Missing My Mom

ginny

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Two years ago today, July 4, my mom passed away.  I haven't been the same since.  Not a day goes by I don't miss her terribly.   I go through the motions, and most times no one even knows.  We were really close. 

She was such a good mom.  Always supportive no matter what.  Always willing to listen.  Always willing to go shopping :)  She loved a bargain and was a serial yard saler. Being born just before the great depression, she always looked for ways to save a buck, and she found it too.  She loved to organize.  Basically, she just loved to do things.  She would always make a homemade chocolate cream pie for a new neighbor or crochet a small afghan for a new baby in her church.  

Most of all, she loved to help people.  She volunteered at the local soup kitchen, volunteered at her church folding bulletins.  She was never above any mundane task, in fact, the more mundane the better she liked it.  She just wanted to help.  She never wanted the spotlight.  Behind the scenes was more her style.   And people were drawn to her.  She was the kind of person you felt safe telling all your secrets.  She would rather listen to you all day - while organizing the items on your coffee table - than talk about herself.  She's probably the only true Christian I have ever known.  

I hope there is a heaven.  If so, I hope she made it there. 

Tonight, just like last year, I will light a single two-wick candle - one wick for both of us - in your honor at the hour you passed.  I miss you so much, and always will.  
 
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margd

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Your mother sounds like a very special lady.  It's always such a joy to read about a good Mom like her - it seems mostly we hear about ones who have really fallen down on the job.  My mother was also one of those special women and mothers who give so much to others.  After she passed away, it felt like years before I was back to normal again.  

I don't really have the words to express my sympathy for what you are going through but just wanted to tell you that your post touched me deeply.  I wish I had words of comfort that would help.  I don't know if there is an afterlife either, but if there is, you and your mother will surely one day be together again.  
 
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ginny

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Thank you @Margd  for your words.  I appreciate it.  It's been a tearful day, on a day when everyone is supposed to be celebrating.  I am so sorry for the loss of your mom as well.  It was very helpful when you said it took years before you got back to normal again.  I haven't seen light at the end of this tunnel yet, so your words do give me hope! 

I haven't had any hope that I will see her again which makes grief seem abysmal, but I can hope I am wrong and you are right!  I really do hope so.  This is also the month I lost Gracie last year.  July just hasn't been my month for the past few years.  

Thank you for reading my post and commenting.  Hugs.
 

Loving Mickey

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ginny ginny
I cried as I read your post.
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mom on May 11th,2011. It was a devastating loss. My Mom was my world. She seems just like your Mom, kind and always thinking of others. Moms like that are truly special, and yes they will be missed so much. It has been 5 years since my Mom's loss, and I still cry every day. I wish I had some words to truly comfort you. My life has not been the same since her loss and I know it never will be. I only pray that my Mom and my beloved Mickey are together, and watching over me. I need to believe that with all my heart. It is what gets me through life without them.
My heart truly breaks for you, as I know the pain all too well.
 

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Thank you @Ginny  , for posting about your mom.  I am  sorry that you are missing her so much, especially today.  My mom passed in 1998 and my dad, in 2010 and I felt so much missing them.even after two years.   Especially, my dad.  The memories are very painful at first, but I have found those same memories now are like a treasure left to me by my father and these days now bring me so much encouragement, but it was a gradual process.  I do believe that I will most definitely be with them again.  Thank you for letting us know about your mom, she sounds like she was an extraordinary giving person who held  good values.  I wish I could give you a hug, but I send one to you
 and  am glad ANYTIME, to hear how you are doing.  
 
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ginny

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Thank you @Loving Mickey  for your kind words.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom too and I completely understand your feelings.  You said exactly what I fear - that I will never be like I was.  My mom told me in the last 6 weeks before she passed that she wished we could go together.  I did too.  Truth be known a big part of me did leave with her when she did, that's why I'll never be the same.  At least not for a long time.  

It makes me smile to read of other women like yours and Margd's who were like my mom.  I don't know.  Maybe it was just the generation they grew up in, very selfless and kind.  

When mom first passed away, I remember meeting a man who lost his mom 2 years before.  He said something very helpful.  He said all the love she gave him during his lifetime was still with him, so in essence, she was still with him, if only in spirit.  It's true, isn't it?  All the love and the influence my mom ever had on me is still with me, even though she is gone.  At least I have that to hang on to.  it's not anywhere near as good as having her here, but I'll take anything I can get.  

July isn't done with me yet.  I still have Gracie to mourn at her one year on the 23rd.  I don't like this month at all.  Sometimes life is just too painful.  Thanks again.  It does really help to hear from others who've lost parents.  
 
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ginny

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Thanks @raysmyheart  for your kind words, hugs, and for sharing your story too. I'm so sorry about your parents.  Like you I've lost both parents now too.  Daddy went first in 1991 and mom in 2014.  I understand what you mean about it being a process because that's how it has been with Daddy.  It no longer hurts the way it first did when we first lost him 25 years ago.  I still miss him and always will, but the pain isn't searing like before, like it is with mom right now.  I just wish I could share that hope you have, that we will see our parents again and be with them.  My wish is that wherever they are, that they are happy and that they don't miss me like I miss them.  I hope that they are - as people say - on some higher plane of existence where they know that all things will turn out fine, so they don't worry.  
 
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ginny

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I can tell you that yesterday was worse than last year.  But then last year I was worrying about Gracie being so sick.  This year there just seems to be a deeper sadness than before.  There's a finality about it.  I've heard that the 2nd year is tougher, and in a way it sure is.  But I have to find a way out of this.  I wish I could have hope but hope can't be faked.  You either have it or you don't.  :(
 

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Feeling how you are shows that you are a kind person with a good heart.Your mother must have been so proud to call you her daughter. From how you have written your post it sounds as if you have all your mothers qualities as well. You seem to me to be a person that is loved and respected by your friends and family alike. Be proud of who you are and its so nice that you shared such a vlose bond with your mother , a nond that will never ever go away. Wishing you all the very best.
Mark
 
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ginny

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Thank you @lovefive  (Mark), I appreciate your kind words and well wishes.  I hope it's true that I have a good heart because I do want to see my mom again.  You are a very kind person yourself and I wish you the all the best as well.  Hugs. 

'
 

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I'm so sorry about you mom, and know how you are feeling. My mom was also one of the special ones, and July 3 was her birthday, so it's especially sad around this time of year.  You never get over it, you just go on.  I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that you WILL see your mom again (my firm belief) and that she is no doubt still watching over you.
 

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Crying for you right now, Ginny. I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through. I can't even imagine, and I know I'll be a wreck when the time comes.
 

artiemom

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Oh Ginny, I have been wanting to post, but I have been involved with my own emotions lately..

This year, I miss my mom a lot. She passed in 1994... I know exactly how you feel.

My dad passed in 2012. I miss him so much.. that is still pretty raw. 

For some reason, I am missing them more this year. I really do not think you ever grow out of grief. It just expands to a different plane. It is still there, but not as raw, and rears itself up at different times in life. 

Your mom sounds like such a wonderful person. I wish I knew her. She sounds so sweet, caring--loving...

kind of like my mom...but this is about you...

All I can say is:  ((((HUGS)))))   

Please try to remember the good times. Remember the laughter! Remember the love. 

That seems to help me a bit.

and I hope your candle makes it way up to heaven so that your mom can enjoy it alongside of you----but you know.. Your mom never leaves you.. she is always around, in your heart, mind and yes, she is spiritually here with you...

((hugs))
 
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ginny

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@Misty8723  you are so right that you never really "get over it".  The only people who say that are those who have yet to lose someone close.  I'm so sorry about your mom.  I know that July 3 is always painful for you because it was and is her birthday.  My mom's was February 5 and yes that day hurts me still.  I'm glad you also had a good mom.  

@Donutte  give your mom a hug for me.  It will be tough when that time comes, hopefully it won't be for a long time.  But when it does, we will be here for you!

@Artiemom  I'm so sorry about your parents.  It's tough isn't it?  I've lost both of mine now so I understand.  Four years for your dad is still kind of raw.  You never quit missing them.  Even though daddy died in '91 I still miss him and my poor mom was never quite the same after he died.  That's probably how your dad was about your mom.  I'm so much like my dad I kind of took his place in her mind I think.  That's why me and mom were so close.  You would have loved her, most people did.  I felt like her protector.  Now I can't do that anymore.  I do hope she was there at the candle lighting last night.  

Thanks ladies for your kind words.  I really appreciate it.  I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through as well.   
 

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What a lovely tribute for such a kind and compassionate woman.  She is an example of what we should all strive to be.  I know how hard it is to miss someone that means so much and my prayers are with you.  
 

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Thank you @Margd
 for your words.  I appreciate it.  It's been a tearful day, on a day when everyone is supposed to be celebrating.  I am so sorry for the loss of your mom as well.  It was very helpful when you said it took years before you got back to normal again.  I haven't seen light at the end of this tunnel yet, so your words do give me hope! 

I haven't had any hope that I will see her again which makes grief seem abysmal, but I can hope I am wrong and you are right!  I really do hope so.  This is also the month I lost Gracie last year.  July just hasn't been my month for the past few years.  

Thank you for reading my post and commenting.  Hugs.
ginny ginny What a wonderful person she must have been. You said in an earlier post that she was the only Christian you ever knew. If so, she waits in Heaven and you can see her again there.
 

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Just wanted to send you some hugs. I too know what it feels like. My mother left the earth in june-a day after my father's birthday. So June is a hard month for me. I am so sorry that you still feel lost. I have to say my mom was a good mom and did the best she could. She had some real life battles that I always wanted to take away from her so she wouldn't be plagued with bad memories. She was always there to listen to me. I too felt disconnected and I still do. Its been 8 years. Its now such a normal part of me that it doesn't scare me anymore. I know I feel like I am untethered and just bouncing around in life. I never had a family so I don't really have anything to tie me down. I do know how deep it hurts and some days it just plain old hurts like really really bad. I just wanted to send you hugs and understanding. Sometimes I catch myself because I will reach for the phone to call her only to remember that she isn't there anymore.

My family pretty much got weird after she passed. I just don't feel a connection to the rest of the puzzle pieces. One of them I think about all the time. And I just know I can't change other people and only hope they change their way but I just stick to myself and spend my time with my cats, work and the gym. I probably should get out and socialize but honestly I don't really miss hanging out with people. Maybe I have gotten so stuck in my own ways that it's just easier to stay by myself than deal with static from other people. This doesn't help. But maybe my thoughts help you know that you are not alone with your feelings and I can feel so much love in all the people who have reached out to you.
 

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Basically, she just loved to do things.  She would always make a homemade chocolate cream pie for a new neighbor or crochet a small afghan for a new baby in her church.  

Most of all, she loved to help people.  She volunteered at the local soup kitchen, volunteered at her church folding bulletins.  She was never above any mundane task, in fact, the more mundane the better she liked it.  She just wanted to help.  She never wanted the spotlight.  Behind the scenes was more her style.   And people were drawn to her.  She was the kind of person you felt safe telling all your secrets.  She would rather listen to you all day - while organizing the items on your coffee table - than talk about herself.  She's probably the only true Christian I have ever known.  

I hope there is a heaven.  If so, I hope she made it there. 
My mom passed away very suddenly three years ago in August so I know what you're going through.  I quoted some things you said about your mom, and it is my personal belief that good people like her definitely go to heaven. 
 
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ginny

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@nurseangel   Thank you for your kind words.   She surely was an example to follow.  She had a huge heart for people and I'm sure I've inherited it because people have told me I did.  That is such a comfort to me, now that she's gone.  Maybe one of these days I can make myself volunteer at the same soup kitchen she went to.  Even though it would hurt, that would be a wonderful way to honor her life.  

@foxxycat   Thank you for your kind words and hugs.  Hugs to you too!  I'm so sorry about losing your mom and that she had such difficulties.  I'm sure you were a great source of support and comfort to her.  I really identified with your statement that you now feel untethered.  That's how I feel too.  Mom was the glue that held me and my sibs together, albeit loosely.  Since she's passed we have gone our separate ways, out of necessity.  They wouldn't help their own mom without compensation of some kind and yet they continued to shove their own brand of Christianity down my throat.  And while it was one of mom's greatest wish that we could get along, it just ain't happening because they are unwilling.  I can't let them hurt me anymore.  So I do understand the loose cannon feeling.  Any time you need to talk, I am here for you.  

@Lorie D.   I'm so sorry about your mom passing so suddenly.  I'm sure that was very difficult for you, especially every August.   Thank you for your kind words.
 
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