Litter mates had encounter with outside cat, now hate each other

[FeebysOwner]

Take a look at this article on introducing cats - better to go this way, if you can, than in carriers. Not all of the data will apply, but most will for sure.
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles

 

[frenetic mango]

We just tried letting them see each other through a pet gate. There was a blanket over the gate, all the way to the floor. We let them see/smell each other a little by moving the blanket up very slightly. They were fine, so then my partner decided to just pick the blanket all the way up so they could see each other completely. One of them charged, they started fighting through the gate, and now I feel like we have to start all over. They can't keep living in the bathroom. The way this house is set up, we have to put one of them in a carrier every time we switch them. They are becoming increasingly resistant to the carrier. I don't know what else to do besides installing another door in the house myself, but I live in a rental and I don't know how or if I even would be allowed to. I am becoming hopeless again. My partner is talking about re-homing one of them. What do we do? My family is broken.

 

[FeebysOwner]

So, if you had another door somewhere (?), you could separate them without one being in the bathroom all the time? You would still have to swap them between rooms somehow...but just in case this would work for you (see pic below), you can DIY a folding door with shelving from a home improvement store, that can normally be purchased in lengths up to the height of a doorway, then hook pieces of it together with zip ties that makes a hinge of sorts. The 'folding door' can then be opened and closed as needed, and you can still place a blanket over it (or, even affix cardboard to it by punching holes in the cardboard and using zip ties to fasten it to the shelving) since that worked before your partner fast-tracked the movement of the blanket.

 

[susanm9006]

Buy a baby gate and use that to block the bedroom. I doubt one will jump over to get the other. If so you can stack two.

 

[frenetic mango]

So, if you had another door somewhere (?), you could separate them without one being in the bathroom all the time? You would still have to swap them between rooms somehow...but just in case this would work for you (see pic below), you can DIY a folding door with shelving from a home improvement store, that can normally be purchased in lengths up to the height of a doorway, then hook pieces of it together with zip ties that makes a hinge of sorts. The 'folding door' can then be opened and closed as needed, and you can still place a blanket over it (or, even affix cardboard to it by punching holes in the cardboard and using zip ties to fasten it to the shelving) since that worked before your partner fast-tracked the movement of the blanket.

I have a couple baby gates to stack, but is that an acceptable barrier as a replacement for a door? If they start freaking out again there's not a very good way to separate them.

 

[Furballsmom]

Very acceptable, and you could cover the gates with a sheet or something like that if they need to not be able to see each other.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I have a couple baby gates to stack, but is that an acceptable barrier as a replacement for a door? If they start freaking out again there's not a very good way to separate them.

Sure, that can work, as long as it is easy for you to get in and out of - and, you cover them with a blanket again. You could even cover part of them up with cardboard.

 

[frenetic mango]

Sure, that can work, as long as it is easy for you to get in and out of - and, you cover them with a blanket again. You could even cover part of them up with cardboard.

It's super not easy to get in and out of, but it's all we can do at the moment. I just want this to end so badly.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I just want this to end so badly.

No doubt! But, you have to take things at the pace of the slowest adapting cat, and be patient. And, just as you have found out, through your partner's actions, if you go through a step too fast you lose that step and some times a few that preceded it. The more patient you are, in the end, will reap better results. I am sure this has got to be one of the most exasperating things to go through!!

 

[frenetic mango]

He's also being particularly harsh with one cat who is eliminating inappropriately. I don't know how to get him to be more patient, he is just making things worse at every turn. He has never much cared for them in the first place.

 

[FeebysOwner]

He's also being particularly harsh with one cat who is eliminating inappropriately. I don't know how to get him to be more patient, he is just making things worse at every turn. He has never much cared for them in the first place.

I am sorry to hear that - as it could have a huge impact on everything. I hope you can sit your partner down and talk with him and try to explain how much these cats mean to you and how much you need his support. You will have a much harder time working through the cat issues without his support/help - and, I promise you those cats can sense his feelings about them.

 

[frenetic mango]

I am sorry to hear that - as it could have a huge impact on everything. I hope you can sit your partner down and talk with him and try to explain how much these cats mean to you and how much you need his support. You will have a much harder time working through the cat issues without his support/help - and, I promise you those cats can sense his feelings about them.

To be fair, I'm not a huge fan of them right now myself. This feels so, so stupid and unnecessary. You are sisters. This makes no sense. The entire house is absolutely saturated in your smell. You know each other by sight. And if the mere sight of another cat outside in the future could make this happen again? I just have to live like this for another 10 years? I don't know it's all just awful and I don't have any real support. Maybe I was just a bad pet parent, they are not very well socialized at all, they only ever knew each other. I got two because I didn't want to have one lonely cat, but I guess I didn't do enough.

 

[Furballsmom]

See if you can get him to watch some Jackson Galaxy

Home - Jackson Galaxy

 

[FeebysOwner]

It is very easy to get aggravated with cat behavior, especially when there is not a 'short and sweet' answer. Trust me, I've been there more than once with Feeby (15+yo)! It will pass, eventually, and you may never know why for sure it even happened - and, it may never happen again. But, it will pass a lot faster (albeit still more slowly than you would like) if everyone involved is invested in making it work and not demonstrating behaviors that can have negative effects on the cats.

They got along before, so they can get along again. If they had never gotten along that is a whole other story.

 

[frenetic mango]

It is very easy to get aggravated with cat behavior, especially when there is not a 'short and sweet' answer. Trust me, I've been there more than once with Feeby (15+yo)! It will pass, eventually, and you may never know why for sure it even happened - and, it may never happen again. But, it will pass a lot faster (albeit still more slowly than you would like) if everyone involved is invested in making it work and not demonstrating behaviors that can have negative effects on the cats.

They got along before, so they can get along again. If they had never gotten along that is a whole other story.

How do I keep myself from being so extremely emotional? I'm nervous, worked up and fearful every time I have to deal with something regarding them, and he just kind of shuts down. I'm worried to let either of us be here alone with them for any length of time with just the baby gates, I skipped class today. I wish I could be cooler headed, I know I'm making it worse as well.

 

[FeebysOwner]

There is no easy answer to that - each individual has to be aware enough of themselves to develop coping skills and ways to 'collect' themselves. The first thing is to find out whether or not your partner can 'buy in' to how much you want to work through this and either help you or - frankly - butt out and let you be in charge. If he can't help, then he need not interfere - there are all kinds of ways to find a compromise and feel OK with it. Some people are just better equipped to handle some things than others. If you don't have his buy in, but knew he wouldn't negatively interfere, would that help you feel more in control? That is how you have to look at things: Here is what the situation is, and here is what I can/cannot do to get through it. No one person ever deals with things the same as another - partnerships are all about compromise and being OK with the compromise. It isn't going to miraculously change everything, but it is certainly a start. The light at the end of the tunnel is knowing that these cats once did get along and if patience, perseverance, and willingness are part of the equation, they will again one day.

Make yourself a list of the things you think have happened that are impeding progress, and work to avoid those actions as much as possible (you being upset, your partner being upset, bypassing or fast-tracking steps in the introduction process, etc.).

If you have to, get two sets of baby gates, and one set can be covered with cardboard or frosted plastic sheeting so that those can be in place when you can't be there. That just by itself would give you more peace of mind.

 

[Furballsmom]

Also, in addition to utilizing Jackson Galaxy, and chamomile tea, exercise, meditation-whatever helps you to be more calm, it might help to know you aren't alone;

A Switch Flipped, Now My Cats Hate Each Other. What Can We Do?

 

[frenetic mango]

Also, in addition to utilizing Jackson Galaxy, and chamomile tea, exercise, meditation-whatever helps you to be more calm, it might help to know you aren't alone;

A Switch Flipped, Now My Cats Hate Each Other. What Can We Do?

This poor person has been dealing with this for 4 months... I can't even get to my bathroom without my partner's help.

 

[frenetic mango]

Vet prescribed some gabapentin that is not working, called back asking for valium or prozac, and they said they don't prescribe those? Why? Is that even a thing? They told me to call a behaviorist, which is anywhere from 450 to 900 dollars, I can't afford that. Do I take them to another vet again? That may say the same thing? Wtf?

 

[Jcatbird]

May I step in to offer something? You are so stressed. Both of you. I have been working with wild ferals for a long time and with socializing then to people and other cats. Slow and steady is the key. I know access to the room is irritating. Can you get a large cage instead? That might be easier for you. Resisting the carriers can be handled too. Give each kitty the carrier as a bed, a sanctuary and a place to have treats , petting and play. If it seems a place of bad vibes, they will resist. Make it a happy place to go for safety. Have you tried Feliway diffusers? I really don’t see any need for renominates. There are many here who can walk with you through this process.Please be positive. This can be handled. Behavior is what everyone here deals with. At the end of this I am going to give you a link to a thread of someone who was very anxious and going through great stress as she tried to integrate two cats that had never met. Not only did they all survive but the two males have bonded. The parent has not completed the stressful events and the cats respond to that. They are totally calm until Mom is really stressed. A small scuffle may happen but mostly, it’s a happy family all the time. If you can hand on, you and kitties will get through this just fine. The thread also mentions Bach’s remedy and the calming products this lady used with great results. Jackson Galaxy products have been reported to work well. Take note of this! A large pice of stuff cardboard is something I always suggest as a barrier when cats fight. It is a safe way to stop them without getting scratched.
One very important thing that may be affecting the kitties, if the outside cat is leaving a scent outside, every time you pass it, you bring it inside. The kitties can smell it through the outer door too. Try spraying a citrus spray around the door outside. The intruder will not like coming around that. If he no longer leaves a scent mark, your kitties may calm right back down. That other cat terrified them. They need your love and reassurance. You are the only parent they have. They need you to show them that they are safe again. Give them time. Speak calmly and in a loving tone. They really are your children.
Another thing you can do between your two kitties is scent swapping. Use a towel or soft brush on one cat and then transfer the scent by using the towel or brush on the other cat. Do this regularly.
I feel the reintroduction went too quickly. I would rather you take it slowly. At first let them smell but not see each other. They are confused and unsure if their litter mate attacked or caused the attack. Once they re recognize their litter mate as a loved one, peace will be restored. I’ve reunited cats and kittens that were separated a long time and when that look of recognition comes on their faces, you’ll have tears of joy, It’s an amazing and beautiful sight to see the love between l family members that, to them, were lost. I can show you photos of this if it will help in any way. Oh boy, I could tell you some amazing stories about the strong love between kitties. It’s still there with your babies. Don’t give up. Separating them permanently would be truly tragic.