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- Nov 21, 2023
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My wife and I adopted an 8-week-old male kitten in March named Bobby (photo attached). He had been fostered with his litter and mother before going up for adoption and was neutered by the time I brought him home. His introduction to our small apartment went well and he took to our routine in a matter of days. My wife and I are often gone for 12 hours at a time. We managed the first few months with him by recruiting help to visit him during the day or managing to eat lunch at home whenever possible.
Our apartment is small. It consists of a living room attached to an open kitchen and two other rooms, one is our bedroom and the other is our bathroom. Bobby spent his intro period in the bathroom and still sleeps with us in the bedroom. Otherwise, he is out in the living room doing what cats do.
Bobby is now 10 months old and recently began showing some signs that he was potentially bored or looking for a friend. He began chewing things he had never chewed before, showed strong interest in meeting dogs/cats in our complex, and had lots of playful energy. He is a fan of rough house, often chewing toys and playing physically within his solo cat environment.
We decided to get another kitty, a 9-week-old male named Mo (photo attached), primarily as a playmate for Bobby while we were gone on vacations, holidays, or working. I believe we may have misread Bobby's needs and permanently botched the introduction of the new kitten.
We made the bathroom up for Mo (instead of our bedroom where Bobby and we sleep). When we brought the kitten home in a carrier, Bobby saw it sniffed it, and hissed at it while we were finalizing the bathroom setup. The cats were then physically introduced that night when Mo slipped out of the bathroom and into the living room. Bobby showed some growling and hissing and gave some claw-less head smacks. Mo showed no signs of fear until Bobby did, and even then didn't really respond much to the hissing or growls. More just ignored Bobby and explored. The first interaction was no more than a few minutes.
It's extremely difficult and distressing to leave Mo in the bathroom every hour of the day. Being the only bathroom in our house, we are in and out of it somewhat frequently. He also hears us outside. Either of these instances causes him to begin crying out. The cries are heartbreaking and persistent. He will go for thirty minutes or more. Often, he will slip out of the bathroom and into the living room.
We are now intentionally bringing him into the living room for an hour or two at a time. The cries are too much and I cannot spend all day, every day with him in the bathroom. I am almost certainly rushing the process and that may be the whole situation's undoing. Bobby has been tolerating his presence. It's Day 3 and no more growls or hisses. Each of them will eat in the other's presence. We play with each individually and feed treats to them to create positive associations. Bobby doesn't mind if Mo eats his dry food or drinks water. Mo isn't scared or really too apprehensive of Bobby. Mo will not go near Bobby's window perch/"nest" or his litter box. BIG NOTE: Bobby has gotten into the bathroom twice and angrily used Mo's litterbox. Growling while peeing in it, growling at it. The issue is he isn't using HIS litterbox now. The distress is causing him not to pee or poop, it seems.
If things are calm, Bobby will steer clear of Mo. Mo will initiate play but it isn't reciprocated. When Mo gets super active and begins running around the room, sh*t hits the fan. It's like Bobby's predatory instincts take over and he hunts the kitten. He will chase it around the room, pinning it down, biting his tail/legs/neck HARD. Mo makes noises and fights back but Bobby doesn't get the message quickly. He will momentarily stop biting or be still, but he doesn't let go. He will even go so far as to pick up Mo around the throat. HE IS NOT CARRYING HIM LIKE A MOTHER. His jaws are generally around the neck, not carefully around his scruff. He also doesn't want to release Mo and will drag him backward. I've always intervened by this point and after the second time, I have been on pins and needles any time Bobby approaches Mo. I have watched dozens of videos online to help differentiate play from fighting. It is more like this video (IMG 1492) than it is like this video ()
Each day, Bobby has seemed less agitated and each session sees Bobby show more and more patience before this attack. At first, it was minutes, then an hour. Today was close to two hours and I broke it up on the first real pin down that Mo called out. I have not found any broken skin, hair pulls, or scabs on Mo. Mo runs away when it's done but doesn't avoid Bobby. Bobby would do it to Mo endlessly if we didn't intervene.
I think it is play that is too rough. Bobby doesn't know how strong he is and Mo can't defend himself. Regardless, it's clear that they cannot be alone together any time soon, probably for months. I am STUCK. Does Mo need to spend the next few months in the bathroom? Can he and my wife and I handle that? Will Bobby come around to Mo? I want them to enjoy the company, not tolerate it. Will I know if that's possible before Christmas when we leave for a week? I don't want Mo in the bathroom all day except during Rover checkups and feeding time.
I see two options:
TL,DR: I rushed the intro of my resident cat to a kitten. I cannot keep them apart for more than a few hours without distressing the resident and/or the kitten. I cannot let them play freely for fear the cat will kill or hurt the kitten. Do I persist or rehome the kitten?
Our apartment is small. It consists of a living room attached to an open kitchen and two other rooms, one is our bedroom and the other is our bathroom. Bobby spent his intro period in the bathroom and still sleeps with us in the bedroom. Otherwise, he is out in the living room doing what cats do.
Bobby is now 10 months old and recently began showing some signs that he was potentially bored or looking for a friend. He began chewing things he had never chewed before, showed strong interest in meeting dogs/cats in our complex, and had lots of playful energy. He is a fan of rough house, often chewing toys and playing physically within his solo cat environment.
We decided to get another kitty, a 9-week-old male named Mo (photo attached), primarily as a playmate for Bobby while we were gone on vacations, holidays, or working. I believe we may have misread Bobby's needs and permanently botched the introduction of the new kitten.
We made the bathroom up for Mo (instead of our bedroom where Bobby and we sleep). When we brought the kitten home in a carrier, Bobby saw it sniffed it, and hissed at it while we were finalizing the bathroom setup. The cats were then physically introduced that night when Mo slipped out of the bathroom and into the living room. Bobby showed some growling and hissing and gave some claw-less head smacks. Mo showed no signs of fear until Bobby did, and even then didn't really respond much to the hissing or growls. More just ignored Bobby and explored. The first interaction was no more than a few minutes.
It's extremely difficult and distressing to leave Mo in the bathroom every hour of the day. Being the only bathroom in our house, we are in and out of it somewhat frequently. He also hears us outside. Either of these instances causes him to begin crying out. The cries are heartbreaking and persistent. He will go for thirty minutes or more. Often, he will slip out of the bathroom and into the living room.
We are now intentionally bringing him into the living room for an hour or two at a time. The cries are too much and I cannot spend all day, every day with him in the bathroom. I am almost certainly rushing the process and that may be the whole situation's undoing. Bobby has been tolerating his presence. It's Day 3 and no more growls or hisses. Each of them will eat in the other's presence. We play with each individually and feed treats to them to create positive associations. Bobby doesn't mind if Mo eats his dry food or drinks water. Mo isn't scared or really too apprehensive of Bobby. Mo will not go near Bobby's window perch/"nest" or his litter box. BIG NOTE: Bobby has gotten into the bathroom twice and angrily used Mo's litterbox. Growling while peeing in it, growling at it. The issue is he isn't using HIS litterbox now. The distress is causing him not to pee or poop, it seems.
If things are calm, Bobby will steer clear of Mo. Mo will initiate play but it isn't reciprocated. When Mo gets super active and begins running around the room, sh*t hits the fan. It's like Bobby's predatory instincts take over and he hunts the kitten. He will chase it around the room, pinning it down, biting his tail/legs/neck HARD. Mo makes noises and fights back but Bobby doesn't get the message quickly. He will momentarily stop biting or be still, but he doesn't let go. He will even go so far as to pick up Mo around the throat. HE IS NOT CARRYING HIM LIKE A MOTHER. His jaws are generally around the neck, not carefully around his scruff. He also doesn't want to release Mo and will drag him backward. I've always intervened by this point and after the second time, I have been on pins and needles any time Bobby approaches Mo. I have watched dozens of videos online to help differentiate play from fighting. It is more like this video (IMG 1492) than it is like this video ()
Each day, Bobby has seemed less agitated and each session sees Bobby show more and more patience before this attack. At first, it was minutes, then an hour. Today was close to two hours and I broke it up on the first real pin down that Mo called out. I have not found any broken skin, hair pulls, or scabs on Mo. Mo runs away when it's done but doesn't avoid Bobby. Bobby would do it to Mo endlessly if we didn't intervene.
I think it is play that is too rough. Bobby doesn't know how strong he is and Mo can't defend himself. Regardless, it's clear that they cannot be alone together any time soon, probably for months. I am STUCK. Does Mo need to spend the next few months in the bathroom? Can he and my wife and I handle that? Will Bobby come around to Mo? I want them to enjoy the company, not tolerate it. Will I know if that's possible before Christmas when we leave for a week? I don't want Mo in the bathroom all day except during Rover checkups and feeding time.
I see two options:
- Try this setup for another few days to a week. Get Mo out of the bathroom when possible, but remain on high alert for aggression. Keep trying to positively associate them and showering each cat with love and play, especially Bobby. If things don't improve, rehome Mo to someone who will show him the love and attention he is calling out for.
- Leave Mo in the bathroom until he's bigger (4 or 5 months old) and continue this dance until then, knowing they may never really be friends. It's a daunting thought and saddens me to ruin the relationship we had with Bobby by keeping Mo.
TL,DR: I rushed the intro of my resident cat to a kitten. I cannot keep them apart for more than a few hours without distressing the resident and/or the kitten. I cannot let them play freely for fear the cat will kill or hurt the kitten. Do I persist or rehome the kitten?
