I need to talk really, really bad and I can't use my real username here for reasons I can't go into. (That have nothing to do with this site.)
I am so hurt....so disillusioned (sp???) with life in general....so sad.....so tired of trying to make this marriage work.
Please, if you think you know me, don't say my name.
I just don't get it. Is it me????????? One marriage already down the drain.....and thought number two would be better....*sigh*
I will never do this again. Ever.
The men that I have loved in my life (two) have both acted one way before I married them, and then it changed...BOTH times...I know people don't stay the same, and marriages have rough spots....but emotional abuse BOTH times????????????????
I am so tired of being called names in my life. When I was young my mother told me she was ashamed of me, and sometimes wished she never had me.....then as a teen I was overweight and called names in school like "fatso" "you should go back to the slaughter barn you came from" "how do you not break every mirror in the house?" etc....I came home from school bawling every day and wanting to not live anymore.
Then came husband #1....
He was the only guy (I was 20) who ever seemed to care about me and I thought I loved him...so I married him....he was so emotionally abusive....called me a "worthless f******ing wife" and a "dumb c*nt" and many other things.....for 8 years....then I met husband #2.....he told me I did not deserve to be treated that way....he said he would never treat me that way, he said he would care if I was crying...he made me laugh... he made me feel like I had a reason to live...but now....after 8 more years....I am in the same position again.....he doesn't care when I cry, he doesn't understand me, he puts me down, he is sarcastic to me, he treats me like I have no feelings, he says I am f*****cking lazy (how is that different from saying I am f****cking worthless?) I am not lazy.....I have a full time job, other responsibilites, (which he rarely helps with) and trying to keep the household stuff up, and just because I want to sleep last Sunday morning until 7 am instead of my usual 5 am he calls me lazy.
What is it with me and men??????? We have not spoken since last Sunday morning at 5 am.
I am scared of being alone....but I simply cannot go on this way....
I am so tired of being unhappy.... I feel I have wasted all my life being unhappy...are there any men out there who aren't jerks???? Who are what they seem to be??????? Or is it me? Am I just a horrible person to be married to??????
I am so hurt....so disillusioned (sp???) with life in general....so sad.....so tired of trying to make this marriage work.
Please, if you think you know me, don't say my name.
I just don't get it. Is it me????????? One marriage already down the drain.....and thought number two would be better....*sigh*
I will never do this again. Ever.
The men that I have loved in my life (two) have both acted one way before I married them, and then it changed...BOTH times...I know people don't stay the same, and marriages have rough spots....but emotional abuse BOTH times????????????????
I am so tired of being called names in my life. When I was young my mother told me she was ashamed of me, and sometimes wished she never had me.....then as a teen I was overweight and called names in school like "fatso" "you should go back to the slaughter barn you came from" "how do you not break every mirror in the house?" etc....I came home from school bawling every day and wanting to not live anymore.
Then came husband #1....
He was the only guy (I was 20) who ever seemed to care about me and I thought I loved him...so I married him....he was so emotionally abusive....called me a "worthless f******ing wife" and a "dumb c*nt" and many other things.....for 8 years....then I met husband #2.....he told me I did not deserve to be treated that way....he said he would never treat me that way, he said he would care if I was crying...he made me laugh... he made me feel like I had a reason to live...but now....after 8 more years....I am in the same position again.....he doesn't care when I cry, he doesn't understand me, he puts me down, he is sarcastic to me, he treats me like I have no feelings, he says I am f*****cking lazy (how is that different from saying I am f****cking worthless?) I am not lazy.....I have a full time job, other responsibilites, (which he rarely helps with) and trying to keep the household stuff up, and just because I want to sleep last Sunday morning until 7 am instead of my usual 5 am he calls me lazy.
What is it with me and men??????? We have not spoken since last Sunday morning at 5 am.
I am scared of being alone....but I simply cannot go on this way....
I am so tired of being unhappy.... I feel I have wasted all my life being unhappy...are there any men out there who aren't jerks???? Who are what they seem to be??????? Or is it me? Am I just a horrible person to be married to??????