Kei, we will always love you.

KeiAlways

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Our beautiful 3 and a half year old girl is no longer with us. We gave her the gift of a peaceful goodbye after a month long battle with suspected FIP.

Is it normal to feel this guilty? We took her to the vet so many times, had all the tests we could get, and gave her the best care possible. In the end, I truly don't know if it was FIP or not. My vet wasn't really there for me, and wouldn't give me definitive answers. In fact, we spoke to two. What I do know, is that Kei's health deteriorated like I've never seen, despite our efforts to help her. She presented with ascites a month before she passed, and honestly, I think she had dry FIP before that. We took her in in February and gave her anti nausea, fluids, and antibiotics for vomiting and weight loss. She seemed to get better...then the ascites showed up. We brought her in and the vet brushed it off. I will regret this for my whole life.

A week after he brushed it off, I said no...something is wrong. Surely enough, I brought her in again and it was clear she was dying. We attempted other treatments starting last Thursday but by Saturday, she was completely done. No drinking, no eating, not moving (even to go to the bathroom - I took her).

I have regrets. Should we have brought her to another vet? Should we have tried to get the black market drug (that honestly we didn't even know existed until her last days)? I feel like I have entirely failed as a pet mom, and I would give up so much to have many more days with her.

I also feel so guilty because we got a kitten last year. If we hadn't got this kitten, quite likely that Kei would still be with us. I didn't know about this disease...it makes me feel like an awful person.
 

bear

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FIP is a difficult disease and difficult to understand. It is hard to diagnose. Some of the methods developed to diagnose it the last 20 years have not lived up to their promises and actually caused confusion. I was absent from this site for a while, so I don't know if they have a good reference article. If you don't hear from others, look up Dr Pedersen articles with UC Davis or Dr Addy (Scotland).

If this was FIP, the path can be moderate or quick and an additional vet might have only added to the confusion.
Thank you for taking care of Kei
 
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bear

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I encourage you to not feel guilty about providing the kitten a home.

In the U.S. it is estimated that 80% or more of our cats have FCoV, Feline Corona Virus (Now refered to as Feline Enteritis Corona Virus FECV). Those that have been in denser housing, like a shelter or rescue group are more likely to have FCoV. Yet it can remain in the cat's body for years and then later mutate to one of the forms of coronavirus that cause FIP. It is very possible that Kei carried the virus for most of her life before it acted up, or picked it up if outside.

I share this with you, in hopes it will help you understand that the complexities of this disease don't point directly to your decision to help and care for the kitten too as the cause..
 
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KeiAlways

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Thank you so much for your words of reason. It means so much to me in this time of grief. I know that our sorrow has a way of making us think we control everything, when we do not. But to bring our loved ones back we want to believe there is something we could have done differently.
 

Loving Mickey

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I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Kei. It is never easy to lose our beloved kitties.
We always want to blame ourselves, thinking it was somehow our fault. I don't know much about FIP and realize at times it is hard to diagnose the disease. Vets are not always sure either. Just know that you loved that sweet kitty and she loved you in return. That is all that truly matters. The love that was shared between you two and the love that will continue always. Please don't blame yourself or the new kitten. Neither one of you is to blame. Bad things happen and no one can explain why. Just know, you are not to blame.
RIP precious Kei !
Please bring comfort to your loved one as you are missed so much!
 

Maria Bayote

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We always tend to blame ourselves when our dearly beloved pet passes away. We always think that more should have been done by us, etc. This is a normal behavior of someone who is in deep mourning. Yet again, as mentioned above, please do not take this on you. You did everything you know was possible at that time. That alone speaks volumes of how deeply you cared for Kei.

Here's sending my sincerest sympathy for your loss. Please hang in there, and may you find comfort in all those happiest memories you shared with your Kei. Imagine her now running freely in an endless field of grasses and blooms.

Hugs.
 

di and bob

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It sounds to me that you did all you could with what you had. I know that FIP is very difficult to diagnose, and even more difficult to treat. All this guilt and should haves, could haves, are a part of grieving, there is always something that we feel we should have done because none of us are perfect. My cats have leukemia and just knowing this makes me treasure each and every day I spend with them. I'm sure you did the same. There is always that hope, that dream that there will be a last-minute cure, a miracle, and though it sometimes happens it is very rare. You could not let her suffer, and that was in her future, sometimes the treatments are worse than the disease.
Your bond with Kei is a strong one, it can never be taken from you. She is at peace because she has your love. We are left behind to mourn and grieve, but she is beyond all that now and just sends her love. Do not let grief become your life. Do not concentrate on it and make it all-consuming. It only brings more pain and sadness. It takes everything from the soul and makes our lives empty. She would never want that for someone who did so much for her and loved her so much. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, so she wants for you, that is love. Like a parent with several children, each love is unique and one of a kind, Concentrate on that other little one you have in the house. The love that will come from that little one will help to heal your broken heart. It will reside right beside your love for Kei, helping it to grow even stronger and bloom in the sunshine of what love brings.
You will never get over this, you will learn to live with it. Time is the only thing that helps with such pain, eventually, it will dull the sharp edges. We are here to share your pain, to tell you you will survive, that you are stronger than you think. We are all joined together by our love for these special little creatures, and when we lose one we all mourn together. My thoughts and prayers are with you, may you find a path on this journey of pain that leads you to peace........RIP beautiful Kei. You will always be remembered, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. My the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again.
 

betsygee

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Second guessing is part of grieving. We always wonder what we could have done differently. But it's clear you did all you could have for your sweet baby--she was so well loved and cared for.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, little Kei. :rbheart:
 
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KeiAlways

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Thank you all so much for your kind words. It is nice to share a space where we all know too well the feelings of regret and sorrow when losing a pet. 💕
 

les26

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Like the others have said you did the best that you could with what you knew and were told at the time, it is human nature for us to think "I should've seen this sooner, I should've tried something else" but with time you will look back and realize that you did all that you could, sometimes no amount of vet care or medicine or money can do anything, it is just their time to go unfortunately and we can't change it, but the sadness and grief is overwhelming, sometimes you feel as if you too will die and don't half care if you do, but with time the pain eases and you can deal with it better. Your little friend is fine now, just fine, and when you meet again it will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 
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