Is She Lonely?

[Katykan]

Hello! I am a first-time cat owner and also someone with a heavy conscience. My roommate and I just adopted a 4-month old kitten. When we first got her, we had 4 days at home without work to get to know her and spend time with her. The most we would go out of the house would be 3-4 hours. Now, this week, we've started our full work days which can go from 8-10 hours long. I also don't let her sleep in my room at night because she is a wild thing starting at 9pm. As a teacher, sleep is really important to me. She doesn't meow when I lock her out, though. And I play with her plenty once I come home from work.

When I come home, she doesn't come running to me, but she has her tail high. She eats normally and loves to play. She will cuddle with me for short amounts of time. We are working on her play aggression right now; she is slowly learning that biting is not acceptable through the "walk away and ignore" method.

However, a part of me is worried that she is lonely. She meows a lot once I get home. And just looks at me like she's trying to tell me something. She peed on my bed the other day, but I'm almost certain it's because the litterbox was too small. I got her a bigger one last night, and she went pee & poo inside of it. I can always see that she's played since I've been out, but a part of me just feels really guilty for leaving a kitten alone for so many hours. Before we had her, she was an outdoor cat with 2 feline friends (not siblings, though). Now, she is an indoor cat with no feline friends. The foster mom of the cat seemed to think she would be fine on her own, and other cat-owners told me it would be fine. But a part of me feels like she would happier elsewhere.

Am I being too hard on myself? My conscience has felt heavy since getting her but I know I also have a tendency to be dramatic. Could you speak into this situation - would it be kinder to let her go somewhere else with more outdoors & more time before she gets too attached?

 

[sappig]

I't's okay, but not recommended. Personally I also feel bad for the kitten, but I think you are the best to judge if she's happy or not. An older cat might be more suitable though, as they don't need to learn as much and have less energy. But I understand, kittens Even though I love my boyfriends cat (and she clings to me a lot haha), I definitely feel a different bond with my own kitten whom I watched grow up. Just try to spend a little extra time in the weekends and she'll probably be alright.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Also, remember this, most of the time that you are gone, your kitten is sleeping. Cats sleep 12-16 hours a day at a minimum, and kittens generally sleep even more than adults. Also, they have "cat chores" that keep them occupied. They're grooming, napping, chasing a toy, napping, grooming some more, napping, finding things they shouldn't have and turning them into cat toys, napping...well...you get the idea. Think of this...when you come home and your kitten is meowing, meowing, meowing, she isn't miserable because you were gone, she's telling you all about her day, and inviting you to become part of it!

Only cats do very well when their people spend quality time with them when they are home.

 

[margd]

and to you and your kitten.

It might reassure you to know that kittens sleep between 16 and 20 hours a day so she is probably spending a lot of time sleeping while she is alone. Still, kittens and cats do get lonely and many people adopt another cat so they'll have company. Is this an option for you? If it is, that's the first thing that I would consider.

You can also set your home up so that it provides more stimulation for your little girl. Does she have a cat tree or other vertical space? Being able to jump around from shelf to shelf helps entertain and exercise kittens.

Beating Boredom - What Indoor Cat Owners Need To Know
Cat Trees: 12 Designs That Will Make You Go "wow!"

Does she have interesting things around her to watch? Having a perch in front of at least one window with a view can keep a cat occupied for a long time, especially if that view involves birds and squirrels. Some people even put up bird feeders to keep their cats entertained.

There are apps made for cats that run on tablets - these involve something (often a bug) randomly moving around the screen while cats try to catch it. You can also put on a nature show, or whatever show your kitten likes on TV for her to watch.

Your kitten would probably enjoy having plenty of places on her level where she can explore and hide. Boxes and tunnels are great for this.

Make sure that she has plenty of toys that she can play with by herself. Toys that consist of balls running around a track are big favorites in my place. The best thing to do here is to go to a pet store or to an online store like amazon and study the toys, thinking in terms of something she can do to make motion, noise or flashing lights on her own.

8 Superb Automated Cat Toys That You're Going To Love!

I know I've loaded you down with articles, but I'm adding a few more that might be helpful. These first two just give some of the basic information that first time cat owners need - you may already know this but I thought I'd add them, just in case.

First-time Cat Owner's Guide
How Much Time Does It Take To Care For A Cat?

You mentioned that your kitten was active during the night and would keep you awake if you let her in your bedroom. You might find these two articles helpful.

How To Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up At Night?
Cats And Night Crazies!


And finally, one last article that I thought might be relevant.
How Long Can You Leave Your Cat Alone For?

After all of that, I haven't really answered your question.

Could you speak into this situation - would it be kinder to let her go somewhere else with more outdoors & more time before she gets too attached?

Does such an option exist? If you know of a place where you think she genuinely would be happier and would get the love and care she needs, it's certainly worth considering. It's hard to find places like that, though and she would definitely be happier with you than moving from one foster situation to the next.

Based on how you described her, I think you should be able to make it work, even if she remains the only cat. (Some cats prefer this, btw). Just make her alone time as stimulating as possible and her together time with you a source of fun, food and loving and it sounds like she'd be fine.

 

[Elfilou]

I raised an only kitten (now cat) and do wish I got her a playmate. Will be next year hopefully. However I work from home. Only cats do well if you spend time with them but if you can get another I'd consider that option before anything else.

 

[danteshuman]

I'm always in the get another cat boat. Heck if I could afford it I would get a third cat right now So if you can and want to get an extra cat I would get one while she is young. An 1-2 year old neutered male cat might be a good fit. Also you can train your cats to let you sleep. It takes time & patience. I like to train one at a time once they are 4-6 months old. Depending on how stubborn your cat is it will take between 1 -12 weeks. Every time your cat wakes you up, calmly lock them out of your bedroom. Do not let them back in until it is time for you to wake up. My boys love sleeping with me. The bed is the most coveted territory.

 

[pharber-murphy]

Cats are like people; some are sociable, some aren't. If you get another cat, everything I've read recommends getting a neutered male if you already have a female. Females like to rule the roost and she could make life miserable for her new companion. Another thing to consider is that indoor/outdoor cats are more likely to be killed or maimed than an indoors only cat. So, although you feel she might enjoy having the opportunity to go outdoors, you're extending her life by a decade by keeping her inside. To alleviate boredom, provide plenty of toys. We leave a window cracked so our little fellow can sit in it and watch the world go by. We also have a small bird feeder near our patio door. Both our cats will spend hours in front of that door chattering at the birds. There are lots of ways to keep an only cat happy, and you and your roommate are wonderful to have adopted her. So, please don't feel guilty; you're taking great care and pains with her!

 

[Katykan]

Thank you so much, everyone, for the helpful words and insight. margd , those are some super helpful articles, thank you! We have some toys now, but I will be sure to start making/collecting some more. And maybe we can work on getting her trained to go to bed with me at night rather than go into hunting mode. I'm living abroad right now where there aren't many options for cat structures and toys, but I know I can get creative

The streets where I live are pretty dangerous, so thank you for the reminder, pharber-murphy , that we are extending her life here in our apartment! We are starting to see her personality more; and while she is certainly a spitfire when it comes to playing with her favorite feather duck, she also likes to sleep on her own and just chill. Which works well for an indoor cat.

Here's our little furball baby. Her name is Miso, which means "smile" in Korean! We love her long pointy ears. <3

 

[lavishsqualor]

She is beautiful! And danteshuman is right about being able to train cats to let you sleep. Neither of my two cats would ever try to wake me up, not even on the weekend. They are firmly ensconced in their small dog beds that I have on my bed and don't get up until I do. Now once I'm up that's a different story. At that point they bound out of bed and there's a great deal of MRRR-ROWWW going on until they are both fed.

PS: You should get another kitten! Definitely. They will entertain each other and their bond will cause you years and years of joy.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I'm going to throw yet another article at you, in case you decide to get your girl a new sister or brother!

Your Second Cat: How To Choose The Best Friend For Kitty

 

[pharber-murphy]

Even asleep her personality shines through ;-) No wonder you adopted her - I bet she's a joy to have around the house. Good luck with everything.

 

[Letta]

I will just add one thing: I think it's not only a question of number of hours home but more of quality of those hours. If you take care of her, play with her a lot and keep her involved when you are home she will have find a very good home and will be luckier than the vast majority of cats.

 

[Katykan]

Thanks so much, everyone. Unfortunately, getting another cat is not an option for us right now due to space & financial burdens. We had lots of quality time this weekend, though. Lots of playing and lots of cuddles. I think I need to wait until she's not a kitten anymore to train her to sleep in my room. Right now she just has way too much pent up energy from sleeping all day while we are out! Haha. And as a teacher, sleep is really important to me so I can't deal with her waking me up. Perhaps during the summer or another holiday when I have time to dedicate to this.

This is her sassy face. Which comes out when I need to do work but she wants to play.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

What a stinker! I can see the little imps dancing in those eyes. Truly is it said, "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff!" Welcome to our world!

 

[dustydiamond1]

Excellent advice from everyone (as usual) Does your roommate interact with her much? Miso is beautiful. Stop fretting so much. Please keep us updated and post lots of photos.

 

[Max's Human]

First of all BRAVO for making your furbaby indoors! I can tell the folks on this site truly love THEIR KIDS, and it is refreshing! I hope that between you and your roommate that little precious ball of fur gets to play and play when you are home. Like was posted, some ONLY CATS are quite happy, and if you feel having a friend would be good, a friend of mine bought a goldfishbowl with a lid so her kitty had his own fish!!!

 

[dustydiamond1]

Excellent idea

 

[Katykan]

Oh, I love the idea of the little fish friend,
Max's Human ! I think Miso has enough force in her that she may knock it over though! LOL! Perhaps we'll try it out

She still seems generally happy. Very nippy at times, but I am very patient with her because I know she's a kitten who is alone for 8 hours a day! Once we've played for a while she settles down for a good nap. She's slept in my bed peacefully now three times, with the help of some relaxing music!

My roommate and I also tend to host group gatherings/hang-outs at our place, which is great for Miso because she loves being around people. I think having one of these once a week will help give her extra people fill!

She really is a beaut.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Her eyes are just so beautiful!

Yes, having friends over is very good for her. She'll grow up well-socialized and confident.