My baby has gone. I am so lost. It's agony

[FatPanda]

I only joined this site a few weeks ago as our beloved cat Ben broke his jaw and nose and I was looking for feeding advice. It was an RTA or an act of violence in the neighbourhood. He had surgery and pulled through, and we were helping nurse him every day with a feeding tube, baby wipes, lockable cat treats and grooming him lovingly. Then a spiral of infections happened and his little body couldn't cope anymore. It was such a shock. Just three weeks ago he was here, by my side as always, pestering for food or sitting on my laptop. How can he now be gone? We'd saved him from cancer 18 months ago and we were loving every day with him, so glad he was in remission. I guess his immune system made him run out of luck.

Anyway. The pain is unbearable. We have known Ben for ten years, rescued from a shelter. We fell in love within the first hour of meeting him. Our whole life has revolved around him - nicknames, knowing his every habit, hearing his different meows. We hardly ever went away for long periods so we could come home to him. He followed me around the house. He head butted me all the time. He howled and licked me if ever I was crying. He was peculiar and intelligent and pretty - strangers would stop in the street and marvel at how handsome he was. My favourite thing was seeing him wait for us on the garden wall and trot towards us when he heard our footsteps (how do they know?!)

We didn't have children because our life revolved around Ben. We were earth and he was our sun - our son, almost. I'm struggling to convey the weight of this to the people in my life. A few texts saying 'sorry' don't cut it. I feel bad about saying that. But if you're not an animal person, you don't truly get it. I don't want people to think I'm crazy because 'he's just a cat'. He was my everything. I am ripped into pieces.

 

[Dario the GreyCat]

They’re never “just a...” anymore than someone could say “it’s just a child”. Your Ben was so lucky to have you, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Is he the cat in your avatar? He was a very handsome boy.

He’s there over rainbow bridge, happy and healthy and whole again.

 

[FatPanda]

Yes this is him. An enormous, silly, happy, relaxed ball of fluff. He was so content with anything and everything. All he wanted was some food and tummy rubs. I wish I could go back in time and rescue him from what happened, give him one more tummy rub. I miss him so much it hurts.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

He looks very happy and well-cared for! No words can express what you must be feeling. But Ben was your child. First cancer, and then this....you have experienced much trauma in treating Ben. Please know that Ben looks incredibly happy in that photo....he knew (knows) you loved him!

 

[Tik cat's mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss. And your right Ben wasn't just a cat he was your boy who was loved by you, those of us who have lost our fur babies understand that. R.I.P sweet Ben

 

[di and bob]

When you lose someone you love it is an incredibly personal, traumatizing time in your life. Because YOU were the one who loved him, and he was the one that returned that love to you. People, even those close to us, cannot fathom that feeling of loss because it is not their love. Think to when someone has died in another family, the depth of sincerity and despair is just not there. But we can be empathetic because we have lost someone as close to us, a part of our family, often our soulmate....We can instantly go back through time and feel those same feelings of loss and sadness, it is something you never get over, you get through it and learn a new life's order without them in it.
I have found that time is the only thing that helps to soften the sharp edges of grief. We will never understand the 'why', our hearts will never accept any explanation. To lose one to a violent act is especially heartbreaking and unexplainable.
The bond you formed with that precious little one can never be taken from you, not even by death. "Death cannot take that which never dies". You know you will always love that little guy and will be connected for the rest of your life. Yoru souls are together because love is spiritual, so eternal. He lives on through you now, in the precious memories that will eventually bring you comfort, and he will be forever as close as your thoughts and prayers. He is at peace because he was loved and will always be so.
My heart breaks for your pain. I have stood where you have, I know the pain of losing one so dear. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, you will be blessed for loving and caring for Ben so very much. Take care.........RIP precious Ben. You will always be missed, you will forever have secure places in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[les26]

First I want to tell you thank you for helping that little creature when he needed help the most, you were his Guardian Angel and he knows that and loves you for it and when you two meet again he will say "thank you for caring for me on Earth", but he is fine now, just fine, no more pain or health issues, but of course it is killing you to lose something that you loved and adored, and it will get better but not right now, the grief has ahold of you and will for awhile, and sadly the only way to fight through this is to let it happen, let it bother you, to try to repel it only makes it worse and prolongs the pain, but just remember that while you are healing we are all here for you too, we have all gone through this, some like me many times, and it hurts like hell, but the sun DOES come out again and you will be better, changed forever, but better, and one day down the line I have a feeling that another little one in need will find it's way into your loving arms.

The homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara helps me when I have suffered a traumatic loss, shock and grief, please research it as it might help as you are hurting so badly right now. It works with your body, no side effects, no drugs.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I am so sorry for your loss, another tuxedo gone but not forgotten...I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[Loving Mickey]

What a beautiful tuxedo cat!
I am truly sorry for your loss , and the pain you are now going through.
I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I know all too well the pain you are feeling , like your heart is broken and will never mend.
Just remember , that you are the one that saved that precious cat 10 years ago. You gave him food , love , and the comforts of a warm home.
For that , he gave you all his love in return.
You even saved him from cancer. It is a shame that some mean person hurt him so much , that he could not be saved this time. That is not your fault! That mean person is to blame. I will never understand people like that. Hopefully , they will suffer one day in return.
I so wish that I knew some magic words to say to you , to help ease your pain. I truly do!
Always know that Ben loved you from the day you took him home and into your heart , and loves you still.
RIP Sweet Ben! Please watch over your loved ones , shining light upon them and bring some peace to their broken hearts!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Ben, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

No one but another cat lover understands, do they? No, NOT "JUST A CAT!" They live in our souls, and their physical absence is like having an organ ripped out. I know, to the depths of my own soul, that their love, translated and purified into Love, still remains with us, but OH, how we ache for the sweet weight of them in our arms or on our laps. We do not "get over" the death of a loved one (no matter how many legs they had), but we do get through it...one agonizing day at a time until the day that their memory brings more sweet than bitter. And that length of time is different for each of us.

Until the sweet is stronger than the bitter, we are here for you. Always.

 

[FatPanda]

Thank you so much everyone. I'm reading them all through tears. I wake up every day after dreaming about him and I cry instantly, even before I've fully come round from sleep. I keep 'hearing' his bell or looking over at the cat flap. And weirdly I feel guilty for every day out we ever had as a couple, or short break, or the times we've stayed late at work, because these were times we weren't home with him. I have this weird guilt that I want to go back in time and be at home with him all day, every day.

I'm trying to remember that he hit the jackpot when he came to live with us. We didn't even choose him. The shelter gave him to us temporarily, and that turned into ten years of adoration. I hope he knew we deeply loved him. He used to stare at me and blink hard, then rub his head on my forehead. I miss that.

When does the pain get any easier?

 

[Mia6]

I am so sorry about your Baby Ben. yes it takes time, but you will get through it.
Someone is always hear to listen. He was a gorgeous boy!

 

[Floyd and hendrix]

I only joined this site a few weeks ago as our beloved cat Ben broke his jaw and nose and I was looking for feeding advice. It was an RTA or an act of violence in the neighbourhood. He had surgery and pulled through, and we were helping nurse him every day with a feeding tube, baby wipes, lockable cat treats and grooming him lovingly. Then a spiral of infections happened and his little body couldn't cope anymore. It was such a shock. Just three weeks ago he was here, by my side as always, pestering for food or sitting on my laptop. How can he now be gone? We'd saved him from cancer 18 months ago and we were loving every day with him, so glad he was in remission. I guess his immune system made him run out of luck.

Anyway. The pain is unbearable. We have known Ben for ten years, rescued from a shelter. We fell in love within the first hour of meeting him. Our whole life has revolved around him - nicknames, knowing his every habit, hearing his different meows. We hardly ever went away for long periods so we could come home to him. He followed me around the house. He head butted me all the time. He howled and licked me if ever I was crying. He was peculiar and intelligent and pretty - strangers would stop in the street and marvel at how handsome he was. My favourite thing was seeing him wait for us on the garden wall and trot towards us when he heard our footsteps (how do they know?!)

We didn't have children because our life revolved around Ben. We were earth and he was our sun - our son, almost. I'm struggling to convey the weight of this to the people in my life. A few texts saying 'sorry' don't cut it. I feel bad about saying that. But if you're not an animal person, you don't truly get it. I don't want people to think I'm crazy because 'he's just a cat'. He was my everything. I am ripped into pieces.

Being ripped to pieces is the only way to start describing what you're feeling. Cry, wail and don't talk about it with folk that don't understand. I'm a qualified psyhcotherapist and i offer validation to folk experiencing a beloved animals passing as being just as (oftentimes more) grief worthy as the loss of a fellow human. Honour him in a Buddhist fashion wishing him well in his new incarnation. I still cry over and talk to everyday the 20yr old furry friend I lost last year. I don't expect the pain of missing him to ever stop and I let myself cry cry cry

 

[FatPanda]

Being ripped to pieces is the only way to start describing what you're feeling. Cry, wail and don't talk about it with folk that don't understand. I'm a qualified psyhcotherapist and i offer validation to folk experiencing a beloved animals passing as being just as (oftentimes more) grief worthy as the loss of a fellow human. Honour him in a Buddhist fashion wishing him well in his new incarnation. I still cry over and talk to everyday the 20yr old furry friend I lost last year. I don't expect the pain of missing him to ever stop and I let myself cry cry cry

Thank you, that helps. I'm up for trying anything and everything right now. Even 3 weeks on, I'm waking up every day in a sweat having had nightmares that he's missing, or hurt, and I can't reach him.

 

[di and bob]

I had nightmares too, for a long time. I replayed the sight of my baby dying over and over again. It DOES get better in time but is something you never get over. You have to purposely try to stop it by replacing it with something else. It helps immensely to concentrate on replacing all that hurt and pain with another little one's needs. My other cats were literally a lifesaver, it doesn't make the hurt go away but it lets some of the pain escape. You can't let the pain destroy you, and it will if you make it your life and not have more love to help you through this. Time is one thing that will soften the harsh edges. Concentrate on life, and the good that it brings. Live in teh present, don't dwell on the past, or try to think into the future. Just get through each day and it will get easier as you make a new life's order for yourself. One day at a time ......

 

[FatPanda]

Thank you so much. We've talked about how the house doesn't feel the same just the two of us and none of his familiar sounds. It's weird to see birds in our garden for the first time, it's all just a reminder he isn't here anymore. We'd like to get another cat one day, but how do you know when you're ready? Even thinking about that feels like a betrayal.

 

[les26]

The grief has ahold of you and will play mental and physical games for awhile, that is normal, just try to endure it and it will go away faster than if you try to fight it, as hard as it is the "quickest" way (although it's not so quick) through it is to let it happen and it will lose it's hold on you faster. But it hurts like hell, and is not something that you can take something to get over it fast, but like I say Holy Basil helps you adapt to the stress and Ignatia Amara helps you adapt to the grief and loss and sudden shock, they helped me immensely after I lost some of my boys, please check into them as they might help you also.

Some of us have nightmares, some go through anxiety and depression, when we put Simon down I couldn't stand to be in the shower with the door closed and also at night in bed in the dark, I felt like I was suffocating, a grown man feeling like this, but that's how it comes out of your mind and you deal with it. When Sebastian died in my arms weeks later the thought of that happening just would pop into my head, I wasn't thinking about it but it was like someone pressed play on a video and I couldn't stop it. But I just toughed it out, it hurt like hell, and what helped me the most was after both of them died 3 months later we got a new cat, not as a replacement but the time was right and they needed a home, Stanley after Simon passed and Sylvester after Sebastian passed, and it helped tremendously.

You will know when and if the time is right, your heart will let you know. Stay strong the best you can, grieve and let it out, and you know we are all here for you.....

 

[di and bob]

With cats, I don't know if there ever is a 'time', most of mine came when I was at a low point and didn't want to even think about taking another cat on. But you can't turn away a little one in need, and believe me there are SO many who desperately need to be cared for and loved. It's not a betrayal, or replacing anyone, it's a testament to your little one's love and them teaching you that a cat's love is important in your life. You'll always have your boys love, it is a part of your very soul. Adding on to it strengthens it, not taking anything away. As a mother loves her many children, each one differently and just as much, you will open your heart once again and love again, not the same way, but in a just as important, special way. A kitten or cat, better yet two, would be a welcome distraction to your grieving heart, and I know your sweet boy would approve, after all he left you with his teachings on what a cat can bring to your life and home, a job well done.....

 

[Bella's Mommy]

I'm sorry for your loss i'm sure he's watching over you

 

[Floyd and hendrix]

the bhuddists say give them 7 weeks to transition/ travel through their incarnation?
call me crazy cat lady but i used to call in my old boys energy, but then it feels more like he has called me in sometimes,
the first time in a dream to show me where he was. if it was all just the imagination, then thank you as it made me feel better.
our loved ones stories and connections are all different and we all have different experiences of their passing, some more traumatic than others.
i never fight my feelings of grief as they must be processed and not get stuck inside of our bodies/selves. if you are having nightmares and flashbacks, those herbs recommended in an above post are very helpful and research ptsd and incorporate similiar self care strategies. even eat cake if thats what you like. dont ever pretend youre fine with it all, unless its someone who wouldnt get it.
thanks for letting us all in here know how you've been

 

[Floyd and hendrix]

the bhuddists say give them 7 weeks to transition/ travel through their incarnation?
call me crazy cat lady but i used to call in my old boys energy, but then it feels more like he has called me in sometimes,
the first time in a dream to show me where he was. if it was all just the imagination, then thank you as it made me feel better.
our loved ones stories and connections are all different and we all have different experiences of their passing, some more traumatic than others.
i never fight my feelings of grief as they must be processed and not get stuck inside of our bodies/selves. if you are having nightmares and flashbacks, those herbs recommended in an above post are very helpful and research ptsd and incorporate similiar self care strategies. even eat cake if thats what you like. dont ever pretend youre fine with it all, unless its someone who wouldnt get it.
thanks for letting us all in here know how you've been

buddhist sorry spelling meow