Litter mates had encounter with outside cat, now hate each other

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frenetic mango

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Question unrelated to aggression... we occasionally put somebody in the bedroom by themselves so we can exist in the rest of the house unfettered. Not for crazy extended periods or anything, but for a few hours. One of them... WILL. NOT. STOP. SCREAMING. I am trying to ignore her until she's quiet and then let her out, but she has been screaming non stop for the last hour and a half. Help?
 

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Music? Crating, with a sheet over it to block most of the light (but still allow air flow) ?
 

Calypso522

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I hope your cats go back to bonded. I’m feeling your pain. I’m having the same issue with two of my cats. They just want to murder each other when they used to be inseparable. Theirs was triggered by one of them having bladder infections and really smelly urine. Hope can’t be lost. 😭😭😭. Thinking about you. Keep updating.
 
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frenetic mango

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I hope your cats go back to bonded. I’m feeling your pain. I’m having the same issue with two of my cats. They just want to murder each other when they used to be inseparable. Theirs was triggered by one of them having bladder infections and really smelly urine. Hope can’t be lost. 😭😭😭. Thinking about you. Keep updating.
I'm so sorry. It's the absolute worst. And now COVID has locked us in our houses. We'll get through it.
 
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frenetic mango

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Hi all. The saga continues I guess. It's been a month and a half and all I've accomplished is getting them to eat meals closer together. We decided to try opening the flap before we actually put their food down (we have them sit before we give it) and one hissed at her sister again. I'm losing my mind locked in my bedroom with a cat 24/7. My partner and I still can't spend any time together. At what point do you give up? How will I know if this will ever end? There's no light at the end of the tunnel. I have school and a partner to deal with. I want my life back.
 

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Hi. I personally think stress is probably the biggest chunk of the problem. Tension can set cats off. So, one minute they may seem relatively OK, but someone or something creates a disruption of sorts and it causes one (or, both) of your cats to get upset all over again. Under the current circumstances, this will likely drag out for a while longer than it might have otherwise. It isn't easy to do nowadays, but reducing stress will definitely help in the long run.

Have you tried any music, as suggested above? Just to see if it changes their demeanor at all? You might want music going on a lot of the time during waking hours, just to get them used to the idea of hearing it. I wouldn't just play it when you plan on confining one of them alone - that will only make them associate the music with being left alone, making it counter-productive.

Have you also tried bird or squirrel videos to see if either of them would be interested in them? That would also be a nice distraction when one is left alone for a bit as well.
 

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I personally think stress is probably the biggest chunk of the problem. Tension can set cats off.
I think so too - I apologize that i don't remember but along with the music, did you or would you ever try calming products? Bachs Rescue Remedy, that sort of thing?
 
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frenetic mango

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I think so too - I apologize that i don't remember but along with the music, did you or would you ever try calming products? Bachs Rescue Remedy, that sort of thing?
I have feliway multicat going for the last 2 months. They just hate being alone. I finally broke and hired a behaviorist, total waste of money. At least I know now.
 
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frenetic mango

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We've been doing 'peekaboo' sessions with clickers and treats for looking at each other and not freaking out, starting to get purring when we're doing this. Officially moving the 1st of May, and the new place will be infinitely better for us and them. Getting some nice outdoor space to enjoy and actual rooms for each cat, so yay.
 
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frenetic mango

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Hi all. We've moved, been here about a week and a half. We are back to doing little peekaboo feeding sessions. Feels like a regression to be honest, but I'm worried about the new atmosphere etc. We had them in separate rooms for about a week, switched them the night before last and they've gone back into hiding/stress mode, one in particular. They don't hiss or puff, but they stare pretty hard at each other when we let them get a visual still so I'm afraid to move forward. I guess it's still better than at first when they would immediately fly into a rage if they saw even a millimeter of each other. My partner has started to get frustrated with me again that I'm not allowing them closer contact. I can see where he's coming from, and I'm afraid the next 10 years of my life will look like this to be honest. I don't know how to push things harder without putting them and us in danger. I've started to very much regret bringing pets into my life at all. They used to be such a source of joy and love, now they just make me sad and angry. I have this lovely new house, but I can't really enjoy it. Every day still just feels like its revolving around cats, and not in a good way. Sorry for the gloom and doom, I'm just not having a good day today. Some days are definitely better. They played footsies under the door the other day. It was terrifying but they were fine. I'm just really, really tired of this now as it's gone on for so very long.
 

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Hi. Keep up proper introductions for each cat to the new home first; this is particularly stressing since they both have to adapt to a new home. I hope you brought with them all of their familiar items to the new home. Each of them has to have time to get used to their new place, so when you swapped them out, it is understandable that they went into hiding and stress mode. A week-plus in a new home is nothing in terms of getting them acclimated. Both of these cats need to get used to their new home before you try to get them used to each other. It will take a long time, you have to have patience. There are plusses and minuses to what is happening with your move. It is like trying to juggle between getting each cat adjusted to a new home, and then adjusted to each other - in that order. The plus is that you start over in a new home and can treat these cats as if they were never together before. The minus is that you have to deal with getting them used to a new home before you can work on getting them used to each other. Your partner is not helping matters, and you can tell him I said so.
 
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frenetic mango

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Hi all. Just an update and some questions. The house is mostly finished, everyone is pretty settled, all the rooms smell like everybody, etc. We cat proofed the patio, and they both have access to it supervised (separately still). We have begun clicker training with them, and they are at the point where they are calm on either side of a gate in full view of each other. They have sniffed each other directly through it, poked paws through at each other etc. The longest we have had them near each other like that is probably 10 minutes? But we are definitely making progress. My question is, when is it time to try removing the gate/ getting them in the same room? Still really nervous, but also want to keep the momentum going and keep moving forward. There have been no signs of aggression between them since we moved in, but we are on a busy intersection and they get spooked sometimes and puff at noises. Luckily this has not happened while we are doing exposure training. I do have harnesses for them, but would like to avoid any additional stress that might put on the situation if I were to use them to get them in the same room. Any advice is welcome, thanks.
 
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frenetic mango

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Hi all. We are now in 'all doors open most of the day' phase. They are still separated when we sleep or leave the house, and continue to be more skittish and prone to piloerection than they were before the incident, but they are well on their way to being fully integrated again. They are play wrestling together and gamboling, as well as allogrooming. I think they remember each other, and missed the other's company. They are inseparable when they are out. Anybody that stumbles on this post looking for help with this situation, know that there is hope and it can get better. Be so, so, so ridiculously patient and loving, and your babies can recover. Also, don't hire a behaviorist. It's a waste of money. The info available online is the same.
 

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Sylvia Jones

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Thanks so much for the update and the picture! I have wondered how they were doing. So happy for all of you. Great job hanging in there for them.
 

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Just discovered this thread today, from reading through, it sounds like it was a rollercoaster ride. Glad things are back to normal between them.
 
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