My Anxiety Is Getting Outta Control Over Her

[stacydc83]

I'm not looking for advice on this, because there really is no answer. I just need to vent, and to talk. I've realized my anxiety is getting so bad with Zoe. Tonight I nearly started balling simply because I couldn't find Zoe when I called her outside, and she didn't come to me. It wasn't even her curfew yet, she is normally in right around 8. (which she did just come in a few minutes ago)
I know where the anxiety comes from, it's from finding Callie when she was hit by a car 3 years ago. I know the simple answer is "just keep them inside, it's safer". Zoe found her way out and found ways to dart out when she was like 8 months old. For some reason or another, she loves outside so much and i couldn't do that to her.
I need to calm my worries. All I could think for just those few minutes, was the memory of finding Callie in the road, and then I was imagining having to call my Mom and tell her that our little buddy was gone.
Callie was a formal feral cat, that I had taken in right around the time I had gotten Lily. She roamed, that's what she knew. Zoe is pretty good at staying close, I just can't help always assuming the worst when I look outside or walk outside and I don't automatically see her. I'll probably never get over the fear, because the fear is real, because it did happen to Callie. I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I freaked Lily out with my worrying, I could tell she was kinda looking for Zoe too (for someone who hates her, ha!). I don't like stressing Lily out, I know she still remembers the night that we lost Callie. And all the while, little Ms. Zoe was being good, just didn't want to answer me at that moment, and out doing Zoe things. But I do this EVERY single time Zoe isn't exactly where I want her to be or if she's home even just a few minutes late.

 

[CatLover49]

I'm not looking for advice on this, because there really is no answer. I just need to vent, and to talk. I've realized my anxiety is getting so bad with Zoe. Tonight I nearly started balling simply because I couldn't find Zoe when I called her outside, and she didn't come to me. It wasn't even her curfew yet, she is normally in right around 8. (which she did just come in a few minutes ago)
I know where the anxiety comes from, it's from finding Callie when she was hit by a car 3 years ago. I know the simple answer is "just keep them inside, it's safer". Zoe found her way out and found ways to dart out when she was like 8 months old. For some reason or another, she loves outside so much and i couldn't do that to her.
I need to calm my worries. All I could think for just those few minutes, was the memory of finding Callie in the road, and then I was imagining having to call my Mom and tell her that our little buddy was gone.
Callie was a formal feral cat, that I had taken in right around the time I had gotten Lily. She roamed, that's what she knew. Zoe is pretty good at staying close, I just can't help always assuming the worst when I look outside or walk outside and I don't automatically see her. I'll probably never get over the fear, because the fear is real, because it did happen to Callie. I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I freaked Lily out with my worrying, I could tell she was kinda looking for Zoe too (for someone who hates her, ha!). I don't like stressing Lily out, I know she still remembers the night that we lost Callie. And all the while, little Ms. Zoe was being good, just didn't want to answer me at that moment, and out doing Zoe things. But I do this EVERY single time Zoe isn't exactly where I want her to be or if she's home even just a few minutes late.

I would feel the same way..if I was in ure shoes..dont beat ureself up for worrying about ure babies or baby...Im so very SORRY about the loss of ure other cat...And hope ure other kitty comes home soon n safe....And hopefully she will start staying inside where its safe...

 

[neely]

There was a recent thread about a very similar subject in the Cat Behavior forum. Perhaps you might be interested in some of the suggestions/ideas about how to let Zoe enjoy the smells of the outdoors without actually letting her go outside: Worried About Cat Getting Runover

Here is a helpful Article about how to keep your cat safe outdoors:
How To Keep Your Cat Safe Outdoors

 

[Mother Dragon]

If Zoe were a human child and wanted to do something that might endanger her life like crossing a busy street alone, would you allow it? Even with our furkids, we have to be the responsible parents. There are times when we must simply say no. Going outside unsupervised is one of those things. It's part of our duty to take care of them and prevent them from making bad decisions. There are too many dangers out there, as you too well know. Foxes, coyotes, hawks, dogs, other animals are all dangers to an unsupervised cat. Here, the coyotes are jumping tall fences to get into yards to attack.

If Zoe insists on going out, get a halter such as a Cat Holster and a leash and take her for a walk every evening. She may have to adapt to the harness because some cats have a reflex called freeze and fall when wrapped. With time and patience, even they can learn to wear a harness. Don't get one of those thin harnesses made for dogs because they're too easy to escape from. Let her know this is her time to explore the outdoors, but in a safe manner.

It's another way of saying, "I love you."

 

[Willow's Mom]

Willow was an outdoor-only kitty and I just can't provide her with a safe place to roam. She goes hiking with me and the dogs and I also take her with us on errands, either in her carrier or on my shoulders.

Leash training Zoe is going to take a bit more time because she's not a very young kitten or tightly bonded with Chihuahuas, but it's better than the kind of anxiety you are describing, which is, incidentally, perfectly normal and natural.

After I found Wombat dead from a car, I never let Wallaby out again. Other than ferals, the rest were indoor-only until Willow.

 

[Mia6]

I'm not looking for advice on this, because there really is no answer. I just need to vent, and to talk. I've realized my anxiety is getting so bad with Zoe. Tonight I nearly started balling simply because I couldn't find Zoe when I called her outside, and she didn't come to me. It wasn't even her curfew yet, she is normally in right around 8. (which she did just come in a few minutes ago)
I know where the anxiety comes from, it's from finding Callie when she was hit by a car 3 years ago. I know the simple answer is "just keep them inside, it's safer". Zoe found her way out and found ways to dart out when she was like 8 months old. For some reason or another, she loves outside so much and i couldn't do that to her.
I need to calm my worries. All I could think for just those few minutes, was the memory of finding Callie in the road, and then I was imagining having to call my Mom and tell her that our little buddy was gone.
Callie was a formal feral cat, that I had taken in right around the time I had gotten Lily. She roamed, that's what she knew. Zoe is pretty good at staying close, I just can't help always assuming the worst when I look outside or walk outside and I don't automatically see her. I'll probably never get over the fear, because the fear is real, because it did happen to Callie. I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I freaked Lily out with my worrying, I could tell she was kinda looking for Zoe too (for someone who hates her, ha!). I don't like stressing Lily out, I know she still remembers the night that we lost Callie. And all the while, little Ms. Zoe was being good, just didn't want to answer me at that moment, and out doing Zoe things. But I do this EVERY single time Zoe isn't exactly where I want her to be or if she's home even just a few minutes late.

Your anxiety is so normal. The Vincie girl was born outside to a feral mom. She loved being out but always came home. She adopted me after her mother passed away when Vincie was about 8 weeks old. I decided to let her be out because always staying in caused her depression. She lived 19 years and 5 weeks. She had a good life. But I sometimes worried, it's natural for us moms.

 

[MissClouseau]

In case you missed, there was a recent thread about anxiety: How Do You Deal With Anxiety Related To Your Cat’s Health? Some good book suggestions there too. As you see I started it because I'm not handling things well at all either.

Hima is also an outdoor-indoor cat and this is also one of my anxieties as well. I have actually tried to make her a (temporarily) indoor-only cat back when she was recovering from illness. Even that didn't work. I thought of this issue a lot back then and I came to the conclusion and try to remind myself that I don't own Hima. I share my life with Hima and she shares hers with me. I apply similar rules to my dog as long as laws allow. They also only live once and they are both adults. In human years they wouldn't be toddlers. They would be more like teenagers in terms of defending themselves and understanding dangers. Hima is fully aware there are dangers outside. Of course she's actually more worried about no-dangers like the neighbors' well-behaved dogs, and some real dangers like cars although they can't speed in the condo. But she still wants to go out. I don't feel like it's my right to decide something major like this for her in her only life.

But for our own sake of mind we should also try to accept the relationship between some cats and a human is more independent than the one between a dog and a human. I'm obviously still not good at practicing this myself yet but while there are dangers outside, unless you live in a significantly dangerous area (wild animals and poisonous insects all around, high traffic etc) and you can be the judge of this, not us, nobody can know what will happen. In Istanbul we have street cats everywhere and some indeed die by getting hit by a car, or falling from where they climbed. But also many don't. And there are also cases where cats die at home accidentally. All the cats in my family current and past have been outdoor-indoor, no fatal accident outside, and my cousin's one outdoor-indoor cat died at home years ago over a freaky accident. There are like 3-4 street cats in my condo and around who are seniors and lived here in the streets for over a decade now.

We cannot control everything and it gets exhausting to try, or to think about all the things that might go wrong.

 

[CatLover49]

There was a recent thread about a very similar subject in the Cat Behavior forum. Perhaps you might be interested in some of the suggestions/ideas about how to let Zoe enjoy the smells of the outdoors without actually letting her go outside: Worried About Cat Getting Runover

Here is a helpful Article about how to keep your cat safe outdoors:
How To Keep Your Cat Safe Outdoors

I TOTALLY AGREE

 

[CatLover49]

I'm not looking for advice on this, because there really is no answer. I just need to vent, and to talk. I've realized my anxiety is getting so bad with Zoe. Tonight I nearly started balling simply because I couldn't find Zoe when I called her outside, and she didn't come to me. It wasn't even her curfew yet, she is normally in right around 8. (which she did just come in a few minutes ago)
I know where the anxiety comes from, it's from finding Callie when she was hit by a car 3 years ago. I know the simple answer is "just keep them inside, it's safer". Zoe found her way out and found ways to dart out when she was like 8 months old. For some reason or another, she loves outside so much and i couldn't do that to her.
I need to calm my worries. All I could think for just those few minutes, was the memory of finding Callie in the road, and then I was imagining having to call my Mom and tell her that our little buddy was gone.
Callie was a formal feral cat, that I had taken in right around the time I had gotten Lily. She roamed, that's what she knew. Zoe is pretty good at staying close, I just can't help always assuming the worst when I look outside or walk outside and I don't automatically see her. I'll probably never get over the fear, because the fear is real, because it did happen to Callie. I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I freaked Lily out with my worrying, I could tell she was kinda looking for Zoe too (for someone who hates her, ha!). I don't like stressing Lily out, I know she still remembers the night that we lost Callie. And all the while, little Ms. Zoe was being good, just didn't want to answer me at that moment, and out doing Zoe things. But I do this EVERY single time Zoe isn't exactly where I want her to be or if she's home even just a few minutes late.

Dont remember it this was in ure posts or not..what about cat trees for inside...by the windows...Cat grass...like another member said try to bring some outdoors inside to ure kitty...