Lost my Gus, my life, this past March 14

Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by mary17, Mar 17, 2017.

  1. mary17

    mary17 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Mar 17, 2017
    I have had Gus since he was days old. He was the runt of his litter and wasn't expected to survive cause he was so sickly. I was determined to save him though and he went everywhere with me. Over the next few months he outgrew his two sisters and became the Alpha male of the family. He and I were inseparable. He was more dog than cat. Everyone in the house loved him because he was so friendly and outgoing and curious about everything yet skittish at the same time when it came to sounds like motorcycles or big rigs from outside. We would take him to the cottage where we would take him for walks on his leash. Chasing the chipmunks was his favourite pastime while we were there. Without warning two weeks ago I came down to find him staring off and just looking uncomfortable. I knew something was wrong. I took him to the vet immediately. Nothing physically showed but blood tests showed a low red blood cell count so they sent his bloodwork for a pancreas test. Next day it came back positive. We treated him as required and started to adjust his diet accordingly. They recommended an ultrasound in case a mass was creating a blockage of some form which is why the pancreas attack occcurred so suddenly. I agreed. Three days later I received word he had a significant mass between his large and small intestine and the lymph nodes were swollen. Chemo was a option or just wait it out for anywhere between weeks and months. It was obvious he was already in pain. He wasn't interacting with me or his siblings like normal, he wasn't eating much and he was sleeping more than he should be for a 9 year old cat. My husband and I made the difficult decision not to allow him to be in pain or have the quality of life he should be having. Going to the clinic stresses him out immensely, so we found a Dr who would come to our home. It was quick and nearly painless and he died in my arms. Getting over this though has been the hardes thing I have ever dealt with. Gus was involved in every aspect of my life and I was his. I feel so lost and empty without him. The grief I feel is overwhelming. I'm fine and then I just lose it and breakdown crying. I'm even on sedatives to try to help me to no avail/change. My doctor pulled me out of work. Due to the meds I can't drive. My whole world has been turned upside down. He was so young.
  2. zed xyzed

    zed xyzed TCS Member Top Cat

    Nov 10, 2015
    Toronto Canada
    He was a beautiful little guy. I am so sorry he had to leave on his next journey. I hope you find some comfort knowing you have him a wonderful life, and a safe and loving home. Be free from pain beautiful Gus and know you will be missed and always loved by your family. 
  3. mary17

    mary17 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Mar 17, 2017
    Thank you Zed
  4. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Alpha Cat

    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family and Gus, we all know too well the horrible feeling of loss of a beloved kitty. I wish there were some magic words I could tell you, but it is just one of the saddest things that a pet owner has to go through, but you did a wonderful thing for him and he loved you and you him, keep him in your heart and he will live with you forever. He was a cutie, and is not suffering anymore, he is fine now it is you who is hurting, please grieve and do whatever you must to let it out, and very slowly you will get your grip back on your life, but you will always have his memory and never forget him. And talk on here anytime, these are wonderful compassionate people who have all gone through this same thing and can help you in many ways.

    I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......[​IMG]  
    di and bob purraised this.
  5. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    Please take comfort in knowing you gave Gus such a wonderful home, and most importantly what he wanted the most....your love. Of course his departure from your life is a traumatic event, he was such a big part of your life and now he isn't. Your heart and your home have an emptiness that takes a long time to adjust to. Bless you for finding the strength not to let him suffer, when the quality of life is low, and there is no hope for a complete cure, there truly is no other recourse, you could not let someone who means so much to you suffer a loss of dignity or suffer in any way at all.

    The one thing you can cling to is to know in your heart that Gus would NEVER want you to be so sad because of him. You must go on with your life and fill the heart that he now occupies with happiness and sunshine, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. He will always be following your life's path, the bond you formed over those 9 years will forever tie your journeys together. A love so strong is spiritual and therefore eternal, nothing, not even death can take it from you.  

    I know how overwhelming this grief can be, my little girl's death was the most traumatic event in my life. The loss of these sweet, innocent family members can take over our lives if we allow it, but there will come a day when you must start living again, the present is for the living, and the future is what we make it to be. Although they are a part of our past now , it was one of the best parts, use your memories of happier times comfort you, not bring you pain, because that is what they want for us. Keep busy and do good things in Gus's name. Donate food or litter to your local shelter or food pantry, pay for the adoption of a cat that so desperately needs a home, it makes you feel better about yourself and memorializes Gus's name, you know he would approve.

    Just like the cats we love so much, we hate change, and although we logically know there would come a day we may lose them. we choose not to accept that as a life's scenario, and then when it happens, even if we know ti is coming, it fills us with such overwhelming disbelief and grief that something like this could possibly happen, and causes immeasurable pain.

    My heart goes out to you, I know how this crushes the soul. But that soul is forever joined with your little one's, so look forward to when that path will cross again in the distant future, and know sweet Gus is safe and at peace now, offering you his love and comfort and only wanting the best for you in your life. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who can share your pain and understand what you are going through. .......RIP precious Gus, you will never be forgotten and will always be securely held in a loving heart. Sleep tight. sweet Prince!  
    mary17 purraised this.
  6. wealthy1

    wealthy1 TCS Member Kitten

    Mar 1, 2017
    Im so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
  7. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Super Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    Mary, I'm so sorry for your Gus.

    Your story has torn my heart in two, I was feeling a deep pain in my chest as I was reading your post and the way you are reacting to his loss is not stranger to me.

    I hope that Gus's siblings can give you some comfort in this very sad moment.

    Take care.
  8. mysticotala

    mysticotala TCS Member Kitten

    Feb 14, 2017
    MA - Massachusetts
    I am so sorry for your loss. It is always a horrible thing to lose a pet, a friend and family member, and is especially hard when they are so young and it happens so suddenly. He was so so loved and sounds like he had a wonderful life. There wasn't anything you could have done differently. I can only imagine the void you must be feeling and I know it won't disappear but I hope it lessens with time and that his life can become a happy memory for you to look back on. He wouldn't want you to be sad forever.
    All the hugs in the world. RIP Gus
  9. boney girl dad

    boney girl dad TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Mar 13, 2016
    Sorry for your loss of Gus. We are so fortunate to have our kitties share in our lives and we are never ready for the day they have to go. I believe our cats are in a perfect place and have been restored to a perfect condition. I wish you peace during this most difficult time.
    lily paddy purraised this.
  10. mary17

    mary17 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Mar 17, 2017
    Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. They have meant a lot to me as I learn to deal with my loss of my "handsome boy" as I always called him. The grief I feel is indescribable but knowing I'm not alone has made it a bit easier.
  11. mary17

    mary17 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Mar 17, 2017
    lily paddy and zed xyzed purraised this.
  12. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Super Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    What a wonderful boy!

    I'm sure he was sweet.
  13. lily paddy

    lily paddy TCS Member Adult Cat

    Nov 23, 2016
    Im so saddened by the passing of our beloved animals.. Gus was surely and will always be your handsome boy, that is what i call my MAxx.. my handsome boy.. the stories of people and their cats how much love and life and joy, then the sadness, you knew Gus so well that he was staring into space and had a look, That is how well you knew him .. He loved you and you loved him from a teeny tiny, watched and helped him grow, Im so sorry for your pain, we love so hard, that the pain is incomprehensible to anyone who has never let a tiny fur soul into their hearts  .. hearing the sad fate, the love the passing in your arms, i also lived that recently.. it breaks my heart, by looking at your good boy Gus, i know he would never want u pained or so sad, he found so much love and happiness with you. You believed in him and made him strong from humble beginnings..love doesn't die.. He will always be with you.. Till u meet again. 
    zed xyzed purraised this.
  14. kookycats

    kookycats TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 7, 2010
    Naples, Fl
    Just got back on TCS and catching up. I am so very sorry for your loss and can definitely understand and relate. We have lost several much loved kitties over the years. A little over a year ago we h ad to say goodbye to our beloved Tony. He was 15 years old and the sweetest, gentlest soul that every lived. We've loved all our kitties but have to say Tony had a super special place in our hearts. He suffered from an auto-immune blood disease. Our vet treated him and gave him 10 months of life he would not have had. We miss him every day, but a couple of months after losing him we found an tiny Russian Blue on a local website. He and his brother had been found starving in a backyard. I fell in love with his little face and went to meet him. We named him Charlie (Hurricane charlie) and he is a delight (posted his pic today in the picture forum). He will never replace our Tony but we feel he is a special gift to us from Tony at Rainbow Bridge. Maybe the time will come for your Gus to send you a special friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  15. meelasmom

    meelasmom TCS Member Adult Cat

    Apr 6, 2017
    Mary, I lost my sweet beautiful baby girl two weeks ago today. I sure can relate to your heartache. You felt you had no other choice especially when your sweet boy was suffering. My situation was much different. I made a very rushed had decision that I regret. I didn't give my girl the time she deserved. I panicked and listened to my get without questions being answered or asked. I am full of so much guilt and pain in the decision that I never should have made.
    I too, cannot stop crying and missing her. It would be so much different if it was the only choice, but now I know it wasn't and I have to live with the knowledge that I cheated my baby out more time that she had.

    I feel like I am just falling into a puddle. I know that pain you have for Gus all too well. I never should have made that decision without more thought. I am hoping the pain gets better for and for me. I can't take some days.

    You did what was right for Gus. I didn't for Meela and now I have to live with decision and guilt for the rest of my life.
    I'll say a prayer for you and for him. Please say one for me and my baby girl, Meela.
  16. Mia6

    Mia6 TCS Member Top Cat

    Jan 22, 2017
    Ohio, USA

    I am so very sorry about your lovely Gus. He was sooo beautiful!!
    It is so very difficult losing our babies. I lost my Kirsten 7 October and
    it was only a few weeks ago that I was able to listen to our song (we
    use to dance to it), Chasing Cars, without crying.

    I am sending thoughts and prayers your way.


  17. urbancalgirl

    urbancalgirl TCS Member Kitten

    Jul 7, 2015
    I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our 9 year old Hemingway just a few days ago, and it pains me that he was so young, too. Your Gus was a beautiful cat.
  18. meelasmom

    meelasmom TCS Member Adult Cat

    Apr 6, 2017
    Just wanted to say I didn't mean to high-jack this thread with what I wrote.

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