Is The Solution A Third Cat/kitten?

stephmnichols

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I know it sounds counterintuitive to add a third cat to a mix of two cats who already don't get along... But I somehow think it just might work.

Coffee: original resident, 2.5 y/o, gamma-type personality (shy, enjoys routine, does not handle change all that well). She would have been much happier as an only child forever (hindsight is 20/20) but we tried to get her a friend to keep her company during our long work days.
Maui: new-ish (had her for 9 months now), 4 y/o, mostly beta-type personality but is taking on alpha traits when it comes to Coffee. She was advertised at the shelter as timid, not overly friendly with people, and unconfident: these things could not be further from the truth. She loves people and gets very lonely and acts out (pees on the floor) when left by herself.

Both cats are female, spayed, and indoor-only.

We did the usual, slow introductions over the course of a few months and now we are somewhat at a stalemate. Maui is constantly bugging Coffee for attention, and Coffee wants none of it. They never FIGHT fight, but it's just a lot of grumbling/hissing coming from Coffee whenever Maui approaches, and then Maui thinks it's a game and keeps annoying her. I truly don't think Maui is being malicious, but that she wants to play (but she is also being a huge brat in the process). Coffee thinks it's the end of the world whenever Maui makes any sort of movement towards her, and Maui thinks Coffee is her toy when she suddenly darts away from her and hides which then turns into a lot of theatrical yowling from Coffee that would make you think she was dying when in reality Maui has never even touched her.

Now, when they both have access to each other Coffee generally just stays on top of the dresser while Maui roams. It makes me sad because I know that if Maui weren't around she would be exploring, playing, etc. but she is just too afraid to leave her perch. At night they both sleep in our bedroom (Coffee on top of the dresser, and Maui either on the bed or on the chair), and when we are at work they are separated. Maui is either in one room with Coffee roaming the house, or Coffee is in our large bedroom with Maui out in the house. Coffee has begun taking it upon herself to pee on our bed about once a week (regardless of whether it's her turn in the house or not - because she always has access to our bedroom).

I've just started them both on Clomicalm yesterday to see if that helps in the next month or so but I am seriously considering... getting a third cat. I have been joking about this for months as a solution but I am beginning to think it just might work. If I got another beta-type kitten, to be Maui's new best friend, perhaps this could solve my problems. Maui and the kitten could keep each other company, solving Maui's intermittent peeing-on-the-floor issues and they could sleep in the spare room together. Maui would have a new friend to play with, leaving Coffee alone to rebuild her confidence and roam the house once again. Coffee could sleep in our room still, back on the bed with me which she always does if Maui isn't around and stop peeing on it. I realize this is an "in a perfect world" scenario, but... thoughts?!
 

ArtNJ

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I'm not sure it necessarily works like your thinking -- that kitten picks the active/willing of the two to befriend and ignores the other. I think it is quite possible an active kitten will add to Coffee's misery. Dice roll imho.

But sometimes people here do recommend trying this sort of thing; could work. Or not.
 
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stephmnichols

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Yes, I realize it could add to her stress... But if it worked out the way I'm hoping it would be amazing! When you say the kitten picks the advice/willing of the two, Maui is definitely more likely to be the active and willing participant in kitten antics. If it is something I decide to try I’m going to go into it with an open mind, understanding that it may not work out... Perhaps a foster (to potentially adopt) situation?
 

verna davies

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Sounds very similar to my situation a few years ago. Got Kiwi to keep Pickle company ( both female)but with hindsight Pickle would have preferred to have been the only cat. Kiwi wanted to play, Pickle wanted to be on her own. Two not very happy cats. Took a leap of faith after one year and enter Buzz( a boy). Kiwi and Buzz hit it off straight away and are always together so Pickle can now do her own thing. Three contented cats.
I think I was lucky that it worked for me but it could have been disastrous. Have you thought about fostering, this could be a way for you to find the right companion.
 
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stephmnichols

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Thank you! I've read a lot of success stories with similar situations, but I definitely think it depends on the cat you bring in, as well. Fostering could be a great option to test out the waters.
 

ArtNJ

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I'd definitely foster.

I had a situation, not exactly the same, but I adopted two kittens when senior Bandit's bff died. One of the two kittens was chill, maybe that is why the active kitten bugged my senior. But the chill kitten was often willing to play, whereas Bandit was very much not, same as yours. It didn't matter that the active kitten had a playmate, he ended up driving that older cat crazy, and we had real fights and even bite wounds.

Not exactly the same of course, but I do think that the risk shouldn't be ignored given that you already have trouble in your house.
 

Kflowers

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before you involve another cat you might try this: (we did it by moving, but this is a less exterme way to do it) Board the cats for several days at the vet or a good boarder. While they are gone rearrange all your furniture. This mimics moving and when you bring them home the territories will have to be worked out again.

It may not work, but I really don't think adding another cat will do anything but make your first cat even more stressed out as she must now deal with two strangers who want her stuff rather than one.
 
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stephmnichols

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Thank you! We are going to try putting them in a kennel together in a couple of weeks while we are away for the weekend and rearrange some of our stuff while they are gone. I'm also starting the more timid one on fluoxetine this weekend. I am going to save the idea of getting a third cat for a last resort.
 

Kflowers

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I didn't mean put them in the same cage in the kennel, but maybe cages next to each other? Rely on advice of the professionals, but tell them if the kits seem to want to be together let them.

waiting to hear how it goes.
 

duncanmac

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We were in a similar position a few months ago. 2 neutered boys who "got along" but weren't really buddies. Duncan would bully Barry and all Barry wanted was to be Duncan's BFF. At times, Duncan was very focused on Barry and just wouldn't leave him alone. Other times they generally ignored each other and Barry was a bit scarce around the house.

I wanted a third cat - not to fix the existing dynamic, I just wanted a third cat. We worried that another cat would upset the balance which was slooooowly getting better. In the end we got a very very forward little girl who I hoped would put up with Duncan's cr@p and be a BFF for Barry. Luckily, it worked. Paisley doesn't care, loves everyone and wrestles with cats that are twice her size. Duncan had his focus on Barry broken and Barry has really come out of his shell (Barry was a super shy former feral)

So, it worked, but I'm not totally sure how or why.

I'm glad it didn't go pear shaped when we brought Paisley in - this would be a very different response.
 

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Back when I had Felix and Smokey (female) together, they used to get along but fell out. Adding Hazel to the equation definitely smoothed things out for me. Felix and Hazel are brother and sister so they got along well and he stuck to her and left Smokey alone. Smokey didn't mess with Hazel either so for the short time we had all 3 cats, our home was surprisingly peaceful.
 

maggie101

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Thank you! I've read a lot of success stories with similar situations, but I definitely think it depends on the cat you bring in, as well. Fostering could be a great option to test out the waters.
Fostering is a great idea! My cat Maggie,acts just like Maui , tries to play with Peaches but Peaches hisses and hides. I rescued Coco later. She is very timid,afraid of Maggie. Now Coco plays with Peaches only because she is still afraid of Maggie. Maggie still pesters Peaches though they will sleep together. All adult females
 
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stephmnichols

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Would you say Peaches acts like Coffee? Coffee is all talk and I think Maui has figured it out now - I am honestly just waiting for the day she finally snaps on Maui and gives her a good wallop to put her in her place lol!
 

beckbjj

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Re all the peeing...I know it may very well be regular stress or being mad at you, but just to be 100% safe you may want to get Coffee checked by a vet, since sometimes stress does lead to urinary issues. I have had that happen more than once, most recently with an approximately 6 month old former feral kitten who was being picked on a bit while everybody worked out the pecking order (all good now).

I have eight and some get on and some don't. I make sure they all have lots of places to go where they can feel safe if one of the others is bothering them. Short of physical fighting, I let them work it out.
 

Kflowers

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Cats don't pee on things because they are mad with you. If they are afraid of you they swat you to keep you from picking them up. They hide. Cats don't really have a reaction of being mad since the human is so much bigger than them. They don't actually know the damage they can do to us. We get hurt when they are frightened and it's not intentional.

This doesn't mean a cat won't smack the ever livin' out of you if you don't let it go when it doesn't want to do what you want to do. When you attempt to bath a cat, it fears you are trying to drown it, freaking is a reasonable response. If you are trying to give it a pill, instinct tells him to fight - he fights pushing away your hands, he doesn't get away then come back and rip you up. Well, most don't.
 
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stephmnichols

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Oh yes, I forgot to mention that she actually has FIC, so we are no strangers to the urine issues in this household! But I do appreciate the concern :)

When you say short of physical fighting, you mean hissing, growling, etc. But what about chasing? Maui chases after Coffee, and then hovers over her if she can't get up on her perch fast enough. Then they sit like that, Coffee lying on the ground defensively and looking up, Maui hovering over her, breathing heavily while Coffee hisses and grumbles. They don't "fight," it just really doesn't look very pleasant. I've never been able to let them work it out past that - I always feel too bad for Coffee and I shoo Maui off. Should I be letting this happen?
 

beckbjj

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Cats don't pee on things because they are mad with you.
In my personal experience, I absolutely agree, I've definitely never had one pee outside the box for anything other than a medical reason (in my case, the vet has always attributed it to UTI; urinary crystals (sometimes caused by stress); or for one now dearly departed kitty, CRF), and I can't imagine that a cat would act out that way. But I know a lot of folks think they do (I've seen enough episodes of My Cat From Hell to know people think this :lol:), for whatever reason. But yes, to me, any outside the box peeing merits a trip to the vet, no matter what.:thumbsup:
 

beckbjj

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When you say short of physical fighting, you mean hissing, growling, etc. But what about chasing? Maui chases after Coffee, and then hovers over her if she can't get up on her perch fast enough. Then they sit like that, Coffee lying on the ground defensively and looking up, Maui hovering over her, breathing heavily while Coffee hisses and grumbles. They don't "fight," it just really doesn't look very pleasant. I've never been able to let them work it out past that - I always feel too bad for Coffee and I shoo Maui off. Should I be letting this happen?
My tiniest one is a little bully sometimes, and what yours are doing kind of sounds like what she does. Chasing, tackling, holding the others down. She even does this with my big floofy boy (in my avatar) and my big 12 lb former feral girl. None of my others want to be alpha so there's no good reason for her to act like this, and she's now on CBD oil and the behavior has decreased greatly, but yes, it definitely doesn't look very pleasant. I usually will yell really loud, "HEY!" and sometimes also clap, and that usually does the trick. If she does it again I might pick her up and just gently move her away from whoever she's bothering and she usually loses interest at that point.
 
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stephmnichols

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Okay, that's what's weird, because Coffee has no desire to be alpha either! I wish Maui would just leave her alone. It's like she thinks that Coffee is her own personal toy, and I think that because Coffee reacts SO animatedly, Maui keeps doing it and hasn't gotten bored of this behaviour yet.
 
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