my baby died without warning and I don't know what to do with myself.

londonword

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Hi, new to this site.

Today was just like any other day. My 2 year old sassy calico, Rizzo, was scratching the furniture, doing parkour off counters, throwing her kibble off her cat stand, spunky as ever. 

We go in my room and I close the door because I'm about to take a nap and I hear a very loud, abnormal, drawn out meow. I could tell something was wrong, so I ran over and I see her on the ground and her muscles are jerking and she is wheezing so heavily. Not wheezing like choking..wheezing like she literally couldnt find any air to breathe in. I absolutely go hysterical and rush her to the vet which is 7 minutes away. By the time I got into my car (~3mins) I knew she was dead. I kept driving, though, thinking I was wrong and they could save her. 

I run into the vet and they immediately bring her to the back. At this point I am violently crying in the lobby so they let me into an empty room so I can be in private. Within minutes they come back saying they are sorry and that she was already dead and there was nothing they could do. I immediately ask if they could perform an autopsy on her or something that would tell me what happened, but they said if I did an autopsy they would not be able to cremate her and I couldn't have her ashes. After a long period of me just in a state of panic I decide I would rather have her ashes.

They bring her back out to me so I can say goodbye and I completely ******* lose it. I held her for atleast an hour until I felt her little ears become colder and colder and I knew if I didn't leave I never would.

It's night time now. It's dark, and I'm alone with my thoughts and I don't ******* know what to do with myself. She was my absolute best friend and I would do anything for her. I'm so ******* hurt.


I don't ever take pictures on my laptop. But today, literally an hour before she passes away...I snap a couple of pictures of us together. This is all I have left.

What do I do
 
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londonword

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Also: She had no symptoms of illness at all. She even went to the vet last month and was up-to-date on all shots and tests. I never expected this.
 

Primula

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Cats are known for hiding symptoms of illness. She may have had an underlying heart condition of which nobody was aware. My Pandy did exactly what Rizzo did. She was also two years old & had never been sick. She let out a horrible howl one day & would not move. An x-ray revealed a tumor & she was euthanized.

Nothing I can say will make this horrible day any better for you. Rizzo was dearly loved by you. :rbheart:
 

mservant

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How awful.  I am so sad for you.  Loss is always hard but when it is so sudden and in a young and otherwise seemingly healthy cat it is really hard to accept.

My first thoughts on possible reasons are like Primula's, that cats can have heart defects that do not show up on any regular examination and the loss is sudden like you have seen today.    It can happen at any age and with no warning.   It can not have been easy to hear that the vets could not do an autopsy for you without your loosing her ashes too. 


It is many years since I lost a young cat, a stray that moved in to the flat I was living in.  He was probably less than a year when he started to have major seizures and rather than see him deteriorate further and perhaps die during one of the seizures we decided it was kinder to say our goodbyes while he was with the vet.  It was easier knowing what was happening and that his health was going to get worse.  

The photographs you have there with Rizzo are lovely and I am so glad that you have those:  photographs are really precious.  

You are in a good place here on TCS, where there are many people who will be able to understand and share your pain.    I for one can also say that I have shared the experience of totally losing it at the vet surgery.   Stay strong and know that Rizzo will forever have her paws wrapped around your heart.  


Run free sweet Rizzo.  
   
 

pippen

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Oh londonword, I'm so very sorry--what a terrible shock that must have been. My vet said she'd lost her own 2 year old cat to heart failure and she could hardly accept it herself. 

I went through this loss a month ago with an older cat (age 11) and those first days and nights were filled with such heartache. I didn't realize beforehand how much of my day was filled with thoughts of Pippin and how my every routine involved him. And believe it or not, sleeping without all 20 pounds of cat wedged between my knees turned out to be much harder than sleeping without him was. What helped me the most was going out the next day and framing an 8x10 picture in a place in my kitchen where I see it often, alongside his dish. Then every time I looked that way I told him (and myself) "I'll see you on the other side." Repeat, repeat, repeat. It gave me that smidgen of hope I needed in those first dark days. 

Two years is not a lot of years, but I can tell Rizzo was very, very loved and no doubt had as good a life as a cat could have. Gentle hugs to you, and know my thoughts will be with you.
 

marrin713

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Another heart disease here in our 2 year old cat. Never saw it coming. Nor did our vet.

I'm very sorry.
 

di and bob

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We can never expect or forecast something like this, so sudden and so painful it literally consumes your life and turns it upside down.  I'm so very sorry for your pain, there is nothing we can do except to try to comfort you and let you know that you are not alone in your grief, we all know the pain of heartache on this forum and know how long it takes to heal.For most of us it leaves a scar and we learn to live with the pain and go on with our lives as we know our little ones would want for us.   What happened to your precious Rizzo was something that could not have been forcasted, she had been to the vet and with no symptoms nothing was found.  

Try not to dwell on the end, but celebrate having that sweet girl in your life and for knowing the love she brought to it. She was meant to share your life's journey for a while, and the bond you formed can never be taken from you. It is spiritual, not physical, so is eternal and will be with you for the rest of your life. She would never want you to be unhappy, she would want you to live and love again, as you would want for her if you were the first to go. 

When grieving there comes those terrible doubts and all those should haves, could haves, that bring nothing but more pain. Try not to go down that path. There is nothing to be gained by trying to change the past, no matter how much we want to.  Concentrate on what she meant to you and holding that love in that special place you have for her in your heart. Keep busy to lift that darkness from your soul, do good things in her name. Give cat food, litter or toys to your local shelter or food pantry, give your time to the kittens who so desperately need someone to love. It helps to make you feel better about yourself and shares her legacy of love that she entrusted to you. And most of all, use that bond you still have with her to send your love and comfort. she'll do the same. Thank you for letting us know of this special calico girl, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, take care of yourself.........RIP beautiful Rizzo, you will never be forgotten, you made your mark on a loving heart, and are bonded with a loving soul forever more. Sleep tight, little Princess! 
 

hexiesfriend

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I lost my kitty when he went under anesthesia, I never expected it so I know where you are and I know how much it hurts. That is a very beautiful photo of the two of you that looks like it was meant to be and a gift from your kitty. I'm sorry for your loss.
 

donutte

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. It definitely sounds like there was likely something going on with the heart, possibly genetic. Poor baby. I don't understand why they couldn't do a necropsy and give you the ashes, that makes no sense to me. :/

:hugs: to you.
 
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londonword

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Thank you guys so much for the replies. I can't tell y'all how much it has helped me. I have calmed down a LOT since yesterday and while my heart hearts I know I can't dwell on the the bad and need to focus on the good. I'm a painter, so in time I'm going to paint a picture of her that I can always remember her by. I also already have a little tattoo of her that I got a year ago, and it makes me feel better. Today I am going to volunteer at my local cat shelter and help out with laundry and playing with the kitties. I need to take the love I have and put it to good use. This site is amazing. Thank you all again.
 

marrin713

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Excellent idea about volunteering. We foster dogs and when Will the cat died in October we were fostering our lovable little clown Gilbert and he helped tremendously with our sorrow.
 

mservant

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That is a great idea, keeping busy today and spending time with fur around you.  
    Don't be surprised if grief manages to take over sometimes, it has a nasty habit of catching you unaware.   

How wonderful to be able to paint a picture of Rizzo, that is very special.  I hope you feel able to do this some time soon.  
 

IndyJones

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Thank you guys so much for the replies. I can't tell y'all how much it has helped me. I have calmed down a LOT since yesterday and while my heart hearts I know I can't dwell on the the bad and need to focus on the good. I'm a painter, so in time I'm going to paint a picture of her that I can always remember her by. I also already have a little tattoo of her that I got a year ago, and it makes me feel better. Today I am going to volunteer at my local cat shelter and help out with laundry and playing with the kitties. I need to take the love I have and put it to good use. This site is amazing. Thank you all again.
Love this idea. Who knows? Maybe a special someone will adopt you there.

I remember when my Hector died after new years I was just browsing around my phone when I saw Indy's photo. She reminded me so much of my Hector. Drove several towns over to the Pet Valu and Indy stole my heart it was love at first sight.
 

kittylove53

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Dearest Londonword,

          I totally understand and am no stranger to this.I just lost my precious Omelette,a Torti-Calit.She too was taken ill suddenly.On Christmas day she started breathing very hard.I knew this was a disaster.I have had this experience before.I had to wait three days to get her to the vet.He said there was fluid on her lungs,masking a tumor.She was acting normally right before this.I was devastated.He gave her a shot to start clearing the fluid,some pills,and I took her home.She lingered till Jan.27 when she died in my arms.She was six years old,and meant everything to me.You can read the rest of my story on the thread about Omelette.Some years ago I had a Torti,that was a year and a half,she too had a tumor and died with no prior warning.Your precious Rizzo will dwell in your heart forever and nothing can ever remove the deep love you shared with her.She knows how much you loved her,and just like my Omelette would not want us to be this hurt.I am holding in the tears as I am writing this.I know how much the pain is.All of us here have been through this,and are going through this now.Going to your local shelter will do you good to see other kitties that need your help.I am sending out hugs,love, and healing to you. I am also an artist ,and painting a picture of darling Rizzo is a good idea.I put up the few pics of Omelette that I had around my room.Doing that has made me feel closer to her.I hope that us being here for you will help.Continue to post,as that helps too.
 

eleanorrigby

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i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. it hurts so bad, especially when it's so unexpected. You gave rizzo a beautiful wonderful live and I know rizzo couldn't of had a better owner than you. I hope you're doing okay and if you ever need someone to talk to and help get your mind off of things, my messages are always open. keeping you in my positive wishes. 
 

zed xyzed

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I am so sorry that Rizzo has left for his next journey. 2 years is much to early. I hope you find comfort in knowing you gave your boy the thing he wanted most, a loving home. RIP sweet girl. (she was a beautiful little girl)
 

les26

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What a sweetheart, I am so sorry that this happened to you and her. Sometimes these awful things just happen, so very hard to deal with. I hope your heart heals a bit more each day.

God Bless.....
 
 

Brian007

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@t3bc333  and @londonword  I am deeply sorry for you both.  You have both very recently suffered the same experience and I thought you might be able to help each other right now.   
 
 

Sudden death in cats, animals, and people sometimes just happens for no reason at all.   
 
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