Litter mates had encounter with outside cat, now hate each other

  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #161

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
Hi all. I'm wondering when I should start allowing them to see each other without it just being a food thing? Maybe playing on either side of the barrier etc. Is it still too early?
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,270
Purraise
53,927
Location
Colorado US
Gracious, but hang in there, it could have been a stronger reaction, so don't throw in the towel...
 

Jcatbird

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2017
Messages
10,301
Purraise
58,378
Location
United States
I think some scent swapping is in order first if one fluffed just by smelling the other on your pants. Rub a cloth on one and leave it with the other. Then do the same thing with the other kitty. Do this often. You can also brush one, then the other and back to the first. The back and forth shares the scent of both and spreads it around so it becomes a part of both. That can really help! Smell is a very important tool for cats. Getting used to the scent will help calm both and keep things calm.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #166

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
This morning was awful. One of them cannot be in the bedroom by herself or she throws a fit in the morning, my partner is getting more and more impatient and taking it out on all of us, one of them peed in the shower and is wailing her eyes out because she's locked in the bathroom again, and I'm losing hope again. This sucks.
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,270
Purraise
53,927
Location
Colorado US
Would there be any possibility of taking them both somewhere, like even to the vets office for while (just tell them you're working to get them to each smell the same), and then open all the windows in your home, move a couple pieces of furniture, so that things are different in the house from when they left it, put down a couple more litter boxes, and see how they do?

Plus, not that you don't know this but your partner has GOT to stop the toxic behavior. For all we know, that's what's causing the issues now.
 

FeebysOwner

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 13, 2018
Messages
22,433
Purraise
33,192
Location
Central FL (Born in OH)
This morning was awful. One of them cannot be in the bedroom by herself or she throws a fit in the morning, my partner is getting more and more impatient and taking it out on all of us, one of them peed in the shower and is wailing her eyes out because she's locked in the bathroom again, and I'm losing hope again. This sucks.
What led up to this? It certainly didn't 'just happen'.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #169

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
What led up to this? It certainly didn't 'just happen'.
They both get very ansty in the morning (obviously, it's time for breakfast), and the one that was locked in the bedroom last night started yelling and pawing at the barrier. The noise is annoying, my partner "hadn't had his coffee yet" and decided to be awful. I'm upset now of course. He was fine yesterday, and talking about how he thinks we'll get them back to normal eventually. I don't know what his problem is today. Then when I went to the bathroom, while I was in there the other one peed in the shower. With the litter box literally 3 feet from her. I don't know what to do anymore. This house is not helping. Everything is a massive pain in the ass because of the way it's laid out.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #170

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
Would there be any possibility of taking them both somewhere, like even to the vets office for while (just tell them you're working to get them to each smell the same), and then open all the windows in your home, move a couple pieces of furniture, so that things are different in the house from when they left it, put down a couple more litter boxes, and see how they do?

Plus, not that you don't know this but your partner has GOT to stop the toxic behavior. For all we know, that's what's causing the issues now.
I don't know. I was considering contacting an animal behaviorist, though it is honestly outside my budget. But I don't know what else to do. Maybe if a professional comes in and tells my partner to stop acting like this it'll get through to him. But who knows.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #172

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
One of them is SUPER INTERESTED in the barrier, she won't leave it alone. She keeps staring at it and doing slow blinks. But if the other makes noise on the other side she gets agitated. Why are y'all acting so weird?????
 

FeebysOwner

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 13, 2018
Messages
22,433
Purraise
33,192
Location
Central FL (Born in OH)
I wish I could help more, but the agitation is likely due to your emotions & your partner's emotions. I think there are probably some things that are not being done to follow the introduction process - adequate site swapping to give each cat some time to be outside a confined area, a proper barrier that enables better interaction for the cats and ease of movement for the humans, and consistency in all things related. I feel your pain/frustration, but other than acknowledge your update posts, I am not sure what else to offer.

I will say: More diligence in the process, more calm demeanor, and creativity to work around the difficulties you see as impeding the process, not to mention less time being freaked out about it is all that I can suggest at this point. Think outside the box - and, you have been given numerous ideas that you could expand upon/adjust, for your own situation, if the 'specific' suggestions don't work. There is always a way around everything if you can think beyond your own mental confinement that is currently tied to frustration.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #174

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
They are both out for multiple hours each day, and we are playing with them as much as they want basically. They are both playing/eating fine. I may be overreacting to their behavior due to my mental state. I am concerned about the one peeing in the shower, but I'm not really sure what to do about it as there is already a litter box in the bathroom. My partner has begun discussing leaving me because of this. I don't think the stress is only about the cats. The main thing is the gate and them yelling, and I am currently looking for another option to use as a gate, I just had not pulled the trigger yet as it means installing a door in my rental. I will just have to pull the trigger and learn how. The yelling I imagine will continue until this is resolved and they both have free run of their house again, not much I can do about that. Also not much I can do about my partner. Shower pee-er is currently asleep right next to the gates, so I guess she's not that agitated.
 

susanm9006

Willow
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 20, 2011
Messages
13,152
Purraise
30,219
Location
Minnesota
I am sorry to hear about you and your partner. All the cat stuff has happened in two weeks and they seem to be slowly improving. Maybe the two of you can spend more time away from home to get a breather and help your relationship mend and survive.
 
Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #177

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
Thanks y'all. Today was super ****ed. Sorry to get dramatic, I know it doesn't help. I was just really upset.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #178

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
Hi all. We just did a feeding. They are now both very interested in the gate, and will stop eating to walk over to it. One is pretty ok with the whole thing, but the other hissed when she got too close. Other than just using my hands to keep her away at the risk of getting hamburgered if something happens, what can I do? Is my food not tasty enough maybe?
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,270
Purraise
53,927
Location
Colorado US
The interest level in each other is increasing which is a positive thing, although you're right to want to be careful. Do you have a large piece of cardboard you could use to slide in between them if they need to stop being able to see the other?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #180

frenetic mango

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
109
Purraise
121
The interest level in each other is increasing which is a positive thing, although you're right to want to be careful. Do you have a large piece of cardboard you could use to slide in between them if they need to stop being able to see the other?
Oh is that good? If I'm honest the whole thing was fairly mild, the hiss was very quiet and she didn't piloerect at all that I could see. And they were very close to each other (not on purpose, they hadn't been doing this so we were slow to react, our fault). She calmed very quickly as well. We had just been using a blanket, but it's on the other side of the gate so I can't use it for my side. I will get something to put on my side as well. Hopefully they aren't scared of cardboard or something.
 
Top