Slave of Bastet's acolytes
- Mar 31, 2016
The guilt is normal, but also unwarranted. Everyone has moments they regret, whether the loved one is a human or an animal. And don't you think that maybe that little bit of normalcy, of him getting to irritate the heck out of Mommy one last time, might have meant the world to him?He lost his fight yesterday morning. I came home from work Wednesday evening and knew it was time. He could barely hold his head up and didn't want to move. I cuddled up with him that whole night and he died in my arms, peacefully, with very little pain (The vet said he was starting to feel pain from what was most likely kidney failure due to starvation), at the vet's office. We buried him in a shallow grave in our backyard and intend to grow flowers over it in his memory.
I do feel immense guilt. One of the last things I did to him was shoo him away because I was eating and didn't want him messing with my food. I'll remember that forever, as well as all the times I chose to lock myself in my room instead of spend time with him. I also feel guilt because I'm honestly a little bit relieved that the stress this condition put on both him and myself is over. No more pills, no more pain, no more trying my hardest to get him to eat. It's over. I just take solace in the fact that I fought tooth and nail until the last minute, until he showed me with his actions that night that he could no longer fight this cruel disease.
I'm just glad I gave him that one last good night. He purred for the first time in a long time, and I'm sure a lot of people would kill to have that and a peaceful sleep be their pets last memory.