Kind of having a hard time with this one.

[Krienze]

Just wanted to pop back in and just say thank you to everyone for your kind words.

Being on this site has actually helped so much today. I love reading your posts in other categories and replying, talking, it's been wonderful.

Today, like I said earlier, felt raw. I've been weepy, heart sick and still sick to my stomach, but I'm trying to stop torturing myself with the 'what if's' that I keep doing.

It would probably be cluttering to go through and thank all of you individually, but I still wanted to say thank you because you've all been so kind.

 

[Antonio65]

I'm shocked by what happened to your beautiful CiCi, that's so hard to bear with, I think I would have died, so I admire your strength.

But I'm also appalled by the refuse to help you from all people you tried to involve. How could they just turn away from you? The FD, how could they do that? It's their job!!!

My heart gos out to you!
I know CiCi knew you were there and trying to help her out, she knows you did your best, she knows how hard you tried. She also know how insensible and ignorant all others were.
From up there she'll be your guiding light in your life, because she knows how much you loved her. Likewise I hope she'll be the worst nightmare for all those who let her down.

Hugs to you, kisses to your CiCi.

 

[les26]

I am so so sorry to read this very sad news, you tried your best but no one wanted to get involved which is sad, I wish I was there I would've helped you look for her!

I have said many times that in times of intense grief, shock and loss the homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara works wonderfully, you may want to look into it, there are no side effects like drugs.

I am so so sorry that you had to endure this horrible episode, but she is fine now just fine, and when you meet again it will be wonderful....

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you.....

 

[Tik cat's mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I read your thread and from what I could see you did everything in your power to get to your girl out. Please don't blame yourself it was a awful accident. Your girl knows how much you loved her. R.I.P sweet CiCi

 

[Purr-fect]

Purr-fect It's okay. I just didn't want you to feel bad thinking you could have helped. I felt so ridiculously alone through out this entire thing, that really the people online have felt like the only people who actually cared about helping CiCi. Everyone else just brushed me off when I tried to get help.

Today was raw feeling, while yesterday felt numb. I'm getting there, but those what if's are really not easy to chase away =(

Im currently reading a book written by dale carnigie (sp). Its about stress. He says many successful people use a technique he calls "day tight". This means only worrying about things that occur today. He says what has happened is gone and worrying about it today is wasted energy, will cause health issues and prevents you from thinking clearly for today and planning for the future.

He says it far more eloquently and explains it much more clearly than I have.

I think it's good advice, and im just starting to try and follow it.

 

[Furballsmom]

It would probably be cluttering to go through and thank all of you individually, but I still wanted to say thank you because you've all been so kind.

We love you

 

[Krienze]

But I'm also appalled by the refuse to help you from all people you tried to involve. How could they just turn away from you? The FD, how could they do that? It's their job!!!

I've driven myself crazy over this. Basically they didn't want to cut into the ducts, but they never told me they would get her if HVAC cut into it. I only found that out when talking to a fireman who came to retrieve her body. I was pleading with the woman on the phone and she never gave me that information. If I had had that, I would have known what to push for with HVAC and it could have been done while she was alive.

I am so so sorry to read this very sad news, you tried your best but no one wanted to get involved which is sad, I wish I was there I would've helped you look for her!

Thank you. I had SO many kind and wonderful people from FB willing to cut under the house -- however without HVAC being willing to look with the camera when we asked, there would have been no way to know where to cut. My heart is just absolutely broken, because we could have saved her.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I read your thread and from what I could see you did everything in your power to get to your girl out. Please don't blame yourself it was a awful accident. Your girl knows how much you loved her. R.I.P sweet CiCi

Thank you =/ Everyone keeps telling me that, but I just keep finding new ways to feel guilty. I want to believe I did everything I could, but not knowing exactly what caused her death, just makes me feel terrified that I did something wrong. Like I inadvertently lead her to that duct she got stuck in somehow. I know I tried, but had I been more assertive, would more have come of it? You know what I mean?

This whole thing was a nightmare. It's day three now of her being gone and it just feels like, emotionally, it's getting worse and worse.

 

[Furballsmom]

In case these folks can provide additional help;
Day By Day Caregiver Support Inc. – Providing compassionate support for the grief that comes before, during and after the loss of a pet

 

[Krienze]

In case these folks can provide additional help;
Day By Day Caregiver Support Inc. – Providing compassionate support for the grief that comes before, during and after the loss of a pet

Thank you. I'm going to check that out. A friend had just suggested I look into finding a hotline or something, because this whole thing has actually shot my anxiety and depression through the roof. I've been trying to stay stable, but it's just not easy.

I think once she's buried properly, I'll feel so much better.

 

[Furballsmom]

I think once she's buried properly, I'll feel so much better.

 

[Purr-fect]

Thank you. I'm going to check that out. A friend had just suggested I look into finding a hotline or something, because this whole thing has actually shot my anxiety and depression through the roof. I've been trying to stay stable, but it's just not easy.

I think once she's buried properly, I'll feel so much better.

When our little cat "motu" passed away, my wife and I actually set up a couple of chairs in the yard, had a funeral service for her (complete with funeral music), said our goodbyes and buried her in her favorite spot in the yard. The neighbours must have thought we were nuts..

We added some landscaping stones and a small japanese maple tree. I can see her spot from the kitchen and I feel some comfort knowing she is nearby.

Perhaps doing something similar will help you.

It WILL get better in time. Our bodies and minds are remarkable.

 

[Krienze]

When our little cat "motu" passed away, my wife and I actually set up a couple of chairs in the yard, had a funeral service for her (complete with funeral music), said our goodbyes and buried her in her favorite spot in the yard. The neighbours must have thought we were nuts..

We added some landscaping stones and a small japanese maple tree. I can see her spot from the kitchen and I feel some comfort knowing she is nearby.

Perhaps doing something similar will help you.

It WILL get better in time. Our bodies and minds are remarkable.

Thankfully, all of the neighbors we have are animal lovers. I think they would understand, some might even come join!

We plan on getting her her own headstone marker, and possibly a plant that we can put over her. I really want to make her spot beautiful, because she was a beautiful baby, inside and out.

 

[solomonar]

In line with above forum mates sayings: some people love to literally return to dust - that is, they want to be buried at the roots of a tree, to serve as fertilizer to the plant. Some say that such a procedure respects one Law of the Nature: "nothing ends".

Nothing ends.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, CiCi, dream you deep, Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

While we can never know exactly what happened, I think it possible that she did have a heart attack. If she had been in great pain, I believe she would have called for you, LOUDLY. That was the relationship you had. And that said, this is what I know. CiCi is now happy, and healthy and whole, and she is in That Place Where All Things Are Known. And in that place, she knows how hard you tried for her, how you fought for her with everything that you knew to do. Her only sorrow now is your sorrow and your guilt, because she knows there is no reason for that guilt. Grieve for her, but let the guilt go. She does not want that for you. And she sends her love for you, now translated and purified into Love, back to you, forever. Because Love abides, always, forever, Love abides, and she is with you still.

 

[Krienze]

While we can never know exactly what happened, I think it possible that she did have a heart attack. If she had been in great pain, I believe she would have called for you, LOUDLY.

I REALLY hope you're right, because how she died has been one of the things that have been haunting me. I went from hearing her one minute to just radio silence the next and it was such a sinking feeling, because while I wanted to have hope and believe she was okay, I swear it was like my stomach dropped because I somehow knew she was not okay.

The idea of her having a heart attack and going quick is one of the few things I'm holding onto, because the idea that maybe she died stuck and in pain makes me feel sick.

You're right though, I think she would have called for me. She was a VERY vocal cat, VERY vocal -- which is why it was odd she never once meowed while under in the ducts. Seriously, we never heard her meow once. Just the sound of her padding back and forth.

She had no reservations about meowing normally -- if she could see any part of her bowl (even if she had food in it but off to the side) she never thought twice about screeching her head off at me, lol. Or chittering at me while trying to pat my shoulder with her paw.

 

[Norachan]

Cats usually make a lot of noise when they are trapped. If she just suddenly stopped calling you it makes me think she went quickly. It's not like her calls gradually got weaker, she just stopped making any noise.

I've had cats go missing in the past and the not knowing, the imagining all the worst possible scenarios and being unable to do anything about it is what really tears you apart. I imagine that's similar to what you are feeling now.

It's not going to do you any good at all thinking like that. I guess in a way you are trying to punish yourself because you feel guilty about what happened, but it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could for her, all the time she was with you and right up until the end.

You can't change what happened, but CiCi lives on in your memory. So why not allow yourself to have a not-so-bad memory of what happened? Cats often look for small spaces to hide in when they're not feeling well, so let yourself believe that's what happened here. Cici wasn't feeling well, she crawled into a small space to hide away and she passed quickly, without any suffering.

I know it hurts now, but focus on all the happy memories you had of her. Think about the good things and let those memories be where she lives now.

 

[Loving Mickey]

Oh poor CiCi and poor you!
The fact that no one would help you is just terrible.
That is why I love animals more. They are so loyal and loving.
It is not your fault though. You did not let your baby down. Other people let both you and her down.
I know her loss is so hard to bear but know it was not your fault and she knows that.
She loved you so much and knows how much you loved her too.
She has taken that love with her and left all her love with you to cherish.
RIP Sweet CiCi !
You will always be loved and missed!

 

[di and bob]

To keep busy, to keep your mind occupied during these dark days, you are more then welcome to join in on the forums on this site. i have found it is very theraputic to try to help someone else in need, even to comfort those in their time of loss. I draw comfort from trying to comfort others. Your horrible situation may one day save another from going through the same thing, you are not the first, or will be the last,to go through this. I pray that you ,too, can find some kind of comfort........

 

[Krienze]

To keep busy, to keep your mind occupied during these dark days, you are more then welcome to join in on the forums on this site. i have found it is very theraputic to try to help someone else in need, even to comfort those in their time of loss. I draw comfort from trying to comfort others. Your horrible situation may one day save another from going through the same thing, you are not the first, or will be the last,to go through this. I pray that you ,too, can find some kind of comfort........

Oh yes =) I have been talking quite a bit on the forums. The people on this site and the staff are absolutely amazing and so kind. It's been wonderful talking, both about Cici's loss and other topics in general.

Today makes it a full week since I believe CiCi has passed (I believe she passed away early sunday morning as that is when I stopped hearing her) so it's been hard today. I slept a lot this weekend, I think the stress has kind of caught up to me.

 

[jefferd18]

Oh yes =) I have been talking quite a bit on the forums. The people on this site and the staff are absolutely amazing and so kind. It's been wonderful talking, both about Cici's loss and other topics in general.

Today makes it a full week since I believe CiCi has passed (I believe she passed away early sunday morning as that is when I stopped hearing her) so it's been hard today. I slept a lot this weekend, I think the stress has kind of caught up to me.

First I want to say that I am so very sorry for your loss, she sounded like she was a wonderful kitty. Nobody should have had to go through this, and shame on those who did nothing when asked.

However, I want to comment on something: healthy cats usually don't die from being trapped somewhere for three days, which makes me think that there might have been something going on with her health.

I also want to add that it was her life, and not her death, that really matters. She did not die an unloved kitty out in the elements somewhere, she died in her home- a place that for the last 11 years, was filled with love for this little girl.
You made that happen.