Malibu, My Greatest Love

abby2932

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I lost my best friend on Saturday 3/17/2018. He was born on 3/17/2006 and I had to put him to sleep on the morning of his 12th birthday. My friend says it is poetic that he passed away on his birthday. But I only feel heartbreak.

Malibu has been my best friend for twelve years. Exactly 12 years. Not a day more, not a day less. I was 19 when I took him home as a kitten. We have lived together in the same little one-bedroom condo for his entire life. We adopted Kali in 2011 and it has been just the three of us ever since.

I take such good care of my cats. I keep them indoors. I feed them a species-appropriate raw food diet. I do a full Senior Panel bloodwork every year when we visit the veterinarian for their check-ups. I don't over-vaccinate. I have an excellent pet insurance policy and a hefty savings account in case any kitty medical emergency arises. I was certain my cat would live to be 20....AT LEAST. Probably 23...because I take such good care of him. My cat was going to die an old man. He was supposed to be a part of my life when I get married and have children.

It didn't matter that he was well taken care of...I lost him. It was sudden and unexpected. How could I not have known that my cat had cancer? How did I not sense this? It never showed up on any of his bloodwork but I SHOULD HAVE FELT IT! I should have known...In less than 5 days, he went from being the most energetic, healthiest and happiest love of my life to...just gone.

Symptoms showed on Monday (fever, mild lethargy, loss of appetite). Vet visit was on Tuesday morning. Vet sent me to a specialist on Wednesday who diagnosed him with Large Cell Lymphoma. WHAT??? HOW??? Started medication on Thursday...but he wasn't bouncing back. He was withering away before my eyes. Friday night was the worst night of our lives and I knew...I knew our time together was over. Our precious time of loving each other was closing. Too fast. Too unexpected. I feel cheated of the decade more that we were supposed to have together. Twelve is not a full life. My heart is aching...My heart is aching...My heart is aching...

The link below is a video I made as a tribute. The video pales in comparison of his beautiful personality and the real-life love we had for each other. But it is all I have now since I don't have Malibu anymore.

Malibu_HD_MEDIUM_FR30_(4).mp4

(Please let me know if the link above does not work and I will figure out another way to post the video)
 

Mylittlepony

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I lost my best friend on Saturday 3/17/2018. He was born on 3/17/2006 and I had to put him to sleep on the morning of his 12th birthday. My friend says it is poetic that he passed away on his birthday. But I only feel heartbreak.

Malibu has been my best friend for twelve years. Exactly 12 years. Not a day more, not a day less. I was 19 when I took him home as a kitten. We have lived together in the same little one-bedroom condo for his entire life. We adopted Kali in 2011 and it has been just the three of us ever since.

I take such good care of my cats. I keep them indoors. I feed them a species-appropriate raw food diet. I do a full Senior Panel bloodwork every year when we visit the veterinarian for their check-ups. I don't over-vaccinate. I have an excellent pet insurance policy and a hefty savings account in case any kitty medical emergency arises. I was certain my cat would live to be 20....AT LEAST. Probably 23...because I take such good care of him. My cat was going to die an old man. He was supposed to be a part of my life when I get married and have children.

It didn't matter that he was well taken care of...I lost him. It was sudden and unexpected. How could I not have known that my cat had cancer? How did I not sense this? It never showed up on any of his bloodwork but I SHOULD HAVE FELT IT! I should have known...In less than 5 days, he went from being the most energetic, healthiest and happiest love of my life to...just gone.

Symptoms showed on Monday (fever, mild lethargy, loss of appetite). Vet visit was on Tuesday morning. Vet sent me to a specialist on Wednesday who diagnosed him with Large Cell Lymphoma. WHAT??? HOW??? Started medication on Thursday...but he wasn't bouncing back. He was withering away before my eyes. Friday night was the worst night of our lives and I knew...I knew our time together was over. Our precious time of loving each other was closing. Too fast. Too unexpected. I feel cheated of the decade more that we were supposed to have together. Twelve is not a full life. My heart is aching...My heart is aching...My heart is aching...

The link below is a video I made as a tribute. The video pales in comparison of his beautiful personality and the real-life love we had for each other. But it is all I have now since I don't have Malibu anymore.

Malibu_HD_MEDIUM_FR30_(4).mp4

(Please let me know if the link above does not work and I will figure out another way to post the video)
So sorry for your loss, Malibu is fabulous. You couldnt have known, some cancers are so aggressive they happen just as you said, within days and we just dont have a clue. I know cats do hide illness but it seems some ailments even the cats dont know about, they just feel tired and sleep and we all know that cats love to sleep so its hard to realise that something has changed until its too late. Malibu sounds as if he had an amazing life and 12 years to a cat is a long life and all he knew was that he was loved and adored every minute. Its so hard to be without the loves of our lives, it takes time to heal from it and to only remember the happy times but it does come eventually....
 

Antonio65

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I cried throughout the video :bawling:
Yours was TRUE LOVE!
Probably I have never seen such a stronger bond between a person and their cat, he adored you just like you adored him. You were his guardian angel on earth, no doubt. I'm sure you were a very careful pet owner to him, you couldn't have done any better.
You didn't see the cancer coming because probably it was something very very quick, from not being there to taking him away in a few days. Sometimes it happens.
You didn't see it because there was nothing to see. You realized that he wasn't well the very moment he had the first symptoms. You didn't lose time, you didn't waste a single minute, I'm sure of that.
As the wondeful photo frame in your video says, Lord had a spare room for a special cat, and He saw that Malibu would fit perfectly in that room.
He will have great care of Malibu for you, until you and Malibu will meet again, and you'll see that the Lord will have done a great job with him, Malibu will be healthy again.

RIP Malibu, you have been loved and will be loved forever!
 
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di and bob

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What a beautiful, beautiful, memorial you have in that video. I sat there watching it with tears streaming down my face, as I'm sure you have, the 'kisses' were so moving. He was so obviously loved, so cared for, so happy and content. Losing him will bring a long time of loneliness and emptiness to your life because he was such a big part of it. A broken heart takes a long time to heal, and it forever leaves a scar. Time is the only thing that helps to soften the sharp edges of grief, to allow us to find our way along that long path of tears, to bring us back to the land of living.
I had no trouble at all to see the bond between you both, between the three of you. You could feel it, it was that strong. That bond is spiritual, because it was formed link by link of love. Spiritual is eternal, remember that. Nothing, not even death, and no one, can take that from you both.
He took a piece of your heart with him for comfort, but he left a piece of his behind. Do not hide it, imprisoning it in a heart full of grief and suffering, that is not what love is meant to do. Celebrate the twelve years you shared your life with him, do not spend the rest of your life in tears over his death. That is not what he would want for you, look into those beautiful eyes on that video and see the truth. He loves you and only wants the best for you. which means to live again, to love again, to seek happiness and sunshine, just as you would want for him if you were the first to leave. Embrace and remember the life, and what it meant to you, do not make the death more important and more consuming then all those wonderful years.
It is hard not to let grief take over, it is one of the hardest things you will ever do.Because you loved him, you will miss him terribly. There will be an emptiness in your heart that only love can fill. His will always be there, but there is room for others, to add to his and Kali's, because there can never be too many. Each one is unique and irreplaceable, each one a treasure. Gather these treasures and hold on to them, use them and your precious memories to bring comfort to your aching soul.
You gave him everything in life he ever wanted, most importantly your love. He did not leave this world because he wanted to, he had to, as we all will. But the new path he follows will always parallel yours, because the bond that ties your souls together is strong, and will last until your paths cross once more.
My heart goes out to you, I cry for the pain of loss but I celebrate the love you had for each other. It does not come by every day, you are more fortunate than you know. Take care.......RIP beautiful Malibu. You will forever be held in a loving heart, you will never be forgotten, May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you lost your precious friend, but you did nothing wrong, everything right, we can't always see what is wrong with them no matter how many tests they do or how many vet visits it just happens and when it is their time it is time. We lost Simon May 2014 also at the age of 12 to stomach cancer, we had him at the vet the year before and got checked because he looked thinner but nothing showed up, the vet wasn't concerned, they do get thinner around the back end as they age but he got very sick very fast and I thought the same things "we should have seen this" and "why didn't we do that?" but it just happens, and I don't always have much faith in the tests they do, Simon and Sebastian both had bloodwork that was "fine" and passed anyway, so not everything shows up on tests. And I also thought Simon would live longer than 12.

It just happens, unfortunately....you did all you could, but God had other plans. Your baby is fine now, no problems, just fine and waiting patiently for the reunion down the line with you.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Malibu, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Such a moving tribute to such a special, lovely cat! I know how that question tears at you, but this is my question, HOW COULD YOU HAVE KNOWN? Don't take the blame for that which you could not have known, knowing that if you had, you would have done everything in your power for him,and DID. That is the last thing that such a great, loving soul would want you to do, you know. And what a blessing that he did not have a slow, miserable decline. I know what cold comfort that is, but it doesn't make it less true. The love between the two of you was so evident in that video. Honor that love by remembering him with joy and gratitude for the time you had together. I promise you, it is what he wants. Yes, "wants" not "would want." Because love never dies, and he is with you still.
 

sweetblackpaws

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Sweet Abby, there is no way you could have known. It is in their natures to hide sickness - it is in their DNA to not show illness - in the wild, this would help to protect them. Then we feel guilty because we didn't know sooner. Please know this is not your fault and you immediately took him in when you knew something was wrong. I am so sorry about sweet Malibu, but you gave him a wonderful life. He loves you, even though his physical body is not in this realm anymore.
 
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abby2932

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Thank you all for everything you have said.

I am feeling very sad tonight. I haven't slept in my bedroom since last Friday. Malibu and I spent his last days in the bedroom and it hurts so much to think about. What if I wake up and forget that he's gone and I don't feel him next to me? So Kali and I have been sleeping on the sofa. My back is killing me haha

I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would when I envisioned the days after Malibu leaves me. I have my moments when I cry from the soul. Today was one of those days. I had to bring Kali in to the vet for her annual checkup. I cried the entire time. My vet was very understanding and kind. He told me that in his entire practice, Malibu was only the 2nd case of Large Cell Lymphoma that he's ever seen personally. I thought it was more common than that since I've seen a bunch of threads here on the forum of people with similar stories to mine. I don't know.

I'm just trying to get used to life without my love bug in it. Kali is really stepping up and being much more of a lap cat than she ever had a chance to. It was always the Malibu & Abby show. I wonder if she is lonely when I leave for work all day. I know I will have another cat in the future but I'm not ready yet. But I don't want her to be lonely. I don't know what to do.
 

sweetblackpaws

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Abby, your sweet Kali needs you and does not want you to be sad. But you are human, so you will be. I am glad you have Kali with you, though. Even though Malibu is with you in another realm, I hope it eases your heart to know little Kali loves you, too. I don't think she gets very lonely. I don't think they have the same cocept of time like we do. When you go to work all day, it may just feel like two or three hours to her. Then I am sure she is fine when she realizes Mommy is home. You are a good mom - good to Malibu and good to Kali and they both love you. You sleep on that sofa as long as you need to.
 

Mia6

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Abby.

I am so very sorry about your darling Malibu. I cannot watch the video at this point in time because
I am crying. I know how badly it hurts. You and Kali have each other. You grieve as long as it takes
as it is different for everyone.

I am truly sorry.

Mia
 

Timmer

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Abby,
I am so sorry to read about your loss of Malibu. I lost Timmer on Jan. 19th to IBD/GI lymphoma. He did not respond to any medications or treatments. It was fast for me too but not as fast as your diagnosis. I really didn't suspect anything either, even with the IBD. The only signs I had at the last 6 weeks was blood in his stool and then I had to take him in for a battery of tests and blood work and he was diagnosed. Shocking.

It's very hard losing a soulmate like we did. Timmer and I had coffee time together every morning before I went to work. On the couch. After he passed I couldn't sit on the couch for about two weeks. I rearranged all the furniture so that when I sit on the couch now it's in a different location. Silly.
I've been through some grief counseling but there's nothing anyone can really say to take away the pain. I, too, have another cat but I assumed Timmer and I would be the ones remaining and we would grow old together. He was only 12 too. My other cat -- sure I love her to death and she was actually here before Timmer, but she's her own kitty and not so affectionate. More an individual. And that's OK.

The grief counselor said when we make assumptions about how the future will be, it's doubly hard to go through the death. We loose that vision we had.
And know that grief is all over the place. There are no phases or steps you go through. You'll be up and down for a long time and that's OK. We never really get over the grief but we learn to live with it. That's true of anyone we are close to. Grief becomes part of life. Something that helped me was journaling. Might sound silly but for some odd reason it works. I write down things I don't want to forget about him. I don't write about sickness, but that's just how I do it. Even if it's a couple of sentences, it makes me feel better. And...I won't forget stuff, that way.

One thing I have come to the conclusion of in these past weeks, really just today when I woke up, I realized that grief is something that really lives in the past. As long as we grieve, we cling to the past-- the stuff we don't have anymore. I too have fears that I will forget certain things about Timmer, like the way the fur on the back of his neck felt. And you know, I probably will in my sort of "surface" mind, but the feel of his fur is ingrained in my soul, just like special things with your Malibu. Eventually our feet will turn and face the future. It just takes time. Friends and family will have expected you to move on when you haven't. So come back here and pour out your heart to us and other understanding folks.
 

di and bob

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Don't be afraid to adopt another little one, the distraction they bring to a lonely, broken heart is always welcome. They force you to resume living once more, to concentrate on a future, not the past. Love doesn't come all at once, it builds link by link over time. Every new love is added to the last, it doesn't diminish or take away anything. If anything, it makes past loves that much more precious because they are honored and passed on. Like a mother with many children each one is irreplaceable and unique. Follow your heart, it will know......
 

FakeGourmet

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So sorry about the loss of Malibu. Painful though it was, I'm sure over time, you will be grateful that it was quick. Having had several deaths in my family recently, and recognizing the grieving in cats, give yourself and Kali a couple of months, at least, to grieve and recoup. Good luck.
 
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abby2932

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Thank you everyone. This community has helped me so much with your words of wisdom, empathy through your similar stories and just being here for people like me. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow that I lost him. I'm doing OK. I'm not crying every day anymore. Kali and I are sleeping in the bedroom again. Life is moving forward whether I like it or not.

I still miss him so much, though. I miss our morning cuddles the most. Even though Kali is in bed with me, since she isn't a cuddler I feel so alone and by myself. Last night I was watching something scary on TV (I don't know why I do that anyway because I get scared easily and live alone :headshake:) and I missed his presence so much then. If he were there, I would have called him over and he would lay with me as long as I wanted him to and I wouldn't be scared.

Time definitely dulls the sharp ache that you feel when you first lose someone you love but life is so different afterwards and I still feel the loss. It makes me so sad. Kali seems to be doing OK, which I am happy about. Of course, you never WANT your pets to be sad or grieve. I knew they didn't really have a bond but they did play together and keep each other company.

Gosh, I joined this forum a few years ago but I didn't think for a second that I would have a post in the Crossing the Bridge section for quite some time. I never even read any threads over here because it would make me cry to even think about being in the situation. But here we all are.
 

2Cats4everLoved

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Dear Abby, The video is gorgeous, your sweet boy was so very handsome. You two were so sweet with one another. Perhaps the spirits that guide us knew a long goodbye would be too painful. Not only for you but for Malibu, and sweet Kali. I know with Simon, seeing me cry made him upset.

I'll never know why we lose loved ones at certain times during our lives. It will never make sense to me.

Remember him well. In time you'll know if another kitty will fit into your lives. Kali may like all the attention.

I can promise, if you do adopt another, you will be so happy.

Warmest regards, Hope
 

Tabbytastic

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I lost my best friend on Saturday 3/17/2018. He was born on 3/17/2006 and I had to put him to sleep on the morning of his 12th birthday. My friend says it is poetic that he passed away on his birthday. But I only feel heartbreak.

Malibu has been my best friend for twelve years. Exactly 12 years. Not a day more, not a day less. I was 19 when I took him home as a kitten. We have lived together in the same little one-bedroom condo for his entire life. We adopted Kali in 2011 and it has been just the three of us ever since.

I take such good care of my cats. I keep them indoors. I feed them a species-appropriate raw food diet. I do a full Senior Panel bloodwork every year when we visit the veterinarian for their check-ups. I don't over-vaccinate. I have an excellent pet insurance policy and a hefty savings account in case any kitty medical emergency arises. I was certain my cat would live to be 20....AT LEAST. Probably 23...because I take such good care of him. My cat was going to die an old man. He was supposed to be a part of my life when I get married and have children.

It didn't matter that he was well taken care of...I lost him. It was sudden and unexpected. How could I not have known that my cat had cancer? How did I not sense this? It never showed up on any of his bloodwork but I SHOULD HAVE FELT IT! I should have known...In less than 5 days, he went from being the most energetic, healthiest and happiest love of my life to...just gone.

Symptoms showed on Monday (fever, mild lethargy, loss of appetite). Vet visit was on Tuesday morning. Vet sent me to a specialist on Wednesday who diagnosed him with Large Cell Lymphoma. WHAT??? HOW??? Started medication on Thursday...but he wasn't bouncing back. He was withering away before my eyes. Friday night was the worst night of our lives and I knew...I knew our time together was over. Our precious time of loving each other was closing. Too fast. Too unexpected. I feel cheated of the decade more that we were supposed to have together. Twelve is not a full life. My heart is aching...My heart is aching...My heart is aching...

The link below is a video I made as a tribute. The video pales in comparison of his beautiful personality and the real-life love we had for each other. But it is all I have now since I don't have Malibu anymore.

Malibu_HD_MEDIUM_FR30_(4).mp4

(Please let me know if the link above does not work and I will figure out another way to post the video)
I am so sorry for your loss of Malibu. It sounds like you had a very special bond with him and you really took good care of him.

Life can be so cruel sometimes. I too had to say goodbye to my soulmate on 22 March 2018 and he was only 8 and a half years old. I had so many plans for our future just as you did and it is really unfair that they have been taken from us way too soon!

My Whiskas had chronic pancreatitis and either severe IBD or Lymphoma. The vet could only give me a definite diagnosis if he had a surgical biopsies and he was way too poorly to go through that at the time. In some ways I wish I had tried the steroids but because he was so ill he would have needed hospitalisation first with fluid therapy and he had only just gone through all of this a few months prior. I thought the kindest thing was to let him go and it still breaks my heart now and am constantly trying to convince myself that I made the right choice. I feel less guilt knowing that I didn’t prolong his pain and all the things he hated like taking pills, injections and car journeys to the vet.

The memories, although are sad for us right now, are locked in our minds, to be reflected upon in the coming weeks when we feel stronger and these should be considered a gift left by our soulmates.

Take care and I am thinking of you xx
 
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