- Sep 19, 2006
- Glendale, CATifornia
Thanks. Yeah, I can at least understand and know what happened. They don't, and they can't, and it will forever be a mystery to them until they are reunited with her, too. I feel so bad for them and really shattered for Elvis. He was so devoted to her.Poor Elvis and Baby Su.
I’m doing poorly this week. Just going through the motions at the desk. Taking longer lunch breaks. I “worked” from the taproom the other day. It was mostly just drinking a beer outside, socially distanced, and waiting out a power breaker trip at the office. I’m going through the motions. But my head isn’t in the game. I’m so relieved to be working from home at this time as my desk can get as soggy as it needs to be. I’m mostly reading pages on grief and loss and looking through pictures and videos thinking what I want to add to her Instagram.
I bargain with myself about when I can open my first beer. That used to be around 6:30 after I fed Krista and signed off of work for the night. It was a pandemic treat to help delineate between work and home. I’m still signing off at 6 but that first beer was 3 pm yesterday. I’m not too worried. Beer is a self-limiting problem with me. I’m a lightweight so 1 is good. 2 can be a mistake that comes with a headache, and I’m often done before 2. If I pursued a third, the lesson continues into the next day. I might be one who drinks a beer to soften the edges. But I’ll never be one who drinks his grief away. I’ve been having a beer at 3 and one at 7. That gets me sleepy by 9 or 10. Eventually the beer gut will pull on my back and I’ll commit to moderation again when the course becomes too painful to continue. But I’m barely a week out from my loss. I am allowing some grief-stricken indulgence behavior for now.
I’d like to get back to running again next week. I had an okay run on Monday before the air caught fire.
I need to learn healthier ways to deal with stress, especially pandemic loneliness, and to take off the cat weight—the stress weight I added while Krista was losing her weight. I am making this a precondition before getting the next cat(s.). Especially if I get more than one. I don’t have a frame that can wear double the cat weight.
I plan to spend some time at the tap room with my journal this weekend. I want to come up with some things I haven’t been doing because of caregiver duties. I need to use this between-cats time responsibly. Care for the caregiver.
Well, it's good that you don't have alcoholic tendencies! A *tiny* bit of cat weight could be overlooked, even kept if it's not a problem. It was an exchange, after all. And all things in due time. Yes, it's only been a week. "Only" We are allowed our time to grieve, and if anyone else doesn't get it, I won't post here my comment. I'm sure you'll know it, pretty much. And agree.
Yeah, the soggy desk. I sit far enough from the keyboard that it's just my lap that gets soggy. I have to watch the phone, though. Even though it's said to be water-resistant, right? A good choice, the SE.
My roomie golfed the other day and from what she was describing, I think she had heatstroke. She said she was sick all day. She said she wasn't going today, then changed her mind. It's a little cooler down here -- forecast to top out at only 97! But you can chew on the air. I don't want to cramp her style, because she can't go to the gym and so golf is about the only exercise she gets these days. Plus, she's a sports fan (MLB and golf, with tennis thrown in for good measure.) but I hope she won't be impacted negatively by the crappy air quality. The air gets worse every day, not better, here.
Journaling! I've sort of let that fall by the wayside for quite awhile. It seems I was just writing about tragedy and loss after tragedy and loss, and then COVID-19 happened...and it started sounding like a dirge. I'm just sort of recording my own most important losses and others that are impactful to me right now. It's like, it's important to me and I need to get it said on paper. But it would be good to start including some good thoughts in there, too, and/or even some good occurrences, if they happen.