Hello all. I have been a member for many years, but haven't posted much.
My baby passed yesterday. I found her in 2006 when I was 19 years old outside my college apartment complex, thin, with worms. She was the friendliest little girl ever. I took her in, and she's been the most amazing cat ever. I don't know how to explain it, but I've had pets before but she was special. Maybe everyone thinks that about all their pets, but I've had other pets but for some reason she stands apart. A very intuitive and soulful cat. Patient, kind, never complained a day in her life. Throughout her life everyone commented on her sweet and positive nature and how human-like she was.
A few years into having her in my life, she was diagnosed with kidney disease. It's been manageable since with diet and medications. Maybe 7 months ago she started to throw up with more frequency. She since lost weight to the point she became light as a feather and all bones, and I could see she had less energy, but she was just as sweet as always.
*** This might be too graphic for people to hear, so feel free to skip these paragraphs.
I awoke Sunday morning to hearing her throwing up. She threw up often, so this wasn't unusual, but she kept throwing up, over and over. I went to her and saw she was panting. I've never seen her do this before, so I started to worry and grabbed my phone to call the vet. Unfortunately, in France, everything is closed on Sundays. She then began to stumble around and then I knew she was in real trouble. I called an emergency vet line who deployed an in-house vet to come visit my apartment. It was another hour before he showed up and my kitty hid herself in the bathroom on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. I gave her a blanket and pet her, but she continued to pant and drool and was mostly unresponsive. The worst part was I could see she was in serious distress, but as I pet her, she would make a cooing/chirping noise she always made when she was healthy and happy when I would pet her so I know she was aware enough to know I was with her.
The vet arrived, tried to draw blood to check her vitals, but her BP was so low and she had such bad circulation he couldn't find any veins in her legs or neck. Her temperature was frighteningly low. She began to vomit again and started to struggle.
The vet asked me if it was time to let her go. I couldn't respond so I just nodded. He injected her in her back with a sedative and explained the process to me. Because her veins had all collapsed the only option was intra-cardiac for the euthanasia. I hadn't heard of that before and oh it killed me to watch him inject her heart. Within seconds she was gone. I think that's the part that kills me. Remembering her pretty little face and the way her eyes looked after. It hurts so bad. I am so scared she felt pain and fear in her final moments.
I read everyone talking about how euthanasia is peaceful, but she didn't look peaceful. She was gasping for breath for hours before as we waited for the vet. She looked scared and in pain. She was too sick to even have IV euthanasia. I feel like I failed her in the end.
*** End of final hours.
She's been with me since I was 19. She's moved with me across the US for university, my first job, a few relationships, buying my first home, a marriage, a divorce, a move to France (I'm living in Paris now), and she's always been a perfect companion. Since she's passed yesterday, I feel like I'm in shock. Both with the way she died and how I worry her last few hours were awful. How I wish I had taken her outside more before she passed (she really loved the grass and flowers). How the house just feels empty without her. I keep imagining I am hearing her in the house walking around, eating, playing with something in the hallway. I hate it. I am shocked how I feel. I can't stop crying. I miss her little face so much.
My baby passed yesterday. I found her in 2006 when I was 19 years old outside my college apartment complex, thin, with worms. She was the friendliest little girl ever. I took her in, and she's been the most amazing cat ever. I don't know how to explain it, but I've had pets before but she was special. Maybe everyone thinks that about all their pets, but I've had other pets but for some reason she stands apart. A very intuitive and soulful cat. Patient, kind, never complained a day in her life. Throughout her life everyone commented on her sweet and positive nature and how human-like she was.
A few years into having her in my life, she was diagnosed with kidney disease. It's been manageable since with diet and medications. Maybe 7 months ago she started to throw up with more frequency. She since lost weight to the point she became light as a feather and all bones, and I could see she had less energy, but she was just as sweet as always.
*** This might be too graphic for people to hear, so feel free to skip these paragraphs.
I awoke Sunday morning to hearing her throwing up. She threw up often, so this wasn't unusual, but she kept throwing up, over and over. I went to her and saw she was panting. I've never seen her do this before, so I started to worry and grabbed my phone to call the vet. Unfortunately, in France, everything is closed on Sundays. She then began to stumble around and then I knew she was in real trouble. I called an emergency vet line who deployed an in-house vet to come visit my apartment. It was another hour before he showed up and my kitty hid herself in the bathroom on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. I gave her a blanket and pet her, but she continued to pant and drool and was mostly unresponsive. The worst part was I could see she was in serious distress, but as I pet her, she would make a cooing/chirping noise she always made when she was healthy and happy when I would pet her so I know she was aware enough to know I was with her.
The vet arrived, tried to draw blood to check her vitals, but her BP was so low and she had such bad circulation he couldn't find any veins in her legs or neck. Her temperature was frighteningly low. She began to vomit again and started to struggle.
The vet asked me if it was time to let her go. I couldn't respond so I just nodded. He injected her in her back with a sedative and explained the process to me. Because her veins had all collapsed the only option was intra-cardiac for the euthanasia. I hadn't heard of that before and oh it killed me to watch him inject her heart. Within seconds she was gone. I think that's the part that kills me. Remembering her pretty little face and the way her eyes looked after. It hurts so bad. I am so scared she felt pain and fear in her final moments.
I read everyone talking about how euthanasia is peaceful, but she didn't look peaceful. She was gasping for breath for hours before as we waited for the vet. She looked scared and in pain. She was too sick to even have IV euthanasia. I feel like I failed her in the end.
*** End of final hours.
She's been with me since I was 19. She's moved with me across the US for university, my first job, a few relationships, buying my first home, a marriage, a divorce, a move to France (I'm living in Paris now), and she's always been a perfect companion. Since she's passed yesterday, I feel like I'm in shock. Both with the way she died and how I worry her last few hours were awful. How I wish I had taken her outside more before she passed (she really loved the grass and flowers). How the house just feels empty without her. I keep imagining I am hearing her in the house walking around, eating, playing with something in the hallway. I hate it. I am shocked how I feel. I can't stop crying. I miss her little face so much.
