Merlin's death from pneumonia or something else

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Meowmee

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I keep thinking of the last times I saw Merlin alive. When they brought him to see me at the hospital before I left him there they carried him out and he was meowing at me asking me:
“What am I doing here”, and then he started breathing faster and they took him right back to oxygen. I just gave him a kiss etc.
And then when he was in the oxygen a few hours later, I think, I can’t remember now how much later it was, and his breathing looked so awful…he was clearly uncomfortable. He didn’t even look at me, although I think he heard me. I was just thinking I should let him go that night cause it didn’t look like he was gonna make it out and I feel so terrible. 😿💔

It’s not what I wanted for our last moments to be and for him to suffer for no reason. I certainly didn’t expect two weeks before that any of this was going to happen. I think there’s a long history of these hospitals trying to convince you they know what they’re doing and they can help, etc. a lot of time they’re just being dishonest or so incompetent and they’re just going for as much money as they can get from you because you’re desperate to help your cat.

Some of them kept saying how well he was doing, and he was their best patient, but it was obvious to anybody with a brain that he was doing terribly.
 
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I finally have a preliminary necropsy report. I’m still waiting for an addendum report. I’ll start a thread in the lounge when I get that and have had time to read it.

I have to say that so far anyway it leaves me with a lot of questions and no real answers yet. Angie’s autopsy / necropsy report was very clear about what was going on whereas Merlin’s seems to be a bit all over the place and is more complex.
Still Angie’s report would not state how much of a role convenia played in her death and they only said they had not heard of it at the time causing anemia so they refrained from taking a clear stand then. However they did determine which type of cancer she had and which anemia.

Again with Merlin they said they can’t tell how much of a role telazol may or may not have played in his death.

A brief synopsis from what I have read so far is they think pneumonia caused by toxoplasmosis caused his death- on the other hand, they also said that he could’ve had bacterial or viral pneumonia and they can’t tell for sure whether it was aspiration pneumonia. I don’t know how they could say all this at the same time. It sounds a bit crazy to me.

His blood work done a week before he died did not show signs of bacterial infection as I recall.

They also said there were effects in his brain, his kidneys, his pancreas and his spleen, that could be caused by Toxoplasmosis. But they don’t seem sure. I don’t know if they actually tested him for that. I can’t tell yet to be honest. They also said they thought he had a tumor in his pancreas, but they’re not sure.

They seem to be saying something severe was going on in his spleen also. Which I remember the second xray radiologist report also said maybe

I certainly hope the addendum is going to clarify things a little bit more because it just seems all over the place to me. I’m not sure what to think really.

I feel very depressed that if he did indeed have all of this going on that it doesn’t seem like he received the right treatments for any of this, and I should’ve just let him go instead of torturing him. Certainly the sedation did not help anything that was going on with him and made it all worse imo.

It’s just all so heart breaking. 😿 I wish I had let him go and not taken him to the er, but I would have felt awful if the psycho dvm was the one to do it. Maybe the addendum will give me some more answers, I hope so.

The only take away from all of this is I will never trust any of these dvm anymore.

I just wonder if it’s worth having my cats because I have to deal with all these horrible people- seriously that is how badly traumatized I am from this and from what happened to my father also.

I also need to find a new Dvm immediately because Quinn and Zena have been coughing or sneezing a bit. They don’t seem sick. The last thing I want to have to deal with now is finding another veterinarian who I will have to try to trust on some level.

I’m scared that they could all maybe have toxoplasmosis. Supposedly that is something that most cats will just overcome on their own unless they have some immune disease going on. Merlin was tested numerous times for FIV and FELV and it was always negative. I asked Cornell to figure out if he had FIP and they don’t seem to have done that. I wonder why?

I am wondering if I could have toxoplasmosis too because I have something going on with one of my eyes and I read that can cause symptoms like that as well, I don’t know what to think about any of this really.

Yesterday when I woke up from sleeping after eating, Quinn and then Zena had a mouse cornered. I locked them away and the mouse escaped behind the refrigerator. I think it’s time to get our pest control in to try and get rid of the mice. I have tried to do that for years, but they always seem to keep coming back no matter what I do. I don’t know what can safely be done without endangering the cats.

We have been inundated with Chinese crickets in the garage and I had them come in and set some baits outside because I did not want to spray inside.

I read about them because I was wondering if eating them could’ve affected Merlin but it says they’re not toxic if cats eat them, and they don’t seem to cause disease in cats.
 
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Rest easy, gentle wizard. You cast your spell upon your friend, now it’s time for a new spell. Guard your human well. Remind them all you remember is the love. That was the true magic, and you had it.
 
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Meowmee

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Rest easy, gentle wizard. You cast your spell upon your friend, now it’s time for a new spell. Guard your human well. Remind them all you remember is the love. That was the true magic, and you had it.
Unfortunately all I remember is that Merlin was failed by everyone and tortured and I allowed it.
 
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Meowmee

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Well, er called and says now there is no addendum pending? Which means this is all a bit suspect to me now. I called her back and said it was not confirmed in what says final comment on the report I received that he actually had tg and if he had a carcinoma in the pancreas. This is not like what was done last time I had one for Angie. Everything was confirmed for her.

It also said that they could not say if he had a bacterial infection because he was treated for one before he died etc. But I sent them his medical records and my own correct history which stated that he had blood work done the day I brought him to the first clinic and there was no sign of a bacterial infection but the x ray showed he already had pneumonia then. So it seems he did not have a bacterial infection or at least not a severe one.

There is no indication I can think of for what would have triggered the tg infection if he had that, he was not immune compromised with fiv/felv, he had no other infections going on that were obvious unless it was a mild virus. The only thing I can think of is that if he did have pancreatic cancer and that affected his immune system it could have allowed tg or another parasite to cause a severe infection.

But reports I read said that cats, and people with cancer who received chemotherapy can develop tg infections, not that cancer alone could cause it. tg for those that don't know hides in the tissues and comes out in times of stress/illness apparently. I have found some good articles on it, but not a lot for cats really. I can't even find how many cats die from tg infections per year. I think it is rare but it seems kittens and moms are the most susceptible apart from immune comprised cats.

Since they haven't bothered to figure this out now(pancreatic cancer) apparently I will never know.

I emailed Cornell to ask about all of this. I hope they respond. I need to know for sure if he had tg due to my other cats and my own health issues. When a cat has a severe tg infection they are much more likely to shed it and it would be easier to catch it too if not before that. I was taking care of Merlin at home initially but he was isolated in my room, mostly although I let him out at the end because he wanted to go out and I thought it would help the pneumonia to walk around etc.

I told the er clinic, one woman was pretty much arguing with me on the phone about what the report said, that they did a terrible job with Merlin, did not find out even which pneumonia he had, kept telling me he was doing well, when his respiration was awful and I would not be bringing my cats there again. I forgot to ask about the whole pricing of the necropsy because the report says he weighed under 15 lb and it should be less. I wonder if they will refund me.

I feel like suing all of these people for everything but I don't know if I have a good case really. I don't know now if I should even bother with complaints either, I know nothing will come of it at all, so why waste my time and upset myself more. I will never again trust any dvm ever.

I will start another thread in the lounge on this. I am disgusted with this whole situation. I miss Merlin terribly. I have begun cleaning all the litter boxes now in case he did have t gondii.
 
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MERLIN BEAUTY FACE ONE.JPG

Merlin, in happier times. He deserved so much better than these bloody fools and the psycho, and so did I. I always hated the fact that they chopped his ear top off too. I hate ear tips. I should have just taken him to regular dvm since he ended up inside with me anyway. I am not sure why he chose me, but he did. He would have prolly been better off with another home for sure. Although since most of the dvm here suck now who knows. I still think about his brother Marlon, a near twin with white spots on his face, he was more timid so I didn't know he was there at first and then he vanished.
 

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“I know for certain that we never lose those we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” —Leo Buscaglia

Merlin knew you loved him and we all know you loved him. RIP Merlin.
 
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Meowmee

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“I know for certain that we never lose those we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” —Leo Buscaglia

Merlin knew you loved him and we all know you loved him. RIP Merlin.
Thanks.
Unfortunately we do lose them though, because they're not here anymore. There would be no grief and pain otherwise. It’s also much worse in the situations like this one with what happened.
Merlin was only with me for about 6-7 years, inside since 2019. He was too young to go. For some reason, I don’t know how they wrote a birthdate for him in 2015. Which is not accurate either. He didn’t even show up at my house until sometime in 2017. I don’t think there’s any way I would’ve written when I brought him there that he was born in 2015. Because he & Marlon looked like they were about six months old when they showed up.

Most of my cats lived well into their late teens and Wizard, who also came in from outside was probably about 21 when he died. He had Fiv, and he ended up getting kidney disease & lymphoma the end, but he was actually very healthy for most of his life and he was also indoor outdoor. None of my cats have ever had a toxoplasmosis infection before.

The ones who got cancer and one with hcm in midlife did die younger. It could be that if the tumor outside of Merlin’s pancreas was carcinoma, it was actually stated on the gross examination that it was outside of his pancreas, that most likely would’ve caused him to die, but I’m never going to know now.

Even Byron, who we never determined the actual cause of his illness for, was 17 when he died. He was indoor outdoor for his entire life. At the end, he was essentially murdered by the dvm who pierced his spleen, trying to get fluid out of his abdomen, and he died a horrific death, she said it was OK to take him home… actually I managed to get him to my other dvm close by at the time and they euthanized him…I’ve never fully recovered from that.

I know Merlin loved me and he knew I loved him it’s not a question of that. Although certainly I still failed him. But that doesn’t change what happened and it doesn’t take away the pain.

I think I’m pretty much done now after my cats all die.I don’t know if I will get any more cats because I can’t stand this anymore. Yes, the pain is awful, but what I have to deal with with these people, that is by far even worse.

It’s awful because I would love to get another ginger sunshine in my life. Merlin was the sunshine of my life. He always made me feel happy no matter what was going on, he was such a happy cat. Although he was over weight, he was faster than everyone else. if he didn’t want you to do something like brush his teeth or get them in a carrier, etc. it was very hard to get him because he ran so fast. in the past 3-4months when he was losing weight, I just assumed it was from the diet and he was also running around more so he seemed happier & more active. You would never think from the video I took of him and Xena eating a treat two weeks before he died that he would be gone in two weeks.

I do still have Cinnamon who is a ginger cream, and he’s a sweetie in his own way, but he’s not a touchable cat. He is still scared & runs away, although he has been more daring lately, etc.. He’s never going to be a touchable cat like Merlin. I trained Merlin to be calmer when he came inside, but he was already touchable outside.

Here’s a photo of Merlin and Marlon when they first showed up. I wonder who abandoned these beautiful ginger boys to fend for themselves outside. When I took Wizard in, I considered that to be the luckiest day of my life. Eventually, we ended up keeping him because he was FIV positive and the rescue I was volunteering with at the time would not put him in cages to be adopted.

But over the years I took more cats in, especially in the past few years when I had an outdoor colony and I became more disgusted by people that do this… I hate them.
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“I know for certain that we never lose those we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” —Leo Buscaglia

Merlin knew you loved him and we all know you loved him. RIP Merlin.
By the way, your cat is gorgeous 💕
 

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Merlin and Marlon look lovely in those pictures. They are so lucky to have known you.

It is wonderful that you helped these cats as so many never get the help they need. It is even more wonderful that you show such empathy. You must be a very special human being. Take time for yourself, after a death we all feel we could have done more and it always hurts.

I take in cats no one wants and often cats that the sanctuary cannot find homes for. As a result many do not live long, but I remember each one by name and disposition. I don't regret helping any of them, but my heart has a lot of chunks missing. The one in the picture "Spencer" is just such a cat. He was mistreated by humans and as a result hates them. It took me 3 years to gain his trust and now he sits on my lap and purrs and comes for head kisses.

We all do the best we can.

You are no different. From someone outside looking in I feel any cat that happens to meet you will be a lucky cat. Thankyou for taking in cats in need. Thankyou for your empathy and kindness toward them. I am truly sorry for your loss.
 

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Thanks. I am not a believer really except the rainbow bridge. I will never let go of this. It is much harder when there was negligence like this involved, abuse and there is no explanation for what happened also. If I find out conclusively that the sedation and telazol played a role and the lousy treatment, I will be pursuing a case. I will be making complaints either way. The pain from stuff like this never goes away. And it kills me that once again, they are most likely going to get away with negligence. I have seen this happen many times in animal and people medicine.
Totally understand your concern and fight for the injustice Merlin received due to negligence. Will keep you in our prayers!
 
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Meowmee

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Totally understand your concern and fight for the injustice Merlin received due to negligence. Will keep you in our prayers!
Thank you 🤗 Unfortunately it looks even worse now to get any justice.
 

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Thank you 🤗 Unfortunately it looks even worse now to get any justice.
Yes it’s probably difficult to prove. In our case Cleo would have been here still IF ONLY that idiot had the experience or presence of mind to realize she wasn’t a good candidate for anesthesia. He had that experience before!! Anyways my heart breaks to think our dear one was just dragged to her demise by us unknowingly. That pain will remain while Cleo watches over us as our guardian angel!! Our lovely beautiful angel!!! Keeping you and Merlin in our thoughts and prayers!!
 

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But I’m sorry you’ll never get the justice you deserve to have. None of those vets should’ve done what they did to your babies. The people meant to help shouldn’t hurt. I’m sorry about that
 
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Due to what happened with Zena also having toxo pneumonia and cns symptoms and going to er, and Quinn having the symptoms, having to medicate everyone etc. for a month, which is still not over and is very stressful, I have not posted here. My pain is not gone by any means but it had to go on a back burner to save my cat's lives. Thank goodness I did the necropsy, or I would probably have never known what happened and they all could be gone. I am scared to even say that since we aren't completely out of the woods yet. Zena still has lung inflammation and is still on meds. Quinn coughed once but I think he is ok. Cinn is still non symptomatic and seems ok too.

I still feel a very deep pain like a sharp knife in me when I think of him, which is a lot, but the last few days have been so busy, maybe not as much as several times per day. I try to focus on something else right away when it happens because otherwise it is too painful. I also realized at some point that I have still not received his ashes.

I noticed when I searched for their email that the pathology dept did respond to me, but I missed the email and they just said they can't communicate about it or answer my questions. I have to contact the er where he died. I replied to that to ask if there is someone else I can speak with at Cornell about my concerns. I did contact the er but they were useless as before.

Anyway I replied to that email and sent another one saying I had paid for a private cremation and still have not received his ashes, it must be about 3-4 months now which is crazy. I hope they haven't bungled this. I also overpaid for the cremation according to his weight at death by about $100. I guess I will have to contact the er about that since I paid them fully for all of it this time. When Angie was necropsied, and cremated I remember paying both the dvm and Cornell maybe.

I have this awful feeling I am not going to get his ashes back. I have thought about contacting a dean at Cornell or something like that.

Last week there was a July 4th sale, and I made images for metal prints of Merlin and his brothers and I made a huge photo book of Merlin mostly, his brothers and some of the outdoor kitties too who are also gone now. For some reason I had no pics of me holding Merlin or with my face in it. Maybe because he was so big and he did not like to be held etc. I miss my beautiful ginger terribly. 💔🐈
 
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Meowmee

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Well, I just got off the phone with the ER hospital where Merlin died. After getting an email from Cornell saying that they have his ashes! This is really unbelievable. I was not expecting his ashes to be shipped to that hospital. No one informed me of that- last time I had an autopsy done on Angie they were shipped directly to me.

I’m furious. The woman I spoke with said they’ve had his ashes for a long time now and supposedly they called me and left a voicemail which I never got. I said well why didn’t you contact me until you got in touch with me? Oh, we’re in emergency hospital!

I said that’s not an excuse if you have my cat’s ashes you should be contacting me until I am aware of it and I come to pick them up, which I would’ve done right away. Had I been aware of it.

I said I want a refund for the discrepancy in his weight otherwise I’m taking them to small claims court. She said I have to talk to the office manager about that. I asked her to have the office manager call me.

Actually, I’m going to take all of these people to small claims court eventually after I know for sure all of my other cats are going to be OK and I’m also going to be making a complaint to Cornell about the way this was handled and the necropsy being incomplete.

It’s unbelievable that with everything that happened I still have not been able to really grieve, although there’s no way to avoid this unbearable pain nonstop. Instead, I have to be tortured even more by all of this.💔
 
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On top of everything else I received the photo book and it is terrible. I should have spent more elsewhere and had it done properly. They took the front cover photo of him and split it between two pages. I am emailing them now. They don't even have a phone number. I had something printed with them before for an exhibit and it was ok so I thought it would be ok. But they are going to refund though it seems and I can try again maybe. I will just go to another site. I hope the metal prints I ordered are ok. I used to use coscto which was great but they closed their photo site and shuffled it to some awful one which charges a fortune and is terrible.
 
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