Krista's Care

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daftcat75

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Every time I close my eyes, I see her and hear her. Every time I open them, she’s nowhere to be found. I know it’s futile to wander the apartment singing, “where’s my cat at?” So many songs, games, and jokes just lost their audience. So much context in this apartment has lost so much meaning. I vacuumed up kitty litter for the first time in months. Because only yesterday did the litter on the floor ever bother me. I turned off all my nighttime and morning smart light routines that marked our meal times. They just don’t mean anything anymore. The 9am cat rock (Music For Cats) alarm on the sound bar remains though. I’ve grown rather fond of that cat rock. I emptied the litter boxes and litter genie. Today I’ll clean up her medicine corner on the countertop. Her new cat tree arrived yesterday. 😿😭 I will be running a full room Deep Clean with the Bissell. Toys and supplies will get put away. I’ll likely even donate the cat stairs we never used. There’s no sense in trying to scrub or clean away all the cat. I wouldn’t want to. But I feel I need to fill in holes left behind. I so very much want to fill them with another cat. Or maybe siblings next time. But I also feel that I should restore myself first. I’ve been caring for her round the clock for so long that I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. What provides meaning to waking and reward to signing off of work every night. And how to fill nights if it’s not feeding or watching the game with her. I think I need to figure out what it is like to be me again. But I hope someday soon to reopen my home and heart to a cat or cats again. This stupid pandemic is too lonely without them.
 

katmaz77

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Every time I close my eyes, I see her and hear her. Every time I open them, she’s nowhere to be found. I know it’s futile to wander the apartment singing, “where’s my cat at?” So many songs, games, and jokes just lost their audience. So much context in this apartment has lost so much meaning. I vacuumed up kitty litter for the first time in months. Because only yesterday did the litter on the floor ever bother me. I turned off all my nighttime and morning smart light routines that marked our meal times. They just don’t mean anything anymore. The 9am cat rock (Music For Cats) alarm on the sound bar remains though. I’ve grown rather fond of that cat rock. I emptied the litter boxes and litter genie. Today I’ll clean up her medicine corner on the countertop. Her new cat tree arrived yesterday. 😿😭 I will be running a full room Deep Clean with the Bissell. Toys and supplies will get put away. I’ll likely even donate the cat stairs we never used. There’s no sense in trying to scrub or clean away all the cat. I wouldn’t want to. But I feel I need to fill in holes left behind. I so very much want to fill them with another cat. Or maybe siblings next time. But I also feel that I should restore myself first. I’ve been caring for her round the clock for so long that I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. What provides meaning to waking and reward to signing off of work every night. And how to fill nights if it’s not feeding or watching the game with her. I think I need to figure out what it is like to be me again. But I hope someday soon to reopen my home and heart to a cat or cats again. This stupid pandemic is too lonely without them.
So relatable! I have spent the better part of the last year being "geriatric cat caregiver". A role I have enjoyed, cherished and found a lot of fulfillment in. I am terrified for that purpose to come to and end for me because I know I have lost myself a bit. You should take all the time you need, but there is also no harm in continuing to channel that love and talent into a new fur baby! You will know when the time is right. I am so incredible sorry for your loss of beautiful precious Krista <3 Your posts and her story have helped me even in the few short days I have been here so no doubt they have helped many others too! I wish you peace and healing in this difficult time friend! Many virtual hugs to you <3
 

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So relatable! I have spent the better part of the last year being "geriatric cat caregiver". A role I have enjoyed, cherished and found a lot of fulfillment in. I am terrified for that purpose to come to and end for me because I know I have lost myself a bit. You should take all the time you need, but there is also no harm in continuing to channel that love and talent into a new fur baby! You will know when the time is right. I am so incredible sorry for your loss of beautiful precious Krista <3 Your posts and her story have helped me even in the few short days I have been here so no doubt they have helped many others too! I wish you peace and healing in this difficult time friend! Many virtual hugs to you <3
I thought of you and Krista all day today. I think you are on a great idea with finding yourself again. Maybe this pandemic will allow that too. New hobbies at home? Things to try? You’ve been stressed for long too, as anyone in your position would.

When you feel ready for another heartbeat in the house, maybe you can try fostering. But... first you. Right now the most important thing is self-care.
 

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Every time I close my eyes, I see her and hear her. Every time I open them, she’s nowhere to be found. I know it’s futile to wander the apartment singing, “where’s my cat at?” So many songs, games, and jokes just lost their audience. So much context in this apartment has lost so much meaning. I vacuumed up kitty litter for the first time in months. Because only yesterday did the litter on the floor ever bother me. I turned off all my nighttime and morning smart light routines that marked our meal times. They just don’t mean anything anymore. The 9am cat rock (Music For Cats) alarm on the sound bar remains though. I’ve grown rather fond of that cat rock. I emptied the litter boxes and litter genie. Today I’ll clean up her medicine corner on the countertop. Her new cat tree arrived yesterday. 😿😭 I will be running a full room Deep Clean with the Bissell. Toys and supplies will get put away. I’ll likely even donate the cat stairs we never used. There’s no sense in trying to scrub or clean away all the cat. I wouldn’t want to. But I feel I need to fill in holes left behind. I so very much want to fill them with another cat. Or maybe siblings next time. But I also feel that I should restore myself first. I’ve been caring for her round the clock for so long that I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. What provides meaning to waking and reward to signing off of work every night. And how to fill nights if it’s not feeding or watching the game with her. I think I need to figure out what it is like to be me again. But I hope someday soon to reopen my home and heart to a cat or cats again. This stupid pandemic is too lonely without them.
I still see my Rani Queen sometimes, out of the corner of my eye; I am still reminded, by different stimuli at different times, of different loved ones who are up there watchin'. Love never ends. Souls never end. Connection never ends. And yes, for some, pain lessens with time. We must work. We must function. But is it ever "normal" again? Well, to be brutal, life will never be "normal" again, according to experts I trust, on the COVID-19 issue. Life is forever changed. All of our personal losses only magnify that. For me, the pain is piercing when it occurs; but it is not constant, because yes, I have to work, and maintain myself, and look after my loved ones who are here, and interact with my roomies. It's unendurable, but it IS endured. If that makes sense.
Just a thought: maybe you want to hold off on donating anything? because, since you are amenable to the idea of living "with cat" again, you have those things. You can always cover them, or put them in a closet, or something, temporarily. No time at all has gone by since you and Krista have (physically) parted. Yes, time is needed. You will know when it is time, and what to do. But grief must be, first of all. I'm sure you know about the 'stages of grief' and that they can be different for each of us. For none of us are they gone through in one day. So, yes, time is needed. There's no need for you to do anything at this point! except to feel what you feel. :vibes::vibes::vibes::hugs:
 

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I purchased a Pet Cutout at Dodger Stadium for the remainder of the 2020 season for Krista. May she enjoy the games we usually sleep through together at home. 😹😻

And hopefully not get struck by a foul ball so I can keep her intact cutout at the end of the season. 🤞

Krista-Cutout-2020.jpg
 

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Every time I close my eyes, I see her and hear her. Every time I open them, she’s nowhere to be found. I know it’s futile to wander the apartment singing, “where’s my cat at?” So many songs, games, and jokes just lost their audience. So much context in this apartment has lost so much meaning. I vacuumed up kitty litter for the first time in months. Because only yesterday did the litter on the floor ever bother me. I turned off all my nighttime and morning smart light routines that marked our meal times. They just don’t mean anything anymore. The 9am cat rock (Music For Cats) alarm on the sound bar remains though. I’ve grown rather fond of that cat rock. I emptied the litter boxes and litter genie. Today I’ll clean up her medicine corner on the countertop. Her new cat tree arrived yesterday. 😿😭 I will be running a full room Deep Clean with the Bissell. Toys and supplies will get put away. I’ll likely even donate the cat stairs we never used. There’s no sense in trying to scrub or clean away all the cat. I wouldn’t want to. But I feel I need to fill in holes left behind. I so very much want to fill them with another cat. Or maybe siblings next time. But I also feel that I should restore myself first. I’ve been caring for her round the clock for so long that I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. What provides meaning to waking and reward to signing off of work every night. And how to fill nights if it’s not feeding or watching the game with her. I think I need to figure out what it is like to be me again. But I hope someday soon to reopen my home and heart to a cat or cats again. This stupid pandemic is too lonely without them.
I understand this completely - a couple of years ago I had two geriatric cats with multiple conditions and was medicating them up to five times a day - and then they passed three days apart. It was so difficult to lose them, and I felt their absence and that routine acutely, though their was also a degree of relief from the exhaustion of caregiving and worrying. I had planned to wait awhile before I adopted a new cat, but a couple of months later a co-worker was looking to rehome his adult cat and I took the plunge and took Twyla in. It ended up being a great decision for both of us. You will know when it's time.
 

daftcat75

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Get two, if you can. Just to be on the safe side. I have been thinking a lot lately of getting more pics of Feeby - you are making me think of it even more. 😽 But, Feeby isn't as good for posing as Krista was. Or, maybe I am just not the pic taker that you are.
They are $150 a cutout. But the cutouts themselves are valued at $12. They tell you this because the cost of the cutout minus its value is tax deductible. I’m sure at a cost of $12, or at least I hope at that cost, they would make another if one was destroyed by a foul ball.

Krista has always been the chillest. As you can see in the trill monster video I posted today, I kinda had to provoke/annoy her to get some of those sounds. And then even provoked, she walked like what, one or two feet away?

The problem with finding a good cutout photo is that so many close up pictures of her were taken in selfie mode. Selfie mode pictures don’t meet their minimum resolution requirements.

But yeah. It was always pretty easy taking pictures of Krista. The hardest part was knowing that one day she would be gone and I’d be left with thousands of pictures of her to go through. That’s why I created an Instagram account for her last year to capture some of my absolute favorites. Which by the way, are almost all captured in that Krista 2019 video I posted last night.
 

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They are $150 a cutout. But the cutouts themselves are valued at $12. They tell you this because the cost of the cutout minus its value is tax deductible. I’m sure at a cost of $12, or at least I hope at that cost, they would make another if one was destroyed by a foul ball.

Krista has always been the chillest. As you can see in the trill monster video I posted today, I kinda had to provoke/annoy her to get some of those sounds. And then even provoked, she walked like what, one or two feet away?

The problem with finding a good cutout photo is that so many close up pictures of her were taken in selfie mode. Selfie mode pictures don’t meet their minimum resolution requirements.

But yeah. It was always pretty easy taking pictures of Krista. The hardest part was knowing that one day she would be gone and I’d be left with thousands of pictures of her to go through. That’s why I created an Instagram account for her last year to capture some of my absolute favorites. Which by the way, are almost all captured in that Krista 2019 video I posted last night.
So it will probably be a very emotional journey through all of those photos to narrow it down to your favorites for the cutout.
My ex bought a really good camera and started taking catpix. We lost one of our beloveds, who wasn't even 3 months old, to wet-form FIP. He had some of the really nice photos he'd taken of her blown up and turned into wall art at Kinko's. Two of them are right here beside me.
 

daftcat75

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So it will probably be a very emotional journey through all of those photos to narrow it down to your favorites for the cutout.
My ex bought a really good camera and started taking catpix. We lost one of our beloveds, who wasn't even 3 months old, to wet-form FIP. He had some of the really nice photos he'd taken of her blown up and turned into wall art at Kinko's. Two of them are right here beside me.
The one above is the one I submitted. I took it last week for this purpose. I was going to put her in the stands before she passed. But I was dragging my feet on it. Until today.
 

daftcat75

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I understand this completely - a couple of years ago I had two geriatric cats with multiple conditions and was medicating them up to five times a day - and then they passed three days apart. It was so difficult to lose them, and I felt their absence and that routine acutely, though their was also a degree of relief from the exhaustion of caregiving and worrying. I had planned to wait awhile before I adopted a new cat, but a couple of months later a co-worker was looking to rehome his adult cat and I took the plunge and took Twyla in. It ended up being a great decision for both of us. You will know when it's time.
Sometimes I think I’m not going to last two weeks before the next one(s). I’m okay going long stretches between human contact. (Give me a cat and I can weather out a pandemic.) But I haven’t been without a cat in 25 years. I don’t think I lasted two weeks between Cabernet (“Cabbie”) and Krista. Cabbie was taken suddenly from me (aggressive oral cancer) and now Krista, she’d be declining for awhile, but her final descent was just so shockingly quick!

Given many quiet unscheduled moments like I have in abundance now, I could probably think of a few things I should do for myself before I get into my next cat relationship.

Like take off the cat weight from all the stress eating I would do worrying about her. Whenever her eating went soft, I more than made up for it. 🤦🏼‍♂️🐽 It’s not that much weight. But it’s a quality of life thing. It doesn’t take too much more weight on my gut for me to start feeling it in my back.

I told a friend that I can finally go for a day hike and not worry about when I can leave, how many feeders to leave out, and when I have to be back. And these last few months that she was on steroids? Forget it. I was living my life three hours at a time between her meals. If I needed to go out for something, it was “which meal am I dropping and dashing?”

And yet as liberating as it is to be off “cat time”, I’d give just about anything for more time with the old “furball and chain.” 😻
 

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The one above is the one I submitted. I took it last week for this purpose. I was going to put her in the stands before she passed. But I was dragging my feet on it. Until today.
That one is absolutely adorable. An excellent choice, I'm sure.
And I understand about all the different thoughts you're having. BUT...there is play. Play with interactive wand toys. There is also the possibility that you might not stress eat as much, or at all, with a new adoptee. Or two. Just thoughts.
I've generally had cats come into my life when they need me. A lot of the time, it'll be somewhat coincidental -- or not? -- that it's at times when I also need them. I had lost Rani not long ago when my oldest friend emailed me and asked if I was entertaining the thought of possibly adopting, because an associate knew of this cat who needed to find a new home.
That cat is Elvis. He was -- a perfect age for us -- neutered, indoor-only, and had lived with another cat before. Long story short, it was the perfect situation for both Elvis' dad and us.
Stuff like that happens. I suggest just being receptive.
Also, we had lost our beloved Simba and were at the vet with Sunny, who had dry-form FIP and needed a lot of meds on a regular basis. One of the vet techs told us she'd found two kittens on the street and adopted one. Did we want to see the other? I didn't think so. The vet tech said a couple of things about her and I said, oh, okay, I'll just look.
Long story short, Rani joined us that day.
I KNOW Simba was instrumental in this because I sensed her in my soul saying, "Take this kitten home and give her the love you gave me."
 

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I’ve posted this before.


This is how her meals went for at least a year now. I would weigh her portion and warm it under water and she would supurrvise the whole thing.

Until her recent ear surgery. She tried once or twice but the ascent and descent was too messy for her. The last few weeks she would sphinx patiently in the middle of the kitchen floor.😻

This is why I would rather wipe down my counters than forbid her from them. Like that ever worked! 😹
 

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I’ve posted this before.


This is how her meals went for at least a year now. I would weigh her portion and warm it under water and she would supurrvise the whole thing.

Until her recent ear surgery. She tried once or twice but the ascent and descent was too messy for her. The last few weeks she would sphinx patiently in the middle of the kitchen floor.😻

This is why I would rather wipe down my counters than forbid her from them. Like that ever worked! 😹
Were you meowing at Krista? She was sure meowing at you! *Counter-top Cat!* We have one of those here, too. I was astounded when Elvis launched himself the first time. Now I can predict fairly well as to when he will.
I just received email about this and thought I would share it with you in case you wanted to check it out:
Details for Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day 2020
 
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daftcat75

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Were you meowing at Krista? She was sure meowing at you! *Counter-top Cat!* We have one of those here, too. I was astounded when Elvis launched himself the first time. Now I can predict fairly well as to when he will.
I just received email about this and thought I would share it with you in case you wanted to check it out:
Details for Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day 2020
Yes. I meowed, sang, and told dad jokes to her all the time. Remember we did this for nearly every meal. Certainly the breakfasts and dinners she would join me up there. Lunch, snack, and overnight she would meow at me from the ground. I would tell her, “yeah? Come up here and say that to my face!”

I built a path for her to join me on the counter. First it was a cat tree to cube storage to another cat tree to the counter. I used fish flakes and clicker training to teach her the path.
6D8FFF09-4CF4-485A-87A6-BA7802B32D85.jpeg
I wanted her up there because it made it easier to make sure she took her medicine. Then I just loved having her up there with me. I eventually built her a path with Katris.
38CA6B34-EFEF-4BD6-837F-62D2A044881B.jpeg
 

tarasgirl06

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Yes. I meowed, sang, and told dad jokes to her all the time. Remember we did this for nearly every meal. Certainly the breakfasts and dinners she would join me up there. Lunch, snack, and overnight she would meow at me from the ground. I would tell her, “yeah? Come up here and say that to my face!”

I built a path for her to join me on the counter. First it was a cat tree to cube storage to another cat tree to the counter. I used fish flakes and clicker training to teach her the path.
View attachment 346987
I wanted her up there because it made it easier to make sure she took her medicine. Then I just loved having her up there with me. I eventually built her a path with Katris.
View attachment 346988
Not only helpful for you both, but really looks nice as well.

I just got this email from Kate at hauspanther and wanted to share it with you in case:

Celebrate Your Cat with a Custom Pet Portrait

The artist has a true talent for capturing expressions. I think her work is quite outstanding.
 
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