My beloved cat died and I am devastated....

[DeeG]

I am totally broken…I am in pieces. I can't eat, I can’t sleep, I can't work, I will probably get fired if things don't change soon.. I am just broken.

She was a rescue, found her in an old abandoned farm three years ago. A little wild, with attitude but scared, beautiful creature.

Got her with me in the car straight to the Vet. She was pregnant.

Took her home. A month later she got her babies in a box we set up for her on our sofa. Witnessing everything, the birth of two beautiful kittens.

We kept them. She was the best mom in the world. learned so much from her.

This cat was so special, really, really special! I somehow got that connection with her, it happens only once in a lifetime I think. I deeply loved all the animals I shared my life with so far, but this cat... it was a different, very strong connection.

I had cats before, dogs, horses....but this one was something really special.

I was singing to her, she was walking with me, staring at me sometimes, she was different, there was something there... I felt love, pure, unconditional love.

She got sick three days ago. Was Sunday, no Vets where I live.

It wasn't very bad, she looked ok, just not great of appetite but nothing major.

I thought we go to the Vet first thing Monday morning.

Then Sunday evening she went out about 8.00pm, looked at me for a while and just went outside, sat outside still looking through the window door, and then just left. It was strange, and I kind of felt something but wasn't sure what it is...

She normally comes back in an hour or so, since I got her she never missed a night, but this time she didn't come back.

I started panicking, went looking for her at around 10pm. We live in a rural area and have a shed in the woods, but we also have a very secure large garden, and she loved the garden.

I spent the night looking for her, I spent Monday all day looking for her. I spent all day Tuesday looking for her.

I was calling her name, almost shouting, crying. Never found her!

I am wondering...did she just leave me to die on her own?

I know she loved me and she would never run away, she would never do that.

Her two kittens (a girl and a boy) still with me. Love them to death…..but she not being around is killing me. The feeling is way too strong.

I haven't eaten since the evening she disappeared. No sleep whatsoever, no work, not able to focus…..I am just so sad, it takes me by storm! Never felt like this before.

I lost both my parents, lost some close to me people, but this cat, I have never felt anything like this before.

I just don't know what to do. I am afraid to look at her pictures but will post one here in her memory.

The hour of "sleep" I got last night, was me dreaming she is coming back, woke up and cried and cried and cried.
I just want to see her again, just one more time, just 5 min and she can go if she wants to.

Deep inside, I know she is gone, I can feel it.

It hurts, just the thought her lifeless body is somewhere there and I couldn't find it, just to keep her in my hands one more time.
I am totally lost.

How do I let go, I cannot continue to feel like this. ..
Lord, I love her so much!


RIP My Beloved Jessie! You such a beautiful soul...

 

[Laura M]

I'm so sorry to read about your beautiful Jessie ,my prayers are with you, I'm sure she knew you loved her so much, you have two fur babies from her you will always be remembered by she's is a beautiful Cat, after reading your story about your fur baby I felt your pain right away I came across this website only because I was searching and looking for answers about my
How should you move a cat to another house, My cat Elsa and Princess, Elsa is Princesses Mom, They both been gone for 24 hours now, we have been at our new house for two weeks now, I kept them in for a week, and slowing they both went out in the garage and then outside then they came inside and went out, I thought okay they are getting use to it, well last night I was looking for them and this morninmeand no where's to be found, I'm sadden I cried driving to work, I'm so scare for them both and praying they will return home, my husband is looking for them now, so I feel your pain for your beautiful cat.....I will be keeping you in my prayers and hopefully each day will get better.

 

[golondrina]

I feel for you DeeG, I know how you feel. If I understand it rightly Jessie hasn't come back from her usual night outing and you are convinced she has died. Uncertainty is a terrible situation. Have you tried to look for her during daytime?
Can't you post the situation in a local newspaper or magazine? Someone could have taken her if she had been involved in an accident. Don't give up yet.
Please keep in touch.

 

[golondrina]

L Laura M
TCS Member
Kitten
JoinedNov 11, 2020Messages1Reaction score0
I'm so sorry to read about your beautiful Jessie ,my prayers are with you, I'm sure she knew you loved her so much, you have two fur babies from her you will always be remembered by she's is a beautiful Cat, after reading your story about your fur baby I felt your pain right away I came across this website only because I was searching and looking for answers about my
How should you move a cat to another house, My cat Elsa and Princess, Elsa is Princesses Mom, They both been gone for 24 hours now, we have been at our new house for two weeks now, I kept them in for a week, and slowing they both went out in the garage and then outside then they came inside and went out, I thought okay they are getting use to it, well last night I was looking for them and this morninmeand no where's to be found, I'm sadden I cried driving to work, I'm so scare for them both and praying they will return home, my husband is looking for them now, so I feel your pain for your beautiful cat.....I will be keeping you in my prayers and hopefully each day will get better.

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Hello Laura, I saw your message after posting my reply to DeeG. Hopefully your cats will come back and/or your husband will soon find them. It would be unusual for two cats to lose their way together. Do you live in a big city or a small town?
It would be better if you would start your own thread for TCS reply to your posts individually.
I wish you a happy outcome for this worrying situation. Please keep in touch.

 

[CatladyJan]

I’m praying for you and her. Don’t give up hope yet. She may just be hurt and needs you to find her. I’m so sorry for what you are going through

 

[DeeG]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support.
We are surrounded by woods and the nearest village is a mile away.
We moved here eight months ago, thought it was a perfect spot for cats, away from the dangerous roads, but never really considered the wilderness of the woods.
Jessie loved it here, she really enjoyed the garden. We had such beautiful moments here.
She wasn't well Sunday and I think she just lost it, or a fox passed by, our garden is very secure but she can always go out if she really wants.
Was to the local vet today, also post notes on the community board but no much hope left.

It's been 72 hours since she is missing. By now she would be home if she could. Since we found each other we have been together every single day and night. She never missed a night, she was always home. Waiting for me to go to bed and jump on top for a long, long cuddle, slept next to me every night.

She never liked the rain and was the first to get home when started raining, it's pouring outside for the last few days.

Looking for her in the forest is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I just hope her end wasn't painful, and also hope she is in a better place now.


It is very hard. I miss her so much. Grief just grabbed me by the throat like never before!


Thank you again for your support.

 

[DeeG]

I'm so sorry to read about your beautiful Jessie ,my prayers are with you, I'm sure she knew you loved her so much, you have two fur babies from her you will always be remembered by she's is a beautiful Cat, after reading your story about your fur baby I felt your pain right away I came across this website only because I was searching and looking for answers about my
How should you move a cat to another house, My cat Elsa and Princess, Elsa is Princesses Mom, They both been gone for 24 hours now, we have been at our new house for two weeks now, I kept them in for a week, and slowing they both went out in the garage and then outside then they came inside and went out, I thought okay they are getting use to it, well last night I was looking for them and this morninmeand no where's to be found, I'm sadden I cried driving to work, I'm so scare for them both and praying they will return home, my husband is looking for them now, so I feel your pain for your beautiful cat.....I will be keeping you in my prayers and hopefully each day will get better.

Hi Laura,

Thank you for your kind words.

I know how you feel, I am just going through that hell.
Just keep looking and keep saying they will be fine. Be positive. There is always hope.

I think they will back home very soon.

Please keep us posted.

Best,
Diana

 

[Grayson’s Mummy Julia]

I am praying for you both. Could she be trapped in somewhere? Have u tried calling her name and then stopping and listening?
My cat Thomas once got trapped in somewhere and returned 4 days later covered in dust.
He was all black so I could tell he’d been shut in somewhere.
Please don’t give up hope yet.
Sending the biggest hugs and positive energy your way

 

[DeeG]

Thank you so much for the kind words! It means a lot!

I think I now moved into the bargaining stage, or whatever name people give to this feeling.

I should have put her in the car and drive 60 miles to the nearest big city with emergency Vets available on Sunday. Why I decided to wait till Monday for our local Vet.

I should have kept her inside that evening. Why I didn't see she was saying Goodbye, she was looking at me through the window door. I looked back at her, doing our usual eye blink. She was saying Goodbye....why I didn't see it.

There will always be regrets. No matter how much time you had, you’ll always want more.

My husband is great support, he loved her very much. Seeing him crying like a baby made me even more depressed.



I still can't eat. Called at work and told them I can't come, I am sick, don't care, can't think of work, can't think of anything but my Jessie. I see her in every corner of the house. Can hear her walking up the stairs, jumping on top of the keyboard, sending emails accidentally. It happened a couple of times when she wanted me off and away of this big-screen I was looking at for so many hours...

Got a few hours of sleep last night, but it was difficult. She was the one waiting for us to go to bed and jump on top for a long, long cuddle, sleeping on top of me or between us every night.

I know the unbearable pain I feel now will fade with time. It hurts, it really does, but eventually, it will go away. But one thing for sure.... I will never be the same.

I want to meet her again. I know I will, in some other form maybe. Could be another cat.... I will recognise her immediately. A gentle and a sweet, innocent soul can come from any place, any background.

I think it was meant to meet her. I had to experience this pure, unconditional, deep love. I know, some people will say, it was just a CAT...but for me, it was way more than that.

I can't explain it. I have never felt that way before. Her existence made me feel happy. A cat made me feel very, very happy!

I don't know if I will ever be able to love another animal the same way as I love her. Her two babies are gorgeous, and I do love them, they are part of her.... but she was the one, the cat that made one human being very happy!

She was unique! We will meet again. I will find you Jessie.....you such a beautiful, gentle soul.

 

[Norachan]

D DeeG When cats are sick they tend to hide themselves away in tiny places where no one will bother them. Have you checked sheds, barns, garages, wood piles, under parked vehicles, under verandas or porches, under tarps tied over machinery or boats?

I don't know if she's gone or not, but I would carry on looking for her. Even finding her body would give you some peace. I'll keep hoping that you find her and have some good news.

 

[di and bob]

My heart goes out to you, I hope you find some peace eventually, the not knowing is the worst. She most likely knew her time was near, she didn't want to cause you any more pain than she had to so she chose to hide away. The bond you have with your little soulmate will forever be with you she will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Try to concentrate on her life rather than her disappearance, I know it is impossible right now, but her life is so much more important. In a few weeks. or when you find out something, please come back and post a tribute to that beautiful little girl, in the meantime I will pray for her safe return.......bless you for loving her so much!

 

[di and bob]

Dear L Laura M , you will find much more help if you post your own thread under forums, and Cat SOS. after a move it is wiser to keep cats in for at least 4 weeks to try to help them get more settled. I have a feeling they wandered off looking for their old home, so please extend your search further and further out. They may have been chased by a dog too far out to find their way back too. Put posters with their pictures up in as many places as you can, make sure you contact the local shelters for any sightings and knock on neighbors' doors. a good way too is to get on those buy and sell local sites on Facebook, many people can be contacted that way. I'll pray for your little one's safe return....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am sending prayers your way, D DeeG , many of them. That, should she still be in This Adventure, she will return, and that should she have left for her Next Great Adventure, you will find some "closure" (although I'm not sure what that even means...there is no real "closure" after loss, only endurance), and for your own heart to heal. I cannot even say "rest you gentle, dream you deep" yet...that, in my heart, is the final "goodbye," and I so pray that this is not it. So I will wait awhile before I do that.

 

[Norachan]

although I'm not sure what that even means...there is no real "closure" after loss, only endurance

Having had some disappear never to return and some die in my arms I have to say it's far better to know the worst than to imagine what might have happened.

 

[DeeG]

Hello kind people,

I am so grateful for the kind words. It really means a lot.

I think I got to the point of total emotional shock.
I am trying to understand why it hit me so badly, why I love her so much....is this because there is something missing in my life, something I am not aware of.... was she the one filling that spiritual hole...

I always considered myself a happy person. Very happy with my family, job, life in general...
I went through some ups and downs but always seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember now when I first met Jessie. She was hiding in a haystack in an abandoned shed, it was very, very cold.
Her eyes, her beautiful green eyes, looking at me, observing.... little bit insecure but ready to fight or run if she has to.
She got me this same moment, her eyes, this intense staring..... she wanted to trust me, but at the same time, she was so insecure about people, as I think she has seen some really bad examples of the kind.

It took me about five minutes and she was down from the haystack into my hands. I could feel her heartbeat, she was skin and bones, and I was sure she is with some form of respiratory infection.

Told her..." I got you. You are gonna be ok now. I am taking you home with me."

I told she was a kitten, she was soooo tiny, just bones and eyes....
Asked the people who own the farm if they know anything about her.

The man said... "oh yeah, that's the cat messing up with my dog's food. Don't know her, but my son called her Jessie. The neighbours found her almost dead down at the ditch and brought it here... she is ok, she can hang around, rats are all over the place, but she not allowed anywhere near the house. "

Then he just added... " Gosh, I told she didn't make it, my doggo ( a Great Dane) got her last time, and I thought...well, that's gonna be the end of that cat."

I didn't say a word. The feeling I am just about to crush his own neck become very strong, and I had to leave very quickly.
The Vet said she is about 2 or 3 years old and she had a couple of pregnancies, and she is now pregnant again!

This was the beginning of our journey. Me and Jessie. We just found each other.....it was beautiful.
I gave her everything you could possibly give to a cat.
In return, I got love in its purest form!


Just bought the finest white climbing rose I could possibly find online.... will plant it in the garden, next by the stone wall (her favourite spot in the sun).....this will be my way to say, Goodbye Jessie!


Thank you again for the kind words and support. What a great website......

 

[angel]

so sorry for your loss

 

[DeeG]

hello everyone....

I FOUND HER, I FOUND HER!

I just want to update you all. the last 24 hours, its been hell and paradise and then hell again...

I went deep into the woods, found a derelict shed I didn't even know existed, and she was there. unconscious but still alive with a pulse.
From this point on, its a fog.... The only thing I knew was I have to get her to the vet.

The drive to the vet! Dear Lord, it felt like I was trying to reach Mars with a car! It took ages...
I went through a storm of emotions, crying, laughing, panicking, happiness, everything...the drive was very tough.

I finally got there, and they got her in the ER.
Ten minutes later the Vet came out and said they will do everything possible to get her back, but he also said it is a very small % she will wake up.

They put her on a drip and not sure what else they did, but he said, for now, it is the only thing they can do.

I had to leave her there and drive back home....the drive back was even worse.

They called me this morning and told me she is awake....my heart was about to explode.
But they also told me she is not well, and her urine and blood tests are off the charts.
He said it is most likely kidney failure, and I have to think about the unthinkable.....

He asked me if I want to keep her hospitalized for the weekend, and I said YES....
He then said it will cost this and that, and I said OK...
He said the chances are very, very small, and I said I DONT CARE, EVEN THERE IS A 0.00000000001% A CHANCE I WILL TAKE IT!

I am just about to heat the road to the hospital, just to see her, as she is awake now. It might be the last time I will see her alive and there is no way I will miss this opportunity.

I know, even if she managed to go through this, her quality of life won't be the same, but I just can't put her to sleep now....after all, I went through...after I found her. I SIMPLY CAN'T DO IT!

I feel like the main character in a movie, a psycho-thriller, created by a psycho film director...what a drama.

Please, please pray for my little baby.


THANK YOU SO MUCH. ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU!

 

[Norachan]

I'm so glad you found her!

Lighting a candle for your little girl. I hope she pulls through.

 

[golondrina]

I am so happy for you DGee. Whatever happens now the agony of not knowing is over. You have looked for her and found her and given her every chance to recover. You haven't failed her.

 

[di and bob]

You have done everything you could, it is up to the fates now. I am do very happy you will have this chance to see her and talk to her again. What were the chances!? It is a miracle you found her, I pray to God in his infinite mercy he will give you another miracle, more time together. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers....