Losing My Baby To Saddle Thrombus / Aortic Thromboembolism

[summerm18]

Hello everyone,

I'm new here. I stumbled across this forum while researching aortic thromboembolism online, and have since found comfort and solace in reading about other people's experiences with the heart-wrenching aftermath of saddle thrombus. Two weeks ago I lost my beloved Luna to FATE, and I am still absolutely shattered. I am hoping that sharing my experience will not only help others come to terms with their own experience with the disease, but will additionally aid my own grieving process as well; my mind simply keeps looping the entire situation over and over in attempt to make sense of it, and I feel like I really do need to get it down into words in order to accept and eventually move on from what has happened.

At the age of 17, I was living with my mother and sister on the south coast of England, and we already had a gorgeous tabby cat named Wham, who had just turned five at the time. A neighbour of ours had two cats, who had just produced a litter in the October of 2012. They had made the most beautiful little kittens, all either ginger and black... except one. A mix of everything, the runt of the litter - our little Luna.

Everyone was just desperate to get their hands on the kittens, and it was our little tortoiseshell baby that was left. My neighbour really struggled to find her a home, and my mother agreed to adopt the kitten. My sister and I were so unbelievably thrilled, and we fell in love with her from the moment we laid eyes on her. She was truly the strangest - but consequently the cutest - little thing I had ever seen (most predominantly due to the unusual markings she had on her face), and we were instantly inseparable.

I moved away to go to university in London when I was 18, and there was absolutely no way in hell that she wasn't coming with me. I moved in with my partner of two years, and he grew to adore her just as much as I did. At this point, we had developed a bond that was utterly unparalleled, and she was truly my rock and my comfort through the past three years, in which I have been away from all my family and friends on the south coast. She was my best friend and the light of my life, and she always knew when I needed her most. I have truly never experienced a friendship quite like it.

I finished university in May, and was looking forward to spending some time unwinding with Luna before I started my more permanent job in September. Wham had since moved up to London to also live with us due to family circumstances, and the four of us developed a family structure that had once appeared absolutely unbreakable. Until the 7th of August, 2017.

It was an absolutely ordinary day. We had been playing with Luna the previous night; she was messing around with us while we were trying to change the duvet covers on our bed (in true Luna fashion - she was just so playful and energetic), and she slept by my side most of the night. We woke up in the morning and I sat down on the sofa with her while I planned the week ahead. She was purring away, lovingly looking up at me with her googly green eyes, kneading my leg and brushing her head against my hand while I attempted to move the mouse of my laptop. There was absolutely no signs that anything was wrong. She appeared dissatisfied with the amount of attention she was getting, so she moved over to another chair and sat there for about half an hour.

She jumped back over to the spot where I was sat, and almost just fell into a perfect little nook in the throw sat next to me. I cooed at her for a minute, thinking that it was cute - still not noticing anything out of the ordinary. It then appeared that she began retching, almost, like she had a hairball. I ran out into the kitchen and grabbed some kitchen paper, just in case. When I came back, her breathing had quickened, and her eyes had glazed with a sense of panic. Many of the threads I have read concerning saddle thrombus depict the sense of 'terror' that they could see in their beloved companion's eyes, and I know exactly what they mean. It is absolutely heartbreaking and earth-shattering to see, but it immediately notified me that something was extremely wrong.

She began meowing - it was loud, alarmed - like even she didn't know what was happening. She attempted to get up, and that's when I noticed that she couldn't use her back legs. I was immediately overcome with fear, and everything that came next is a blur. It seemed like my body just went into automatic, and somehow I knew exactly what I had to do.

I got her in her carrier right away and (literally) ran her to the vets. I thank my lucky stars that there is a vets that is a 3 minute walk from my home, and she was seen to as soon as I got her there. The vet inspected her, and seemed somewhat unsure about the diagnosis at first. She said that there was still resistance in her legs, still warmth. I was told to go home while they gave her painkillers, x-rays and ultrasounds in attempt to figure out what was wrong. I was completely unaware of aortic thromboembolism in cats, so returned home confused, frightened and in a state of utter shock.

My partner came home from work and we received a call from the vets telling us that she had lost the 'pain' in her back legs, which I automatically assumed was a good thing. It wasn't until they explained further that I realised she had lost the feeling in her legs, and that they had gone cold. They told us that she had heart disease, which completely knocked us for six. Heart disease? Our little bundle of energy, our happy and healthy baby... had heart disease? Apparently it is almost impossible to detect, but we were still so overwhelmed by shock. There were absolutely no signs.

They told us that this heart condition produced blood clots, and that one had subsequently got caught in her abdomen and had prevented the blood flow to her hind legs, rendering them completely unusable. They told us that they could either attempt treatment (adding that the outcome isn't guaranteed, and that there is great possibility it could happen again in the future is she did pull through the procedures), or we could put her to sleep. This was not a possibility for me. I told them to continue with the treatment. Anything to get my baby back in my arms.

We had another call about half an hour later, asking us to go down to the vets to have a chat and to see Luna. I immediately knew this wasn't a good sign. As we sat in the waiting area, I could hear her cries of pain. We went in the room and she was laid on the table, hooked up to a machine that was monitoring her heart rate, and she had blankets covering her back legs. Her breathing had gone rattly. I tried to comfort her and she calmed down a little, however it was still clear she was in agony. I had never heard her meow like that.

The vet basically told us that the survival rate of the treatment was extremely low, and that even if Luna did pull through, she would be on life-long medication and would be highly at risk and developing other clots that would consequently limit her lifespan. My baby's favourite thing was running and being energetic, playing in the garden, getting up to mischief by jumping the fence and exploring the area... the thought of her not being able to use her legs, or be active like she once was, absolutely devastated me. This, plus the obvious pain that we could see she was in, lead us to elect euthanasia. I held onto her paw and stroked her head while she passed peacefully through the rainbow bridge. I told her how much she was loved and how grateful I was to have had her in my life. It was honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I know that words will never ever be able to describe it. She was going to be five in October. The fact that she was so young absolutely breaks my heart, and I feel like I have failed her.

Over the past two weeks I have just been overcome with emotions. Guilt... Should I have done more? Was there a way I could've detected it if I had paid more attention? Pain... the fact that I'll never see her again. Emptiness. The house just seems so quiet without her. I miss her with my everything.

Thank you if you've made it this far through the thread - I know I have gone on, but I feel like I needed to get all of this off my chest. I would really appreciate if anyone could also share their experiences of saddle thrombus on this thread, as I am still so desperately trying to understand it. Is there any way to come to terms with it? Wham also feels very lost and alone without Luna here... what is the best thing to do for her? I would really appreciate knowing that others know where I'm coming from, and have experienced this devastating disease too. Saddle thrombus truly is a cat owner's worst nightmare.



Luna, 10.21.12 - 08.07.17 </3

 

[di and bob]

I understand your pain. The repeating of events over and over, the guilt that something could have been done, the prayers that you would give ANYTHING to not have that fateful day turn out the way it did. The sleepless nights, the unending nightmare that went on and on forever. The pain that seemed so overwhelming you didn't know if you could make it or not. Until the day you finally realize you will live, because that is what that precious little girl wants for you. That is what true love is.
There was absolutely no way to predict something like this would happen in a seemingly healthy cat. Horrible things happen to good people, and no guilt should never be held by something that was not intentionally done. Luna would never hold you responsible, she loves you too much. You gave her all she ever wanted in life, a home and your love. In death she will always have your love and a home in your heart.
If you went first, you would never want that sweet little one to hurt forever, you would want her to find happiness and sunshine again, just like she now wants for you. You will honor her forever by remembering her, the beautiful memories you have of happier times will bring you comfort in time. And time is what you need. It softens the sharp edges of grief, it helps you to forge ahead and once again go into the future from the limbo you are in right now. Try not to dwell on all the should haves and could haves, they bring nothing but more grief and you have more than enough. The bond of love you have with that sweet baby will never leave you, it is forged by love which is spiritual, so eternal. The 'essence' that made her who you know and love will always surround you and guide you on your life's journey.
I know the pain is overwhelming, but somehow in time we find that the joy and happiness we found with them sharing our lives outweighs the pain of losing them. Grief cannot be allowed to win, we can't let the pain and sorrow diminish the love we feel for our little ones. Our souls are immortal, and our loved ones and ours are tied together forever by love.
My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. It does help to talk to others and let a little of the pain escape. Take care...... RIP precious Luna, you will never be forgotten and will always have a place in a loving heart. Please send peace to the heart that feels so empty, please send the realization that you will never be truly gone. Goodnight, sleep tight, sweet little girl!

 

[christywing]

Beautiful Luna, may you play in a field of catnip with all our other lost but not forgotten furrbabies

 

[les26]

I am so sorry that you had to experience that horrible situation, sometimes bad things just seem to happen no matter how well we take care of them or love them. You will feel many emotions, grief can come out in many ways, just let it out, don't hold it in it will make things harder, let the bad flow out no matter how painful. She will live on in your heart and memory forever, she knows that you loved her and were trying to help.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Luna, dream you deep. You were loved, OH, how you were loved.

You performed an act of utter love when you sat with her and ushered her into a place where the pain and fear floated away on a sea of light, and she waits there for you. My heart is breaking for you.

 

[summerm18]

Thank you for all of your wonderful messages, they've truly moved me to tears.

I can feel myself coping with it a little better as every day goes on, but it still doesn't take away the pain of losing her in such a drastic way. I am really struggling with the idea that I'm never going to be able to hold her again; the fact that she is truly gone.

I'm sure time will help heal these wounds. She was just one in a million, and I miss her so very much.

 

[ericsmom1000]

My deepest condolences on the sudden and unexpected loss of Luna.

There are medical conditions that cannot be seen, let alone prevented -- they just happen, with no symptoms beforehand. I lost a beloved beagle, Annie, nearly thirty years ago when her blood stopped clotting while she was being spayed, and she bled out. My vet tried everything to get the bleeding to stop, but could not. She was two years old -- a rescue dog.

Blood clots, unfortunately, do not show any signs ahead of time. They obstruct a vein or artery, and cause a heart attack, stroke, or pulmonary embolism. They often kill quickly.

You did all you could for Luna. The most important thing is that you gave her a loving home. She was the runt of the litter -- no one wanted her -- except you. It doesn't matter how old a beloved pet is when he or she dies -- it is never easy. The day it becomes so is the day you stop taking animals into your home.

You loved Luna enough to relieve her of her suffering. You set her free from a body that was irreparably damaged, and useless. She thanks you for letting her go. She is happy and at peace now, playing on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. You had four years with her, and if you had to do it again, knowing the outcome, you would.

The loss is so new that it will take time to come to terms with it. You will never get over it, but you will learn to cope. And when the time is right, Luna will send you another cat in need of a home. One of the hardest things about death is the reminders of the deceased that they left behind.

Be kind to yourself, and grieve all that you need to. Not doing so causes problems later. Someday you will see her again, and there will be a wonderful reunion, not only with her, but other pets you have had.

 

[betsygee]

I lost a kitty to saddle thrombus, too. It's the most awful thing, knowing there's nothing more you can do. Luna was lucky to have such a loving home and loving family, willing to do the right thing when the time came even though it was breaking your heart to do it.

My thoughts are with you.

 

[ericsmom1000]

For those who want more information on saddle thrombus, www.petmd.com, under "The Daily Vet Blog," talks about the subject. The symptoms are identical to Luna's. Many vets do not offer their clients an EKG or x-ray to see if their cats are at risk, but many do not want to spend $300-$500 for the procedure. The article is entitled "Saddle Thrombus: Every Cat Owner's Worst Nightmare."

 

[olivermerijaan]

I am currently going through the same situation too with my baby Oliver. I do not know how I can deal with the pain. I am choosing to fight as long as he fights. Please keep him in your prayers. He went through the same exact thing as Luna. He was playing and being normal one day and the next thing I know, he is in extreme pain. He sleeps beside me on his cat tree and on the fateful morning I gently called him to come sleep on my lap so he jumped and before he could come to me on the bed, he jumped to the ground and vomited. After that he was extremely restless and next thing I know he can't use his hind legs. I wish everyday since then I could take it all back. I wish I could reverse time. I wish I could help him. I do not know what to do. Please pray for his recovery, I know its an incurable disease but I am hoping with all the treatment he is getting, he will live with me for another few weeks or months or hopefully years. Please pray his pain is lessened each second and that I can have the strength to give him everything he needs. Thank you so much for all your prayers. I am very happy I came across this thread because I needed this.

 

[summerm18]

I’m so glad this thread has helped you with your experience with saddle thrombus - that was my predominant intention for this thread. I had never heard of the condition before, and I found a lot of peace in the fact that other people have been through the same thing with their beloved pets.

Believe me, you’re giving Oliver as much help as you possibly can. He is so lucky to have you. I know how worried you must feel, and how frightened and scared you must be; I remember the feeling well. But whatever the outcome, please know that you have done the most that you possibly can do to aid him in this difficult time.

He’s in my thoughts and in my prayers. This condition takes far too many of our little ones, and I desperately hope Oliver is an exception.

I know how much talking about it with those that have you experienced it helped me get through my pain, so know there are people here who you can always talk to.

Wishing you well, and Oliver a speedy recovery. <3

 

[olivermerijaan]

I’m so glad this thread has helped you with your experience with saddle thrombus - that was my predominant intention for this thread. I had never heard of the condition before, and I found a lot of peace in the fact that other people have been through the same thing with their beloved pets.

Believe me, you’re giving Oliver as much help as you possibly can. He is so lucky to have you. I know how worried you must feel, and how frightened and scared you must be; I remember the feeling well. But whatever the outcome, please know that you have done the most that you possibly can do to aid him in this difficult time.

He’s in my thoughts and in my prayers. This condition takes far too many of our little ones, and I desperately hope Oliver is an exception.

I know how much talking about it with those that have you experienced it helped me get through my pain, so know there are people here who you can always talk to.

Wishing you well, and Oliver a speedy recovery. <3

Thank you so much!! I really really really appreciate the prayers! I am going to keep you all posted. We are going to the vet again tomorrow to access his condition. I am hoping he will have a long life. I can't express how much reading your experience and talking to you has helped me. Thank you! <3

 

[SnugglesAnn]

Over the past two weeks I have just been overcome with emotions. Guilt... Should I have done more? Was there a way I could've detected it if I had paid more attention? Pain... the fact that I'll never see her again. Emptiness. The house just seems so quiet without her. I miss her with my everything.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you answers. I wish I could take away the pain. We all understand it. Our stories may be different, but the words and feelings are similar. It's been a little over two weeks since I had to let my baby go and I keep replaying everything in my head. Where did I go wrong. What could I have done differently. But, those questions and "what-ifs" would be there no matter what I had done (or not done). After reading so many stories on this board, I can see that sometimes there just are no concrete answers for us who are left here to grieve except for one very important one...that we have spared them from any more pain and suffering forevermore. No longer will they ever have to worry about a thing and that is for certain- no "what-ifs" to question there. You gave your baby the most selfless gift anyone could ever ask for. Our home is much quieter too. Emptier. Sadder. I take moments each day to talk to Snuggles and I can't explain it, but I seem to be getting all of these signs that she is happy and grateful. Sometimes we miss those signs because of our grief, but they are there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[sdp758587]

Lost my 10 year old boy Corbin to saddle thrombus this past Saturday morning. Most affectionate, peaceful loving cat I have ever known. He was my shadow. Would lay behind or next to my laptop every time I sat down at my desk. He would be any lap or on the bed and even follow me into the bathroom. Even wait for me to get out of the shower.
To meet such a horrible end seemed so unfair. Leaving the vets after having lost him I cried so hard that the sounds coming from me were so foreign it felt like it was from someone else.
Reading the posts have helped and the scenarios were all almost identical.
The vet gave the treatment options but also the slim chances of recovery and likely hood of the condition recurring. Knowing the pain my little man had gone through and the look in his eyes I couldn't let it happen again. Its only been four days and it hurts like hell not having him. I know time will help.

 

[dragoriana]

I'm so sorry for your loss. From what I have experienced and what others told me, it is normal to feel guilty, but you have nothing to feel guilty for. As you said heart disease is hard to detect. You gave her a good life, and when she got sick, you acted quickly and made the best decision for her, weighing up the good and bad outcomes. You put her first. Myself and i'd safely say a majority of the people here have at least dealt with one terribly ill pet, and had to make that unpleasant but necessary choice. Putting your cats welfare above your own shows you did a great thing in a hard time and that you are a good person. Please don't beat yourself up. I know the what ifs and quietness can feel overwhelming. Just allow yourself to go through the pain and don't be afraid to lean on others. It will get better but of course right now it doesn't feel that way to you, and it will take time and there is no rush to make yourself get there. Please be gentle on yourself.

 

[di and bob]

I'll pray for you all.......

 

[Antonio65]

I have read all your post while holding my breath.
It's so a devastating experience and you were able to convey all the pain and the desperation you felt in those moments, like they were mine.

It's terrible not to be able to get used to the idea that our kitty is going to leave us. A long illness gives us time to adapt, a sudden accident is a shock and doesn't put us in the situation to decide in a few seconds.
Then there's this halfway. Like we use to say here, it's a rooftile on the head. And I've been through such a moment twice for two feral cats of my colony.

You didn't fail her at all, you couldn't ever do such a thing and Luna knew and knows this. You took her with you when you moved to London, how could you think you failed her?
What happened was something that was beyound your control.
Take comfort from the fact that you did the most important thing, you were there when she needed you, at the last moment of her beautiful life with you. Luna crossed the Bridge while feeling the warmth of your hands, she didn't feel alone.
And now she's waiting for you, one day you'll meet her again, and that wiil be forever!

RIP Luna, you were stunningly beautiful!

 

[Daveandflower]

Our completely understand how people feel on this thread. We too lost are fabulous boy to this devastating condition yesterday. Our Dave was outside at the time so we don’t know how long ago he has suffered. As people have said it is the look of help me mummy what has happened that haunts you. We rushed Dave to the emergency vet, but the prognosis was very poor. We started the thrombosis treatment and had the tests, but as the tests also showed kidney problems there was nothing to be done. I stroked him through the oxygen tent and he pushed against my hand like he knew. It is the most heart renching decision we’ve ever made. He was the centre of our family and my daughters best friend. I think owners whose beloved pet is taken by this event struggle to come to terms with it. One minute everything is normal, the next you have been knocked for six. My big regret is that we didn’t have chance to give him big cuddles alone as understandably as he was the only vet on duty he needed to push ahead. If this happens to you, try to have those moments together. We have a big hole in our hearts and home.