Moving Backwards (Again) w/Intros

msbedelia

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As some of you know, I am in the process of introducing a spayed 3 y/o newly adopted cat (Squeak) to a 1.5-2 y/o resident cat (Gracie). We will have had Squeak for 3 weeks this weekend, so this is really looking like its going to be a multiple month process.

History: Gracie was found by a coworker in January, meowing outside on a cold day, so he brought her in. They never found an owner, but she was already spayed and was in excellent shape. At night, one of his two resident cats would attack her in ways that left scratches and marks, so in March, he decided she might be best rehomed and we took her. She is extremely social and playful.

Squeak has always been listed by her shelter as good with cats, dogs, and children. She is extremely affectionate towards people. She was allowed to roam around with other cats in the shelter, as she always got along with them. However, she was previously adopted and "returned" after 3 days, with the adopters explaining she was aggressive towards their resident cat. She continued to live at the shelter and be okay with the cats there. We even saw her and another cat in the little room they put you in to get to know the cats, and there were no problems. When we got her home, we put her in her own room. A few times since, we've tried to have a face to five meeting for them, but they haven't gone well. We just plugged in our Feliway diffusers a week ago.

We took another step backwards today, when Squeak got out of her safe room and swatted Gracie, who backed off; then followed Gracie while staring aggressively; then full-on attacked G (at which point I threw a towel on S, grabbed her-still growling- and got her back in her safe-room). No one was hurt, but I think only because I acted. This was probably the worst of their encounters.

This comes after we'd been waiting almost a full week to try to begin intros again. I've realized "no contact" for a human- being in different rooms separated by a door- is not likely no contact for cats; they can both get noses and paws under the door. The past day or so, I've noticed that Gracie's "paw under the door" play seemed to be "escalating", and as always, it was STILL producing hisses, growls, and even swats from Squeak. I'm guessing this intensified aggression from S is linked to that. I've now placed a towel under the door to S's room so G can't bother her.

So now I'm faced with how to move us forward. I am planning on:
•Continuing to use Feliway. Maximum effectiveness supposedly may take months. Worth a try.
•Jackson Galaxy's "Peacemaker" and "Bully" essences were ordered today; I will use them when they arrive.
•Give the girls another cooling-off period- this time with a towel under the door!
•Continue with feedings by the door but, for a few days at least, with the towel still in place. Then see if we can do feedings without towel in place; then towel goes back immediately.
•Make sure everyone gets daily interactive play sessions, to fulfill mental stimulation needs, provide a positive outlet for aggression, increase happiness, decrease stress, etc.
•Make sure everyone gets "face-time" with us and cuddles (if they like/want it).
•Continue with site-swapping.
•Continue with daily brushing with the same comb.
•Continue clicker-training with each cat, so that they are prepared for clicker training during introductions. I think this will be especially important for Squeak, though Gracie needs it too.
•Eventually, spend some time w/towel not under the door clicker-training Gracie not to bother Squeak. The fact that she "doesn't know when to stop" is a problem. Obviously, I have no idea what her socialization was like as a kitten or if she had sufficient time w/siblings.
•Brush them daily with the same brush.

Other eventual goals are feeding them at the same time with a baby gate between them, giving them simultaneous interactive playtime with the baby gate between them, and clicker training Squeak not to aggressively stare at Gracie through the baby gate.

My deepest fear is that we'll have to rehome Squeak, but as you can see I really think we should spend some serious time working with her (and Gracie) first. We love her, she has the potential to get along with other cats, and she needs help doing so for whatever reason. That wouldn't be different in another home. It will also certainly be difficult to rehome an adult who needs to be an only cat and who was returned to a shelter once- not to mention even more traumatic for poor Squeak. I'm not seriously considering that yet, but it is my greatest fear.

My other obstacle is my boyfriend, who is not interested in working on behavioral issues with our cats. His attitude is to feed/water them daily and maybe occasionally clean a litter box. He's fine letting me do more, but I'm worried about his patience running out with Squeak. Especially since her room is his study, and he hates that it's hard toget in a out of because he has to keep the cats separate. Hopefully the towel isn't going to exacerbate that too much. It's also frustrating bc he's not much of a help in this process and is often contrarian about what I say, even though I've done the research and he hasn't. It's at very least dispiriting through this whole process.

I'm certainly open to suggestions and ideas, but mainly I'm just venting and looking for support. (Insight is also welcome!) It also allows me to be held accountable to what I say I'm going to do, as well as to keep a record of our progress.

Wish us luck please!!!!
 

mani

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You have loads of support here... I think your list is comprehensive and really well thought out.

Your boyfriend is really just going to have to wear it... and I'm sure he will as he must know how important it is to you.

Keep us posted and do come here for a chat whenever you need or want to! 
 
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msbedelia

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Thanks a lot, Mani!

I am feeling better already with the towel under the door, knowing that Squeak is probably less stressed since Gracie can't harass her. We have so many things still up our sleeves. :)

And yeah, it looks like BF is going to continue to just suck it up. It helps that he likes Squeak so much, since she's so affectionate (unlike resident cat). ^^

I will keep you guys posted.
 

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What about that idea (not mine) about puting Vanilla under the chin of each and near the butt of each. so that they smell alike? I don't know where I read this...maybe on this site or on Jackson Galaxy...not sure but it sort of would distract them and equalize them maybe?

Otherwise you are really doing everything you can think of. :) and it just might be a time thing.

Thanks for the update!
 
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msbedelia

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What about that idea (not mine) about puting Vanilla under the chin of each and near the butt of each. so that they smell alike?
We've done that a few times. It's been unclear to me how much it helped. I have cat allergies, though, and once a week I wipe them down with Allerpet C and I swear they're calmer toward each other for a day or so after that. :p

I think in the past week, we have hardly given them any positive associations with each other under the guise of giving them a break before starting again, while unknowingly allowing Squeak at least to form significant negative associations and letting Gracie get in the habit of harassing Squeak.
 

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Other then using the grooming comb for scent exchange, are you using anything else? Using a towel that has both their scents on it placed under the closed door so half sticks out on both sides and then feeding them on this usually helps them associate their combined scent with good feelings. Towels or blankets with their scents on them can also be used during play sessions, by having them play on top of one covered with the others scent. Can also use treats or cat nip on these items, anything that brings out good feelings associated with the others scent. Room swapping for periods of time can also help reduce territorial issues.
 
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msbedelia

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Well, things have been going well now that we've been taking it much more slowly. The hissing has almost been entirely eliminated, and I've been working with Gracie to teach her to leave Squeak alone (though I think she still has a long way to go- the fact that she doesn't heed the hisses really concerns me). We've also been alternating days that each cat spends in the safe room vs. out and about the apartment.

This certainly is a lengthy process. We've had Squeak for a month as of this upcoming weekend.

I'm getting nervous as we are ramping up the opportunities for contact- feeding time with the door open a crack, etc. Trying not to so that it doesn't affect the kitties, but. ^^ But overall, things are looking optimistic! :)
 
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msbedelia

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Lunch!


Doesn't properly show my girls off, but it demonstrates that we are making progress. Moving slowly enough that when they let me know I'm pushing them too hard- with an aggressive stare at each other, etc.- all we have to do is end the session and not push so hard next time (rather than start over).

Again, with progress comes temptation, but we're resisting it. Kitties are sending us signals that this is as far as they can go right now. :)
 

katluver4life

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Thats wonderful!
Eating together that close is actually a marvelous step for them both! So happy to hear and SEE this. So glad your willing to go at THEIR pace. They'll reward you in the end.
 

mani

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Again, with progress comes temptation, but we're resisting it. Kitties are sending us signals that this is as far as they can go right now.
Well done you!


That's really impressive -

It's so good you're giving it lots of time... I really understand the temptation, but the thought of going back to square one normally puts a dampener on it..
 
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msbedelia

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Thanks for the support, guys. :) It really is helpful, boosting morale and providing additional insight/confirmation.

We knew this was a possibility when we adopted an adult instead of a kitten, and especially one who while "good with other cats" was previously returned for "aggressiveness" toward a resident cat. Squeak really is making lots of progress in expanding her comfort zone, with Gracie and otherwise. I've been trying to build her confidence by playing with her throughout the house and leading her onto different surfaces with the toy. (I noticed that she tends to stick close to walls or lounge under furniture rather than utilize the vertical space available to her, with the exception of our bed.) Now she'll sit on the chair or desk in the "safe" room to look out the window. She's not at that point with the rest of the apartment, but I know she'll get there! I really do think her "aggression" is linked to fear/lack of confidence/etc. I'm glad she came to us. Not many people want an obese, 3 y/o cat who has been returned to the shelter and who requires lengthy introductions to companion animals she's supposed to be good with.

They are both really great cats, and they are both doing their best. :)
 

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I agree that a cat who has first lost it's home, put into a shelter, rehomed and again returned to a shelter, is going to have no confidence what so ever. He/she will feel like they own nothing, and so will lash out. Thank you again for being so patient with her and giving her what she needs to feel like she again owns her world. I'm glad she came to you also!
 
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msbedelia

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Things are much the same here. 

It continues to be a source of conflict that Gracie is very interested in Squeak and wants to play and/or explore her, but Squeak wants nothing to do with Gracie. I've been trying to burn off Gracie's relentless energy with play sessions, but haven't seemed to tire her out. It doesn't help that being confined in one room every other day (site-swapping and giving Squeaker the run of the place) makes her stir crazy.

Today, I've been worrying that Gracie needs a companion who also has a very high energy level- like a kitten- not just for her own well-being but in order to leave Squeak alone enough for them to tolerate each other. Its like a thought that has seized me, although it's not welcome here! A third cat would be a strain in terms of time, finances, and space. It would likely make things only more upsetting and confusing for poor Squeak during this already stressful period for her. And of course, even with a high-energy kitten, there's the chance that Gracie and Kitten wouldn't get along and then we'd have three cats we were struggling to introduce instead of two. Finally, the boyfriend would never allow it (quite wisely).

Sigh. I wish the thought/worry would just leave me alone...
 

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Remember, Gracie won't always be a kitten.. I know it's not much use to you now, but it will get better. 

Whilst it's great to give another cat a home, there are absolutely no guarantees, and if alarm bells are ringing we also have to listen to them.  Especially if we can't afford to look after them all; then we've done them all a disservice.

You are doing the very best for them
 
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msbedelia

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Remember, Gracie won't always be a kitten..
I know. My fear is that she may be kitten-like for a very long time though.

However, the 3rd cat madness has passed for now. ^^

Thanks as always for the wisdom and support.

I am struggling to be patient. It's definitely a trying time for me right now. I am not sure if we're making progress or not; it certainly doesn't feel like it!

Every time I think clicker training has reduced Squeak's hissing/growling at Gracie through the door, she starts up again. Gracie, for all her energy, does seem to be responding to clicker training intended to get her to not pounce on the door, though she still really really wants to. :p However, today she found an interactive toy I'd accidentally left out from playing with Squeaker and went nuts- dragged it around hissing, growling, and spitting for 20-30 minutes. The first day or two after we got Squeak she did something similar with her own interactive toys when we tried to play with her (Gracie), though it was not nearly as severe or intense. It made me more confused about where she is in this whole process.

I can never tell if we're moving backwards or forwards, which cat's behavior needs the most modification, or what the "main issue" for each cat is with regard to learning to tolerate each other.
 
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msbedelia

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07-13-13
9:00am

Cats were very hungry this morning, having had dinner at 11pm last night. They ate enthusiastically. I had intended to have them eat breakfast through the closed door with visibility under the door (which requires removing the towel, etc), but when Squeak began eating with the door open (but the baby gate up) I figured door open was just fine. They ate about 14 inches from each other, straight in front of each other. Gracie kept leaving to try to attack birds through the window. The session ended when I noticed Gracie had become more interested in Squeak than in breakfast or birds, as she kept trying to approach the baby gate from the side and I closed the door. It was not clear to me if she was interested/curious or aggressive, though I suspect the former. I did not allow Gracie to get close to the gate and therefore Squeak was not perturbed.

Before breakfast, they each got 5 drops of Jackson Galaxy's Bully Remedy on their fur. 3 drops of Peacemaker went into their breakfast.

10:00am

Changed the Feliway diffusers in the living room and study/sanctuary room. Added third Feliway diffuser in bedroom. During this time, I keep going back and forth between the sanctuary room and the apartment for chore related reasons. Cats are each other through the gate each time I pass, without any display or aggression or inappropriate interest.

11:00am
Discovered Gracie sitting by sanctuary door, sniffing. She was not poking the towel or gate or disturbing it in any way (as she is wont to do). In hindsight, I should have maybe clicked and treated?

12:00pm
Kitty switch! Gracie goes in the sanctuary room, and Squeaker roams the rest of the apartment. Squeak proceeds to play with a solo object toy, then explores and sniffs the entire apartment.

They got lunch and some clicker training in the afternoon, separately and not with anything that involved each other.

At night, they got simultaneous play sessions (yay the boyfriend for his help with that!) with the door open but the baby gate up. After 7 minutes, Gracie began to no attention to Squeak than to the toy, so we ended the session.

About 20 minutes later, I served them dinner (with the door closed, towel up, etc). Squeak was sitting up on an ottoman and didn't want to come down to eat. Hope she's okay (I think she is- we have a silly little song we sing here that is from Squeak's perspective and involves the line, "I'm really fat but I never eat!"). She might be exhausted from her busy day in the big apartment.
 
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msbedelia

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07-14-13

10:00am
Squeak ate her food sometime in the night. Everyone gets Jackson Galaxy anti-bulky remedy on their fur.

10:40am
Breakfast- with peacemaker remedy- is served, as is fresh water with peacemaker remedy. Squeak somewhat apprehensively eats a small but significant portion of breakfast by the closed door (with a view under the door). After she is finished and walks away, I can hear Gracie eating; not sure if they ate at the same time.

I do not wedge towel to block view back under the door.

1:00pm
Kitty switch!!! Gracie picked up, allowing Squeak to walk into sanctuary room, Gracie put down outside of room with door still open. They regard each other without incident or aggressive staring, before going to explore their respective areas. I close the door. Awesome.

2:00pm
Leash training with Gracie. Then, brush Gracie, then Squeak, then Gracie again to mingle scents. Everyone get anti-bully remedy.

Then leave door open with baby gate up for a minute or two. I sit in the sanctuary room and click and treat Squeak for being relaxed and Gracie for being relaxed/not getting too close to the door. Cats seem relaxed and unphased by each other. Major yay! Decide to end on a high note rather than push them too far, and close door.

Gracie goes to groom herself.

They still have limited visibility of each other through bottom of the door, though baby gate blocks it somewhat.

2:15pm
While I am entering the sanctuary room, Squeaker initiates an aggressive stare at Gracie and gives a small, low growl. She is reluctant to move out of the way of the closing door because it require breaking her aggressive stare. Once the door is closed, Squeak looks up at me and gives a few friendly squeaks, then rubs against my hand.

4:00pm

Boyfriend & I decide to watch TV in the living room. Since cats have been doing so well today, thought it would be interesting to leave door open with baby-gate up while watching TV.... And sitting in front of the baby gate, lol. They did very well, mostly ignoring each other, lots of clicks and treats.

At one point, they got close enough to smell each other's noses through the gate!!! They both sniffed intently with no signs of aggression. They got a giant food nom as a reward, ad we closed the door to end on a high note and not push them too hard when things are going so well. Yay yay yay yay yay they sniffed noses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:00pm
Out of curiosity (and okay, impatience), I opened the door and clicked/treated them for not reacting to each other in a negative way. I took away the baby gate to see what would happen. They were very hesitant to violate the baby gate boundary, and they got clicks and treats.

They smelled each other. At one point, Gracie raised her paw for a swat- I don't know if it was playful or aggressive- but she paused in midair, moved her ears into a submissive posture, and put her paw down, deciding not to swat after all. (This made me so happy!!!!! She seems to be learning not to antagonize Squeak.)

Eventually, Gracie decided to saunter into Squeak's sanctuary room, going to the chair by the screen door to look out. Squeak watched her with some wariness, but not with a full-on stare and was responsive to pets from BF and me.

Eventually, Gracie sauntered back to the door to the sanctuary room and started to eat some of Squeak's leftover food in her food bowl (despite having leftover food in her own bowl). Squeak seemed a bit taken aback by this, but remained relaxed(ish) and okay. While Gracie was eating, Squeak move in to sniff her butt (which Gracie had not intentionally offered). Gracie spun around, they locked eyes in an aggressive stare that probably lasted half a minute, and finally Squeak raised herself up and have a big hiss with her front paws in the air. Gracie ran to the other side of the living room under the couch, and began to groom herself. (Again, this made me happy. It shows a respect for Squeak's hissing she hasn't had before.)

We figured they had had their limit, and Squeak was having some difficulty calming down (staring at Gracie aggressively without any break, twitching her tail, etc) so we once again closed the sanctuary door.

BF and I decided it would have Ben best if we had broken their aggressive stare.

Sorry we didn't end it on a high note, but these seem to be normal, working-it-out interactions for the most part. Hopefully we can continue to help Squeak quickly recover from the times she needs to hiss at Gracie rather than "hold on" to that level of arousal and aggression. Such a victory that Gracie refrained from actively bothering Squeak and that, until that aggressive stare lock, Squeak managed to remain warily calm!

8:00pm
Emptying Squeak's litter box on our balcony porch. Brought Squeak out in her leash and harness, because she hates to be left inside when I'm outside. She and Gracie see each other through the living room window that looks out into the balcony, and Squeak stare aggressively and appears agitated. Gracie looks, but does not stare, and takes a submissive posture. I am not certain if Squeak knows that the other cat she is regarding is Gracie.

10:00pm
Kitty dinner time. We served dinner through the baby gate with the door open, but once again Squeak wasn't in the mood. She sat on the chair in front of the screen door. Squeak and Gracie definitely regarded each other, and may have stared somewhat aggressively (it was hard to tell), but Squeak eventually looked away and blinked and ignored her, and Gracie ate her own food. We closed the door.

Hoping to do more contact tomorrow, when Squeak has full reign of the apartment and feels a little more confident. Also hoping the hot weather this week won't require us to confine Squeak to the one air-conditioned room (she is obese and prone to overheating). Obviously, keeping her healthy and alive is our first priority, but I think in terms of intros and psychological well-being full run of the apartment is important right now.
 

mani

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I'm really not familiar with clicker training (I've only seen it done with dogs) but your whole regime sounds brilliant!

I like the way you're keeping a log, as we forget so quickly what works, what doesn't, and how the situation is evolving, even if it feels painfully slow..
 

katluver4life

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10:00pm
Kitty dinner time. We served dinner through the baby gate with the door open, but once again Squeak wasn't in the mood. She sat on the chair in front of the screen door. Squeak and Gracie definitely regarded each other, and may have stared somewhat aggressively (it was hard to tell), but Squeak eventually looked away and blinked and ignored her, and Gracie ate her own food. We closed the door
 
This alone is wonderful progress and should reassure you that they WILL work things out.
I too love this journal of their progress.

I know it seems like a dauntingly long process, but they are really doing what is pretty normal. Don't get upset by any hissing. It is not always a sign of aggression. Cats use it frequently to just say, your in my space, back off. That Gracie is learning to respect Squeaks hisses is also wonderful. Kittens tend to be oblivious to hissing until they are taught it can mean a little pain will follow lol.
 
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