curled up in her bed, finally able to rest. It’s been two weeks and a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t cried at least 3 times. I have soooooo many regrets! I would do it all over again and then some just to see her beautiful face again and hear her purr on my chest, or lick my face, hands and arms at night. She detached from Daphne all summer, Daphne would try to check on her and Ellie would ignore her or move away. Daphne didn’t sleep with us much either, she slept in another room. When I came back that night without Ellie, Daphne could sense I was sad. I took a long shower and she waited outside the door for me, something only Ellie did. When I got into bed, I was exhausted from crying the past 5 days, I was in agony, my heart hurt. It still hurts, there’s a hole. I think Daphne is starting to accept Ellie isn’t coming home, we cry together. Daphne will stream a tear and I wipe it away. She’s lived her whole life with Ellie and now it’s just her. Daphne although always loving is more affectionate than ever! It’s comforting but doesn’t replace Ellie. The house actually feels empty without Ellie here, for the first time I’m lonely.


I never mentioned the two stray cats I’ve taken care of for the past 5 years, Julio and Pedro. Two weeks after Ellie’s surgery, Julio was found in the backyard beaten up from another animal, possibly a possum but then I read a local paper about coyotes on the loose but have never seen one. And Pedro is sick too! I think he had heat exhaustion during a heat wave which he recovered from, he’s lost a lot of weight but still has his appetite. He’s eating Ellie’s prescription A/D food, two cans a day!


Ellie and Daphne came into my life in early 2010, Ellie was only 10 years old. I’m gutted, depressed and have lost my joie de vivre. This is the most devastated I’ve ever been. My sister made a comment that she doesn’t think I’ve ever loved anyone (animal or human) as much as I do Ellie. As I write this, her ashes are ready to be picked up. I bought a beautiful urn that will be in my bedroom. I haven’t laughed or smiled and everyone at work notices the pain in my eyes. The school year just started and there’s so much to do. I get busy at work and the minute there’s a lull I start crying. It’s comforting to read others’ stories, journey and love for their cats. It helped me through the process of taking my beloved Ellie’s pain away. I just want my pain to go away as well. It’s been two weeks, and it’s hard because I feel I can’t talk about it anymore without other’s thinking I’m weird. I’m using this forum as an outlet for comfort and hopefully my story will give someone else strength. I miss my Ellie tremendously.

 

[Mia6]

I am so very sorry about your Ellie. It takes time to grieve. She was very beautiful!!
A lot of here have lost our babies so you will find strength.

Hugs,

Mia

 

[di and bob]

Your tribute is absolutely heartbreaking in that your pain and anguish pours from every sentence. I know, because I was there five years ago with my Chrissy. My Burt died two days ago, and although heartbreaking, he was seventeen and in pain, I'm happy he is at peace. My husband can't understand how I can be at peace with him being gone, and I reply "there comes a time in every life that life ceases to be, when living turns to eternal pain and life is existing instead of living, that is when it is time. I could see it in my precious Burt's eyes, I'm sure you could see it in Ellie's.
There comes that special one, that soulmate, once in a lifetime. Sweet Ellie was yours. I felt the same way as you, gutted and that life would never be enjoyable again. I couldn't find any joy in the things that used to bring me pleasure, I cried until I was sick.... at work, at night, when I was driving down the road, now as I reach out to you. I think everything started turning around when I started to actually reach out, when I realized that I can never change the past, that there were others who depended on me and it was not fair to them that I dwelled in the past and was so full of anger and grieving. Daphne is hurting too, Julio and Pedro need you back. Your Ellie would never want you to be so sad because of her, she loves you too much. That is what love is. You have a bond with her that was forged from the joining of your souls. It is spiritual so eternal, it can NEVER be taken from you.
You can have many loves, you can bring others into your heart as a mother that has many children loves each and every one in a unique and special way. Don't dwell on the end, I know that is almost impossible to do, and it has to happen to some degree to get you on the path to healing, but keep your mind, and hands, busy. Focus on those who are here to love you, you already have Ellie's and she is secure in your love and in your heart. You have to take care of yourself to help your heart heal. For me it was the local animal shelter and all those sweet little ones there that so desperately needed someone to love. I still go there several times a year and pay for the adoption of the cat that has been there the longest to give them a chance, and I do it in my Chrissy's name to honor the love she gave me. They put up a little plaque that says "Chrissy paid for my adoption, please let me love you". You have already paid so much I know this most likely isn't possible right now, but give yourself, your time, to Daphne and those who need, you, you need to feel better about yourself and the world.
You shared your life for ten years with that little girl, her new journey will always parallel yours. Concentrate on what she gave you, what she brought to that life, to never have known her at all would be unthinkable.
I can tell you that it does get better, I truly thought my world had ended. but life goes on. Ellie is one of the best parts of your past, and now you are in the present and must make the future a place you want to be, not just exist as you have already been through. Time is the only thing that helps. You will have relapses, we all do, it truly is 'one day at a time' right now. Time will help to soften the sharp edges of grief. Start thinking of the things you do have, not on what you lost. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, don't waste one precious moment on anger and on things that you can never change. Ellie will always be with you, because that is what love is, it doesn't end when the physical body dies, it goes on in the hearts of those who hold it.
I cry for your pain because I have been there, I am there now with my Burt. But I look at what brings joy into my life, the scent of a rose, the stars on a quiet night, and I feel their love surround me, bringing me comfort, and I know I can go on, because that is what they want me to do, it is what I would want for them if I was to be the first to go.Surround yourself with your precious memories of happier times, and let Ellie's love surround you and bring peace to your troubled heart. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, I'll cry for the loss to your world. May the good Lord bless and keep her until you meet again.......RIP precious Ellie, you are so very loved and will be forever missed. You will be eternally held in a loving heart, go in peace little girl, and send your love to the one who grieves so much.Sleep tight, little Princess!

 

[Antonio65]

I have read your three posts avidly, like I was reading a book.
Though I knew what the ending was, I was cliffhanging at each of your words and it seemed to me I was reliving my last months with my Lola.
You did love her so much, you forsook yourself out of love for her, just as I did.
Such a dedication to a cat is rarely seen and out of reach for many people. Also, not everyone would understand your love for Ellie, a love so strong that broke your breath.
And it broke your heart too.
The pain you're feeling is devastating, I know that for sure.
In the following weeks it might be smoother but it could flare up again.
My Lola left me almost 6 months ago, I had spent months at her side to help her. I didn't go out unless for working, I used to sleep only 4 or 5 hours each night, I spent a fortune and wasted myself away for the sake of her. I would do everything over and over again, probably I would try to do everything better.
After 6 months I am still crying and this last week has been dreadful for me.
Like you did for Ellie, I loved Lola more than I loved anybody else.
This is our pride and our fault. Having lost the love of our life makes us feel empty and it seems that the world is meaningless. Nothing could brighten us up again. I do love my wife and I do love my other cat, but nothing compares to what was before and nothing will ever be the same.
A kiss to your beautiful Ellie, a big hug to you.

 

[Ellie's Mom]

Thank you all for taking time to read this. I apologize for being so long-winded... and this was me trying to be concise. After re-reading my entry, I realized I used 'frustrated' a lot, my frustration wasn't the angry type, it was fueled by hopelessness and despair. Each week I hoped for improvement but was met with gradual decline. And as far as my philosophy on money.... money comes and goes, that was not a factor however, I kept telling the vet, I don't just want to 'keep her alive' I want to heal her and make her better. If what I am doing is not working, please tell me. And at the end, I felt he viewed me as someone willing to pay just to keep my cat alive. Ellie was not having a quality of life that she deserved! And that is what pained me. Yes, I could have spend thousands more, but just to see her hunched in the corner and come out and give me a few kisses then retreat. That's not fair to her and I couldn't be selfish any longer as much as it tormented me to make that final decision.
I picked up her ashes after posting these entries. This vet was much further from my house and I cried all the way there and back.
Again, Thank you all for your comforting words, you are all angels on earth helping me through this experience and i can't express enough gratitude for your thoughts and prayers.

 

[Shane Kent]

No need to apologize for being long-winded. Many if not most of us on this site can relate to your loss and I think it is good you get it all out.

After living with them for 15 & 1/2 and 16 years my two little boys Kane and Zaren passed away. It was incredibly heart breaking and it left me with two huge holes in my heart. That was several years ago and I have since plugged those holes with 4 equally beautiful cats. It is so nice to have them greet me at the door when I get home, I missed that a lot after Kane and Zaren passed.

I think your loss was enough, having to share it with a horrible vet is over the top. I can't believe some of the stuff you wrote about the vet, how incredibly cold.

"It’s been two weeks, and it’s hard because I feel I can’t talk about it anymore without other’s thinking I’m weird."

I am a 47 year old man and it would take me longer than two weeks to get over the loss of a loved one, you are in no way weird.

Sorry for your loss and that you had to experience it with that vet.

 

[les26]

So sorry to hear about the loss of your precious kitty, you went above and beyond taking good care of her, have no regrets, she loved you and you her, no matter if we spend a billion dollars on them when their time to go is up they must go, but they are not gone, they are in the next life, happy and healthy, waiting patiently to see us again someday, and what a joyous reunion that day will be! You did very good taking care of her, I am sorry that you had to endure so much though.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[Mr i need help asap]

So sorry for ur lose r.i.p ellie she fought hard for you God bless thank you for sharing ur story good vet is hard come by im starting think i had put my cat down still feeling guilty still miss her laying on me and purring how i miss that soo much never forget those days .people think im crazy maybe we are maybe were not if love is crazy so be it call us crazy i dont think they understand the attachment we get then one day it all gone very sad i hope there really is rainbow bridge and we see our friends once agin this time will be tears of joy i hope till then i try not think about it so much so i dont cry also stop crying my self to sleep i dont think our little furballls companions would want us to cry i reamber last day i was crying she was licking my tears up i think that point we was both crying she was crying because pain or seeing me cry all i no this very hard to take in im glade we can all come on this site and vent and talk about things with out people judge us thank you

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Ellie, dream you deep. You walk in your mama's heart forever.

There are no words to make it easier, but someday, one day, remember this...Love NEVER dies. It only changes form. Ellie was, and STILL IS, a beautiful cat. Although her physical being is no longer there, her love for you, and yours for her, live on, the bond unbroken. I weep with you.

 

[zed xyzed]

your story about Ellie completely broke my heart. There is a very touching post that has helped many at this difficult time

When the moment comes...

I am so sorry and grieve with you

 

[Ellie's Mom]

Hi everyone,
I wanted to thank you all for all your kind, loving and supportive words. It's been 1 month and 2 days since my Ellie has crossed the rainbow bridge. Daphne (her sister) and I are learning to live with the hole in our hearts. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of my Ellie but I am beginning to feel peace about my role in her life and vice versa. For those who are recently experiencing the loss of a beloved pet, it gets easier each day. My love still runs deep and always will, I'm just learning to live and work through my grief.
I never thought I would, but I am adopting another cat, mostly for Daphne (she's extremely depressed and lonely and again I find myself staying home an abnormal amount just to keep her company.) I found a beautiful 3 year old male and he's coming over on Saturday with his foster mom for a meet and greet. I am hoping for a match! I am mostly excited for Daphne to have a new friend. She is so playful and friendly and it breaks my heart that she's lonely during the day.
Also, Pedro is still alive and well outside. He has two new friends that he shares his food with.... not quite sure how I feel about that but there will always be food in my backyard for the neighborhood cats.

 

[Shane Kent]

I wish all the best to you, Daphne, the new comer, Pedro and his two new friends.

 

[Kitty Mommy]

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a traumatic thing for you and little Ellie and to have such a cold and uncaring vet is just awful. I am so sorry you and Ellie had to go through that. She was a very beautiful cat. You took such good care of her and tried so hard to save her. I wish it could have turned out differently. I am glad you have Daphne and Pedro and a new kitty to love. Sending you purrs.

 

[Ellie's Mom]

Hi everyone, just wanted to give an update. The first cat I was interested in adopting never did the home visit. The foster mom emailed me late the night before and told me someone else was in line and adopted her first. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Subsequently I've shown interest in other cats but still no adoption. Daphne and I are learning each day to handle our grief. Friday will be two months and it still feels like yesterday. I still cry often and when Daphne and I are cuddling, I see the pain in her eyes and I feel my pain. We miss Ellie so much!!! At times I second guess the adoption, I feel like I am trying to 'replace' Ellie but I know no other cat can. I want to channel my pain into love for another cat and to give a companion to Daphne. I haven't been able to leave Daphne for longer than my work day. And if I do have evening plans, I come home for a few hours to spend time with her.
Pedro is not doing well, he is hanging on but seems to be getting weaker, not sure he'll make it to the end of the year.

Thank you to everyone who shares their story, it's still so comforting to read about the love everyone has for their cats. It's comforting to know that I am not alone.