Male Feral Kitten - Not Socializing

Bobbie's angels

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Hi everyone,

I'd like to share a bit of background just to highlight my situation basically on what I got myself into without knowing, you will need to forgive my ignorance, I have only ever had one cat, so am not an experienced cat owner by any stretch of the imagination.

I adopted 2, 12 week old,timid male kittens back in March from a rescue centre.
What really happened is I unknowingly adopted 2 16 week old feral kittens, a male & female.

I only found out the sex of them when I took them in to be neutered 4 weeks after I adopted them (I was finally told the rescue staff couldn't hold or get close enough to check their gender - found that out after adoption)

When I first went to the rescue and seen the kittens the staff told me although they were very timid they would come round in a week if I just kept holding and stroking them, but after getting them home it was pretty clear they were more than timid, I was bitten and scratched quite badly on a few occasions of trying to stroke them, after a week I contacted the rescue centre to talk about returning them as I was out of my mind and couldn't cope or understand what was going with them, that's when one of the staff slipped up and told me they were feral. I did try to return them to the rescue as I really have no experience with feral cats but they said they had no room to take them back - so basically I was stuck with them.

Fast forward to now after months of researching how to socialize feral kittens - the female has become so friendly, I can pick her up and cuddle her, she will climb on to my lap, follows me around, she is also quite happy with other people coming and stroking her, although am really the person she has bonded with and lets pick her up but that's ok!

The male is a complete opposite, he still hisses and spits, he will come and take a treat out of my hand, but most of the time runs away and hides, it really just feels so horrible that he is so afraid of humans, so what am looking for is any tips on how to get him to be more relaxed and happy like his sister, am really lost with him, I have treated them both the same - done all the same socializing techniques with him as her but he's still not made much progress at all - will he always be like this or will he finally come round? I just want him to be happy and comfortable in his home with me.

Many thanks

B
 

abyeb

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It’s great news that the female kitten is doing so well! All cats are individuals, so your male cat might just take a bit longer than she did. Some basic things that you can try are sitting in a room with him, talking to him softly or reading, to get him used to a human voice.

While you’re away, you can leave the radio on playing quietly playing classical music, and then graduate to a station that has more talking, once he becomes more comfortable. This is all to get him more accustomed to the sounds of a human household. Something else you can try is to put one of your shirts in his bed, to help get him used to your scent. A Feliway diffuser could also help him relax.
 

shadowsrescue

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Here is a great video that shows some steps to work on when socializing feral kittens. I used a lot of the tips in working with a 7-9 month old feral. It took lots and lots of time and patience, but many of the tips were great. It's a 3 part video series that starts with the rescue of the kittens. Be sure to watch the parts when they show some great tips on socializing.

Tough Love Video - UrbanCatLeague
 

sweetblackpaws

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According to my veterinarian (a cats only practitioner), ferals can't always be tamed. But with that being said, there are so many success stories on here - more success stories than you could think possible. But it takes time and patience - you said you adopted them in march - that is not long. Your boy may still come around. I would follow the advice of the members here and you may be surprised to find he will come around. :winkcat:

I am sorry they were not honest with you are the shelter. While we want all cats to have a home, deceit is not the way to do it.
 
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Bobbie's angels

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Thanks everyone, its appreciated.

I have seen the urban cat videos, the guy is amazing, I have used his training as best I could with them, the male as close as I can get realistically is to stroke him while he eats, then he bolts off - its all very frustrating, but I won't give up on him!
I have read elsewhere its normally the females that are more difficult to tame up, not sure how true that is.

Shadowrescue - the 7-9 month old kittens that you have used these tips on, how did it workout?

Reading back my post when I say I was stuck with them, that's only what the rescue center done to me, its been a very hard, difficult few months, I've had to adapt my thinking, its been stressful and as I say its wasn't what I signed up for - BUT the female has given me so much hope the way she has come around, she's my little girl and I wouldn't change her for the world, so am in this for the long haul with them :) hope I can learn from you all

Thanks again
 

sweetblackpaws

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You can stroke him while he eats? You have won half the battle. He is going to be fine.

Mine has been indoors more than 2 months and can't be touched. :kitty:
 

Kieka

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Rocket came to me feral and while she adapted fairly quickly to me it took a good three years before she stopped jumping around my Dad. Even with me, it's just in the last few months that I can pet her with more than one hand.

That the girl has adapted is really good. Hopefully the boy will follow her example as more time passes. It really is a short period of time for ferals to unlearn their kitten survival lessons.
 
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Bobbie's angels

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Stroking while eating - am just copying the urban cat video, although on the videos it doesn't give you a how quick things take or progress, so I thought maybe I was missing doing something ad getting it wrong with him?

The male goes in to complete meltdown if you walk too close to him, I have to stop in my tracks so he can work away round from me, if I dont see him he gets so frightened he literally climbs the walls to get away, the thing that can make it hard is they are both pure black - so I have to really check which one it is before you can avoid the fright
 

shadowsrescue

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The 7-9 month old that I used the techniques on took a long time. He was an outdoor feral cat ( my very first). I worked with him daily as often as I could. He lived on my deck for 7 years. I was able to pet him after 7 months. About a year later, I could lift him off the ground to place him next to me on an outside love seat. A few years later, he would sit on my lap.

Now he is 8 years old. I moved 4 months ago. I had 2 other feral cats living on my deck with him. I was able to get them all into my house 2 months before I moved. They have now been inside one day shy of 6 months!! They are doing well and learning to live with my other 3 resident cats ( two who were former ferals).

So 7 years later, he is still scared of loud noises, strangers and storms. I still cannot hold him or carry him, but that may change since he is living inside now. He is happy and has come so far from the scrawny kitten that came to me 7 years ago.

I do believe the key is to keep working. My boy (Shadow) loved plain cooked chicken. I used to sit and toss him pieces. Each toss I placed a bit closer to me. I was always sure not to use direct eye contact. I kept my gaze down or over the top of his head. Also he loved to play after a few months. First it was the laser pointer and then feather wands. Have you tried food or toys?
 

Kitty_Galore

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Unfortunately, some feral cats be socialized.. But those cases are rare and your kitty sounds like it can be helped.

I think that the stroking while eating will help to get the kitty familiar with your touch but please don't overdo it because the cat will feel fearful if you are petting him while he is eating because he will fear that you may be stealing his food
 

sweetblackpaws

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"the thing that can make it hard is they are both pure black - so I have to really check which one it is before you can avoid the fright..."

Black cats ROCK!! But I'm biased, I am have 3 of them.

:bigeyes: :blackcat2: :dancingblackcat:
 

CheetahLover5859

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Hmmm, yes, I'm biased, I've got six black babies!!!

Feral cats shouldn't be overly afraid of storms, they are natural phenomena. Cars back-firing is an urban thing & if the cats weren't urban to start with... but if they were rural would they be put in that situation... Sorry, just not got time to re-read everything.
Cats take YEARS to readjust often, literally about 5 years for the kittens born to the pregnant semi-feral Sooty I took in. She had obviously had close contact with humans but had not been handled, she would snarl & attack if approached & her kittens were the same (& kittens are always born wild animals, they always wriggle/writhe to get away), I was always covered in scratches. The intention had been to take the kittens to the local rescue centre, but they made plain that although they would look after them, it was unlikely they would be rehomed quickly as people who want kittens want a cuddly thing not a violent spitfire!! They would have ended up in a cage unwanted, yes, with a 'run' but not how cats SHOULD live.
I kept them all (3) but the day before Sooty was due to be spayed she managed to push a downstairs bathroom window out, I knew the vet wouldn't do the op as it was unknown if she'd eaten, yes, she was pregnant again!
This time I had a new counter-top fridge that she liked because of the warm air behind, I made sure that every time I entered the kitchen that I stroked her at least 2 times (the limit of her toleration before she attacked) to befriend her; the rescue centre told me to STROKE THE KITTENS AS MUCH AS I COULD EVERY DAY. They never went to the rescue centre; a family member who lived rurally took the kittens & I spayed Sooty with all haste. It took around 5 yrs for them to tolerate stroking & snuggle against a hand, but they will NEVER be lap cats. One of the Toms would bolt in fear of me for the whole of those 5 yrs, despite my having bottle-fed him due to floppiness. All are affectionate now at 11 yrs old, but still dislike & will fight against, being picke up.
It's patience & also realising, that cats are really 'wild animals', domesticated, but not 'tame' really.
 

houseofnine

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Hi! I wouldn't worry too much..these things take time and you are AWESOME for taking these little ones in. We have 12 indoor cats--8 of whom came from our yard. 3 are truly semi-feral--one was already TNR'd when we grabbed her in January, but the other two had showed up in our yard with kittens.
It will vary in how long it takes. I can tell you that is much easier with kittens than with adults, but I'll give you my experience with adult cats:The first feral mom, who we've had 5 years, will only let my husband pet her. She still recoils if I try to touch her. The second feral mom was probably a stray, because she warmed up to us within a couple of months and we can pet her if careful. The latest one is getting friendlier but we're not pushing it.
Do you know some of the tricks, such as:
Making your hand into a fist when you approach kitty to pet her? I've read it looks more like another cat's head and less scary than a human hand.
Have you crushed catnip into your hands & then try to pet?

I wouldn't worry too much just yet. Have you been good with setting a routine and having kitty associate you with good things like food and toys? He has her own space to hang out? Does he get to witness you being nice to his sister? Have you tried Feliway plugs ins or spray?
I wish you the very best and three cheers for doing the right thing and being a committed kitty owner.
 
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Bobbie's angels

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Thanks everyone,

Its really does help, I have tried most of the tricks - plug ins, neither seemed to even notice it, I used that back when they were both in their room, at first I followed the videos and kept them in a "safe room" tried the leading to lap to feed ect - the female has been a breeze, has always seemed to have "liked me" always came and sat near me, was always interested in me, the male has always been very fearful - he will take treats and he will let me stroke him while he's eating (like in the urban video) but that where it ends, he wont really approach unless I have treats, should I just continue with that, bribing him all the time?

He does watch me being nice to his sister - when I get home from work, in the last 2 weeks she has been greeting me in the hallway, lets me pick her up and cuddle her, she snuggles in purring, he eventually comes to see whats happening.

I always feed with me in the kitchen with them.
The catnip is great with the female, male will sort of take notice.
I play with them everyday, laser pointers, wands ect - both love to play and they go hard!
I didn't know about using a fist, I will try that - thank you!

I also LOVE black cats - my cat before these 2 was black also, I am panther lover for sure!
 

sweetblackpaws

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Since he let's you stroke him while eating, I would continue with that. I think it is going great!

Mine didn't even notice the plug-ins, either, lol! That was a waste of money.
 

theyremine

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Keep the faith. My Rascal was older (6 months) when I got him and his MO was to attack me so I would leave the food and leave him alone. Use the treats, that helped win Rascal over. One day after I had had him over 2 years, he just climbed into my lap. I endured a lot of scratches and it took a long time, but today he is a bigger lovebug than his sister who like your female came around quickly.
 
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Bobbie's angels

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Thank you so much, that really does give me hope for him.

Its so hard watching him being fearful, when all he is missing out is comfort and love, I worry so much that he will make a bolt for the outside world and I loose him.

Do any of you let your ex-feral out doors? did they come back, just looking for happy outcome for us all.
 

houseofnine

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In a word--no..we don't ever let them out. All of our 12 cats (3 are domesticated ferals) stay indoors. Part of the reason for trapping them was to keep them away from cars, predators, bugs, diseases, and extremes in weather. They all seem happy to be in the house and have settled in fine after a few months adjustment time. NONE of them have ever "spite-peed"..or pooped. Used the litter box right away. PLEASE keep them in. If they're not neutered yet, please do that as well..it makes them far less inclined to roam. Thank you!
 

theyremine

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My four were all rescued in the 5-7 month range. Rascal and his sister came to me very sick. My other two were rescued in the middle of a cold NH winter. None show any interest in going outside. Not that I would allow it.
 
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Bobbie's angels

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Thanks - they were both neutered and spayed 2 weeks after I adopted them, lucky as I adopted them as being told they were both male!

I have no issues with their toilet habits both clean from the start - I had a cat before and it went in to the garden, enjoyed the sunshine and chasing bugs, wasn't sure given time they could also go outside if they wished and if they would behave like a domesticated counterpart
Appreciate the feedback!
 
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