Kind of having a hard time with this one.

Krienze

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I've had animals my whole life. My first experience with losing a beloved cat, was my cat Sassy. We woke up and found him gone, right by my side of the bed. I was heartbroken. Over the years, I've had my share of animals pass on. Most of our animals have always been rescues and a few of them have had medical conditions that in the end, claimed them. It's always been hard, but I'm having a much harder time with this one.

CiCi was adopted in 2009. She's been with me for a long time. When I got her, it was shortly after the passing of another cat -- my buddy, Oliver. He'd been with me for close to 14 years before passing to cancer and my other cat, Isabel, was grieving bad. We thought getting her another friend might help and... so we brought CiCi hope. Isabel loved her. My mother had to reach into the back of the cage to get her though, Cici was such a scared and nervous kitten. She had been heavily abused before we adopted her and never really grew out of it. She didn't like to roam the house and preferred to stay in one room, where she felt safe. She was a GOOD cat though, very loving. She might have been 'damaged' but she was still perfect to us.

On Friday, we noticed the vent pulled up in our bathroom. We are still not sure how she pried it open, but she went in. We called everyone, the fire department, police, wildlife, animal control, no one would help us. Even our HVAC guy didn't want to get under the house to check for her. I begged him to on Saturday when I heard her. Like i begged so hard for them to listen to me and not wait, but the HVAC guy seemed adamant that she would come out on her own. So we tried everything else, catnip to lure her out, tuna by the vent opening, cans of cat food out. Finally Monday rolled around and we got them out first thing in the morning and they went under the house. They found her body, she had already died. She was stuck in the vent.

If they had just gone under when I begged them to, she'd STILL be here. If someone had helped when I asked, she'd be alive and I just am having such a hard time processing this because this just didn't need to end this way. I'm not casting blame, or i'm trying not to anyone, but I feel so angry and I get so overwhelmed thinking about how afraid she probably was and I just keep praying that she had a heart attack or something that took her quick so that she wasn't in pain, but I don't know. All I know is my baby died without me, and every time I think about it I just feel sicker and sicker.
 

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Krienze, I don’t have anything to say that will make this moment any easier to endure, it sounds so devastating and frustrating and unfair and... honestly unimaginably painful.

But it also sounds like you gave CiCi a second chance at a happiness, a safe place to live, a family, and a home where she was loved. As miserable as it is right now, I hope you are able to find some peace in the knowledge that she was lucky to have had you in her life, just as you were lucky to have had her in yours. And that that fact is bigger than this moment, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I will be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, and I’m sure I will not be the only one here doing so. If it’s not too painful, or too much trouble, would you be able to share a picture of CiCi?
 

Jemima Lucca

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Oh how hard this must be for you. You tried to get someone, anyone to help you and to no avail 💔. Anger would be a natural reaction to not being listened to. If you need to, get angry. Write out your feelings of disappointment and frustration and burn the paper when you’re spent. And believe or not people go to counseling to process the loss and grief. I’m so, so very sorry this happened to you and your beloved cat. May she RIP 😢
 
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Krienze

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Oh how hard this must be for you. You tried to get someone, anyone to help you and to no avail 💔. Anger would be a natural reaction to not being listened to. If you need to, get angry. Write out your feelings of disappointment and frustration and burn the paper when you’re spent. And believe or not people go to counseling to process the loss and grief. I’m so, so very sorry this happened to you and your beloved cat. May she RIP 😢
Thank you. Maybe I'll try that. This whole ordeal has been so exhausting and I just have felt so helpless the entire time and all I keep doing is sitting thinking about what if situations that could have kept her alive.
 

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Oh no, Krienze Krienze I'm so sorry.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I saw your thread about the cat stuck in the air vent yesterday, I was hoping for a happier update. I think finding some way to let out all of your feelings of frustration and anger is a good idea, as Jemima Lucca Jemima Lucca suggested. We go through many stages when we grieve. It's important to deal with each one as it comes up, then move on.

I'm so sorry you lost CiCi this way. It sounds as if she had a very happy life with you. Sending you love and hugs. We're here if you need to vent or weep, or just tell us more about Cici.

:heartshape::hugs::catlove:
 
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Krienze

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Krienze, I don’t have anything to say that will make this moment any easier to endure, it sounds so devastating and frustrating and unfair and... honestly unimaginably painful.

But it also sounds like you gave CiCi a second chance at a happiness, a safe place to live, a family, and a home where she was loved. As miserable as it is right now, I hope you are able to find some peace in the knowledge that she was lucky to have had you in her life, just as you were lucky to have had her in yours. And that that fact is bigger than this moment, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I will be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, and I’m sure I will not be the only one here doing so. If it’s not too painful, or too much trouble, would you be able to share a picture of CiCi?
I don't mind sharing a picture, no! I've spent most of the day watching and re-watching my favorite video of her and going through all these old photos that I have.
 

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Krienze

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Thank you Norachan Norachan and everyone else. This night has just been the worst. The waiting to find out was terrible enough but knowing now, I have all these what if's going through my mind. I worry that she was scared, in pain and that she didn't understand why I didn't just come get her. I've always been able to hold, pet or at least be there when it's time to say goodbye that this is just so hard for me to really process.

CiCi was a great cat. She was a scared cat. Literally of everything. She liked to stay in one room and I remember when we adopted her, they tried to talk us out of it because they called her damaged and actually said it would be kinder to her to put her down. My mom reached in the cage, plucked her up and we took her home. She did stay afraid, but she was also very loving. Couldn't even go to the bathroom without her trying to curl up in your pants. If you walked into her "room" and it was just one person, she'd reach out to try and tap you with her paw and spider monkey climb all over you.

I used to call her my CiCi-Monster because man,when she was a kitten... she WAS pretty playful, she would just run amuck.

I can't even express how much I miss her meow, and how much I miss her tripping me up or trying to jump over my head or onto my back. Or even those funny paw pats she'd give you as you walk by.

Tears won't seem to stop. All night i've off and on cried and honestly it just feels like I'm always going to be this broken up over her. Her death was tragic, horrifying and painful, senseless and so easily prevented if people had just listened to me and taken her situation seriously.

Earlier on the phone when I tried to get an appointment with the HVCA people, they actually told me people with a broken unit would come before "a cat" and it's just felt like no one has been here at all this entire ordeal.
 

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Your Cat was doing what Nature wants for any cat: roaming, looking for new territory. Nobody can control what happens during such journeys and since this is part of the Law, nobody can oppose. Sometime is simply not possible to save the Cat, no matter the efforts. We, humans, are not Masters. We cant always understand, but there is always a good reason. Maybe alternative final would be much worst.

In humans, voluntary death by dehydration is encountered among terminally ill patients. As far as I am aware, there is very little physical pain (if any). Wild animals also experience terminal dehydration, not yet sufficiently studied, but since we share similar metabolism, they most likely dont experience pain.

+++

You did a great job caring for CiCi the Cat and you are an wonderful person, so you are rewarded with so many nice memories! You can dream CiCi, her paws on your chest and that counts immensely!

Hugs and tears.
 

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It's horrible that anyone would put objects or money before the welfare of a living being, but it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could for CiCi. You gave her a loving home when everyone else had given up on her. You showed her that it was OK to trust people, even after she'd been though who knows what horrors before she met you. You tried your hardest to save her and you gave her over a decade of life. A whole decade that she would never have had if it wasn't for you.

Just let the tears flow. Tears are cathartic and necessary, they will help you on to the next stage.

I know your heart is full of pain at the moment, but I promise you it will get better. We've all been there. We're here for you.

:grouphug2:
 

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What you are feeling is grief compounded by guilt. It IS horrible, it IS soul numbing, to stand by and know your little one needs you is more then you can comprehend. But what happened is not going to change. Of course you will grieve, most likely for the rest of your life, but time will help to numb the sharp edges, and in time you will learn to make a new life's order for yourself and live with it. Time is the only thing that helps......
What you have to concentrate on is that to have guilt you have to have intent. You tried, you did everything you could with what you had at the time. The only intent you had was love for that precious little girl. You never would want harm to come to her, and I know that she would never want you to go through all this. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. To go on with your life and find the joy in living that life brings. It was a horrible, horrible accident. Accidents happen because that is what they are. There is no way to prevent or remedy an accident, none of us are perfect and can predict every conceivable situation.
I also can't help but think that cats have often been locked up in buildings, in shipping containers, all kinds of situations where food and water were not available, and they have lived for weeks, even months. I have had sick cats not eat or drink for days on end, sometimes a week. I wonder if she was desperate to get to a place where she could die, that she knew her end was close and wanted to spare you. If she did have a heart attack, the end would have been quick, not a lingering death from old age or illness. You might want to consider this.
No matter what, no one deserves what you went through. My heart goes out to you, as one who witnessed her own little one's death, I can empathize with the horror and helplessness you feel. I would not wish it on anyone. The only thing that saved my sanity is knowing how much my own little girl loved life, how much she loved me, and knowing she would not want me to stop my own life because hers had ended. It took me a long time to come to that place. That and filling the hole she left behind with keeping busy and having new loves in my life. it will never replace her love, but rather adds to it. To be remembered and mourned is a great honor. You honor her memory by letting her live on through you now, and keeping her in your own memories and heart. i know it is impossible right now, and will be for a long time, but try not to dwell on her end, but cherish the good memories you have, and let them bring comfort. don't let her end become more important than that beautiful live she shared with you. As someone else stated. 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". Her love is spiritual, so eternal. She left carrying your love, and she will hold it forever. Death cannot take that which never dies........RIP precious CiCi. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

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Im so sorry this happened.

I am also in Canada. When I read you are in Canada, my heart skipped a beat. If you were within 3 or 4 hours of driving of the GTA I would have come to you.

Then I read the sad news.

Im sorry.

I suggest you quickly secure all your remaining air vents. Without me seeing them, I think you can probably put a screw (made for wood) on an angle thru the top of the register and that will secure it into the floor.

I would also get a handy person to secure a section of the skirting on your home so that it can easily be removed with a screw driver if you need to quickly get access under the home latter. The screws should be stainless steel with robertson #2 heads so they will not rust nor will the heads easily fill with dirt (making it impossible to insert a screw driver tip into them). The screws are cheap and easy to buy.
 

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. I wonder if she was desperate to get to a place where she could die, that she knew her end was close and wanted to spare you. If she did have a heart attack, the end would have been quick, not a lingering death from old age or illness. You might want to consider this.
I thought about this as well.

RIP sweet babycat, and hopefully your person can find a little peace too.
 
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Krienze

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I am also in Canada. When I read you are in Canada, my heart skipped a beat. If you were within 3 or 4 hours of driving of the GTA I would have come to you.
Thank you for your kind words.I'm not in Canada though! Did I select it by mistake maybe? :3 Either way, rest assured, you were most likely too far away to help me. I'm in US (Louisiana, specifically.) But thank you for thinking of me and wanting to help.

I had several people try to help, some who really wanted to be able to come out -- but we were stuck waiting for HVAC to come out with a camera to find CiCi in the vents =( If this were to ever happen again, I think we've come to understand that we need to push for what we know we need instead of letting others just tell us 'no' because of what they 'think' the cat will do. Though I hopefully will never have to deal with this again, as we plan on going through today and making sure every vent in this house is screwed down so that it can never be lifted by prying little paws again.
 

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Thank you for your kind words.I'm not in Canada though! Did I select it by mistake maybe? :3 Either way, rest assured, you were most likely too far away to help me. I'm in US (Louisiana, specifically.) But thank you for thinking of me and wanting to help.

I had several people try to help, some who really wanted to be able to come out -- but we were stuck waiting for HVAC to come out with a camera to find CiCi in the vents =( If this were to ever happen again, I think we've come to understand that we need to push for what we know we nered instead of letting others just tell us 'no' because of what they 'think' the cat will do. Though I hopefully will never have to deal with this again, as we plan on going through today and making sure every vent in this house is screwed down so that it can never be lifted by prying little paws again.

My mistake, another member thought you were in Canada and I assumed.
 

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Thank you. Maybe I'll try that. This whole ordeal has been so exhausting and I just have felt so helpless the entire time and all I keep doing is sitting thinking about what if situations that could have kept her alive.
Those “what if’s” can do nothing but make you feel miserable. It’s not your fault. You loved that cat of yours and you gave her the best of your time and love ❤ and she knows that. It’s a very sad set of circumstances that you tried your best make right. I’m grieving with you. Please know I’m sorry for your loss and I will pray for you to have peace knowing you tried hard...🙏🏻
 
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Krienze

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Purr-fect Purr-fect It's okay. I just didn't want you to feel bad thinking you could have helped. I felt so ridiculously alone through out this entire thing, that really the people online have felt like the only people who actually cared about helping CiCi. Everyone else just brushed me off when I tried to get help.

Today was raw feeling, while yesterday felt numb. I'm getting there, but those what if's are really not easy to chase away =(
 
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