Making The Decision--kitty With Heart Disease

arouetta

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He lost his fight yesterday morning. I came home from work Wednesday evening and knew it was time. He could barely hold his head up and didn't want to move. I cuddled up with him that whole night and he died in my arms, peacefully, with very little pain (The vet said he was starting to feel pain from what was most likely kidney failure due to starvation), at the vet's office. We buried him in a shallow grave in our backyard and intend to grow flowers over it in his memory.

I do feel immense guilt. One of the last things I did to him was shoo him away because I was eating and didn't want him messing with my food. I'll remember that forever, as well as all the times I chose to lock myself in my room instead of spend time with him. I also feel guilt because I'm honestly a little bit relieved that the stress this condition put on both him and myself is over. No more pills, no more pain, no more trying my hardest to get him to eat. It's over. I just take solace in the fact that I fought tooth and nail until the last minute, until he showed me with his actions that night that he could no longer fight this cruel disease.

I'm just glad I gave him that one last good night. He purred for the first time in a long time, and I'm sure a lot of people would kill to have that and a peaceful sleep be their pets last memory.
The guilt is normal, but also unwarranted. Everyone has moments they regret, whether the loved one is a human or an animal. And don't you think that maybe that little bit of normalcy, of him getting to irritate the heck out of Mommy one last time, might have meant the world to him?
 
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dagger311

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My condolences.

It must have been comforting to him that you were there, when he passed.
I thought about backing out and not seeing it happen, but I owed it to him to be there for the end, and owed it to myself to know it was better than dying scared and alone under a bed. I consider it a last act of love.

The guilt is normal, but also unwarranted. Everyone has moments they regret, whether the loved one is a human or an animal. And don't you think that maybe that little bit of normalcy, of him getting to irritate the heck out of Mommy one last time, might have meant the world to him?
I've lost people and animals before, I know how the guilt works. It never gets easier, each time it hits just as hard. It also never goes away. I'll feel this forever. Time will dull it, it'll even make it to where I'll remember him fondly instead of sadly, but it never truly goes away.

I know that I'll want another cat eventually, but I'm not sure I can risk getting burned like this again. This is the first time something so sudden has taken something I loved at such a young age. It was heart-wrenchingly painful watching my little boy who used to be so active and playful turn into a hollow shell of his former self. Watching him refuse food despite knowing he was hungry, and watching the glow in his eyes die as he accepted what was happening.
 

di and bob

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Please accept my sincere condolences, you were with him at the end and loved him all his life, that is all he really wanted. Please don't feel guilt, it just brings more pain to an already broken heart. He would be the last one to want this, he loves you too much. The bond you have formed is strong, use it and your precious memories to bring comfort. Time is the only thing that helps. Just remember what you feel for him can never be taken from you, his new path will follow yours until the day it crosses once more. You will form a new life's path now, but he is a precious part of your past and will guide and love you on your journey. I'll pray for you both, take care........RIP sweet boy, you will always be missed, but have a place in a loving heart forever more. Sleep tight, little prince!
 
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