Litter mates had encounter with outside cat, now hate each other

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frenetic mango

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Sorry if I missed it - so, exactly how far apart are they kept when eating? Whatever the distance, I don't think it sounds too bad. But, it is hard to gauge when they are being drugged. Good to know the urine issue goes away when the orange cat is not around! It is progress I think.
We are using the tiles in my house as a gauge, 3 tiles on each side, each tile is maybe a foot?
 
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frenetic mango

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I've been roaming around the internet looking for a support group that's appropriate for this, but they don't seem to exist. I am so worked up and exhausted, and would really love an outlet. Writing really helps me. Is there somewhere appropriate here that I could just go and sort of feelings vomit?
 

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You can here in this thread, or maybe in the Cat Lounge, depending? There's a little description at the top of each forums first page that might help you to decide if it'll work. The other one might be the Cats Meow forum, but if the site mods feel a thread needs to be moved they do, no big deal :)
The Cat Lounge
 
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frenetic mango

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We've done a couple more blanket moved up a bit feedings, and they are still watching each other but not becoming overly reactive. One is in the bedroom while the other has thre rest of the house. Should we be consistent about who is in the bedroom and who is out? Would it be more stressful/ negative to switch their positions during feeding? I know we need to switch them generally, I'm just wondering about during feeding itself.
 

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They are sharing litter boxes (separately) as well, is that a good sign?
It is, and thank goodness they are, it's one less thing you have to worry about, plus it helps with each getting the others' scents.

Would it be more stressful/ negative to switch their positions during feeding?
I personally think, maybe try it once and see. I'm thinking this could actually be a good time to do it since their attention should be on the food and they ought to have good associations with feeding, if that makes sense...
 

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Should we be consistent about who is in the bedroom and who is out? Would it be more stressful/ negative to switch their positions during feeding? I know we need to switch them generally, I'm just wondering about during feeding itself.
If you can switch their locations to coincide with a feeding, it might be a good idea to try feeding each of them on different sides of the gate just to help with the idea that both of them 'belong' on any side of the gate for all kinds of interaction. Just my opinion...
 
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frenetic mango

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We just fed them again, but on opposite sides of the gate. It went well, they saw each other and went back to eating. They are currently pretty far away from each other, but anything counts. I am wondering if one of us needs to sleep with both of them? I slept in the bedroom and my partner slept on the couch last night because I didn't want either to have to sleep alone again. Does it matter? I need to try to keep my relationship and other parts of my home life from falling apart as well.
 
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frenetic mango

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This is something I wrote last night to get my feelings out. Trigger warning: discussion of abuse

I adopted you after a bad breakup. I was so lonely and so hurt and so crushed by the people in my life, I thought the only thing left that might be good in the world was a couple of kittens. Two kittens, so neither kitten would ever have to be lonely. You both came home with me with a bacterial infection and promptly had bloody diarrhea all over my living room. I persevered. We moved from Austin to Houston and back. We learned to sit, stay, give high fives, and play fetch. You welcomed my partner of 4 years into my life. You have screamed at me, in parallel, weaving in between my feet for breakfast and dinner every day for the last 5 years. We moved to California together! You rode together in the back of our jeep with me. For 23 hours. We had started leash training! It was going so well! I have thought many times about the life I could live had I not brought you into it. The travel, the nomadic lifestyle, so much saved money. But then I look at you. I look at your stupid little faces. Sig, you are so intense. You love, play, chase, DEMAND attention with an intensity I myself wish I could match. You snuggle into my shoulder so insistently when you want love. Rho, you are somehow majestic and goofy beyond belief at the same time. You have the biggest, most Disney film forest creature eyes I have ever seen. You purr so loudly I can hear you across the room. I love you. It's irrational, it's nonsensical, it makes my life actively worse in so many, and now so many more, ways. But I can't bear the thought of life without you. Even as I despair over the state of my life with you in it, the thought of removing either of you from it brings me a degree of agony I don't know that I've ever experienced. I've been physically and sexually abused and abandoned by my own family, and this still hurts just as much, if not more. You can't even speak to me, yet I feel more connected to both of you than I have most people I've known. But you are still animals. You can't speak. You can't understand me when I tell you your sister is your friend. I can't reason with you, ask you to reconsider. I don't know that I'll ever bring another animal into my life after this. I feel like a horrible failure. Like I've ruined all our lives. I'm so sorry. I love you. I hope we can get through this.
 
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Furballsmom

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I feel more connected to both of you than I have most people I've known.
...just to mention, they know you love them, and it helps them.

It went well, they saw each other and went back to eating.
this is fantastic!!!

hmmm, I don't know about whether to sleep with them or not. See how things continue without doing that, I think.
 

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I slept in the bedroom and my partner slept on the couch last night because I didn't want either to have to sleep alone again. Does it matter?
If your partner is OK with this set up, it certainly can't hurt - and, may even help - to give them some company at night. The two of you can swap locations too!
But then I look at you. I look at your stupid little faces. Sig, you are so intense. You love, play, chase, DEMAND attention with an intensity I myself wish I could match. You snuggle into my shoulder so insistently when you want love. Rho, you are somehow majestic and goofy beyond belief at the same time. You have the biggest, most Disney film forest creature eyes I have ever seen. You purr so loudly I can hear you across the room. I love you...
But I can't bear the thought of life without you. Even as I despair over the state of my life with you in it, the thought of removing either of you from it brings me a degree of agony I don't know that I've ever experienced... You can't even speak to me, yet I feel more connected to both of you than I have most people I've known....I love you.
These thoughts are the ones you need to most focus on - they say it all, and when you think them over and over, it lets your cats know/sense how you feel, even if they can't understand those words/thoughts specifically.
 
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frenetic mango

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Had another reasonable feeding this morning. Wondering if I should move them closer, or take things extra slow. They are definitely still eyeballing each other. Maybe leaving it where it is till they are more relaxed is better. We are having trouble knowing when to drop the blanket when they look up. Because we are so nervous we drop it as soon as they look, but that seems like it might not be very productive.
 
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