Missing Tiger Thoughts

[wealthy1]

I found this site after Tigers death in February and again thank you everyone. I find posting here and speaking with others who are or went through this grieving process has been very helpful.

But I journal and I don't want to write these thoughts down on paper for me to find years later. SO this will be my little post to write random things that pop in my head about TIger.

My extremely small apartment feels huge without TIger. It's so quiet in the house and a sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so noticeable that a presence is missing. I don't smell her stinky litter box or see any of her milk rings (her favorite toys) on the floor. Actually to any outsider, there is no evidence that I ever had a cat. Which I find more disturbing. But in my haste to grieve quickly. I threw away most of the items that belonged to her.

Sunday I had a very bad bout of grief. I cried for hours. It's worse when you are grieving alone. No one else misses Tiger although everyone who knew me knew her, after all she was with me for almost 12 years. Sad.

I spend my evenings watching TV, with a small expectation that Tiger would get bored sleeping in my bed and come over to the sofa and watch tv with me.

My God, the pain is so surreal. I know she wouldnt want me to grieve, etc. But that thought does nothing for the pain I feel. The guilt I feel. I literally take it one day at a time. Sometimes its literally one second at a time.

Although i wouldnt do it, but I understand why people immediately go out and get another fur-baby to love.

I had Tiger for almost 12 years and hardly notice her cat hair all of the place. Comes with having a pet, right?! Now, I'm noticing cat hair all over the place. I pick it up and smile and release it in the wind.

I know I made a poor decision putting Tiger asleep before I gave her a chance to fight. All the signs were there to give her a chance. No matter what I tell myself, and what others have told me. Part of me regret rushing to the decision to euthanize her. I was not in the right mental space to make any decisions about Tiger. I'm not as distraught as I once were about it. But it still brings me to tears.

I miss being responsible for someone more than myself. Tiger got me out of bed and out the door. Had to keep my house clean, because she would try to taste random things on the floor. She had a love affair with hiding behind my bathroom door. Such a weird thing! But she loved it and would take off running when I catch her.

I miss her so much and I dont think I appreciated her in life as much as I should have. We had a strain relationship. But we were coming to a place of being at peace with each other. I wished I had another 12 years with her.

I asked God why would he put such a resonponsibility on me to decide if she should live or die. More so, why couldnt he give me the presence of mind to understand the situation. I thought it was liver cancer to discover it wasnt and maybe something milder and controllable. But it's irrelevant now, because I made that decision and Tiger is gone. Although, I know I made a mistake, I released her too soon and without a fight. I wont make that mistake again.

 

[catwoman707]

My extremely small apartment feels huge without TIger. It's so quiet in the house and a sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so noticeable that a presence is missing. I don't smell her stinky litter box or see any of her milk rings (her favorite toys) on the floor. Actually to any outsider, there is no evidence that I ever had a cat. Which I find more disturbing. But in my haste to grieve quickly. I threw away most of the items that belonged to her.

Sunday I had a very bad bout of grief. I cried for hours. It's worse when you are grieving alone. No one else misses Tiger although everyone who knew me knew her, after all she was with me for almost 12 years. Sad.

I spend my evenings watching TV, with a small expectation that Tiger would get bored sleeping in my bed and come over to the sofa and watch tv with me.

My God, the pain is so surreal. I know she wouldnt want me to grieve, etc. But that thought does nothing for the pain I feel. The guilt I feel. I literally take it one day at a time. Sometimes its literally one second at a time.


.

I am living just what you have described right now.

My house feels cold and empty, so silent it is deafening.

The pain in my heart, the emptiness in my chest is sometimes unbearable.

Some days I don't want to get out of bed, I don't like it anymore. I don't look forward to coming home anymore.

It's just so lonely.

How empty life feels now. Who even cares about life. I feel deflated, empty and am struggling to get through this huge loss.

So just a few words to let you know, there are so many who can relate to your feelings perfectly.

The decision of when is right is a big question that is asked here often.

Sometimes some wait too long and kitty suffers, sometimes that fear of them suffering makes some choose to do it sooner, and maybe too soon, which really means giving you a bit more time with your cat, but they know when their body is failing, I'm sure of that.

I'm thankful that times keeps ticking by, as time does help to heal.

It's so sad to know that others out there are suffering as I am. But know you're definitely not alone, and feel free to write and vent anytime. It helps.

 

[di and bob]

If  anything comes out of this horrible nightmare,  your last sentence is something learned and something to use in the future. The extreme stress we are under when our loved ones are suffering clouds our judgment and muddies the thinking process. it is not until later we begin to think clearly again and often go step by step over everything we did. Of course we find things we did wrong, of course we dwell on those decisions and regret everything we did in those last few hours. That is why we should rely on those vets to tell us the truth and to use their knowledge and past experiences to help us with our decisions. None of us can be relied on to make rational, correct decisions when we are so upset and so worried about those we love so very much. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. There is nothing guaranteed that says your beloved Tiger would have lived without suffering and more pain. You made the best decision you could at the time with what you had, that is all anyone could ask, especially Tiger.

 I hold responsibility for my own little girl's death, so I know the grief of living with that pain for the rest of my life. It is only held under control by knowing I gave her the best while she was in my care and that  it was something that happened not through any deliberate acts of  of mine, just as you meant no harm to the one you loved so much, you were trying to spare her certain suffering as you were witnessing at the time. It was a final act of love that freed her from pain and an unknown future that may have held more.  

It does help to have the distraction of a new little one around the house, it forces you to concentrate on the present and not to dwell on the past. It has only been a month or two since your little one went to the Rainbow bridge, that is not long at all in the grieving process and it helps to have someone there to grieve with you.  You will never forget Tiger, she is secure in your heart and held to your soul by the bond that will forever tie you together. She would like nothing better then to share that space with another, it means she taught you well how to love and share your life, to pass on that legacy of Love she entrusted you with. For now, allow yourself to grieve, it cleanses the soul and lets the heartache out. Don't let it take over your life though, you are still with the living and must go on. In time, and only in time, the sharp edges will soften and you will see that Tiger loves you too much for you to spend the rest of your life in agony, she'll always be there for you, waiting for you,  love is eternal. Take care....... 

 

[wealthy1]

Di and Bob, I wanted to say thank you. You always give an encouraging word to myself and others who are grieving over the lost of a fur-baby. Your words of kindness and putting things in perspective is always appreciated.

I was on the verge of crying and feeling guilty again and your post reminded me that I MUST move forward and onward.

Maybe my perspective on getting another pet is wrong. Animals are used to help alleviate grief and like you said, redirect our attention on the present. Another pet cannot replace Tiger. But, him/her will give me the happiness I'm so desperately searching for. Thanks again Di and Bob.

If  anything comes out of this horrible nightmare,  your last sentence is something learned and something to use in the future. The extreme stress we are under when our loved ones are suffering clouds our judgment and muddies the thinking process. it is not until later we begin to think clearly again and often go step by step over everything we did. Of course we find things we did wrong, of course we dwell on those decisions and regret everything we did in those last few hours. That is why we should rely on those vets to tell us the truth and to use their knowledge and past experiences to help us with our decisions. None of us can be relied on to make rational, correct decisions when we are so upset and so worried about those we love so very much. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. There is nothing guaranteed that says your beloved Tiger would have lived without suffering and more pain. You made the best decision you could at the time with what you had, that is all anyone could ask, especially Tiger.
 I hold responsibility for my own little girl's death, so I know the grief of living with that pain for the rest of my life. It is only held under control by knowing I gave her the best while she was in my care and that  it was something that happened not through any deliberate acts of  of mine, just as you meant no harm to the one you loved so much, you were trying to spare her certain suffering as you were witnessing at the time. It was a final act of love that freed her from pain and an unknown future that may have held more.  
It does help to have the distraction of a new little one around the house, it forces you to concentrate on the present and not to dwell on the past. It has only been a month or two since your little one went to the Rainbow bridge, that is not long at all in the grieving process and it helps to have someone there to grieve with you.  You will never forget Tiger, she is secure in your heart and held to your soul by the bond that will forever tie you together. She would like nothing better then to share that space with another, it means she taught you well how to love and share your life, to pass on that legacy of Love she entrusted you with. For now, allow yourself to grieve, it cleanses the soul and lets the heartache out. Don't let it take over your life though, you are still with the living and must go on. In time, and only in time, the sharp edges will soften and you will see that Tiger loves you too much for you to spend the rest of your life in agony, she'll always be there for you, waiting for you,  love is eternal. Take care....... 

 

[Mia6]

I am so very sorry about your Tiger. It must hurt so much. I lost my Kirsten in October at age 17.

Maybe you could post a pic?

Hugs,

Mia

 

[wealthy1]

My sweet tiger. But I have decided to get another fur-baby. I'm trying to decide should I get a cat or a dog first. But I will have a new pet by the end of May.

FB_IMG_1487025875447.jpg

• wealthy1
• Mar 3, 2017

 

[Mia6]

Oh my goodness!!! What an amazing beauty!!! I bet you kissed her 100 times a day.

I'm glad to hear you are going to get another one.

Hugs,

Mia   (nice bedspread)

 

[wealthy1]

My sweet tiger. But I have decided to get another fur-baby. I'm trying to decide should I get a cat or a dog first. But I will have a new pet by the end of May.

FB_IMG_1487025875447.jpg

• wealthy1
• Mar 3, 2017

Oh my goodness!!! What an amazing beauty!!! I bet you kissed her 100 times a day.
I'm glad to hear you are going to get another one.

Hugs,

Mia   (nice bedspread)

Tiger wasnt much for kisses or petting for that matter. But she loved to have me talk to her. She would look at me as she understood every word I was saying. She also loved to watch TV.....weird I know.

I think I brought the bedspread from Homegoods.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My friend asked me (she doesnt like cats) what are the positives of not having a pet in my home. I told her the only positive was that I have my bed back. But other than that, Tiger wasnt a bother. I complained about her and voiced my frustrations and even once I thought of giving away for adoption. But I didn't because I loved her and having a pet doesn't STRONGLY affect my every day life.

Actually because of her, my house was cleaner, I kept to a schedule, I got out of bed and it felt good to think of someone (pet) else besides myself.

But, I'm on a search for a pug now.

 

[wealthy1]

It’s been 10 months since I lost Tiger. I did search for another cat (I do love cats). I found 3 cats that I connected with but I didn’t get them because....... Part of me felt, at that time, I would make another mistake (like I did with Tiger’s death) and all these insecurities just bubbled up. Also, I went through a period of wanting to give her away. And the fear that I might feel that way again for another fur-baby.

However, the last few weeks. My dreams have been weird about her. I keep dreaming of a different looking cat, but at the same time this cat would remind me of Tiger.....to the point that I feel it’s her even though the cat doesn’t look like her. The dreams are so strong and overwhelming I wake up suddenly.

Maybe it’s my subconscious telling me that, I’m ready to get another fur-baby. And to let the future take care of itself and enjoy each moment I have with a new fur-baby.

Although it still hurts not having her here and I miss her terribly. I find so much happiness that she isn’t suffering anymore and in a happier place.

 

[di and bob]

Take heed of your dreams......love is spiritual, so who knows how they may contact us and try to communicate and comfort. She may be trying to tell you to check for another cat now, you will know it's right the minute you see THE one. Good luck, and keep us posted!

 

[Antonio65]

I had missed this thread, probably because it was first posted on the day before my cat died...
I'm sorry for your Tiger she was such a beauty!

If someone should ever ask me what is the positive thing of not having a pet anymore, I would say that there are no positive things.
Life has a meaning only when we can take care of someone else. What will my life be without a pet in my house? I think it will be a life that isn't worth living.
As a matter of fact, after losing my Lola on March 30, I feel that my life has lost most of its meaning and to be honest I don't care about my life too much anymore. Should a meteorite hit the earth now I would not move an inch and I think I could even welcome it.
I think I'm still alive only becasue I have my wife and another cat. Differently I would have died already.

I hope you are feeling better day by day, and that Tiger will step into your dreams often to tell you she still loves you so much.
RIP Tiger!

 

[sillywoody]

I found this site after Tigers death in February and again thank you everyone. I find posting here and speaking with others who are or went through this grieving process has been very helpful.

But I journal and I don't want to write these thoughts down on paper for me to find years later. SO this will be my little post to write random things that pop in my head about TIger.

My extremely small apartment feels huge without TIger. It's so quiet in the house and a sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so noticeable that a presence is missing. I don't smell her stinky litter box or see any of her milk rings (her favorite toys) on the floor. Actually to any outsider, there is no evidence that I ever had a cat. Which I find more disturbing. But in my haste to grieve quickly. I threw away most of the items that belonged to her.

Sunday I had a very bad bout of grief. I cried for hours. It's worse when you are grieving alone. No one else misses Tiger although everyone who knew me knew her, after all she was with me for almost 12 years. Sad.

I spend my evenings watching TV, with a small expectation that Tiger would get bored sleeping in my bed and come over to the sofa and watch tv with me.

My God, the pain is so surreal. I know she wouldnt want me to grieve, etc. But that thought does nothing for the pain I feel. The guilt I feel. I literally take it one day at a time. Sometimes its literally one second at a time.

Although i wouldnt do it, but I understand why people immediately go out and get another fur-baby to love.

I had Tiger for almost 12 years and hardly notice her cat hair all of the place. Comes with having a pet, right?! Now, I'm noticing cat hair all over the place. I pick it up and smile and release it in the wind.

I know I made a poor decision putting Tiger asleep before I gave her a chance to fight. All the signs were there to give her a chance. No matter what I tell myself, and what others have told me. Part of me regret rushing to the decision to euthanize her. I was not in the right mental space to make any decisions about Tiger. I'm not as distraught as I once were about it. But it still brings me to tears.

I miss being responsible for someone more than myself. Tiger got me out of bed and out the door. Had to keep my house clean, because she would try to taste random things on the floor. She had a love affair with hiding behind my bathroom door. Such a weird thing! But she loved it and would take off running when I catch her.

I miss her so much and I dont think I appreciated her in life as much as I should have. We had a strain relationship. But we were coming to a place of being at peace with each other. I wished I had another 12 years with her.

I asked God why would he put such a resonponsibility on me to decide if she should live or die. More so, why couldnt he give me the presence of mind to understand the situation. I thought it was liver cancer to discover it wasnt and maybe something milder and controllable. But it's irrelevant now, because I made that decision and Tiger is gone. Although, I know I made a mistake, I released her too soon and without a fight. I wont make that mistake again.

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know it feels like no one else cares about Tiger right now, but I do. I hear me in your post, I lost my boy yesterday unexpectedly, and I'm doing the same thing as you, blaming myself, holding myself accountable. But from how thoughtful your post is, I know you have given Tiger the best life possible. You love and loved her, and she is so lucky to have felt that. You made the best choice you could given the information you had, she will always appreciate that, you had her best interests at heart. What a lucky girl. Take time to grieve, and please take care of yourself. Sending love.

 

[wealthy1]

I had missed this thread, probably because it was first posted on the day before my cat died...
I'm sorry for your Tiger she was such a beauty!

If someone should ever ask me what is the positive thing of not having a pet anymore, I would say that there are no positive things.
Life has a meaning only when we can take care of someone else. What will my life be without a pet in my house? I think it will be a life that isn't worth living.
As a matter of fact, after losing my Lola on March 30, I feel that my life has lost most of its meaning and to be honest I don't care about my life too much anymore. Should a meteorite hit the earth now I would not move an inch and I think I could even welcome it.
I think I'm still alive only becasue I have my wife and another cat. Differently I would have died already.

I hope you are feeling better day by day, and that Tiger will step into your dreams often to tell you she still loves you so much.
RIP Tiger!

I understand Antonio. I followed you and Lola’s journey. You truly loved Lola.

 

[wealthy1]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know it feels like no one else cares about Tiger right now, but I do. I hear me in your post, I lost my boy yesterday unexpectedly, and I'm doing the same thing as you, blaming myself, holding myself accountable. But from how thoughtful your post is, I know you have given Tiger the best life possible. You love and loved her, and she is so lucky to have felt that. You made the best choice you could given the information you had, she will always appreciate that, you had her best interests at heart. What a lucky girl. Take time to grieve, and please take care of yourself. Sending love.

I’m sorry for your loss.

 

[wealthy1]

February 13th, will make it a full year without Tiger. Although I experienced some pain with her loss and my mind replays her last day with me. My mind automatically goes to the great times we had to together. The experiences, the car rides, sleeping on my mom’s shoulder as we go on drives, Tiger meeting her sister and then attacking her. Living with my sister in Denver and her cats. So many memories. All these things bring a smile to my face.

Next week on the anniversary of her death. I will bring out her memory box, touch the fur I have save, her paw print and enjoy the memories. I hid her memory box in a tote, because any reminders of her in the open was a trigger for me.

Now, I’m ready to have the momentos out of the box and around my place. I wish I kept her ashes. But this is my first pet loss and I didn’t know anything and I was alone in my grieving.

Love you Tiger.

 

[Antonio65]

I admire your courage and strength, wealthy1 .
I, too, have a memory box with all Lola's stuff inside, including her unused meds. And I have her urn with her ashes in a different closet.
I also have a ziplog bag with all the whiskers she lost and I had found during her life. My thought right after collecting her ashes was to put the bag into the urn, but so far I haven't found the strength to even touch the urn.
I am still deeply devastated, I and feel like I'm unworthy of touching her remains
Tonight I dreamed her, but unfortunately I only saw her in my dream for a few seconds and she didn't interact with me. This is the fourth time I dream of her, and it is the second time she doesn't interact with me. I think it's the sign that she hates me

I wish you have very good feelings on opening that box.

 

[di and bob]

Each year will get a little better, time is the only thing that heals a broken heart. I will be with you in thought on Feb. 13th, I know how hard this day will be for you. If you can't bring yourself to touch those things yet, don't, they will always be there. Just try to celebrate having that sweet baby in your life, for knowing her love and what it brought into your life.
It might be a good time to go to your local shelter and make a donation of food, money, or litter in Tiger's name, it would make you feel a little better knowing you helped someone in desperate need, and it would honor the memory of your precious little one. You never know, dear Tiger might guide you right over to the next love in your life, the anniversary will bring her spirit close. But know one thing for sure, she would NEVER want you to be so sad, she loves you too much. She only wants the best for you in the future. She will always be near,loving you, sending you what comfort she can.Bless you for loving her so much!

 

[wealthy1]

I wanted to keep this post going for myself and the memory of Tiger.

Since my last post. I cried last month on Tiger's anniversary. My two new cats keep my distracted, but subconsciously I remembered Tiger's death. I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying. it lasted all of a few hours; then I remembered the good times with Tiger. I'm a lot better than I was in 2017 - it's been two years.

The slight pain I feel is making the decision if someone I love should live or die. But I quickly get over it.

I have two new cats; they're about a year old. Buddy Orion and Missy Aerial they're beautiful grey tabbys. They're the opposite of my feisty of a fighter Tiger. But they touch my heart in different ways.

I decided to get a small tattoo of Tiger.

 

[di and bob]

These feelings will be with you always. But as each year passes they get a little easier to control and think through.
It has been going on 7 years since my Chrissy has passed, and although I have gone through many death's since then, including my father, with their's I feel at peace with, I accept. With hers I never will and it still brings me pain. I am just so grateful for knowing that kind of love, it only comes by once in a lifetime, she was my soulmate......and that says it all.
I have new loves, I am happy in this world, because I know she will always be a part of my life as long as I have my memories. The good ones far outweigh the bad ones of her end now, and remembering how much joy, how much happiness she found in life, gives me the strength to go on, because I truly know she would want me to go on and give other little ones the strength to go on with theirs. Because that is what love is. I just had another little sassy stray spayed, a tiny grey tabby with attitude, just like her. Now I will seek a good home for her and let her be someone else's light, and if I can't she'll join our family. and I feel Chrissy with me every step of the way, just as you will feel your Tiger........
Take care, we are always near if you need us!