It feels like a betrayal- advice needed re: neutering

tabbytom

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Thanks, tabbytom. While I know that Brax knows Drexl, they were competing for resources when they were outside. As Brax is FIV+ and sweet Drexl is not, it's all the more important that I don't introduce them until I can trust Brax. Additionally, we have a dog, which I'm sure will be easier to introduce Brax to if he can ever get used to us people first.

P.S. the dog is the only reason Drexl doesn't have full reign just yet. They greet each other every day but he's still a little shy with her. Hopefully by Monday he will be ready.
lso, Brax isn't comfortable enough to play with me yet.
Yes, even though they knew each other while they were outside before, cats have different characters and probably one is more dominant than the other.

Basically, what you have here are two different cats and what you have to do here is to go slow. Just don't rush through, just as what Meowmee Meowmee mentioned, 'baby steps'. So just work on Brax patiently and let him gain confidence in you.
 
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emelyssa

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Thanks for all your feedback and encouragement, everyone. So yesterday we put Drexl in our master bedroom, and he quickly learned that Brax is in the master bath. Those boys were meowing up a storm- first time hearing Brax meow. Drexl pawed a bit under the door, and then Brax got in a playful mood for the first time since he's been here. He reached under the door and pulled two toys that were in our bedroom into the bathroom. Drexl isn't ready to spend much time anywhere except his safe room in the front office (he is curious but shy about going too far from his room), but I will keep asking him to explore and perhaps he will lift Brax's spirits.

I can't put them together in one room until we can trust Brax more, because he has FIV+ and Drexl does not, and I know Brax used to sometimes menace Drexl while they were still outside (though I think it was just threatening and not actual fighting). But, if they can play under the door and that kind of thing, that is a big step in the right direction and it also means I could integrate Brax sooner.

I ordered Brax a window birdfeeder which is coming on Thursday, and I am now spending 30-60 min sitting near him twice a day. Hope all of this will help.
 
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emelyssa

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Just wanted to give you all an update on Brax. He is still in my master bathroom, though it is all set up for him- toys, scratching post, small cat tree, large cat perch on window, window-birdfeeder, two litter pans, a motion activated laser, interactive ball toys, a blanketed cave with his comfy cat bed, food and water, etc.

I think I'm finally making some progress with him!! He played with me for the first time last week (with toys under the bathroom door). He always hides in his cave whenever I'm in the room and has never allowed me to be in the room if he's out in the open. But TONIGHT he let me sit in the room with him when he was not in the cave. I respected his space and talked to him; he gave me blinky eyes instead of gremlin ears, and then he cozied up on the bath mat and fell asleep even though he was in the open and just a few feet away from me!!!!!

I also want to add that he's really cute. He took all of his favorite toys to his cave and placed a favorite mousie in his bed to snuggle with.

Brax's brother Drexl is still doing great. He's becoming slowly more comfortable with exploring the house, though he prefers the side of the house where his safe room is. He is still a bit skittish with my husband and teenage son; they always have to remind him that they are friends as he will try to bolt if they come near him. But, he remembers quickly and then chills out. I think it's the height that freaks him out, and just being males. He is completely trusting and happy with me. I think he's doing a great job of being a house cat, given that he was on the street for five years and in the house only a month!
 

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Just wanted to give you all an update on Brax. He is still in my master bathroom, though it is all set up for him- toys, scratching post, small cat tree, large cat perch on window, window-birdfeeder, two litter pans, a motion activated laser, interactive ball toys, a blanketed cave with his comfy cat bed, food and water, etc.

I think I'm finally making some progress with him!! He played with me for the first time last week (with toys under the bathroom door). He always hides in his cave whenever I'm in the room and has never allowed me to be in the room if he's out in the open. But TONIGHT he let me sit in the room with him when he was not in the cave. I respected his space and talked to him; he gave me blinky eyes instead of gremlin ears, and then he cozied up on the bath mat and fell asleep even though he was in the open and just a few feet away from me!!!!!

I also want to add that he's really cute. He took all of his favorite toys to his cave and placed a favorite mousie in his bed to snuggle with.

Brax's brother Drexl is still doing great. He's becoming slowly more comfortable with exploring the house, though he prefers the side of the house where his safe room is. He is still a bit skittish with my husband and teenage son; they always have to remind him tha they are friends as he will try to bolt if they come near him. But, he remembers quickly and then chills out. I think it's the height that freaks him out, and just being males. He is completely trusting and happy with me. I think he's doing a great job of being a house cat, given that he was on the street for five years and in the house only a month!
Great news! I am glad they are doing so well 😻
 
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emelyssa

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New update. Brax no longer retreats to his cave when I enter the room. He almost did once, but I said, "Come on, Brax," and he changed his mind- which means he can respond to his name. He even meowed for me to come visit with him one day, and he will also willingly come out to watch me get ready in the morning. He is still extremely cautious with me and I certainly can't touch him. I have to respect his space. I feel like we are getting somewhere based on all of this, though.

He will still threaten or even hit me if I annoy him, by trying to tidy up his cave, for example. But this doesn't happen too often.

Also- I got him a stuffed catnip octopus, and he has been putting it in his food dish whenever he's done with food!! He is really into his toys and also chooses a favorite toy to place in his bed each night.
 
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emelyssa

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Things are moving fast. TONIGHT, he played in the same room as me (first time I've ever SEEN him play as he usually only plays with me under the door), invited me to play toys with him, ate in the open (not in cave) a few feet away from me, then did full grooming ritual right in front of me, and took a nap! He also made a lot of nice eyes my way. I hope he will invite me to pet him soon. This week I'm going to start letting him out into my bedroom when my dog isn't in there.
 

tabbytom

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Things are moving fast. TONIGHT, he played in the same room as me (first time I've ever SEEN him play as he usually only plays with me under the door), invited me to play toys with him, ate in the open (not in cave) a few feet away from me, then did full grooming ritual right in front of me, and took a nap! He also made a lot of nice eyes my way. I hope he will invite me to pet him soon. This week I'm going to start letting him out into my bedroom when my dog isn't in there.
This is great to hear! Keep it up! :clap:
 

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When I have worked with ferals and semi ferals and I believe they are getting close to wanting pet, I make a pet petter. I take an old sturdy wand toy or even a dowel rod or stick. I attach an old sock or soft cloth around the end. I just used duct tape to secure it. I then can use the end as a wand toy, but also reach it out to lightly pet the cat. I will attach a picture.
 

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emelyssa

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Shadowsrescue- How cute and sweet! It looks like she loves it. That would terrify Brax, sadly. He is scared of the sight of a rainbow wand toy I have. But, every night we sit together at the same time (he is very nocturnal and likes to sleep most of the day). He always plays with his toys and is becoming increasingly silly in my presence. He sometimes lays on his back and rolls around with goofy eyes. He makes blinky eyes at me when I talk to him and especially if I make kissy sounds. He will usually take a short nap, eat and groom when we visit, though he mostly wants to show me his toys and play. He LOVES his toys. I had so much doubt when I brought him in, but it's been just over a month and I feel like we are developing a good relationship. I hope I can touch him soon, but he has taught me that respecting his boundaries and following his rules are most important for his friendship.
 
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