My Bella killed by a car yesterday my heart is broken

[ginny]

I'm so sorry Katiev about your dear kitty Bella!  Bella's pic is adorable and her son is adorable too just like his mama!  The pain of losing one of our family members is so hard, I do understand.  Just lost my kitty last month and then my mom a year ago.  One thing that helped me is to post a tribute on the Crossing the Bridge forum here at this site.  When you feel like it.  I couldn't do it at first.  Hope this helps, hugs!!

 

[katiev]

Thank you all for your kind words above Billdolfski, kintrygrl and Ginny and I'm sorry for your losses too of your cats, ghost and raven and members of family. Just your kind words do help the pain and only other people who have loved cats can understand the feeling. Gosh , the pain is just terrible , it sucks away all my energy and life. I literally pine for my Bella every day. I miss her sleeping in her basket next to our bed every night and her coming up for a cuddle at about 5 am. She never did anything wrong . She had a heart of gold. It's like I'm being tortured everyday seeing all the photos on my phone . At least I have no regrets , I told her I loved her so many times a day.
This is Bella with her kittens .......

 

[katiev]

image.jpg

• katiev
• Aug 26, 2015

 

[catconcern]

So cute. That's so sad what happened. Heart breaking

 

[terestrife]

Im so sorry for your loss, that made me so sad to read.

 Please take comfort in knowing that Bella is with God now, she is safe and free from harm now, and she will watch over you always.

*I dont know if you are religious, if you're not, i dont mean any offense.

 

[katiev]

Hi terestripe, thank you for your kind words! I do believe Bella is with God and happy and watching us but I'm just craving to hold her in my arms or have her sleep on my chest again . I miss her so much and her beautiful stripes and personality

 

[nurseangel]

I've thought about you a lot since your original post.  I know how awful this is to go through, and wish you healing and peace.  

 

[terestrife]

Hi terestripe, thank you for your kind words! I do believe Bella is with God and happy and watching us but I'm just craving to hold her in my arms or have her sleep on my chest again . I miss her so much and her beautiful stripes and personality

i know how you are feeling. We had a Rottweiler when i was a kid, he was an older dog, that used to be a police dog. After he was done in the service, he was adopted by someone abusive. He was used in dog fights, and they would hit him.

My brother in law found him, and asked us if we would adopt him. And we did. He was with us the rest of his life. It was odd, we all suddenly started having dreams of him dying, and a few days later he disappeared. To this day, i believe he left so we wouldnt see him die. Its been 15+ years since his death, but when i allow myself to think of him my heart hurts. i will start to cry, and i just want to hold him like i used.

I didnt allow myself to care about another pet until i adopted my cat, Kitty, a few years ago. The pain wont go away, but it does get better.

 

[billdolfski]

Thank you all for your kind words above Billdolfski, kintrygrl and Ginny and I'm sorry for your losses too of your cats, ghost and raven and members of family. Just your kind words do help the pain and only other people who have loved cats can understand the feeling. Gosh , the pain is just terrible , it sucks away all my energy and life. I literally pine for my Bella every day. I miss her sleeping in her basket next to our bed every night and her coming up for a cuddle at about 5 am. She never did anything wrong . She had a heart of gold. It's like I'm being tortured everyday seeing all the photos on my phone . At least I have no regrets , I told her I loved her so many times a day.
This is Bella with her kittens .......

It sucks, not much you can really do about it.  What's done is done.  It is nice to have a support group that genuinely does understand what you're going through and how you feel.

At this point, not much else you can do but be grateful for time spent, the memories and best of all... her offspring.

 

[my4llma]

SorryForYourLoss1

• my4llma
• Apr 9, 2015

Beautiful Bella 

 

[katiev]

nurse angel, thank you so much for your thoughts , it does mean a lot. I'm still very very sore and just burst into tears a lot. It doesn't help that all my photos are of her! She was my soul cat - 100%. I'm recovering from major surgery and Bella really helped me in the first couple weeks , then of course that happens which completely put me so out of sorts I couldn't eat again it just all sucks!!!!
Terestrife, wow your story of your dog made me cry , that's was so sad , yet so beautiful why do we have animals, they take our hearts and crush them, but I suppose we have to rejoice in the love and company they give us.
Billdolfski , I'm so glad I have this forum to vent off. I'm sure my friends and family are getting sick of my moping. Tommy her son is just beautiful , he's just as loving and cuddly and Bella was and he's definitely helping me heal slightly.
Thank you my4LLMA for the lovely picture, it sure looks like Bella too

 

[laura h]

I am so sorry for your loss. RIP precious Bella 

 

[tinybash]

YOU HAVE CHOSEN TEARS


The little orange boy stopped.
Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and
wrestling in the warm sunshine.
It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through
the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy.
And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when
that didn't work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced away in the ripples.
"Mommy!" he cried. "Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned
around.

A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes
sad but filled with love.
The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water.
"There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here."
He looked back at the water.
It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back.
"I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't
supposed to come here yet." The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass.
The little orange boy climbed into her lap.
It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he
started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.
"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be
here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg.
"But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?"

That surprised the little orange boy.
No one had ever said anything and he had listened when
they thought he was sleeping.
All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was, or
how fast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said.
"But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss.
It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy.

"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and Robin.
Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and OBie.
Dogs too- Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle.
Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and
Becky and a hamster named Odo.
They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:

A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel
in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them
look out the first window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed
animals and cars and toys and sporting events. "Here are things
you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild
animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal
preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they
all came back to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."
So the Angel took them to the third window and showed
them lots of people walking around, hurrying places.
"Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
"You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.

But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the
Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes
they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
"You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window
off to one side and hurried to look out.
Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs
and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets.
The other Loving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.
But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
"Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
"But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the Angel was very upset.

"You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to
feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where
the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts
reflected in the animals' eyes.

"They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a
warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care.
They were holding the warm little bodies and finding
their hearts so filled
with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time.
"They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is
not designed to out live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms
and nodded.
"That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the
love they offer."

The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
"You have chosen Tears," he whispered.

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties.
"And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh."

The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying.
"Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the
Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water
trickle off her fingers.
"He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here.
Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring
and petting and shared love.
And the promise of love once again.

As your mommy cries, she is healing. It may take a long
while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad
and she will smile when she thinks of you.
And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange
boy said.

The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet.
"No, she will love again. That is all she will think
about."
She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs,
then scratched
Morgan's ear just how she liked.

"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we
go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange
boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy.
"Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded.
"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at.
You'll be in the purr of
every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast
asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at
peace.

One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe
and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."
"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took
one long look at his mommy.
He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew
she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you
cry."

He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing
and laughing with the butterflies.
"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be
around, I promise."
Then he turned and raced after the others.

Author Unknown

 

[kittens mom]

The joy of loving and having a beloved pet is worth every bucket of tears paid when they are gone. No pet lover is spared this heartache. Our hearts ache with you.

 

[cataan]

Will you ever feel happy/the same again?  I think it depends on the circumstances.  If your cat lives a long, happy life and dies at an old age I think you can feel happy/the same.  You will always miss the cat, and you will always think fondly of him/her and wish for just a little extra time, but you will accept the death as a natural and inevitable part of life.  In a circumstance where the cat dies prematurely, which is something you and I have experienced, I think you can be a happy person but you will not necessarily feel the same as before.  There will always be that hole in your heart that cannot be filled by anything or anyone.  In that space there might be regret or other unhappy feeling.  And I don't think there is anything wrong with that -- it sucks, it's a terrible feeling, but it isn't unnatural.  It means you loved your friend.  I know I loved mine.

 

[kntrygrl256]

 
Will you ever feel happy/the same again?  I think it depends on the circumstances.  If your cat lives a long, happy life and dies at an old age I think you can feel happy/the same.  You will always miss the cat, and you will always think fondly of him/her and wish for just a little extra time, but you will accept the death as a natural and inevitable part of life.  In a circumstance where the cat dies prematurely, which is something you and I have experienced, I think you can be a happy person but you will not necessarily feel the same as before.  There will always be that hole in your heart that cannot be filled by anything or anyone.  In that space there might be regret or other unhappy feeling.  And I don't think there is anything wrong with that -- it sucks, it's a terrible feeling, but it isn't unnatural.  It means you loved your friend.  I know I loved mine.

I understand that completely. My Ghost was hit and killed a few months ago and I still have a hole in my heart. I am bless that I found my baby girl, Zander, to help heal my heart. There will never be a replacement for Ghost but I feel he sent Zander to me because I needed to love again.

 

[kittylove53]

Dear katiev, kittylove53 here . I have loved and lost many beloved cats through the years. I understand totally the pain you are in. I know how special Bella was to you, and I have thought about you since I have read your post. Bella will always love you,and she knows how much you love her. She knows that you will take wonderful care of Tommy. You are a very loving person and have lots of love to give. I feel that you should rescue other cats to have a friend for Tommy. Bella will live on in your heart forever, I hope you will keep Tommy as an indoor cat. I take mine out on a leash. Even though we think that cats need to be free roaming they really have a most wonderful and happy life indoors safely living with us. I am having a hard time telling you this because your pain has caused me to cry. I  understand too well all the emotions you are feeling. I hope you will  find it in your heart to rescue some other cats, who need a loving person like you to give them a home. All my love and healing thoughts go out to you.

 

[katiev]

Dear all , I just want to say thank you for all your kind words, I'm on a tiny mobile so can't reply to everyone but I will later on. I still cry about twice a day but I have pulled myself together and am up and about. I'm off sick anyway from major surgery - talk about everything coming at once ,....you guys have helped more than you know , you understand and not everyone else does I'm afraid. Bella was my child substitute so it's hit hard as I'm sure you all have experienced. We helped deliver her kittens which is a memory I will cherish forever ,she was a fantastic mummy too. I know she waited for us to come home before she delivered too ,the poor thing was trying to get to us on the stairs whilst having contractions we stayed up all night with her , so wonderful . I'm am also now keeping Tommy inside and allow him out in the garden when we are there and also taking him for walks on cat lead in the woods behind us . I keep wondering if the person who hit my wonderful beautiful baby knew what they did. I hope if they did they can't sleep properly. I will write back once I have a laptop to hand x