Jax 5.25.2008-3.15.2019

FflurCadwgawn

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I lost my baby Jax two weeks ago tomorrow, on March 15.

She had lymphoma and the only other option was taking her an hour and a half one way to chemotherapy. The week she died, she lost 2 pounds. She was only 7 pounds to begin with. Jax went from fine to skin and bones in less than a week. She started weaving as she walked. At first I thought it was because she had lost an infected tooth, so I was syringe feeding her baby food on the recommendation of my vet when I called them for assistance. She got stronger and slightly better but then worse, a lot worse. I tried syringe feeding her one afternoon and she tried throwing it back up and didn't have anything left in her to throw up.

The worst part for me was that when I made the call to my vet, it was an hour after my entire family boarded a plane for a 4 hour trip to a sustainable farm conference halfway across the country. I wound up calling a cat rescue friend of ours for help and she came to the vet with me for emotional support.

I was a mess after we made that decision and she made me call my in-laws to help with farm chores that night because I was definitely not ok that afternoon. We sat at the local coffee shop parking lot and cried together for a long time.

The vet sent a lovely card last week and included seed paper with wildflower seeds for a memorial garden for Jax. I have them starting on the windowsill and will be planting them outside come May. Oh, it's hard at night now because I don't have my Jax sleeping curled up across my neck or in the crook of my elbow. My therapy kitty Libby is trying very hard to take over Jax''s nighttime quirks and it helps, but I'm in the market for a cuddler kitten like Jax, because I miss the purrs and comfort she gave at night.
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, it is very hard I know, but she is fine now just fine, she is healthy again and you will see her one day and it will be wonderful, but you miss her dearly I understand.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
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FflurCadwgawn

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I forgot to add that I got her when she was a kitten, and she slept with me most nights for the last ten years. The very first night I had her she got carsick on the way home from adopting her at the shelter, and I had to give her a bath. She immediately curled up with me on my chest and that spot was hers even when she got too big to do it comfortably.

Last night I thought I felt her walking on my bed and heard her tail whapping against a dream catcher I have in my window. Tonight when I woke up, a water bottle that is sitting where she would jump down onto my bed from my bookcase was knocked over. We have a lot of weird ghost stories in our family and for us it means our loved ones are watching over us in spirit.
 

Furballsmom

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our loved ones are watching over us in spirit.
You have a good friend, a good vet, and a sweet kitty, Libby.

RIP Jax, sweetheart baby, you were so very loved and you loved greatly in return. You're now in a place of eternal sunshine, zoomies, fresh sweet grass to nibble and peace :rbheart:
 

Antonio65

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your Jax, I'm crying!

What really gets me in your story is that you started syringe feeding her as your vet told you, and that at the beginning things were going good, Jax was getting stronger, but then she went worse and worse.
Those dashed hopes are what really shatters me.
Too many stories begin like this, with the owner who thinks that everything will be better soon, and then they have to face the harsh reality, and all what they have hoped is lost, the joy for having found what is saving their kitty is betrayed, the faith in something positive is crushed.
I rejoyce for the hopes of those owner, then I feel the pain for their loss.

I can't stand this any more :bawling::bawling::bawling:
I would like to scream...

RIP Jax, keep visiting your mom every night, this is what she needs and makes her happy. Stay close to her and comfort her through this very hard time.
 

Maria Bayote

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I am so sorry for your loss. No words from anyone of us can really heal the hurt and sadness in your heart, but at least know that we mourn with you and are all sincerely sad that you have lost your beautiful Jax.

I believe that she did visit you. She wanted to tell you that she lingers, and will continue to watch over you and sleep on your chest as she used to do.

She is free now from all those physical pain that she had to endure. This is where you find your consolation. She may be gone, but she remains in your heart forever.

My thoughts are with you.
 

di and bob

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Jax will never be entirely gone, your precious memories and the love you will always carry in your heart for her lets her live on through eternity. Love is spiritual, so forever. The frail body fades in time, but the bond you have with that precious girl can never be borken, never taken from you. "Death cannot take that which never dies", no truer words have ever been spoken.
When you hold that frail body in your hands for the last time, you can sense that whatever made her who she was, was gone. It has returned to where it came from, but a tiny part has been left behind to dwell with us, to bring us comfort, to replace the part of our soul they took with them for the same.
She will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers, so send her those of love, of happiness in life, because you know she loved life so very much, and would want you to go forward and live your life to the fullest, as it is meant to be, not letting grief and sadness rule your future. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go. Do not hold regret and grief for long, it makes her death more important than her life, and that can never be, her life is infinitely more precious and memorable.
It's hard, it takes a long time to heal a broken heart. Time is the only thing that helps to dull the sharp edges, to help us learn to be grateful for sharing our life journey for a while with someone we love so very much, and to learn a new life's order without them here with us. To elarn that they are here with us, they truly never left......Take care, sharing your grief lessens the burden a little, God bless for hurting so bad from loving so much. RIP precious Jax. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

Leomc123

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I am sorry that your baby jax is in heaven and that you had to let her go, its hard i had to let my poor MC go today and i understand how you feel. She had kidney failure which she declined in 5 days :( I am lost, shocked and i dont know what to do with myself except be on this cat site to message people and share their loss. Jax looks beautiful in the photo and i am sorry that both of you had to endure this.
 

catsknowme

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:alright: Condolences on your loss of sweet Jax. I hope and pray that you are given comfort from reading the beautiful messages so kindly posted; they do help me. I was raised to believe that those yet to be born are with those who have lived and I like thinking that our future kittens have been with our former cats - it helps me explain how they can be so identical in personality, acting as "soul kitties", even if gender and breed are so different. :grouphug:
 

les26

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I am sorry that your baby jax is in heaven and that you had to let her go, its hard i had to let my poor MC go today and i understand how you feel. She had kidney failure which she declined in 5 days :( I am lost, shocked and i dont know what to do with myself except be on this cat site to message people and share their loss. Jax looks beautiful in the photo and i am sorry that both of you had to endure this.
Oh no I am sorry for your loss too....another lost friend...

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry, I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless you.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
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FflurCadwgawn

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I am sorry that your baby jax is in heaven and that you had to let her go, its hard i had to let my poor MC go today and i understand how you feel. She had kidney failure which she declined in 5 days :( I am lost, shocked and i dont know what to do with myself except be on this cat site to message people and share their loss. Jax looks beautiful in the photo and i am sorry that both of you had to endure this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard and the void feels awful right now. The CEO of another site I frequent posted a great explanation of grief after we lost a long time member to cancer.

Basically, think of grief as a box with a pain button and a ball. Initially the ball is so big it pushes constantly on the pain button. Eventually the ball gets smaller and smaller but it does start bouncing around as it gets smaller. Eventually it's small enough where the ball can move freely around the box, but that also means it gets to hit the pain button once in a while when we least expect it.

Hopefully your pain button won't be on all the time but for now, Light, it hurts. :hug

:alright: Condolences on your loss of sweet Jax. I hope and pray that you are given comfort from reading the beautiful messages so kindly posted; they do help me. I was raised to believe that those yet to be born are with those who have lived and I like thinking that our future kittens have been with our former cats - it helps me explain how they can be so identical in personality, acting as "soul kitties", even if gender and breed are so different. :grouphug:
My vet called Jax a heart kitty. Jax slept with me every single night and it was as close to my face as she could get. She was an adoption from a shelter; somebody had brought her in when she was only 5 days old. Her foster mum had apparently gotten up at 4:44 every morning because that was exactly when Jax insisted on waking me up for about five years!

I got her on September 12, 2008 the day after I lost my Maine Coon, Katie, to breast cancer. Jax was constantly with me until I had to leave her home when I moved out of state for grad school. The first time I came home from that she promptly hissed at me and didn't want anything to do with me, but then an hour later decided her Mum was back home so snuggle time was imminent.

Jax was a character. The last couple of years we had her we had to put plastic tablecloths on the beds so she wouldn't pee on them, and if she was bothering our cage birds no amount of telling her "NO!", even with a spray bottle, would stop her. She would always keep me company while I was studying and would rest her chin on my wrist or try to lie on the back of my neck. One reason we knew my brother's ex girlfriend wasn't a good match for him was because Jax absolutely hated her with a vengance and would go pee on my brother's bed whenever M was over! Jax still hated on my sister-in-law K but at least she would let K pet her for a while before getting hissed off at her.

She loved sleeping in flower pots and the sun, and wouldn't leave anything with leaves alone. She adored K's papyrus plant K gave my mom for Christmas. It's finally starting to get healthy after Jax's frequent munching.

The flowers my vet sent for her are starting to germinate and I'm not going to be surprised at all if I find teeth marks in them.
 

danteshuman

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Aw look at her cute white muzzle!
:angelcat:
I’m so sorry for your loss. In my experience cats don’t usually linger but my mom’s cat Sarah did. It constantly felt like she was just in the other room for 3-4 months after she died .... then one day that feeling was suddenly gone. I think my mom was just not ready to let her go, so she stuck around a little longer. I remember feeling content when she left because I just knew she was at peace and would greet us first thing when we died.

97FD9F8B-E759-4EDB-A1C6-73FD400DC276.jpeg
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Jax, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

What a wonderful story, albeit with such sadness! Jax was, and is, and alwasy will be a special kitty, won't she? And I do beleive that she remains near you, I have seen evidence of this over and over again. Love does not die, you know, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides. Yes, Jax is with you still.
 
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