Knowing When To Progress With New, Shy Kitten

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Hi Everyone!

I Just adopted a new 6 month old female kitten from a local humane society on Friday. Kitty doesnt have a permanent name yet (but we have some ideas! Just waiting for one that feels right and getting to know her) I am so happy and exited!!!

So, precious little kitty is definately on the shy/somewhat unsocialized side. At the shelter, she had a tall narrow enclosure with different levels and a dark place in the bottom she could hide. When we were first there, she was hidden. When we came back in the room she was out. She didnt run when we went up to her, but her posture leaned back and she looked surprised. She sniffed my finger and then retreated a bit and started at us. I had originally came to the shelter asking about these kittens and so I asked the shelter lady about her. They said she was sweet but very shy, though not as shy as her her littermate Gina who hissed at us. I was told she also had a littermate who was extremely friendly. When her door was opened we slowly approached for another smell and to pet her, at firt she seemed a little taken aback but then she leaned into the pet and flopped over and started making muffins on the side of the wall. I took this as a sign that even though she was scared, she had the potential to come around. And we adopted her!!

My current cat is a 9 year old neutered male. He has lived with another female cat before, who was roughly his age when he used to live with my mom. He was somewhat territorial but the two enjoyed playing together even though they didnt cuddle. Personality wise hes really really affectionate and cant be pet enough, likes to play alot, and has a scaredy cat side of him where he hides from all noises, he is terrified of bags and when he was in indoor/outdoor cat before he wouldnt go out during the day when weird noises were happening and things could see him. he would not approach strangers.

I think I have 2 steps with this kitten, first introducing her to the apartment and us, and making sure she feels safe, then, introducing her to Greycat. I really dont want to rush stuff but am not sure how to know when to move on.

She is showing some good signs!
Day 1: hid underneath things despite me thinking I blocked them off all day. Came out after a half hour to explore, wouldnt eat any offered treats, then retreated until nmight where she came out to eat and explore. Scared of being approached.
Day 2. Ate first feeding from a can i held in my hand. At night, she came out and ate from a can on top of our bed in front of us, jumped up and eplored on top of the dresser and chairs, tail still held completely down. Played with a wand toy with both of us! Still clearly doesnt want to be approached for pets (she runs away if she thinks your going near her) but towards the end of the night she wouldnt completely retreat once she realized she wouldnt be chased. Using litter box, she licked my fingers after a treat!
Day 3 (today): She came out this morning and it out now! Her tail is held up more, a couple times I saw it completely up. Shes exploring everywhere. Wanting to play more. I stated slowly approaching and she looked scared and jumped down off the sill, so I stopped. However in stead of hiding she walked towards me, tail up, meowing a lot. Not sure how to interpret this but I think its good. She walked up to me, sniffed my hand. Then laid down and started rolling around, rubbing on stuff around her. I reached my fingers out and she touched them/grabbed them with her paw while rolling around. I laid down on the floor on my back and she came up and sniffed me, walked past and walked over my leg . I think she is still skittish but gaining confidence and seeing I wont hurt her. She started rubbing on stuff today, which i think means she is starting to think of it as her space. I fed her by the door where she would meet my cat, but he wasnt on the other side. So she would get used to that area. I sat right by it. She came, ate, retreated behind me, then would come eat again. She did this three times and each time she walked past me her tail was held higher. At the end it was up :) When I left the room to get stuff to change her litter she saw my other cat through the door. She looked very interested and like she wanted to approach, his eyes got all big and he made a little whine sound before I shut the door. Not an aggressive sound, i think a scared sound. he can be quite skittish of new things.

As far as her and our other cat, our room smells just like him and has his food everywhere. But we still switched blankets. Havent seen her reaction to his smell, but I fed Resident cat on top of her carrier blanket and he kept alternating between sniffing and eating, no other reaction. He doesnt understand why he cant go in our room though, because so many of his favorite places are there. We have a 1 br apt though, so no choice.

How do I tell when to move on? Do you think tonight would be too soon to feed on opposite sides of the door? Should I wait until her tail is up all the time and she isnt running from me coming and going (she comes quickly out now, or doesnt completely hide)

Im also really not sure of how to proceed with petting. The shelter said i would have to pet her alot to get her used to it and liking it. It looked like at the shelter she liked being pet but didnt know it because of her fear. I dont want to push her too soon, but dont want to wait too long either. Suggestions?

I cant wait till she gets out of her shell, I can tell she wants to play even more than she is allowing herself. She'll play in place and wrestle and stand up on her paws to get things and maybe pounce a foot away but still i think to timid to run around and chase.

Ahh as always I wrote a ton >_<

Here's a picture:
IMG_20180729_215312.jpg
 

Attachments

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,271
Purraise
53,931
Location
Colorado US
Hi! Wow, what a great pic of the country!!
So, you're doing fabulously with your new baby!
You could try feeding on either side of the door, but the thing of it is, if something goes awry you'd want her to be comfortable with being picked up, so keep that in mind.
I almost wish shelters wouldn't even say that about pet news kittens a lot. I mean obviously, since you adopted her, you're going to be interacting with her! Rushing the process is almost as bad as a kitten that grows up feral due to no interaction.
Ok, 'nuff about my little soap box. You still want to wait and let her approach you, I think.
Make sure you have a kickaroo toy or stuffed sock, something other than your actual fingers/hand for her to bite.
Have fun, don't stress and don't hurry. She's not going anywhere :)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Thanks for the reply! The pic of Texas was accidentally uploaded but I agree it is very pretty!

Based on your reply it seems like she should still get more comfortable just with me first. I haven't wanted to force her, so I haven't pet her since she's been home. I think she would run away. But she is approaching me and will sniff my hand, lick it if it smells like food, and touch it with her paws. I am afraid she will never ask to be pet though.

In the carrier on the ride home, at first she was so scared and mewing her poor little head off. I kept talking to her, had the carrier on my lap, and my arm around the side of it (soft carrier with mesh walls) at first she was in the back, but then she came up to the front, and she was rolling against my arm. I put my other hand in and pet her head and she seemed to really calm down because she got quieter and eventually leaned her head into my hand and closed her eyes. So, I think while she isnt asking for it, she does have the ability to be comforted by/enjoy getting attention and pets. Ill just keep being reallyu patient with her!

She has a kickaroo toy with little watermelons on it, and I gave her some socks that smell like me and some that smell like my cat. She has some balls too and a little spring thing and a furry tail thing. As well as a scratch pad, litter box, food and water bowls, her carrier, and a hidey box in her room. I tried to block off under my furniture but somehow she kept getting under the bed anyway (I think through the back) so Im just letting that be. She is coming out often so I decided to allow it and not frighten her.
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
39,271
Purraise
53,931
Location
Colorado US
You're perfect, really and you might not realize it, but the fact that she's leaning into your hand, wow! Some adult cats never ever do that!
And rolling around, sniffing your hand, just everything, --you have yourself a little love bug!!
I agree, I'd wait a bit. She's coming along so fast that it won't be long :lovecat3:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
That makes me feel so much better! I thought they were good signs but it's nice to have reassurance, especially after being told she didnt have all the socialization she needed.

I think she is probably going to be more like her freindly sister once she stops being scared. Her shelter intake was the 23rd, she was spayed the 25th, and adopted the 27th, so Im sure she';s just been totally overwhelmed and scared. But she will find out now there's nothing to be scared of. Just treats and toys and food and friends :) <3
 

Etarre

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
759
Purraise
1,865
I want to second what Furballsmom Furballsmom said above-- you're doing a great job with this kitty, and she clearly is warming up to you quickly! I recently adopted a skittish cat (as an adolescent) as well, and we made slower progress, but she's now much more confident and cuddly. For us, taking it slowly and letting her approach us for attention was definitely the key, along with a lot of playtime and non-touchy-feely attention.

As we were all getting used to one another, it was helpful that Juniper had a cat tree in the living room, where we spend most of our evenings. She was able to spend time with us when she felt like it and observe us from afar, but if we approached her and she was not comfortable with it at that moment, she had an easy escape route. I think this was a way to keep her social and part of the family without rushing her. It sounds like she likes her hidey hole but if you have the space for a cat tree and she sees to like climbing, you might want to consider getting one.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Thanks for sharing your skittish cat story! We actually just bought a cat tree, it's getting here this afternoon. I was going to set it up in the living room though, where my resident cat is and let him stake his territory in it first. Greycat (resident) used to live with my parents and their other cat wouldn't let him go on the cat tree, except for to scratch the bottom. So I wanted to give him a chance to be able to climb up and own the top for once, haha.

She does have high ground to observe us from, though. She can get on the wide windowsill, and also on top of my dresser. She enjoyed watching us from up there last night ;) She also has been staring at the tv, lol. I dont think she's seen tv before!
 

danteshuman

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
5,030
Purraise
6,077
Location
California
:celebrate: Congrats on your new family member!!!!

I think you should wait a week before feeding on the other side of the door. Giving her time to settle in. I would read in the room with her and play a radio softly 24/7.

Normally I would hesitate but because you have another cat it is fantastic news! She will learn how to interact with her humans by watching him. :petcat: A bridge cat" as Jackson Galaxy says. I think things will turn out great. Congrats on your new furbaby!!:woo:

:catman:P.S. Please post more pics for "documentation." ;)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Furrballsmom that's a good idea! I noticed on Amazon video there's a free program called cat tv. I put it on thinking "oh my cat wont care" a few months ago for Grey, and he actually watched it for 20 minutes. It was stuff like up close squirrels and cat toys. Pretty funny. Hadnt thought of it for new kitten yet!

Danteshuman, I will definately post more pics as soon as they come! Right now ive been so exited to see her and spend time giving her treats and play and time to sniff me when she comes out I haven't taken many photos. Here's one though I got the first day, she was wrapping herself into a ball. I had flash on from earlier and didnt realize it, but it didnt seem to freak her out too bad. Still felt bad though.

IMG_20180728_151817.jpg


She has really cute little white feet and a chest patch that dont show. Maybe when I am playing with her tonight Mr.Greylady can take a pic of her when she isnt laying down.

When you suggest a week, a week from today, or a week from when we got her (this Friday)? I like the idea of that. I think that by the weekend, with the way its going, she will be feeling more confident in her space. I really hope that Grey will be the good ambassador/bridge cat I want him to be. He's really affectionate and trusting towards me and it would be nice if she followed suit. The shelter workers got really exited when I told them I had another very friendly cat.

I just poked my head under the bed and talked to her quietly and she mewed at me, I thought I heard her purring but Im not sure and she made biscuits and then took a bath even though she didnt come closer, haha.

Im starting to feel, from the reactions on this thread, and other threads, that she could be so much more shy!! She could have not come out at all now, hissed at me, not let me sit down near her.

Bonus pic of Resident Greycat... lounging in some sun. He's at least 2 times her size. Yet was still frightened of the little female kitten when he spotted her through the door crack, on his own turf.
IMG_20180730_134740.jpg
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Yeah he's pretty big! It hit me how big he was when we went to the shelter and most of the cats looked small to me. More pics :

IMG_20180630_175004.jpg

IMG_20180630_174954.jpg
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Update on little kitten:

Yesterday evening when I was playing with her and brushed against her she started purring the rubbed her head on me, when I pet her she started purring like crazy and rubbed herself all over me!! It was literally the cutest thing in the world and I just about died of happiness. Since then, she comes to see me when I come in the room, doesnt run away from me and has actually been getting quite rambunctious!

She followed me and tried to chase my foot when I went to leave and last night she was climbing all over my lap trying to get more pets! It was play, pets, more play, pets! She still has little shy moments where I put my hand down and she sort of looks surprised or her body language goes back but then she comes up and rubs on it :) Im letting her show me when she wants pets now, which is a lot!! She came out this morning and rubbed all over Mr. Grey and then hopped on the bed and rubbed on me and laid down at the end for a while. Im so proud of her!!

Still not an official name. I kind of like her shelter name, Jenny, but Mr. Grey doesnt. I think its rubbed off on me since I didnt have a given one yet. Also in the run are Cayenne (Caya for short), Misty, Honeybunch, and a couple others we've been writing on a paper. We cant seem to agree though, lol.

More pics:
Kittyplaying.jpg
kitty laser.jpg
kitty boa.jpg
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Kitty is staying out pretty much all the time now. She cant get enough playtime and she really likes being pet. When she approaches me for pets Im still giving her treats sometimes because I want her to grow up and still be cuddly.

I site swapped the two cats and had what I think are good results. Resident cat sniffed all around but pretty quickly got bored and started looking out the window. New Kitty (Named her Honey!) explored everything on the ground level, got in the scratcher lounger, sniffed the litter box alot, meowed alot at first like "Mommy look at all this! What is this?!" and asked for pets. She looked out the new window, laid in Grey cat's spot under the table, then retreated to a dark spot where we could still see her. She came right out for food which I used to lure her back into her room without picking her up. She really wants to keep going out there now so we have to be careful. She did that before we swapped though, it's what gave me the idea. I think this is a good sign? I heard bad signs are peeing on things, hissing, stalking around, and I had none of that.

Oh, more pics.
IMG_20180801_105435.jpg
IMG_20180801_105507.jpg
IMG_20180801_105449.jpg
IMG_20180801_105439.jpg
IMG_20180801_110405.jpg
 

Attachments

Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
I think they are. I just did another sock switch and they dont really even react to it. Especially resident cat. He sniffed the sock which was rubbed all over her face and sides a little and then started rolling around to be pet, including on the sock. I gave him treats for his efforts.

Honey sniffed his sock too, maybe a little more, and then she kept on purring and wanting me to pet her more. They dont seem to concerned. Going to do another site swap tonight and continue doing that until Honey is comfortable in the living room, too. Then, I think it is time to do feeding on opposites of the door. Not right there, though. Maybe a foot or foot and a half back?

This is turning into my training log thread. Honey is meowing at me to pet her now, lol.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
Site swapped again last night. Honey explored all the vertical spaces and loves the cat tree! It's only been here since Monday and Grey has only explored the first level, she went all the way up! He's never really been the high spaces sort of cat. She flopped on the middle of the rug and seemed very comfy out there.
Look for the cat eyes on the shelf:
IMG_20180801_205155.jpg

Fed them on opposite sides of the door last night. He ate a little and then just walked away. She kept mewing and looking under the door and rubbing on me. Not sure if she wanted to see him or if it's cause she could tell he had treats and wanted some? He doesn't usually get two wet meals so I have him treats mixed with the dry food he always has. This morning I did it again she ate all her food, looked at him a little and stayed eating. He didn't want to eat but I coaxed him with some treats he ate a little , looked at her, and left.

I think she is almost ready to meet him, at least she wants to. But I don't think he's ready. I'll just keep it up switching them, continuing with socks, feeding near the door until he will eat there.

They don't react at all to each others smells now, just the sight.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19

GreyLady

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 23, 2018
Messages
398
Purraise
785
Location
Maryland
I have a question.

I started doing the feeding on opposite sides of the doors thing, and im having mixed reactions. The two cats have no reaction to eachothers smells anymore other than some light sniffing and a bit of avoidance on Grey's part. Like, if I put a blanket in the middle of the room with her smell, he generally walks around it, but that's it. With the sock, he totally ignores it after sniffing and will even roll on it.

But when they see each other from under the door crack it's different. Honey is now super outgoing (and I thought I had a shy cat...) and when she's done eating goes right up to the door to look and sometimes meows. She acts like she really wants to check him out, and always wants to run right out the door even when he's there.

On the other hand my boy is much more wary. He will eat the food 2 feet away from the door, but is clearly uncomfortable. Last night he ate all his food, was really good, and I gave him lots of praise, then he groomed himself right there. But then Honey started meowing and trying to stick her nose under the crack, and he got freaked out and went up to the door, hissed, and swatted at the door pretty hard. I didnt want it to end on that note so I called him over to have some treats by the door while she was still there then got in between the line of sight and lured him away with a toy to end it.

Then this morning I fed them again, Honey is no issue so I put her food down and went out with resident Grey. Put his food down maybe 2 1/2 feet from the door. Had to coax him over a bit even though he's normally REALLY food motivated. The same thing happened where he ate, but then went to go towards her on the other side of the door. I was telling him he was a good cat and went to pet him a little to try to soothe the situation but I guess he was more on edge than I thought and he hissed at me and went away a bit. I lured him back with a treat and then played with him by the door with his favorite toy to try to end on a good note :/

What would you do? It's clear he is having a hard time accepting her. Should I move the food back, or just keep going on until he doesn't react? Not sure what to do. She keeps trying to run out the door too, giving him glimpses of her sometimes. He doesn't hiss if he only sees her for a second but his eyes get all big...

Edit: I just watched this video
(Jackson Galaxy introducing two cats)
I think they are too close together now, So Ill try 3 feet away. Hopefully she doesnt run up to the door again and freak him out.

Also, Grey is usually free fed dry food with a half a can of wet food meal in the morning which is is usally super exited about. Do you think it would be cruel to do as the video suggests and change him to not free feeding, having 2 meals a day at the same time as Honey? Honey is 6 months old so she always has dry food and gets 2 wet meals a day as much as she'll eat. No problem with her eating. But since he's more wary, do you think it would be worth it to make his food even more exiting and distracting? or would the change be too negative :/ not sure what to do with that.
 
Last edited:

danteshuman

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
5,030
Purraise
6,077
Location
California
I'm sure without cutting back on his dry food for now, if you offered him a second wet food snack; he would at least nibble. The downside is he may start expecting it for the rest of his life. ;)
 
Top