Is There Some Rule That Husband And Wife Have To Eat The Same Food At Every Meal?

[misty8723]

My husband and I have been eating different things for many years. I'm a vegetarian, he's not. I like whole wheat pasta, tortillas, etc., he likes white flour products. Sometimes we have four pans going at once--whole wheat pasta in one, white flour pasta in another, vegetarian marinara sauce in another, meat sauce in the fourth. Lots of times he eats whatever vegetarian meal I make but he also buys his own meat in bulk at Costco, freezes it, and then cooks whatever he wants if he feels like eating meat.

We don't have any set rules about who does what. We both grocery shop, cook, and clean up, though generally he does more of the cooking and I do more of the clean up, which is fine by me.

I hope you can find some way to work out something equitable misty8723 . Your situation sounds really unbearable.

Sounds like he is a keeper!

 

[jtbo]

I have not been in relationship because no one seems to be interested from me, but I would think that being together means sharing workload, not excepting other half being an servant, I'm male and don't get such males that except girl to do all that for him, certainly he will do himself if not happy with what is offered.

Yeah, my understanding is that cooking etc is done together, doing things together is the glue that binds couple together, that is what love is build on, or so I think, how I should know.
Certainly couples can eat different foods, even from nutritional point of view it would make sense to eat different foods as requirements of protein between male and female are rather different.

Making food for other is expression of love and if such is not appreciated enough to say what one would like and not even cleaning up after himself, I don't know what to say, certainly few nights at outdoor living without service would be in order to shape him up a little bit!

Reason why he is set on to this idea that couples should eat same thing is something of interest, what is his reasoning behind such claim? Finding out that might help to see what has brought him to such idea. Is he insecure of himself and thus is afraid of doing things differently or is he just following some habit because habits has to be followed because of tradition or something of such?

Best thing would be to get himself to realize that indeed there are lot of couples that don't eat the same thing and that your both are happier when you both can be individuals supporting each other in different choices instead of choosing same no matter how much either of you dislikes from choice.

Then some persons have this need to control and apply power over others, which I have great difficulty to understand, many of such people do demand other to comply their views and rules, they don't necessarily even understand doing it by themselves. I have seen so many of couples where one is such and always it makes me sad. No one should really submit to other so, but it happens, I hope that there is no such kind in this case, because there is no way to turn his head if it is such situation.

Anyway, I would suggest getting your girlfriend over and have him listen how you talk about how your girl friend's house they have different foods for dinner and how well it works out. Of course you would need to have a girl friend that has such situation or go to lying zone which I don't recommend.
Idea is that he gets to learn how others eat different foods and when he himself figures out that it does happen, maybe he is smart enough to express his new idea of trying that different foods. It works better when stubborn gets idea himself than if idea is forced to stubborn.

 

[kashmir64]

Yeah, my understanding is that cooking etc is done together, doing things together is the glue that binds couple together, that is what love is build on, or so I think, how I should know.
Certainly couples can eat different foods, even from nutritional point of view it would make sense to eat different foods as requirements of protein between male and female are rather different.

Making food for other is expression of love and if such is not appreciated enough to say what one would like and not even cleaning up after himself, I don't know what to say, certainly few nights at outdoor living without service would be in order to shape him up a little bit!

You would make a good Seminole. In Seminole there is no word for love. It is shown by your actions.

 

[neely]

This is a great thread. I'm vegetarian, my husband is not. We do eat at the same time BUT I will cook 2-3 meals p/wk that are meat for him and the other days he has the option to eat what I'm eating or make his own dinner. Hence, he has opted to try a few vegetarian dishes that he actually enjoys. He will load the dishwasher, not too much labor for him. However, the biggest problem we have going out to a restaurant is agreeing on one where we both like the food. If it's predominantly vegetarian he doesn't want to go and if it's a steakhouse I don't want to go. Sometimes it's almost easier to eat at home.

 

[kathyfromcanada]

Oh for crying out loud.....the man needs a good smack up alongside the head. Seriously.

If your husband is retired and he's not doing anything, then he needs to get with the program. Now.

And that's all I will say about your husband. (And if I've offended you, I'm sorry. But it is what it is.)

For the most part, Rick and I will eat the same meals, simply because it's easier that way. If I make spaghetti, that's what he eats. If I make chicken, that's what he eats (although he will complain about it; he really doesn't care for chicken. But he'll eat it.) When I'm working on the grocery list, I will always ask him if there's anything he's hungry for or if there's anything he wants. If he says, "Nope, I'm good; it's up to you," that really does mean he's good and it's up to me. And that's how I take it. He has no right to complain. None. The night before, when I'm getting ground out of the freezer to thaw for dinner the next night, I ask, "Dear, anything you want me to make with ground beef?" If he wants meat loaf, I make it. If he wants chili, I make that. If he has no opinion, I make what I want. And he'll eat it. Or he will make something on his own. Or he will go hungry. Yeah, it really is that simple.

Years ago, Rick would eat dinner, then go into the living room while I cleaned up. One night, I walked into the living room and said, "So, I'm curious.....do you need a written invitation to help me? Because I can give you one!" Now he helps. I won't do it alone. I work, too, and I have meetings and I'm just as busy as he is.

In your situation, I would advocate a strike. But that's just me.

I once went on strike over the laundry. Lol. When we were 1st married he refused to do any laundry so I went on strike with the laundry. He was down to his last pair of underwear. He ended up helping me as I would do only my own and leave his. Since I'm not working now and am retired I do the laundry myself. It's seems only fair.

 

[Winchester]

I once went on strike over the laundry. Lol. When we were 1st married he refused to do any laundry so I went on strike with the laundry. He was down to his last pair of underwear. He ended up helping me as I would do only my own and leave his. Since I'm not working now and am retired I do the laundry myself. It's seems only fair.

Many moons ago, when I was working a swing shift and going to school, I went on strike because of kitchen clean-up. I was on second shift and would always make a nice dinner for the guys before going into work at 3:00. They'd come home from work and school, eat dinner, and throw everything into the sink. I'd come home from work at 11:00, eat dinner, and then have to do all the dishes, or let them wait until the following morning and then do them.

Well, that got pretty old. So one second shift, I made dinner for the guys and went into work. Came home, saw the dishes in the sink, ate my dinner, and went to bed. The next day, I made dinner and went into work. Came home, saw the sink full of dirty dishes, ate my dinner, and went to bed. This continued until the last night of my second shift. Seven days of this! Seven! I came home that night and the kitchen was sparkling clean. There wasn't a dirty dish anywhere, the counters were wiped, trash had been taken out. I ate my dinner, washed my dishes, and went to bed. I did thank both Rick and our son for the clean-up. They said they had to do it....we were out of dishes! (They honestly thought I'd cave somewhere along the line because I despise dirty dishes.)

 

[margecat]

DH works different hours than I, and always has, so I make my own meals, except for Sunday dinner, which I make for both of us. When we got married, he told me not to bother cooking for him, because of this. He often gets home at 10 PM or later. I will do Crock-Pot meals, and freeze them for him, though. He loves to cook, and was a sous chef in a restaurant before I met him, so he's a great cook, and likes to cook for me!

Even when we can't eat together, I try to sit with him, and chat while he eats.

 

[misty8723]

Many moons ago, when I was working a swing shift and going to school, I went on strike because of kitchen clean-up. I was on second shift and would always make a nice dinner for the guys before going into work at 3:00. They'd come home from work and school, eat dinner, and throw everything into the sink. I'd come home from work at 11:00, eat dinner, and then have to do all the dishes, or let them wait until the following morning and then do them.

Well, that got pretty old. So one second shift, I made dinner for the guys and went into work. Came home, saw the dishes in the sink, ate my dinner, and went to bed. The next day, I made dinner and went into work. Came home, saw the sink full of dirty dishes, ate my dinner, and went to bed. This continued until the last night of my second shift. Seven days of this! Seven! I came home that night and the kitchen was sparkling clean. There wasn't a dirty dish anywhere, the counters were wiped, trash had been taken out. I ate my dinner, washed my dishes, and went to bed. I did thank both Rick and our son for the clean-up. They said they had to do it....we were out of dishes! (They honestly thought I'd cave somewhere along the line because I despise dirty dishes.)

Which reminds me of the time I decided to wait my husband out. He would get up from the table and leave the dishes for me to take care of. So, I decided I was NOT taking care of them. I washed mine but l left his. It had to have been at least a week, and I remember sitting downstairs (he was upstairs) close to tears because I couldn't stand it and figured I would have to cave in - but I didn't that night. Next day he says "you're trying to teach me a lesson, aren't you." So I asked him if he had learned it. He did clean up, and mostly now picks up after himself by at least taking the dishes in the kitchen and rinsing them out.

The other thing was ice cube trays. He would empty a tray and put the empty tray on top of the refrigerator!! I got to the point where, I left them there, and bought a few new trays. Honestly, we had to have had 4 or 5 of them piled up there at any given now. Now, he doesn't use ice cubes, I do, and I refill as I empty.

I really hate feeling like the only reason he married me was to take care of him, but the reverse never happens.