Losing my beloved feral cat

[moreknow]

Hi guys,
I have had this feral cat live in my backyard for about half a year, since she was a furry kitten, Celsa was brave and explored our house when I let her in. Everyday since the beginning of this year she's been spending most time inside with me, but at night i let her out. I always want to let them stay the night in our house but my parents never let me b/c they would make noise. Yesterday I left for work and came back home for lunch and I do my routine call for my cats, and she would always come every day, but this day she didn't. As always I would worry, but I had to go back to work. When I pulled up to my street I saw her laying down with her head up looking around by the ditch. I rushed to check her and she was meowing but not crying in distress but I knew she has been ran over. During the night I tried help moving her to my backyard but she'd aggressive towards me, and eventually we were able to move her and had her spend the night in this makeshift cat house in our backyard porch. We tried feeding her, and she'd eat, but this morning, my mom went to check on her, she wouldn't eat, and then my mom told me that she couldn't find her anymore. Starting from last night, I was really stressed. I got really nauseous and my arms felt heavy, because this was sudden and I never thought I'd find her suffering like this. I knew that if I went back to see her, it would worsen my pain, so I was already anticipating her death; I was just ready for the worst
I don't know if she'll come back, and im too scared to go out to look for her. I read somewhere that cat's know when they're about to die, so they find a place to finally rest. I hope to see her again in this life so I can bury her and I hope to see her in the next life

I know that we are in tough times, suffering and ignorance is everywhere, and my parents have been upset at me for being so heartbroken by a cat for the second time this year (I lost another beloved cat of mine the first day of 2020; he never came back). They tell me that I must not become too attached to the cats anymore otherwise it's just going to more and more suffering. I believe now that they're right, I have to train myself to let go of everything I fear to lose.
Nonetheless, this is hard. I love d her so much
Sorry for the long paragraph, I just had to get this off my chest, my parents are understanding to a point, but I'd really truly appreciate positive feedback. And for everyone else that lost a pet today, I'm with you in spirit

Thanks,
Uriel M

 

[PoeJunk]

Im so sorry that this has happened. We are here too. I know how hard it is to lose pets.

 

[jefferd18]

I am sorry and yes, we are here, but please, if you can, go back outside and find her.

Cats don't just don't run away because they are dying, they also run away when they have been hurt. I would imagine she is in a tremendous amount of pain right now and she either needs a vet to help her, or she needs to be put down humanely.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

I agree with jefferd18. Please go find her if you can, as hard as it will be. A vet may be able to save her. If not, better to have her cross the Bridge at the vet's with you near her side. I am sorry this is happening.

 

[di and bob]

You can't harden your heart against eventual pain from losing someone you love, it just doesn't work that way. Your parents are from a generation that taught them pets are just animals, like farm stock that eventually must be slaughtered. But your heart knows different. When you care for something or about the plight of something, like with feral cats, you develop an empathy and feelings that turn into affection and love. You get more emotionally attached to these beautiful little ones who are suffering through no fault of their own, just like us on this site. I have lost more than I care to admit, some through stupid actions of my own, most because the outdoors is a savage, dangerous place to be because nature decrees it to reduce overpopulation and thus more suffering. I tried to be indifferent, but with each new skinny, terrified face that shows up at my door, I offer what I can in the way of comfort and food. People themselves can be the most dangerous predator out there, especially those who can throw a cat into the wilderness, or turn them away when they are seeking help, and not feel a single pang of consciousness about it. I don't care for people like that, and I would hate for you to make yourself into one. But I know you can't, just like me.
I have also had cats injured so severely that I knew for sure they were going to die. and somehow they showed up weeks later, alive and ready to eat. The best thing to do of course is to seek out that little one and see how injured she is. The fact that she disappeared is hopeful, she can move. If she is severely injured the most humane thing to do is to take her to the vet for their opinion, explaining she is not your inside pet, but one you are caring for. My vet will treat such a cat at a greatly reduced price because of his love for animals. or they will humanly put them down if the suffering is great.
My heart goes out to you, please keep us posted on what you find. My prayers are with you both. You will be blessed for your loving heart......

 

[Mamanyt1953]

So many of us here love or have loved ferals, and we know all too well the pain of losing one, and the horrible agony of not knowing. IF you can find her, try to get her to a vet. She may be hiding somewhere safe to heal. They do that, as well. My heart with yours.

 

[di and bob]

Still thinking and praying for you and your Celsa......

 

[kurocatlady]

I understand how you feel. When I have strays sick / injured, i dread finding them in the worst case scenario possible, but please don't be scared. Try to find her, it's better than worrying and wondering what happened to her. She may even be well enough and you can get her treated. Animals are resilient. I wish you the best and the ability to do what would be best for you and kitty.

 

[solomonar]

When we do not know - we do not know and full stop.

Assuming - it goes nowhere.

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Cats do roam. I could find only a couple of studies about cats roaming. Some anecdotal evidence is half mile (600 m or so), but in a study they measured 2 miles per night! Roaming is a natural behavior, cant be stopped and nobody can assume that a roaming cat is at more danger then a backyard cat. My indoor-only cat was wounded in my balcony, in a peg!

In my opinion, the simple fact that the cat did not eat in a certain morning does not mean that the cat was sick. My cat did not eat in the morning the day before yesterday. So what?

Celsa went aggressive? There are many causes for this behavior.
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Some practical ideas:

- Put a piece of your clothes outside, as far as possible from the door.

- In the evening, have a tuna can open at you door.

- Go ask your neighbours

- Look up in the trees around the property (check with google maps if needed)

- Look beneath different things outside and in the basements (including yours - and really, carefully check- you are a human, Celsa is a cat - that makes a difference in hiding strategies (I mean it).

Do not give up. I saw many cases when the cat was found after days or weeks.

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For the most unfortunate case:

- think that everything has a Beginning and an End - nobody can decide on this matter, but everybody can enjoy the time on Earth

- Love is the essence of life of all Creatures - Love is eternal, so Celsa and you will be together for ever.

- mark a place to remember in you yard or in a forest: use your preferred symbol, or a layer of pebbles, or just one rock or whatever (it is not the material mark that counts, but your memories)

- write a brief letter to her and put it in your box

- go volunteer in a cat shelter

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My heart goes with you.