Is Mom Getting Tired of Kitten?

GranolaLouise

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I adopted 2 cats in Feb. Mother and Kitten. Both are under 2 years old, but the baby would be an adolescent in cat years.
During the day they groom each other. After they eat they play fight and have a game of hide and seek or tag.
But when it comes to playing with ME, Mom won't have any of it if daughter is around.
As an example: I will give Mom her favorite wand toy and play, but as she plays she is constantly watching the door to see if daughter is going to come in.. If she does, she will quit the play time and just go off by herself. No matter what I do I cannot get them to play together. Daughter wants to join in and mom will have none of it. If I close doors to give them their own private time, they will not play, but will watch the door for the other's appearance! Almost like daughter is intimidated.
I had to buy twin trees because Mom wouldn't allow daughter to get on hers most of the time.
At mealtime Mom GLARES at daughter when it is her turn to eat and daughter always leaves some behind in the dish for Mom to polish off.
A relative said she is trying, as Mom, to teach her that it is time to be independent and time to leave the nest, and the behavior is normal.
To me it seems she is just being mean and nasty!
what do you think?
 

Kris107

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First... Just because 2 cats are related does not mean they'll be forever bonded. Many times litter mates can grow up and become housemates but aren't really bonded any longer. So I think that is a good thing to remember. Just because they were close doesn't mean they always will be. They have their own personalities. Which brings me to the playing. Cats play different. Some cats love to play with other cats - and it sounds like they do - play flighting. But playing with toys/wand toys sometimes is something they want to do SOLO. I've had a lot of cats this way. Why go for the toy if someone else is going to pounce on it right before you were going to? They're messing it all up!!! So for that, just play with them separate and they can play how they want without another cat messing things up. I get that as soon as you close the door they can only pay attention to that, but perhaps turn the TV or music on each room or something to mask sounds etc? I know - challenging. But I get mama's annoyance. With the cat trees - cats are territorial. Plus, sometimes they do "king of the mountain" and don't want anyone on their stuff. With feeding - they don't get fed at the same time? All in all, I think your situation with your cats sounds pretty good. Just don't dislike mama for this. They're just turning into independent cats and housemates!
 

FeebysOwner

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I agree with all of the above. They are just being who they are and it sounds like,for the most part, there is nothing to really be concerned about - and mama is certainly not being mean or nasty, They are also both still young, so there is plenty of time for them to become closer as they age - and, a lot less likely that they will grow any further apart.

Some mama cats continue their role as the mom, others do not. Because they are so close in age might be some of the reason why - they are now really more like housemates than a mom and daughter relationship.
 

nurseangel

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I have seen similar behavior with cats. I agree with the above advice. I think there is often a pecking order among cats.

Elsie is our Alpha cat. She will spend time with the others, but walk off in a huff if DH or I pay attention to any of them. She is on the cat tree now, glaring because I spoke to Bob. Nobody dares to go up against Elsie. She isn't mean or nasty. She is sweet and goofy. She just knows she is top cat.

Your mom cat probably knows she is the boss. Mine get in little spats all the time. Poor Bob was determined he was going to make friends when we adopted him and everyone (cat-wise) slapped him away for weeks. He wouldn't give up until they accepted him. You can tell from the picture below who is in a state of pure bliss and who is just tolerating the situation:

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I understand your concern, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. They will likely sort it out amongst themselves and the kitten probably won't get on mom's nerves as much as she ages.
 

Kwik

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Cats hunt independently - most toys trigger hunting instinct and it is to them their prey so it's very natural for a cat to discontinue the hunt when another cat comes around or to look around expecting a competitor - we always think of them as playing with toys when they are actually playing around with prey,wearing it out, practicing,getting it to move and often disemboweling it- they remind me what predators they are when they grab a toy.....there are no loyalties to the young after they are weaned,each man for himself
 
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GranolaLouise

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Cats hunt independently - most toys trigger hunting instinct and it is to them their prey so it's very natural for a cat to discontinue the hunt when another cat comes around or to look around expecting a competitor - we always think of them as playing with toys when they are actually playing around with prey,wearing it out, practicing,getting it to move and often disemboweling it- they remind me what predators they are when they grab a toy.....there are no loyalties to the young after they are weaned,each man for himself
and they show no mercy to the stuffed toy birds and mice
 
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GranolaLouise

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Cats don't usually play together with a wand toy. That's very normal and why its so important that mom get her own playtime. Especially as she was still a kitten when she had her kittens. She needs her kitten behind a closed door for her playtime.

EXCELLENT!!!!
 

Meowmee

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I adopted 2 cats in Feb. Mother and Kitten. Both are under 2 years old, but the baby would be an adolescent in cat years.
During the day they groom each other. After they eat they play fight and have a game of hide and seek or tag.
But when it comes to playing with ME, Mom won't have any of it if daughter is around.
As an example: I will give Mom her favorite wand toy and play, but as she plays she is constantly watching the door to see if daughter is going to come in.. If she does, she will quit the play time and just go off by herself. No matter what I do I cannot get them to play together. Daughter wants to join in and mom will have none of it. If I close doors to give them their own private time, they will not play, but will watch the door for the other's appearance! Almost like daughter is intimidated.
I had to buy twin trees because Mom wouldn't allow daughter to get on hers most of the time.
At mealtime Mom GLARES at daughter when it is her turn to eat and daughter always leaves some behind in the dish for Mom to polish off.
A relative said she is trying, as Mom, to teach her that it is time to be independent and time to leave the nest, and the behavior is normal.
To me it seems she is just being mean and nasty!
what do you think?
I don’t think she is being mean, it’s prolly partly the encouraging her to be independent maybe and mom is jealous of attention her kitten is taking and just personalities change as the kitten matures.

Some cats from the same litter or mom and kittens seem to get along very well. I have seen that too.

As far as the playing goes, I have found that there seems to be one dominant player among my cats. With wand toys and even other toys.

Quinn used to be the dominant one because it was basically just me playing with him. Sybil refused to play with him- she hated him jumping on her and he wouldn’t stop- he is a meezer loon.

Then when Merlin came in, they would wrestle and Merlin was the less dominant one when we played with a toy. Whereas if I played with it by himself he would go in circles chasing the toy.

Then Zena came inside and became the more dominant wand toy player, to the point where Quinn would become more submissive, which was amazing to see. I think it has something to do with playing styles too because Merlin always had mostly the style where he just sits there and watches it and he runs at it and then he runs away.

Now with Merlin gone, Xena is still more dominant, but Quinn will still spin around and still go up and down the stairs, which I used to do with him as a kitten. He used to play tug-of-war as a kitten too, which was so cute and he doesn’t do that anymore.

Cinnamon is learning to play. I saw him laying in the TV room with all of us when I woke up- he was batting one of Quinn’s many toys in the air in his paws. He prolly is a truly feral cat who was part of a colony I took care of for about 10 years, now inside for nearly 2 years.

I really miss the spinning Quinn does with his toys, but I can still get him to do it sometimes.

Zena is a better match in some ways for Quinn because he really likes to wrestle and he will challenge Quinn too. But Quinn is still the super dominant one because he will bite Xena too hard on the neck and then I have to intervene- never any actual injuries. I

But Merlin was very tolerant of Quinn. He was the best cat ever, and he was so good with Quinn, who was even more of a loon at that time and who needed a wrestle buddy.

Merlin was also very protective of his brother Marlon when they were outside. Unfortunately, Marlon vanished and I never even got to TNR him. He was taking care of Marlon who was more timid. I’m sure they came from the same litter obviously they were twins, they were dumped together and they had a strong alliance with each other. You can see that in a lot of colonies, they take care of each other.

I’m not sure if there are any videos for how to get them to play together better but maybe you could try giving them some catnip or something. In advance. Or just keep trying separately.

I noticed that my guys don’t follow the typical things that people say cats do, for instance, they like to play after they eat not before 😹 however they will typically run around together a little before eating and get excited when they are going to be fed. Now it’s very different because I’m medicating all three of them and I have to make sure they’re hungry before medicating. So they’re really more focused on eating, etc.

My cats over the years also often hunt together I’ve seen that both inside and outside.
 

Sarthur2

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How old is the kitten? Are either spayed yet? Spaying will make all the difference. They should both calm down and get along better a few weeks after both are spayed.
 

Kwik

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Mom is 14 months, daughter 8 mos. Both were spayed early on.
No worries- the dynamic will shift as they both age and find their respective place'- from what you've described and from reading many of your own contributions I have no doubt that your cats will get along very well and not simply co- exist.....they are both young ,both female and we all know how females have one mood Tuesday and another on Wednesday,today they can't get enough of you and tomorrow they need " me time" like all girls,especially teenagers!

PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE both when they are in close proximity of one another with lots of pets for each when they sit nicely- cats really do love to be pleasing to and accepted by their person,I'm confident your energy will set the right atmosphere for good relationshjps🥰
 
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GranolaLouise

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No worries- the dynamic will shift as they both age and find their respective place'- from what you've described and from reading many of your own contributions I have no doubt that your cats will get along very well and not simply co- exist.....they are both young ,both female and we all know how females have one mood Tuesday and another on Wednesday,today they can't get enough of you and tomorrow they need " me time" like all girls,especially teenagers!

PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE both when they are in close proximity of one another with lots of pets for each when they sit nicely- cats really do love to be pleasing to and accepted by their person,I'm confident your energy will set the right atmosphere for good relationshjps🥰
Funny about the praise. I will often praise one and then the other looks up at me waiting for her words to come. It is so cute!
 

Kwik

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Funny about the praise. I will often praise one and then the other looks up at me waiting for her words to come. It is so cute!
See,of course you do- you know exactly what to do ,it comes naturally because you love them

And then folks are surprised " I didn't know cats want to please their owners" ..... If they could just see those cute little faces anticipating your praise,isn't that right?❤Little darlings
 
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