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Just Devastated - Trust Lost With Cat

Discussion in 'Cat Behavior' started by bea.the.cat, Aug 9, 2018.

  1. bea.the.cat

    bea.the.cat Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

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    Aug 9, 2018
    Hi there,

    I come to this site often to get advice and get a better sense of my cat’s behaviour. So first, thanks for always posting such helpful information. This is going to be long. TLDR; I think I’ve lost my cats trust and I’m heart broken.

    We adopted our cat almost 2 months ago from our local shelter. We had gone to see a different cat who was sleeping when we arrived, but the cat next to her was wide and awake and waiting for us. I couldn’t have been happier. I was never allowed to have pets growing up, so adopting a cat was a dream come true for me.

    She’s always been incredibly playful, and we learned quickly not to play with our hands or feet. We’ve increased her playtime and bought her several exercising toys, along with a cat wheel. She is really bonded with us, wanting to be wherever we are, head butting is, being very sweet in general.

    We’ve had to move because our old building is being demolished, and through the packing process, she seemed really stressed. We decided that her and I would move over first, while the rest of our things (along with my partner) will move on Saturday. I know this has been a lot for our cat, so we’ve tried to keep as much routine and play time as possible but it never seems like enough.

    Tonight, though, I am in tears. Sometime during the night she’ll attack our legs to get our attention and when we ignore her, she stops. Well, tonight she didn’t. I have psoriasis on my ankle, and she bit down particularly hard in that area. Instinctually, leg kicked and her along with it. I let out a scream and the next thing I know she’s on the the ground running around pushing her toys aggressively, and running then cowering and running from me.

    It’s all my fault. I feel so horrible. All I want to do is comfort her, but I know she needs space. I’ve put her things into the living room, so she can time away from me. I love her so much and it hurts that I could have ruined our relationship. I’d let her bite off my whole ankle if it meant she wouldn’t be scared of me.

    Sorry that this was so long, I just needed to get this out there. Thanks for reading.
     

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  2. Minxrat

    Minxrat TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Nov 15, 2017
    Southampton, UK
    Bless, it's very scary. I accidentally kick my blind cat when she walks into me and once it was particularly hard as I nearly tripped. She runs away but I go after her, pick her up and cuddle her. Sadly she's not the most cuddly cat ever but she soon comes around with a treat or two. Your baby will be fine but try not to let her pick up on your emotions.

    With Milo I've yelled at him before and chased him downstairs when he gave me a black eye with his claw - it's an instinctive thing, as with you - but I've acted all jolly and called for him and used his favourite toy and he soon comes around. But judges me lol.

    Let us know how you get on but don't give up hope or beat yourself up.
     
    maggiedemi, silkenpaw and bea.the.cat purraised this.

  3. RajaNMizu

    RajaNMizu TCS Member Adult Cat

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    May 28, 2018
    Awww, you didn't mean it. Half asleep too, I'm sure. I made the mistake of scaring my Raja recently. I had picked up a laser pointer to help out during some construction on my bathroom. We've had them before from time to time only this time, Raja seemed frightened of it. She would run off and hide in the living room or bedroom. Mizu loves it, so we would play in the kitchen. Little did I know that Raja was becoming more frightened of me by the minute. After a day or two I noticed that she was running from me no matter where I was in the house. It took a little while before I connected her behavior to the pointer but after 24 hours of not using it, speaking softly to her and giving her a treat or two, she's stopped.
    Sometimes we do things without intending harm. Your baby will forgive you. Just be super soft and kind with her and I'm sure she'll come around.
     
    silkenpaw, sdkfjlasdf and bea.the.cat purraised this.

  4. war&wisdom

    war&wisdom TCS Member Young Cat

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    Aug 2, 2018
    You haven't ruined your relationship from one incident! She'll be fine. Just approach her calmly this morning and speak softly to her, and sit on the ground so that you're closer to her level before you try petting or playing. I'm sure she'll get past it in no time.
     
    bea.the.cat and Minxrat purraised this.

  5. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

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    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    Bless you both. She's in a SECOND new place in a very short time, and will be particulary skittish for a while yet. She will get over this. You can help her by sitting on the floor and talking softly, or even reading aloud, without trying to approach her. You didn't break that trust, you only bruised it (and accidentally) a little. Breathe deep. Become calm. She feels your anxiety over this, and reacts to it. The calmer you are, the calmer she can become. Patience is the key, here.

    And give yourself a break. EVERYONE who lives with a cat manages to scare, trip over, kick, knock down, or otherwise "hurt" that cat at some point or another. Just as they accidentally hurt YOU at some point or another. Even with the very best will in the world, stuff happens.
     

  6. catlover73

    catlover73 TCS Member Top Cat

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    Sep 3, 2006
    Chicago area
    I agree completely with Mamanyt1953. Take a deep breath and try to calm yourself down first. Sit on the floor and just talk to your baby. If she is not ready to interact right away that is fine. It is just going to take time and patience for things to go back to normal. What happened was an accident while you were half asleep. You did not ruin your cat's trust. She has been through a lot and may be just overwhelmed by all the changes before she accidentally got kicked.

    I had something similar happen to me years ago with one of my cats. I had a severely sprained ankle and one of my cats decided to try sit on it while I was laying down watching tv with it elevated on a pillow. I took pain meds and dozed off. In my half asleep state my cat got kicked off the couch by me. I did not even realize it had happened. My hubby was watching tv in the room with me when it happened. He checked on the cat to make sure he was ok after he ran upstairs and hid under the bed. Neither one of us could touch him for about 24 hours. He kept running away from us. After that things went back to normal. You can and will fix your relationship with your baby. It just needs to be done in her time frame. This cat had lived with us in the same place for years when this happened. He got over it and your baby will too. I have had a multi-cat household for many years and accidents do happen no matter how much we tried to avoid them.
     
    Mamanyt1953, bea.the.cat and silkenpaw purraised this.

  7. mekkababble

    mekkababble TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jun 11, 2018
    North Carolina
    My kittens Finn and Sasha get pretty rambunctious running around and, from time to time, I'll get in their way (or they'll get in mine). I don't know how we time it, but every so often I'll end up kicking Sasha (and it's ALWAYS him- the shy and quiet one). Or he'll run into my leg. It doesn't feel good for me and can't imagine it's any better for him. It takes both of us a couple minutes to calm down after it happens, but soon enough he's ready for pets and treats and playtime and love all over again. Wouldn't it be great if both humans and cats could keep their clumsiness in check? :)

    Give her time to adjust to the new place and I bet things will be back to normal in a snap.
     
    Mamanyt1953, bea.the.cat and catlover73 purraised this.

  8. bea.the.cat

    bea.the.cat Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

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    Aug 9, 2018
    Thank you guys so much! This support means the world to me. If it wasn’t obvious, I am a first time owner. The lack of sleep from moving plus the behavioural changes she’s been going through, it all made for a perfect storm of awfulness. I took some calm breaths and just spoke gently to her, and by morning she was sleeping next to me. She still skitters when I come into the room unexpectedly, so I’ve started announcing myself entering a room.

    I can’t say thanks for the resounding stories of support. I feel better knowing that other people go through this. I felt really alone, especially because this adorable little life trusts me to take care of her. Now, I feel relieved! ♥️♥️♥️
     
    Mamanyt1953, RajaNMizu, danteshuman and 2 others purraised this.

  9. Alicia88

    Alicia88 TCS Member Top Cat

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    May 25, 2016
    Kirksville, MO
    I've tripped over mine, stepped on tails, sat on Connor a few times - he's black and blends into things, dangit! They always get over it rather quickly. I apologize and give them a cuddle, suffer through a few hours of dirty looks, and get cuddle mauled again in no time. Don't worry.
     
    Mamanyt1953 and bea.the.cat purraised this.

  10. catlover73

    catlover73 TCS Member Top Cat

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    Sep 3, 2006
    Chicago area
    I have had the same thing happen to me with my black cat Casey. He likes to hang out on our black recliner on top of a black fleece blanket. He has also tripped me at night a few times and had has tail stepped on due to almost making me fall down the stairs.
     
    Mamanyt1953, danteshuman and bea.the.cat purraised this.

  11. Minxrat

    Minxrat TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Nov 15, 2017
    Southampton, UK
    Mine "hate" me at the moment so I'm just leaving them to it whilst letting them know I'm here for them. I talk to Poppy a lot because she's blind. I hope their behaviour goes back to normal now the heatwave has finished!
     
    Mamanyt1953 and bea.the.cat purraised this.

  12. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

    14,517
    13,720
    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    There. All's well, after all. Now, should you find that you have to move again in the future, start a thread about moving with a cat, and we'll all jump in to help you do it with as little upheaval as possible!
     
    bea.the.cat purraised this.

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