Mother-in-law and cat care

Animarie

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So ever since I got my first cat(my 2 year old black and white male) as a young adult my mother-in-law has been criticizing on how I take care of him. When she would come to visit she would often be there around meal time and would be disgusted by the fact that I timed fed him wet food. She has something against feeding cats wet food and timed feeding him. She would like a broken record tell me she only feed her cats this particular brand of dry food and free feeds them all day.

She would also criticize me on how I dont let my cats outside(I live in a busy city and she lives in the country, completely different environments). She has on several occasions tried to force hold my first cat, who only likes to be held when it is his idea. He of course didnt like her force holding him and make it clear to her ever since that she better stay away from him(he doesn't like her at all and hisses at her). She blamed the fact that he didnt like her on me because I didnt try to forcefully hold him and just bonded with him in ways he preferred.

She also has said on several occasions that I should take care of cats her way and that I would just have to get use to it. I refused to and now she is holding a grudge against me. I am doing something wrong here?
 

Babypaws

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OMG, you poor thing….it’s your cat and you’re not doing anything wrong. Cats are far safer by being inside then as an outdoor cat to begin with and feeding him wet food is far more health.
i dont know how you deal with someone who is so critica… is your husband willing to talk to her? Hope she doesn’t visit often…lol
 

LTS3

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No. It's YOUR cat, not the MIL's cat. You are allowed to care for your cat the way you feel is best. If MIL doesn't agree about YOUR choices, that's her problem. Can your husband to to his mother and tell her to stop? Do you have children or plan to have children? I imagine the MIL might be just as critical of how you care for your children the same way she is of your cat.
 
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Animarie

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i dont know how you deal with someone who is so critica… is your husband willing to talk to her? Hope she doesn’t visit often…lol
He has tried to talk to her she is very stubborn and there have been arguments between him and her as well.
 
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Animarie

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Do you have children or plan to have children? I imagine the MIL might be just as critical of how you care for your children the same way she is of your cat.
I don't have children yet though she probably would be critical of that too. Both myself and my husband have been annoyed with her. It has been sort of affecting our relationship with her. We have been thinking of visiting her less and not inviting her over.
 
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Animarie

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You and me feed the cats the same and my 2 are strictly indoor also. Good job.
I can imagine how upset my cats would be(both the 2 year old and the kitten) if I got rid of their wet food and just gave them dry food. They love wet food, the people that gave me the kitten(my second cat) gave me a little bag of dry food yet the moment I switched her wet food she made up her mind which she preferred. I would then give her a little bit of her old dry food to finish the bag and she was like 'what is this junk'.
 

catloverfromwayback

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You’re feeding your cats correctly and keeping them safe, and she’s doing the opposite. I think not having her visit is the best idea.
 

neely

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Perhaps you could send your MIL one or more of the Articles on TCS - you can scroll through the pertinent articles here:
TheCatSite Articles

Basically it sounds like your MIL is a disagreeable person and trying to control your husband and you. I think it would probably be best to limit the amount of time you spend with her and visit her rather than have her visit you.
 

catloverfromwayback

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Perhaps you could send your MIL one or more of the Articles on TCS - you can scroll through the pertinent articles here:
TheCatSite Articles

Basically it sounds like your MIL is a disagreeable person and trying to control your husband and you. I think it would probably be best to limit the amount of time you spend with her and visit her rather than have her visit you.
My thoughts exactly.
 

Alldara

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Animarie Animarie you are doing nothing wrong.
Unfortunately, we need to set clear boundaries with family sometimes. It sounds like this is the case in this situation.

It's a really hard thing to do at first, but you and your husband will have more enjoyable visits with family once they get used to you setting and holding boundaries (there can be a lot of toxic resistance to this at first). It's really great to practice now before you have children. Personally, I've lost a few family relationships from this but mostly I've gotten to build very positive healthy relationships with other family members from this. So just take what works best for you from any advice mentioned 😊
 
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